Spike woke up slowly with a groan. He felt like he'd run a marathon, his body was sore and aching, and his head felt like it had been hit repeatedly with a hammer.
For a second, he thought he was dead. Buffy was standing next to him, looking at him with a happy smile. She was wearing her light-colored habit.
"Spike? How are you feeling?"
He licked his dry lips. "Am I dead?"
Buffy chuckled softly. "No. You're very much alive."
Buffy poured a glass of water and offered him a sip. Spike took a drink and lay heavily back down, even that small effort had exhausted him.
"What happened? I don't... I can't..." Spike's brows furrowed.
"You overdosed. Your friends brought here, to the clinic," Buffy said gently.
Spike looked away from her. His facial muscles were rippling, his eyes became wet.
"It's okay, Spike. You're going to get well."
"I...didn't think I injected that much... How could I have OD'd?"
"The drug was probably more pure than you were used to... it happens that way sometimes."
"I'm such a bloody failure..." Spike's voice cracked. "I fucked up so bad..." He looked quickly at her, his eyes bright blue. "Sorry...I didn't mean to curse."
Buffy smiled. "I'm not that fragile. I can take a few swear words. And you're not a failure. You have problems that you need help with, that's all."
"I can't believe I did it...after everything that happened before... I still stuck that sodding needle in my arm... I put myself and my friends through that again... I don't know why... I let everyone down for one last bloody fix..."
"Your friends forgive you." Buffy took his hand. "They're just grateful that you're going to live. The nature of addiction is uncontrollable impulse. Angel said that you never went through proper rehab. Well, we're going to fix that."
"Don't take this the wrong way, but...I wish you weren't here," Spike said.
Buffy blinked. She felt like she'd been punched in the stomach. He didn't want her here?
"I mean...I don't want you to see me like this...and what's going to happen when I don't get another fix..." Spike explained further.
"Oh." She felt relief that he wasn't saying that he didn't want her company. "I've been helping out here for a month now, I've seen others going through withdrawal. It won't be shocking or new to me. I...want to be here for you Spike, to help you through this. But if it would make you uncomfortable..."
"I'm... I feel so...weak, and so humiliated for being so bloody weak..."
"Don't." Buffy caressed his hand. "You're human. Of course you're going to have weaknesses. The important thing is to recognize them and try to overcome them. The fact that you need help doesn't mean you're weak. You just need to lean on others to get stronger. That's what us humans do."
Spike smiled weakly at her. "You're...very kind. If you...want to stay, it would be alright with me. It's just going to get ugly..."
"Spike, if you could stay here and go through the 3-month detox and rehab program, would you? I promise that I'll do everything I can to help you. You can stay here for free, it's already been set up. You only have to sign on for it."
Spike took a deep breath. He was scared. 3 months was a long bloody time... And it wouldn't be easy; but he couldn't argue that he needed something to keep him off the junk. He was lying in a hospital bed after almost fatally overdosing. He looked up into her big green, hope-filled eyes. How could he deny her anything when she looked at him like this?
"I'll do it," Spike said.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next few days were unpleasant in the extreme, as expected.
Spike had been relatively calm until 9 hours after the almost fatal dose of heroin he'd taken. Then the withdrawal had begun to kick in and had gotten progressively worse over the course of a few days. He began sweating and breaking out in goosebumps all over his body, tears ran from his eyes, his temperature and respiratory rate were elevated. His pupils were wide and dilated. His muscles twitched and he experienced spasms.
The clinic's program did not include using drugs like Methadone. That would be exchanging one addiction for another, their goal was to get their patients drug-free. This would make the withdrawal more difficult.
Spike was very ill with flu-like symptoms. He would have killed for another fix just to end the torment and pain. He'd had to be strapped down at one point to keep from trying to leave. It had broken Buffy's heart to see him so desperate and sick.
