Spike let out a groan as he moved to roll over. He felt like utter shit. His head was pounding and his mouth felt like it was stuffed with dry cotton balls. Cracking an eye open, he glanced over at the alarm clock on the nightstand and noted it was well after noon. He had missed his morning classes and he really didn’t see himself making his afternoon ones either. Rolling on his back, Spike clamped his eyes shut and prayed that the hammering in his head would go away. Just when the pain was beginning to subside, the front door shut with a slam.
“Bloody fucking hell,” Spike groaned as his head began to throb again.
Buffy walked in Spike’s room and greeted loudly. “Wakie, wakie Spike!” She had had the day to stew over Spike’s latest antic and by this time she was majorly pissed.
Spike squinted up at Buffy. “Bugger, do you have to be so loud?” he grumbled miserably.
“What’s the matter Spike, not feeling so good?” Buffy cooed in a sickeningly sweet voice as she tore open the curtains that had previously been shading his bedroom.
Spike shielded his eyes from the offensive light yelling, “Fuck, close the bloody curtains you crazy bint!”
“Now Spike, that’s no way to talk to the woman you love,” Buffy remarked sardonically.
Spike cracked an eye at Buffy and frowned. “Huh?”
“Oh, don’t you remember Spike? Last night right before you passed out you told me you loved me,” Buffy informed him, hands firmly planted on her hips as she glared down at him.
Spike thought for a minute. He vaguely remembered Buffy putting him to bed and then he had called out to her ….Oh shit! Headache forgotten, Spike sat up straight in the bed.
“Buffy, let me explain,” Spike pleaded.
“Explain what Spike?” Buffy snapped. “That the first time you tell me you love me your shit faced and I had to actually remind you.”
“Buffy I didn’t mean to tell you like that,” Spike admitted remorsefully. He had buggered things up right and proper this time.
“Yeah, well you did Spike,” Buffy pointed out heatedly and then stormed out of Spike’s room slamming the door behind her.
Spike winced as the door slammed. He flung his legs over the side of the bed and hung his head. How was he going to fix this mess he had gotten himself into? There was no doubt Buffy was going to make him pay royally. Falling back onto the bed Spike pinched the bridge of his nose and tried to think of a way to make things right with Buffy.
Buffy felt tears sting her eyes. God, she was so damn mad at Spike. How could he have done this? First he admits it to Giles, and then he waits until he’s drunk to tell the one person that it would mean the most to. Could he be any more of a moron? She needed to go and cool off somewhere before she confronted Spike again. Grabbing her purse, she went to see the one person who might be able to help her calm down. Willow.
Spike heard the front door shut and quickly went to the living room. Buffy was gone. Spike made it to the front door in two strides and tore it open. Stepping out, he looked down hall, but Buffy was nowhere in sight.
“Fuck!” Spike roared as people in the hallway turned to stare at him. Spike looked down to see he was standing there wearing nothing but a pair of boxers that just happened to be riding very low on his slender hips leaving very little to the imagination. With a frustrated growl Spike stormed back in his room slamming the door behind him.
“Bloody hell!” could be heard all the way down the hall as Spike stood on the other side if the shut door holding his head in his hands. Bloody hangover was going to be the death of him.
Buffy knocked on Willow’s door, praying that her best friend was home. When Willow opened the door Buffy let her tears fall and flung herself in Willow’s arms letting out a choked sob.
“Buffy what happened?” Willow asked full of concern as she led the weeping blond in her room, shutting the door behind them.
Buffy let go of Willow and hiccupped, “Oh Wills.” But that was as far as she got before another bought of tears took over.
Willow sat Buffy down on the bed and took a seat next to her. “Buffy you have to calm down,” Willow suggested softly. Once Buffy seemed to calm, Willow tried again. “Now tell me what has you so upset.”
Buffy wiped at her nose and explained. “Well last night I told Spike to go out with his friends to Baller’s right? Well he decided to come home drunk, and managed to declare his love for me right before passing out,” Buffy explained before letting out another sob.
Willow wrapped Buffy in her arms. “Oh Buffy,” Willow replied sympathetically as she rubbed her friends back comfortingly.
“Oh Willow how could he have told me like that?” Buffy whimpered as she cried into the red head’s shoulder.
“Well, not that it’s an excuse by any means, but he is a man,” Willow tried, hoping to lighten the mood.
Buffy pulled out of Willow’s hug and wiped at her tear swollen eyes. “Not helping Wills,” Buffy informed her.
Willow let out a heavy sigh. “Buffy I know you’re mad at Spike right now, but you should really talk to him about this,” Willow suggested gently.
“If I talk to him now I’ll end up saying something I may or may not regret,” Buffy replied resolutely.
“I get that,” Willow said understandingly. “But Buffy, I bet Spike really didn’t mean to tell you like that. If I know Spike, he’s probably been feeling this way for awhile and just let it slip from all the alcohol,” she suggested diplomatically.
“Well, he did tell Giles in a round about way that he loved me,” Buffy confessed sheepishly.
“Seriously! When?”
“The morning after we slept together,” Buffy informed her best friend, blushing deep red.
