“Anya, I can’t believe you hired a stripper,” Buffy said, following her friend into the kitchen of Anya’s house. “Especially a male stripper. They’re usually so sleazy and icky, and who really wants a slimy guy rubbing himself all over them? I know Willow and Tara wouldn’t have minded a female stripper, even.”
“Cordelia said this guy is one of the best she employs,” Anya said, stopping to stand beside her fiancé Andrew.
“And you’re okay with this, Andy?” Buffy asked, looking at him. “That your fiancé is going to have some muscular stud doing some pretty tasteless stuff to her?”
“Once Anya has an idea, there’s no stopping her,” he said, looking at the onion he was cutting up. “She’s been gung-ho for a stripper since we got engaged.”
“Long before then, actually,” Anya replied, smiling at him. “Besides, Andrew will be here throughout it.”
“Why?” Buffy asked, raising an eyebrow.
“I have about five blooming onions to make for the bachelor party tomorrow night,” Andrew answered. Buffy made a face before walking out of the kitchen, Anya behind her.
“I just think it’s wrong to have some guy waltz in here, gyrating around in nothing but a g-string,” Buffy said.
“You won’t be saying that when you get your hands on him,” Anya replied, grinning. “I bet he’ll be gorgeous. Cordy said he was incredibly hot. Plus, he’s got an accent.” Buffy looked at her, tilting her head. “All of Cordy’s guys have accents- it’s what the company is famous for.”
“And what company is this again?” Buffy asked, crossing her arms.
“It’s called Not All Old Hat,” Anya answered, shrugging. “Cordelia tried to explain it once to me, but I lost her when she started talking about guys wearing uniforms.” Buffy giggled a little before catching herself and trying to put up her serious façade again.
“I just think it’s wrong, is all,” Buffy said.
“Yet again, I think you’ll change your tune when you see him do his thing,” Anya replied, going to the door when the doorbell rang.
“I have Spike- I don’t need to enjoy a stripper,” Buffy said, frowning.
“Are you ever going to let me meet him?” Anya asked. “It’s been three months- I should have met him already.”
“You’ll meet him at the wedding,” Buffy replied, and Anya sighed.
“Anyways, everyone needs to let loose once in a while- you’re no different,” Anya said, letting their friends Willow and Tara come inside. “Buffy and I are just discussing the logistics of me having a male stripper here tonight.”
“They’re usually so gross,” Willow said, making a face. Buffy smiled.
“That’s exactly what I said,” she agreed before looking at Anya. “See?”
“Let’s just see what happens, okay?” Anya replied, sighing. “He could be the man of your dreams.”
* * * * *
Cordelia showed up about twenty minutes later, making sure everything was set up for the stripper. Buffy shook her head as Anya and Cordy figured out the payment plan.
“If you don’t want to watch him, Buffy, you don’t have to,” Anya replied. “I’m not going to force you.”
“Maybe I’ll help Andrew with his onions,” Buffy said before frowning. “Or I’ll just sit outside instead.”
“Right there with you,” Willow said quietly, looking at her friend. Tara nodded in agreement.
“Come on- you all need to loosen up,” Cordelia said, looking at the three women. “He’s such a good performer.”
“I’m sure he is,” Buffy said, shrugging. “But I don’t need to see him, thanks.” When the doorbell rang again, Anya shrieked excitedly and went to go open the door. Buffy quickly made her way through the house and sat out on the back porch.
She heard loud music begin to play minutes later, followed by the sound of someone coming outside. Buffy turned to see her friend Willow, instantly noticing the look of shock on her face.
“What is it?” Buffy asked. “Did he give you a lap dance? Did you suddenly go back to being straight?”
“Buffy, this is serious,” Willow said in a quiet voice. “You really need to come inside.”
“Why?” Buffy asked, confused.
“Just come inside,” Willow said, grabbing her hand and pulling her inside, into the living room. What Buffy saw made her instantly feel sick.
A man wearing only a fireman’s helmet and a black g-string with flames on it was grinding against Anya to the sultry beat of a song playing on a nearby CD player. But it wasn’t just any man.
It was Spike.
* * * * *
When Spike saw a flash of blonde hair out of the corner of his eye, he turned around and was looking directly at his girlfriend, seeing the mass of conflicting emotions running over her face. He quickly went to stop the music and took off his hat, grabbing his pants and pulling them on.
“Buffy-” he said, watching as tears began to form in her eyes.
“Why did you stop?” Anya whined, wrapping her arms around his waist. “And how do you know her?” He broke away from Anya and moved closer to Buffy, who quickly stepped back.
“Anya, meet Spike, my boyfriend,” Buffy managed to get out before running out of the house, to her car.
“You’re the infamous Spike?” Anya asked, staring at him. “Damn, she’s a lucky girl.”
“Excuse me,” Spike said, quickly making his way out of the house, only to sprint after his girlfriend. He caught up to her before she could open her car door, turning her around and seeing tears pouring down her cheeks. He went to try to wipe them away, but she moved away from him. “Buffy, let me explain.”
“What’s there to explain?” she asked, wiping away her tears as best she could. “You lied to me, Spike! You told me you were a fireman, but instead, you’re a… a… male stripper!” She began crying again, practically sobbing. “How could you do this? Why would you lie to me?”
“Because I knew you wouldn’t want me if I was a stripper,” he tried to explain calmly. “You deserve someone better, someone who’s a valid member of society.”
“So you lied to me?” she yelled, shoving him back. “How long did you plan on keeping this up? When were you going to tell me?”
“When I knew you loved me and would continue to love me no matter what my profession is,” he said quietly. She shook her head and looked away.
“I can’t believe you, Spike,” she said, scoffing. “I never thought you’d hurt me. Not like this.”
“Buffy, baby-” he said, but she pushed him back again.
“Don’t,” she said in a low tone. “Just don’t.” She let herself into her car and sped off, leaving him standing in the street, watching her depart until her taillights were no longer visible.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I know all of you are/were expecting things like UST and smut in this fic, but it’s predominantly composed of angst- sorry! My other AU that will be posted soon is more romantic and lighthearted, whereas this is more dramatic. But both are purely fluffy, I can assure you!:) Plus, things will calm down eventually between our two blondes. Thanks for all of the reviews, and I hope you like this chapter!