Spike was given plenty of fluids (some of which he was able to hold down), vitamins, and he spent time in the clinic's sauna to rid his body of the poison. It did help to ease his symptoms slightly.
Buffy entered his room on the fifth morning of his stay. He was still sleeping. She walked quietly to his bedside and studied his face. Spike was looking a little better today, there was more color in his cheeks, the circles under his eyes weren't as dark. Buffy ran her fingers gently over his face, barely touching his skin. Even this sick, he was still beautiful; and he was trying so hard to fight the cravings he was having. He had so much more strength than he realized.
Buffy had dreamed about him again last night. In the dream, he was fully recovered, looking fit and healthy. He'd smiled at her, put his arms around her, and then kissed her soundly. Her hands had gone to the sides of his face, gently caressing it while their kiss went on and on... And it had ended there, she had woken up.
It was so hard being around him. You had a really bad case of lust when you still wanted a man after seeing him puking his guts out. She had it bad. Apparently nothing could sway her feelings and attraction for him.
Buffy pulled her hand away when she noticed him waking.
Spike opened his eyes and smiled slightly.
"Good morning," Buffy said.
Spike mumbled, "Good morning, yeah..."
"How are you feeling?"
"Shitty." He gave her a weak smile.
"You'll feel better once you get some food in you. The nurse will be bringing your breakfast soon."
Spike raised the bed and sat up. "Maybe I'll be able to keep it down this time."
"You look better. I think you're coming along," Buffy said encouragingly.
"I guess I am feeling a little better..." Spike said.
"That's great!" Buffy beamed at him, he grinned back. "Right after you eat, I'll walk with you to the sauna."
"Fun, fun, fun," Spike said sarcastically. "I get to sweat my brains out for another hour."
"Oh, it's not that bad." Buffy smiled. "It helps to get the bad stuff out. After that you can have...your shower and then it's back to your room for some rest."
"I'm...feelin' nervous..." Spike admitted shyly. "About my mates comin' to visit today..."
"They really wanted to see you and make sure you're doing well," Buffy said. "Doctor Mancini said it would be alright for them to visit for a short time today. They're just worried about you."
"What if they're pissed? They have a right to be... I just don't think I can handle it... not now."
"Spike, they know that you're having a tough time. They won't attack you, they love you." At his manly grimace, Buffy laughed. "It's true. In the manliest, most platonic of ways, of course."
"You've--You've been great, Buffy," Spike said bashfully, picking at the top of his blanket. "I couldn't have done this well without you..."
Buffy blushed. "I'm happy to help. Don't sell yourself short, though. You're the one doing all the work."
Spike looked into her eyes and took one of her hands in his, Buffy's knees weakened a bit, and her heartbeat sped up. "I'm serious. I couldn't have gotten through the last few days without you. Thank you for sticking with me and taking care of me."
Buffy could feel his hands shaking slightly.
"You are most welcome," Buffy said in as steady a voice as she could manage.
They held each other's eyes, neither wanted to look away. Buffy was falling deeper and deeper into those blue eyes -- when the nurse came in with Spike's breakfast. The two separated, looking away guiltily.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Spike was laying on the wooden bench in the sauna. He'd been in it for forty-five minutes. He really hated sweating for no good reason. He preferred it be because of either working out, performing on stage, or a good shag. Not just sitting in a steam filled room doing nothing.
This stuff did seem to be helping ease the withdrawal symptoms this time though. Spike was still having a rough time, he felt nauseous a lot; he had spasms and bad cravings for more of the shit that had put him in here, but he was managing. A lot of it was due to Buffy. Buffy's presence was a balm to him. Spike had been afraid of what she'd think of him after seeing him out of his mind and physically ill as he had been for almost a week. She never wavered though, she stayed by his side and helped him through it.