“The morning after you what?!” Willow exclaimed shocked.
Buffy had forgotten she hadn’t told Willow about her and Spike sleeping together yet. With wide eyes Buffy looked up at Willow. “I swear Willow I was gonna tell you, I just didn’t know how.”
Willow sat there completely perplexed. “When did this happen?”
“The night of the strip club,” Buffy admitted sheepishly.
“I knew something was up with you two when you came to pick me up,” Willow commented knowingly. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”
“Well I wanted to, I just…I don’t know,” Buffy rambled. She had never been big on the whole kiss and tell concept. She felt something’s were just supposed to be private.
“So?” Willow asked expectantly.
“So what?” Buffy asked slightly confused as to what Willow was asking.
“So, how was it?” Willow asked with a mischievous grin.
“Willow!” Buffy gasped. Willow didn’t actually expect her to answer that did she?
“What?” Willow asked incredulously.
“You’re totally getting off the subject here,” Buffy replied trying to divert Willow’s attention.
“Fine,” Willow relented. She would just have to pump Buffy for details later.
Buffy was thankful that Willow was going to drop the subject. With a heavy sigh Buffy asked, “So what do I do Wills? Should I just pretend he ever said anything at all, or do I forgive him and tell him I think I feel the same way?” The uncertainty was evident in her voice.
Willow sat thoughtful for a minute and then asked, “Do you think he meant it?”
“I don’t know. When he talked to Giles he said he thought he was in love with me, not that he actually was.”
“Well for Spike that’s a big deal,” Willow informed Buffy. “But I guess the real question would be, do you want him to mean it?”
Of course she wanted him to mean it, because if he didn’t then she really would be hurt, even more so than the fact that he had to be drunk to confess his true feelings. Buffy felt fresh tears begin to sting her eyes. What if Spike hadn’t really meant to say it at all? It wasn’t like he was quick to reassure her this afternoon. Buffy let a rouge tear fall from her eye as she looked at Willow and said, “Yeah Wills, I do, I love him.”
Willow felt her own tears surface at Buffy’s soft confession. She had to find someway to make it right between her two blond friends. Willow was about to suggest that Buffy go and tell Spike how she really felt when Buffy’s cell phone started to ring.
Buffy pulled her phone out of her purse and looked at the caller ID. She felt a knot form in her throat when Spike’s name flashed across the screen. Taking a deep breath, she pressed send and brought the phone to her ear.
“Hey,” She greeted softly into the phone.
“Buffy please come home so we can talk,” Spike pleaded desperately.
At Willow’s questioning look Buffy mouthed Spike’s name. Willow gave her a supportive smile and stepped outside to give her some privacy. Once Willow had shut the door behind her, Buffy let out a sigh.
“I’ll come home, but first I just want you to know that I’m still really mad at you,” Buffy informed Spike. “But you’re right, we do need to talk.”
“Thank you Buffy,” Spike replied quietly.
“I’ll be home in a minute; I just need to finish talking to Willow.”
“Take all the time you need, I’ll be here waiting for you,” Spike assured her.
“Alright Spike.”
“Oh and Buffy,” Spike said quickly before she hung up.
“Yeah?”
“I meant what I said Buffy. I do love you.” Spike confessed whole-heartedly and then hung up the phone before Buffy could respond.
Buffy felt hot tears course down her cheeks from Spike’s confession. How could she stay mad with him after that? Hanging up the phone, she walked over to the door and opened it to find Willow standing there expectantly.
“So how’d it go?”
“Well, let’s just say that I’m going home to the man I love,” Buffy admitted with a soft smile.
Willow bounced up and down giddily as she clapped her hands. “Oh Buffy, I’m so glad you two worked things out.”
“We still have a lot to talk about, but I think we can get past this,” Buffy said hopefully
Willow gave Buffy a playful shove. “Well, what are you waiting for? Go already.”
Buffy shook her head and started down the hallway.
Buffy stopped and turned back to Willow and grinned as she joked, “Hey Wills, just put our little session on my tab.”
“Yeah, like I’ll ever see a penny,” Willow teased before waving and going back into her room.
Spike paced nervously back and forth across the room. It hadn’t been more than five minutes since he had talked to her and he was already growing impatient. He hoped his confession had assured Buffy that he really did mean what he had said in his drunken state.
Spike stopped in his tracks when he heard the front door open. He turned and saw Buffy standing in the doorway with swollen eyes and tear stained cheeks. He thought his heart might break in two knowing that he was the one who had caused those tears.
Buffy slowly walked in the room and shut the door behind her. She crossed the room and stopped in front of Spike and looked up at him with big green eyes.
“Hey,” she greeted softly.
Spike had to resist the urge to snatch Buffy up in his arms and smother her with kisses. With a mournful look he greeted back, “Hey yourself.”
Buffy took a deep breath and suggested, “I guess we should talk, huh?”
“Yeah we probably should,” Spike agreed and held out a hand gesturing to the couch. Buffy nodded her head and went to sit down. Spike followed suit and took the seat next to her.
Scratching his head nervously he began.
