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Part 10

Giles had never felt so afraid for his slayer. Buffy’s mad dash from his office after hearing about Spike being alive had unnecessarily confirmed the depth of Buffy’s feeling for the blonde vampire. Giles tossed his glasses onto his desk in frustration of how fate had conspired to create this situation.

Giles would have loved to think more on this, but fate again conspired against him as Dawn entered his office.

“Giles, have you seen Buffy? Faith is on the phone.”

“I’ll talk to Faith. Buffy has received some distressing news.” Dawn nodded then waited for Giles to elaborate, and when he didn’t she turned and left. Giles knew he should have felt bad for not telling her about Spike, but after Buffy’s reaction he didn’t want to inflict that on another member of the Summer’s family.

“Faith. No it’s Giles.”

“Giles? What’s going on? Where’s B?”

“Buffy needed some space at the moment. She learned something that caused her pain, and I have to say it is my fault.”

“I leave for a couple of days and everything goes to hell. What the hell did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything, but Buffy learned something that I don’t think she was ready to hear.”

“Enough with the cryptic, fill me in or get B on the phone.”

“Spike is alive,” Giles was sure he heard the woman on the other end of the phone gasp in shock. The rest of the story soon spilled from his lips, and as he listened Giles felt even more like a fool.

----

Buffy could only stare at the plane as it pulled into the private hanger. She truly didn’t know what would happen if she didn’t concentrate on what was happening moment to moment in front of her. She couldn’t deal with the fear, the longing, and the anger. The anger at Giles and her friends for hiding Spike from her. Also as hard as she tried a part of her heart wanted to be angry at Spike. Angry that he could doubt that she loved him, and that he would choose death over facing her, and angry that she had hurt him so badly he couldn’t believe she would want to see him.

It was hours later when she returned to Giles office. She kept her tears under control, but the pain was still incredibly raw. She listened as Giles explained in detail everything that had happened, and how they had found out. His body language told her, that Giles longed to reach out to her and comfort her, to help her with the pain she was feeling. But for everything in her, Buffy would not give him a single sign that any such offer would be anything but rejected. Once he was done with his explanation and excuses, he told her when the plane would arrive, and he would pick her up to go get Spike. So that was how she was here now.

In her soul all she wanted to do was to take Spike into her arms and show him that she loved him. That he wouldn’t be hurt by her again, and that he wouldn’t be abandoned again. That he wouldn’t lose her like he’d lost Drusilla, and Angel no longer held that sway over her, or the Immortal or some other normal boyfriend. ‘Normal’ has once been her goal, her secret hope even when she was with Angel. She wanted to show him that ‘Normal’ meant nothing to her if she couldn’t have him. That no one had held her heart like he did.

Xander was the first off the plane. His face was fixed in a grim look of determination and of fear, and Buffy felt her heart sink. She would not be to late, her mind screamed. She would reach Spike and convince him that she loved him. She would not fail again.

----

Faith had wanted to reach her hand through the phone to get her hand around Giles neck. Of all the stupid, stupid things he could of done. Damn you Giles weren’t you thinking at all? Faith took a deep breath and calmed herself. It had taken a few more hours then she would have liked but now she and her team of Slayers were back on their way to England.

Faith knew she probably should have stayed, but she knew Buffy needed her know. For the last year, she was the only person Buffy would even remotely confide in, and Faith had a closure look at the pain inside her fellow elder slayer then anyone would have believed before the destruction of Sunnydale.

So she was on her way to England to be there in case Buffy needed her, and to be there in case the others did. To be there in case Spike died again, and Buffy decided to join him the only way she had left.

-----

Spike wasn’t sure what was going on. He wasn’t sure where he was anymore. He just knew he was chained to something. He was surrounded by a white light and everything more then a foot away from him was just black. Spike knew he was being circled by who or what he wasn’t sure. Then he hears a voice, Cecily? “Sweet William, sweet, sweet William,” the sarcasm in her voice almost make him sick, “all you wanted was love, and all I wanted was someone that was worthy of love.”