Spike hated himself for a variety of reasons, the biggest one being that -- he was falling in love with her -- real fast. It was crazy, it was stupid...but it was happening. It had started that night at the party, the lust, and electricity between them was an amazing thing. Then there'd been his naughty dreams about her giving herself to him. Now, she was his angel, his savior. Buffy's kindness and warmth soothed him like nothing else. Spike wanted to hold her, to touch her, to...
Spike growled. He had to stop thinking like that! It was never going to happen, it was a lost cause. She was a nun, devoted to the church. There was no way in Heaven or Hell that she felt the same way about him, or ever would. The only reason she'd touched him at the party was because she'd had too much alcohol. He had to put those thoughts aside -- now!
Don't think about her like that anymore. Just think of her as 'Sister Buffy'.
The door to the sauna opened. Spike craned his neck, expecting to see Buffy coming back to retrieve him, but it was another woman.
"Hi," she said.
"H-Hi," Spike said.
The woman walked over to the bench adjacent to his and sat down. Her blonde hair was pinned up, a big white towel (like the one he wore around his waist) was secured around her.
"I'm Harmony," she said.
"Spike." He sat up on the bench and shook her hand lightly.
Harmony smiled. "Spike, eh? That's cute. What are you in for, Spike?"
"Bad, nasty stuff... Heroin..."
"Yikes, that is bad. My dad made me come here... I have a little teensy coke problem. He totally overreacted," Harmony said, rolling her eyes. "I'm going nuts in here."
"Yeah, I hear ya. The staff are good though... nice, friendly folks."
Harmony squinted at him. "I know you, don't I? I've seen you before..."
"I don't think so... I'm in a band, you might know me from that."
Her eyes widened. "You're a singer, right?! You sing with the.... the Dingoes! That's it! I love you guys!"
Spike laughed. "Yeah, that's my band...or it was... Don't know if they'll still have me after...this."
"I'm sure they will," she said supportively. "You're terrific."
Spike blushed a little. "Thanks, pet."
"How are your withdrawals?" Harmony asked curiously.
Spike shrugged, not keen on sharing the details of his week of Hell with a stranger, even if she was a very hot-looking, complimentary stranger.
Harmony suddenly took her towel off and stretched out on the bench. Spike's eyes widened. She sighed and stretched her arms over her head.
"You don't mind me getting naked, do you?"
"N-No... however you're comfortable..." Spike looked away.
She had a great body; all firm and fleshy in all the right places.
"You know what's good for the temporary relief of withdrawal symptoms?" Harmony asked.
Spike shook his head no'
"Sex," Harmony stated bluntly.
In addition to her 'little teensy coke problem,' Harmony had a little teensy sex addiction too. A few days without sex was a few days too many as far as she was concerned. God must truly have been smiling down on her to provide her with the hunky, bleached blonde singer as a sauna partner...
Spike's eyes got even bigger.
"Yep, sex works really good." Harmony sat up, her eyes roamed over his muscular torso.
"Well...that's...interesting. Didn't know that..." Spike said lamely.
"You want to help each other out?" she asked.
"Wha? You mean...right here? Right now?" Spike asked incredulously.
"Why not? We're two people who need some comfort, some relief... Wouldn't you like to feel good, even for a little while?" she asked in a purr.
"It...wouldn't be a good idea..." Spike said nervously, his libido was reacting to her body and words.
Harmony grinned and stood up, then walked over to him. She ran a hand through his hair. He stared up at her in disbelief. She climbed up on the bench to straddle him, her knees on either side of his thighs.
"Come on, Spikey. Don't you want me?"
Spike swallowed hard. His mind was racing.
Why not!? You have to get Buffy out of your fantasies anyway. Shag her! Shag her rotten, mate!
Harmony felt his indecision and decided to help him make up his mind. She swooped down and mashed her lips against his while rubbing herself against the bulge in his towel. Spike moaned and wrapped his arms around her.
Much to his dismay and frustration, images of the pretty blonde nun kept popping up in his head. It felt like he was cheating on her -- How crazy was that shit!? If only it could be her here on top of him, kissing him with such urgency.
