Chapter Two
*What should I wear? God, why does this have to be so hard? I’ve never dressed up to impress him before, why start now?*
I was looking through my wardrobe for something to wear, but nothing seemed to be sufficient. If I was going to talk to Spike and maybe get back together with him, I wanted to make sure I looked my best. Even though Spike would probably think I was beautiful covered in demon slime, I still had my feminine pride to uphold. I finally decided on wearing my black leather skirt and boots, the same ones I wore the first time we were together, and a red long-sleeved shirt. I put on my sparkly eyeshadow, midnight black eyeliner, mascara, and a dab of lip gloss. I left my short hair down for once. When I finally looked in the mirror with satisfaction, I grabbed my stake and headed out the door. I immediately started walking towards Spike cemetery, and hopefully towards happiness.
**********
When I got to his crypt Spike apparently wasn’t there, so I decided to wait outside for him. It wasn’t long before I saw him walking towards me with a grocery bag filled with pigs’ blood.
“Slayer?” He asked with what seemed to be confusion.
“Hey. Where’ve you been?”
“I was just at the butcher shop. I had to refill my blood storage. Buffy, what exactly are you doing here?”
*Oh crap. What do I say to him?*
“Well, I was patrolling but there didn’t seem to be much action tonight, so I decided to stop by.”
He got closer to me and put his bag on the ground. I started to get that feeling that always occurred when I was near him.
“I see. Did you cry?”
*Oh my god. Does he know how much I have cried because of him? Because of me? Because of how screwed up both of our lives have become? It’s a good thing he doesn’t seem to notice that my lip is beginning to tremble and I’m on the verge of crying again.*
“What?”
“The wedding. Two hearts joined for eternity. Great pelting showers of rice and so forth.”
*That’s interesting. I guess he does really care about what happens to my friends, even though he would never openly admit it to them. He doesn’t even know that the wedding became a non-wedding when Xander left Anya broken hearted at the altar like a coward.*
“You didn’t hear.”
“What? Families get out of hand, tear the place apart?”
“No. Well, yes, absolutely. But, Xander left. The wedding didn’t happen.”
His eyebrows quirked up at that and there was a genuine look of surprise on his face.
“Wow. Gotta say, I didn’t see that coming.”
But he should have. Spike of all people should have known that all relationships, especially in Sunnydale, just end up failing eventually.
“It was horrible. Anya was devastated. Xander thinks they can still get back together, but he hurt her real bad.”
“Yeah, well, some people just can’t see a good thing when they’ve got it.”
And he gave me a look. It was just a little head nod, but it made my knees weak all the same. I knew we weren’t talking about Xander and Anya anymore. I bowed my head a little, and I said the next statement so quietly I wasn’t even sure he heard it even with his vampire hearing. I had almost hoped he wouldn’t.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
But he did hear. And this time he had a look of pure confusion on his face. I guess he didn’t expect that I would ever apologize to him for anything. I took a deep breath before deciding what to say. It was finally truth time, and I wasn’t getting out of it.
“Everything. The last few weeks… well they’ve been really hard. All this time I’ve been depressed and I though I should be punished for not living up to everyone’s expectations. That’s why I had to turn myself in when I thought I killed that girl. And you… you shouldn’t love me. Everyone has been wrapped up in their own little world and not wanting to deal with depressed Buffy. I don’t understand how you could love me like this.”
I tried my best to keep my voice calm, but then I felt the wetness on my eyes and I heard my voice begin to crack. He gave me a slight smile, one that I hadn’t seen since my birthday party. It seemed like such a long time ago…
*Oh god… please not now. I can’t break down in front of him!*
“So you finally admit it then? You finally believe that I love you.”
“Yes.” I said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and that I had never told him he didn’t love me. “I just don’t know why. You don’t have a soul.” I had told him the exact same thing while I simultaneously beat him in that alley, but this time I said it as a statement instead of an accusation. “When Angel lost his soul he…”
Spike angrily cut me off. “Sodding hell… I am nothing like the bloody poofter, so you can just stop comparing me to him.”
“But you don’t understand. I’m the Slayer…”
He cut me off once again. “Yeah, I think I understand that part well enough.”
“Will you just let me finish? My whole life I have been trained to believe that all vampires are the same. My job description is pretty clear. I’m supposed to kill soulless fiends, not… get involved with them. And then Angel comes along and he’d different, he’s unique because he has a soul and he loves me.”
“He was cursed with a soul, Buffy.”
“Yeah I know that, but then there’s you.”
I was going to say more, but I couldn’t think of what to say so I stopped. After a few moments Spike asked, “What about me pet?”
“You can love without a soul. I’ve seen it. I saw how you loved Drusilla in your own twisted way. I’ve seen how you care for Dawn. But it shouldn’t be possible.”
“Why not, love?”
*Doesn’t he get it? Why can’t he understand?*
I couldn’t take it anymore and I snapped, “Because Angelus couldn’t!”
Then the crying started. Again. And this time it was right in front of him. I just couldn’t hold it back anymore. I wasn’t just crying either, I was sobbing. Painful, uncontrollable, gut-wrenching sobs.
“Buffy, kitten, Angelus was an idiot. He always was a sadistic bastard, the way he carried on with Drusilla right in front of me.”
I gave him a death glare. “Not making it better.”
“Sorry pet. I was merely saying, Angel isn’t really much different. Except now he spends his time brooding about the malicious things he does.”
That made me chuckle a little bit even though I still had tears running down my face. Angel did spend all of his time brooding, acting more depressed then even I had been lately. “Yeah, that is true.”
He looked at me with such caring and love that I thought my heart would break. How could I ever deny that he loved me? He must have built up a lot of courage to say what he did next.
“Come on, let’s get you back to my crypt and cleaned up.”
I hesitated for just a moment. “No.”
He looked disappointed. “No?”
“I’m going home, and you’re coming with me.”
[Reviews - 11]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | 
Chapter or Story
Has been viewed 2184 times
- Text Size +
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | Chapter or Story - Text Size +
Author's Chapter Notes:
A/N: Anything in asterisks are the character’s thoughts at the time. Some of the dialogue in this chapter is from Normal Again and I have no claim to it.