“Buffy, I can’t tell you how sorry I am about my behavior last night. I was a complete wanker. I can only imagine how much I hurt you, but you have to believe me, I meant every word I said. I love you,” he stated softly reaching out a tentative hand to brush her arm.
Buffy closed her eyes and just let herself enjoy Spike’s tender touch. With a raged breath, Buffy opened her eyes and stared into Spike’s ocean deep ones.
“I know,” Buffy all but whispered as a tear fell from her eye.
Spike instinctively brushed the stray tear away with the pad of his thumb. Buffy leaned into Spike’s touch and let out a breathy sigh.
“Oh Spike,” was all she murmured. She just couldn’t bring herself to say more.
Spike scooted closer to Buffy and softly cupped her cheek. Slowly he brought his mouth to hers in the tenderest of kisses, praying she wouldn’t reject him.
Buffy felt warmth spread all over her the instant Spike’s lips met hers. Her mind went blank and she forgot all reasons as to why she was mad with him. Buffy snaked a small arm around Spike’s neck and pulled him closer to deepen the kiss. Spike willingly obliged and closed the distance between them, slowly laying Buffy down on the couch.
They kissed languidly. Neither felt the need to rush or be forceful. It was about taking things slow, almost as if learning one another for the first time. Spike took his lips from Buffy’s and began to trail kisses across her cheek and down her swan like neck, ending on her frail collarbone.
Buffy fluttered her eyes shut and craned her neck to give Spike better access. “Ah Spike,” Buffy gasped in a breathy moan.
“Buffy, please forgive me,” Spike pleaded huskily as he licked and nipped at her shoulder.
Buffy pulled Spike back up to eye level, looking deep into his lust filled eyes. “On one condition.”
“Anythin’ luv, anythin’ you want,” Spike agreed whole-heartedly.
“That from now on, you promise to be completely honest with me, no matter what,” Buffy requested.
Spike smiled down at Buffy adoringly. “I promise,” he stated sincerely. And he meant it. From here on out he was going to tell Buffy everything he felt, when he felt it. With that in mind he knew he had to tell Buffy about their lack of protection.
Buffy smiled warmly at Spike. “Then you’re forgiven,” she replied softly.
Spike sat up and pulled Buffy with him, looking at her with nervous eyes.
“Buffy we need to talk about something,” Spike stated matter of factly.
“Okay,” Buffy drawled confused.
“If I’m gonna be honest with you,” Spike started as he collected his thoughts. “Then we should talk about that night in Sunnydale.”
“Oh,” Buffy whispered.
“It was the most amazing night of my life. I’ve never felt anything remotely close to what I feel for you Buffy. I thought I was in love once before, but I know now, I was sorely mistaken. You’re the only one for me,” Spike confessed.
Buffy didn’t know what to say. No one had ever told her that they loved her before and now here Spike was telling her that she was the only one for him. The thought scared her and excited her all at the same time. Buffy looked deep in to Spike’s eyes. “Spike, no one besides my parent’s has ever told me they loved me,” Buffy confessed. “So when you told me last night all drunk it really hurt,” she admitted softly.
Spike felt like an unadulterated asshole. Not only had he fucked up her first time with sex by being an irresponsible git, now he had ruined her first time of someone telling her that they loved her.
“Could I be any more of a wanker,” Spike belittled himself.
Buffy placed a comforting hand on his arm. “Spike don’t, you had no idea,” Buffy tried to reassure him.
“No. You can’t make excuses for me Buffy. I fucked up big time.”
Spike got up and started to pace back and forth. “This is what I get for not just telling you how I felt to begin with,” Spike ranted. “’Cause if I had, this would be one less thing that I fucked up for you.”
Buffy stood and stopped Spike’s pacing. “Spike what are you talking about?”
Well mate, it’s now or never. With a deep breath, Spike admitted to Buffy about what had been on his mind since the morning they had left Sunnydale. “Buffy, the night we made love, we didn’t use a condom,” he stated regretfully.
Buffy got a surprised look on her face. She hadn’t given it much thought at the time, but this had the potential to be a world of bad. Buffy wasn’t on any kind of birth control herself and they had had sex twice that night.
Buffy looked up at Spike with wide eyes letting out a stunned “Oh!”
“I know it’s a little late to be asking now, but you wouldn’t by any chance be on the pill would you?” Spike asked hopefully, even thought he knew the answer was more than likely no. She was a virgin after all.
Buffy looked down and shook her head no. Spike lifted Buffy’s chin to look in her eyes. “Hey, we’ll figure this out. No matter what, I’m not goin’ anywhere Buffy,” he assured her
Buffy gave Spike a weak smile. “Well I guess all we can do now is wait.”
Spike pulled Buffy into his arms and kissed the top of her head. “I guess so.”
They stood in the middle of the living room silently in each other’s arms. This was going to be the longest four weeks of their lives.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks to Karyn, Brunettepet, Melody, Kristin, MidnightGirl, Cordykitten, Brat, Lisa, lindsay, Flibble, anna, Smitten, and seraiza for reviewing, y'all are such sweetie poohs! Well enjoy! Disclaimer in full effect.