Harmony reached between them and pulled his towel open. She stroked his semi-hard cock.
"Oh, Spikey! You're so biiiig!" Harmony mewled with delight
Spike groaned and sucked at her neck.
Buffy walked into the sauna, the smile she'd had quickly turned into a look of horror. Not knowing what else to do, she silently slid back out of the room and closed the door. She leaned against the wall, fighting back tears. It...hurt . It hurt like a dagger to the heart. She was jealous -- horribly, burningly, insanely, unreasonably jealous. That shocked her almost as much as finding Spike with that blonde woman had.
I have to stop them! Make them stop! Make that bitch get off of him! her dazed mind shouted.
Without a coherent plan, Buffy stormed back into the sauna, acting like she hadn't known what they were doing.
"Time's up, Spi-- OH MY!" Buffy said innocently, her hand flying up to cover her eyes.
Harmony jumped off of Spike, they both fixed their towels and looked guilty, especially Spike.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know..." Buffy lied. She wasn't sorry at all for stopping them.
I'm lying now too? What's wrong with me!?
"Buffy, I... We got a little carried away..." Spike said, feeling like he was explaining to a girlfriend why she'd caught with another woman.
"That's not allowed here," Buffy said calmly. "It's against the rules for patients to...co-mingle in that way. It's time to get out, Spike. I'll wait outside."
Buffy went to wait outside, trying to catch her breath.
"God--Fucking--Dammit!" Harmony pouted. "Sister Goody-Two-Shoes just had to show up..."
Spike stood up. "That wasn't a good idea anyway..." Spike said, raking a hand though his damp hair.
"What room are you in? I'll see if I can get away later," Harmony said, touching his chest.
"Uh, 3C... but --"
"I'll be there later if I can get away." Harmony kissed him.
Spike nodded jerkily and walked out.
Buffy was trying to reign in her jealousy and temper. She shouldn't be feeling this way! She forced a smile onto her face.
"I'm really sorry about that..." Spike said.
"Don't worry about it. Just don't do that again -- while you're staying here, I mean... Why don't you go take your shower now, I'll wait."
Spike nodded and went to the shower room.
Buffy looked at the door to the sauna with narrowed, resentful eyes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Later that night…
Spike was in bed and feeling mighty restless. The cravings were getting pretty bad, and he wondered if Harmony would show up. The reunion with his band mates had gone well. Things were awkward, but they joked around in between bouts of 'I love ya, man.' They had assured him that he'd still have a place in the band when he got out. That had been a load off of his mind. He owed them a lot, including his life. He didn't care how bad things in the future got, he would never touch drugs again. This time he meant it.
Harmony's image, naked and laid out on the wooden bench in the sauna, reappeared in his mind. Would she sneak in tonight?
It wasn't a good idea -- him having sex with a random woman while trying to get his shit back together. It'd be best is she didn't --
Just then, Harmony slipped into the room and leaned back against the door.
"I made it!" She giggled.
Spike sat up and gulped.
She came over to the bed and climbed in on top of him. She made short work of her nightgown, pulling it off over her head. Harmony dropped down and claimed his lips, she stroked his chest with one hand while the other went down and into his black sweat pants.
Spike couldn't protest, it felt too good, and he needed to get Buffy off his mind. Maybe having sex with another woman would quell his lusty thoughts for the nun. He pulled her against him, kissing her with all the passion he had stored up (for Buffy).
Once again, her timing perfect, Buffy walked in the room. She gasped in shock.
Spike and Harmony heard her and stopped their feverish makeout session.
"Stop that!" Buffy said angrily. "Get off him right now!"
Buffy's angry and hostile tone had Harmony scrambling off Spike and putting her nightgown back on quickly. Spike pulled the sheet up over his body to hide his erection.
