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Chapter One

The night was unusually cool. It was also very quiet. Nobody knew where Anya and Xander were, Dawn had gone to Janice’s house for a sleepover, and Willow was upstairs doing who-knows-what. It had been a while since Buffy decided to go visit Spike, and for some odd reason she was feeling nervous. Normally Buffy would just sneak out of the house before patrolling or going for a midnight romp with Spike, but she felt that this time, she should do it right. She quietly walked up the stairs and knocked on Willow’s door.

“Come in,” came the redhead’s voice through the door. Buffy slowly opened it and walked inside the room. Suddenly all of her nerves came rushing back and she wasn’t so sure she wanted to admit her big secret to Willow. Well, she decided she’d tell Willow most of the secret anyway.

“Hey Will. Um… I was just wondering if I could talk to you for a minute.”

“Yeah, sure Buff. What’s up?”

Buffy walked to the bed and sat down across from Willow. She took a deep breath and prepared for the worst.

“Well, it’s about Spike actually.”

“Spike? What about him?”

“I’ve been… well you see, Spike can…”

“Buffy, what is it? I’m your friend. You know you can trust me and tell me anything.” Willow was getting just a tad annoyed with Buffy beating around the bush. She had been spending the last few minutes trying to get up the nerve to call Tara, and just when she got the courage to pick up the phone Buffy had knocked on the door. Willow cared about Buffy and wanted to know what was worrying her so much, but she didn’t see the point if she was just going to babble.

“Spike’s chip doesn’t work on me. I asked Tara a few weeks ago to research the spell that brought me back, and it turns out that my being dead causes the sensors in Spike’s chip to go all wacko.”

“Oh my god, Buffy, did he hurt you?” Willow asked in a concerned voice. She was definitely paying attention now. Spike’s chip not working could only mean one thing, badness.

“No, not really. That’s why I’m worried.”

Willow’s first reaction was to be surprised, but after letting the information sink in she realized that it really wasn’t all that shocking. She knew how torn up and broken Spike was after Buffy’s death, and she honestly didn’t know how long Spike would last if anything ever happened to her again, especially if he was the cause of it. But that still didn’t change the fact that he was a soulless vampire whose job it was to kill the Slayer.

“It’s not just him… it’s me,” Buffy said. “I’ve been feeling different lately. You know how I haven’t been around much?”

“Yeah I know. The Doublemeat Palace didn’t exactly have good hours.”

“That’s not what I meant. I’ve been spending time with Spike lately. I can talk to him like a friend, you know? And, surprisingly enough, he actually listens to me.”

“Oh.” Willow didn’t really know what to say to that. She was kind of upset that Buffy went to talk to Spike instead of talking to her. But obviously she was here wanting to talk to her now, so Willow was going to listen.

“I don’t really know but, I think I have feelings for him. I… I think I like him. No, wait, I know I like him. I also know I shouldn’t. I’m worried that maybe if I go too far he’ll end up like the rest of them and leave me. But I also think that if I don’t give him a reason to stay then he’ll just give up and leave. I really don’t know what to do. Being with Spike could cause all sorts of badness, but I just don’t know if I can survive without being with him.”

There were a few moments of silence. Buffy still expected Willow to start telling her all of the reasons that being with Spike was a bad thing, but she didn’t.

“Buffy, does he know?”

“No, I don’t think so. Why?”

“Well, obviously he is capable of hurting you now but he hasn’t. I know he loves you. I think maybe you should just tell him how you feel. I know it would make Spike really happy, and I don’t think he could ever stay away from you.”

“Really? But, Willow, he’s a vampire. And not a souly vampire either. He could go all grrr on me anytime.”

“Buffy, I know you could take him, and you know you could too. And I think if he wanted to go all… “grrr” on you then he would have done it a long time ago.”

“Yeah, I think you’re right Willow. Actually, I was planning on going to look for him now so we could have a little chat.”

“Well, I think you should go do it then.”

“Thanks a lot Will.” Buffy got up and was headed for the door when she suddenly stopped and turned around.

“Hey, wait a minute. Why are you all for this idea? I thought you would be lecturing me right now on how wrong this is and how badly it could turn out.”

“No, I’ve realized that when you’ve got a good thing going you should go for it and not take it for granted.” Then Willow got a faraway expression and Buffy knew she was thinking about Tara. “Besides, lecturing is Xander’s thing anyway.”

Buffy laughed before she turned around again and walked out the door.





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