Spike drove for what seemed like years. He was exhausted and his whole body ached. His head was pounding, his throat dry from thirst and he was pretty sure the immense pain and rumblings in his gut was due to hunger; the non-liquidy kind. God, what had he been thinking? He should have just let Dru turn him.

All his feelings of inadequacy bubbled up through him and he began to tremble with fear and frustration.
'Can't do this.' He thought, "Can't be human. Can't help this boy. Can't help anyone.'

He drove the car off the rode into the desert. He slammed into park and scrambled out, falling to his knees.
Tears poured from his eyes and sobs erupted from his throat. He quickly grew angry with himself. He'd become just as pathetic a human as William ever was.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the amulet. Jumping to his feet he ranted at it.

"YOU!", He screamed at it. "This is all your fault. Had to make me want to be better. Had to let me save the world. THIS is the thanks I get!!??"
"UHH," He moaned and than began to laugh in spite of himself.

He looked at the amulet again, and had thoughts of just hurling the thing away from him. But Connor had said that he would need it.
And something inside Spike knew this to be true. He was tied to this amulet. Both he, and that child lying unconscious in the car. Somehow he just knew this to be true.
He sighed, tucked the amulet back in his pocket, and started pacing.

'Ok.', he thought, 'Time to prioritize'. Spike was a survivor. He wouldn't have made it 120 years with Drusilla, if he wasn't. He would improvise, adapt, and overcome.

So he quickly ticked off a list of things to do:

A. Find shelter, with running water. He and the kid were quickly getting ripe, and way passing their expiration dates.
B. Find a settlement. He needed to beg, borrow and steal for clothes and supplies. Preferably in reverse order.
C. He needed to pawn what he had and what he could steal for some quick cash.
D. He needed to figure put where the hell he was, and where he needed to go.
E. Most important, he needed a place to hold up..to tend to the boy.

Spike could have spend hours revising the list, but that would have just made his head hurt more. The basic needs had to be attended to first. Food..Clothing..Shelter..
Than he could consider other problems; like where he was; where he was going; how to help this boy.

Spike walked back to the car, slumped into the driver seat. Driving the exact opposite way of the cavern was his best bet. When you don't know where to go, the best plan is to go in the opposite direction of where you knew you did not want to be.
Hopefully, sooner or later he'd come along a settlement and get his bearings straight. What then? He had to decide on some sort of destination.

"Let my heart lead. Let my heart lead." He mumbled to himself. He gripped the steering wheel and lay his head upon it. He sat and searched deep within himself. What does his heart..want?


He didn't have to wait long. He knew what his heart wanted. What had it always wanted for so long now?
"Buffy" He sighed. He wanted Buffy.

He wanted to lie in her arms. He wanted to hold her. To feel her holding him. Buffy could help him. She could help the boy.
It's what they did. Right?

"No. NO! Stupid git." His own voice told him. "You don't even know where she is. Besides she'd retired. Off living her normal life, with her boring, normal boy toy. Besides you have no idea what this kid is. You could be unleashing somethin' evil on the lot of them.
No! Under no circumstances can you seek out Buffy."

Then where? He frantically tried to think of where they could go. Who did he know who would be charitable enough to take them in, yet stupid enough that Spike could con them should he need to make a quick get away? Who did he know that had the resources to find out about himself and the kid, yet gullible enough so Spike could easily use them to his advantage?

Then, all of the sudden, they very person they needed filtered into Spike's brain. That's it! That was perfect, and suddenly Spike knew exactly where he needed to go. He took a look at the boy, still lying unconscious on the seat.

"Don't worry kid." Spike said, "Old Spike's got it all figured out."

Look out L. A.
California here we come.


To be continued. book 2

this story is completed





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