"If you two can't control yourselves, you'll be kicked out," Buffy said. "There is absolutely NO hanky panky when you're a patient here!" She whirled on Harmony. "You stay in your room from now on, if I ever find out you that snuck out again, I'll report you."
Harmony looked like she wanted to argue, but merely nodded. With a last glance at Spike, Harmony speedily left the room.
Spike was burning with guilt and embarrassment. He'd really pissed Buffy off.
"I'm...sorry."
"How can you want to--to do that? You don't know her for one thing. And you're still going through the early stages of recovery. How can you be up to that?" Buffy's face flamed.
"Uh, um, Harmony said something... She said that...the release that sex provides...helps you feel better for a little while, at least."
"Well...it wouldn't be prudent. You have enough to deal with right now without starting a new relationship," Buffy said, trying to hide how sickeningly covetous she felt.
Buffy sat down in the chair near his bed.
"What are you doing?" Spike asked.
"I'm staying right here. Like I do every night. Why?"
"I'd...prefer it if you didn't stay tonight," Spike said.
Buffy's heart clenched. "You're mad, aren't you? I'm sorry I was tough on you, Spike. It's just --"
"No, I'm not pissed or anything... I just need some...alone time."
There was still a demanding erection in his pants. He needed to take care of it. Buffy's eyes automatically went to the sheet covering his lower half. Her sex tingled at the bulge she saw there. She tore her eyes away.
Buffy stood up. "I'll wait outside, okay? I'd like to stay with you tonight, in case you need me."
She also wanted to make sure Harmony didn't try coming back.
Spike thought about it then said, "Okay...that would be alright."
Buffy went outside and stood by the door. She tried to look nonchalant as she put an ear near the door, she wanted to hear him if he moaned.
After a few minutes of silence, she heard him call her in. Buffy went back in the room. Spike's back was turned to her, he was lying on his side.
"Um, everything...go alright?" She bit her lip.
"Fine," Spike said tightly.
"You don't sound fine." Buffy went to the bed, she wanted to touch him so badly. "What's wrong?"
"I can't tell you."
"Yes, you can. You can tell me anything, Spike."
He sighed. "I can't do it. My bloody hands are shaking -- I feel too weak -- I can't concentrate... You name it. It's a sad state of affairs when a bloke can't even...relieve his tensions." Spike held up one shaking hand to illustrate his point.
Buffy's lust-addled brain took over her mouth. "I'll do it for you."
Spike stopped breathing for a second. Slowly, he swiveled his head to look at her.
"Wh-What?"
She breathed in. "I'll do it for you. I'll...relieve your tension."
"But...I-I couldn't ask you --"
"You're not asking me. I'm volunteering. We'll just...keep it between us. I don't think other people would understand."
Buffy herself, didn't even understand. What was she doing this for!? This was crazy!
Spike turned over onto his back, still looking at her in surprise. His cock hardened ten-fold at the thoughts of her hot, delicate hand stroking him again. He felt dirty, he felt guilty, he felt...so bloody turned-on. He couldn't say no, he wanted her to touch him -- even if it was only a 'helpful' gesture.
"Okay..." Spike breathed.
He pushed the sheet down then slowly eased his sweat pants down to his mid-thighs. Buffy's eyes fixed on his throbbing manhood. It was so big and beautiful -- the memory of licking up his tasty spendings hit her hard. Her breathing became more labored.
"Just...relax," Buffy said, for his and her own benefit. She moved in.
Spike shut his eyes tightly. This had to be a dream. This couldn't be happening... He sighed softly when he felt her fingers closing around him.
Buffy tentatively began moving her hands up and down his thick cock; watching and feeling it grow longer and thicker in her hands. Her inexperience showed again when she gripped him a little too hard.
"Uhhh -- Buffy, pet -- more gently. You don't have to hold it so tight," Spike groaned.
"Oh! I'm sorry! I-I never did this before. Except...that other time at the party..." Buffy said, her fingers loosened but kept gliding up and down.