Cecily moves up and grabs his face in her hands. “William, you were never worthy of love not as man, not as a demon, and not as the abomination of demon with a soul. Ahhh, are you going to cry William? Are you going to be hurt? It’s the truth. Lets face it William you are the kind of pitiful creature a mother would have trouble loving. All you are to every women is convenient, a laugh, and perhaps a sad lesson about what you never want your sons to become. ”

Spike watched as Cecily left back to the darkness, her words cutting to open wounds both demon and man felt so deeply. Then he hears her soft murmur, and he knows who is coming. Her dark hair and blue eyes are as captivating for him as the day he first saw her in the alley in London. “Miss Edith told me but I didn’t believe. Did you think I could love you? I could love only Daddy. Daddy who is so strong, and so powerful, and so uncompromising. You are nothing but compromise. You were supposed to be my Dark Knight, but all you were was guard dog. A dog that never learned. Always thought you were better then you were. All you are is nothing, all you should be is ashes.”

Then as Cecily before her Drusilla slips into the blackness surrounding him. He has no doubt who is coming next, and both demon and man are terrified. Cecily and Dru’s words had cut him up, but he had dealt with his past with them. What was coming next he hadn’t dealt with. It was still to painful to raw, and so Spike knew it would be the most painful. Spike is not disappointed as Buffy enters his circle of light.

Spike expects her to speak, but instead she starts punching him. Her fists always did talk for her.

----

Buffy had ignored her friends completely as the council operatives on the plane carried Spike’s broken and unconscious body from the plane. Buffy had rushed for Spike the moment he was off the plane. She had always been his world, and now he would be hers. She would heal him, and then she would convince him that she loved him.

Buffy had sat with Spike on the way back to the Watcher’s headquarters. She would let no one else near Spike now. He was hers. She had carried him from the car and inside. She saw the other slayers and Dawn waiting for her, but Buffy turned away from them. Giles will deal with them. Buffy laid Spike down on her bed.

Just as she finished she heard a voice from behind her. “Buffy?”

Buffy turned around her eyes filled with the barely repressed angry she had felt for her sister since learning of her relationship with Andrew. “Leave now, Dawn.”

“Buffy please…I have to see him, please,” Dawn asked, her pain clear to see in her eyes and body.

Buffy would have none of it. “No! You made your choices Dawn. Go back to Andrew.”

Buffy slammed the door and walked back to the bed where Spike was resting. Please Spike come back to me. Please let me be able to make this right. Please don’t let me fail you again. Buffy pleaded in an almost prayer as she laid herself down besides Spike and cried herself to sleep.

----

Spike spit out the blood from his mouth after Buffy had punched him once again. Her silent assault had been brutal and how he was awake Spike didn’t know. The beating had seemed to take hours. Spike tried to prepare himself for Buffy’s next blow, but it didn’t come at least not how he expected.

“Now you look like I always prefer you look Spike. Blood, broken, and completely useless. You finally can show the world what you really are. Tell me Spike, did you really believe me down in the Hellmouth?”

Spike didn’t bother trying to look in her eyes. “No.”

“So you finally learned at least a little. You know I could never love you. I couldn’t love you in Sunnydale when I needed you. That’s all you were to me, something I needed because you were such a strong fighter. A tool, a weapon, and that was as far as my belief in you ever went. And now I no longer need you. I’m free. All you are to me is a painful reminder of a life I no longer have to live. You were right not to come to see me. I would have tossed you out on the street. Its too bad you are alive Spike because when you were brought back all you did became nothing. Now neither heaven nor hell wants you, and I never did.”

Just then everything around him changed. Spike felt himself be freed from the chains, and all Spike felt was a sense of falling. The falling ended as Spike felt himself slam into the pavement of a road. After Buffy’s beating the only thing Spike felt he could do was speak. “Let me die.” Spike asked softly.

But as always there was silence. Spike just laid down hoping someone would finally put him out of his misery. He didn’t care anymore. He wanted hell. Just then he felt a hand on his shoulder pull and felt himself get pulled to his feet. Only then did Spike realize he was standing outside the destroyed Summers house on Revello. However as shocking as that was what happened next shocked him even more.

“Get up Spike.”

Spike turned and for a brief moment his face shifted into his old smirk as he looked once again into the face of his grandsire. “Shove off peaches.”





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