Spike groaned more loudly -- She was a virgin, she had to be. His dream came back to him where she had begged him to take her virginity. Why was she doing this for him? It had to be horrible and uncomfortable for her. She was such a loving, giving soul...
Buffy's strokes stayed gentle but firm, she was getting the hang of it. Her tongue swept over her lips at the sight of his pre-cum leaking from the slit. She felt like she was lost in another dream. Spike was so sexy, so beautiful. His cock was so big and hard. Buffy looked at his balls and wondered if he'd like her to touch him there. Maybe it would help to speed his release. (She wanted him to feel better -- she also wanted to see it and get his hot jizz on her again.) Her clit was pulsing in time with her strokes on his cock. She took her right hand and cradled his heavy balls in her palm.
"Do you like that?" she asked.
"Ahhhh -- Ohh yes! That feels so good, luv!" Spike gasped. "Uhhhh -- Faster!" He thrust lightly into her hand.
He was getting closer, Buffy could both see and feel it. Her heart beat wildly with excitement as her hand flew up and down his dick. She fondled his balls more roughly.
"B-Buffy! Unnnhhh -- Going -- to cum!"
Spike wanted to warn her of his impending explosion so that she could get a towel or tissues. Instead she kept right on pumping him, her strokes became more frenzied.
Spike's hips bucked off the bed, a low, strangled cry announced his climax, "Buffy!"
His thick spunk began squirting out. Buffy put both hands back on his spurting cock, milking him and fighting the urge to let her mouth join her hands. She was virtually drooling. His cum dripped down her fingers, she had to clench her inner-muscles at the terrible ache that she felt.
His cock shot load after load -- the white, ropy strands covered her hands. Spike moaned and panted, jerking his hips until the last of his considerable load was released. He sank into the bed.
Buffy gently laid his softening penis against his left thigh. "I'll get cleaned up, then I'll clean you. Okay?"
Spike's eyes were half-opened and glassy. "Okay..." he said sleepily, a small smile turning up the corners of his mouth.
Buffy hurried into the bathroom and shut the door. For appearance's sake, she turned on the sink with her elbow, not wanting to touch the sink and waste the cum coating her hands. After the water was turned on, Buffy leaned against the wall and stuck the fingers of her left hand in her mouth, a low moan rose up in her throat. She sucked the warm cum off her fingers, her tongue scooped the wads off her skin.
She slid down the wall to her knees and worked her other cum-covered hand under her skirt. With more of his cum on her fingers, she slipped her hand inside her underwear and rubbed herself. Buffy moaned and gasped. He tasted so good, and it felt heavenly to rub his hot cream on her clit.. Her fingers frigging her clit and her licking sped up.
With a shuddering, stifled cry, she came hard. Buffy moaned and continued rubbing her nubbin. She came back down slowly. Buffy stood shakily and went to the sink. She made sure she'd licked all of his cum off her hands before washing them.
Shame, hot and painful, wracked her mind. She had to be the worst person on the face of the Earth; using the excuse of helping Spike, when in the back of her mind, she wanted the pleasure of touching him and devouring his cum. Things were getting worse instead of better. She wanted him -- his body, his cum -- she wanted to be in his presence... She had to get herself under control!
After she cleaned up, Buffy took a wet washcloth and reentered his room. Spike was sleeping soundly in the same position that she'd left him. She admired him for a moment. It was nice to see his face relaxed and peaceful after what he'd been through the last week.
Gently, she took his spent cock in her hands and wiped it clean with the cloth. She wanted to use her tongue, but she couldn't do that... What if he caught her?
Before she tucked him away, she looked at his face to make sure he was still asleep, then placed a quick, small, wet kiss to the head of his cock; storing the feeling and taste of him in her mind for later...use. She immediately hated herself even more for it..
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Author's Chapter Notes:
There's Spike/Other scenes in this chapter. *hides*