It had been two weeks since Spike had confessed to Buffy that he loved her and she still had yet to say it back. Spike knew that it would take some time after everything that had come into light, but he still couldn’t help but feel hurt because every time he confessed his love Buffy would just smile softly and change the subject.
The Christmas holidays were soon approaching and Spike wanted to find the perfect present for Buffy. It had to be something heart felt that would take her breath away. He had been doing little things trying to redeem himself after the whole drunken mess he had caused, but this would hopefully show Buffy how much he really loved her.
Buffy was out with Willow shopping and wasn’t going to be back for awhile, so Spike decided he had time to go out and do a bit of shopping himself. He was almost out the door when the phone rang.
“’Ello.”
“William, my sweet boy,” A sweet voice replied over the phone.
Spike smiled into the phone. “Mum, how are you?”
“As best can be expected when my darling boy is half way across the world from me,” Anne Livingston replied softly.
Spike let out a sigh. It never failed; every time his mother called she tried to make him feel guilty for being so far away from home. “Mum, you know I had to leave the nest some time,” Spike informed his mother gently.
“Yes William I know, I just wish you might have chosen a closer tree,” Anne replied playing on Spike’s analogy.
Spike had to laugh. “Mum that was absolutely awful,” Spike teased.
“I thought it was quite clever myself,” Anne quipped.
Spike let out another soft chuckle before asking, “So what do I owe the pleasure of this phone call?”
“Well to give you your Christmas present,” Anne informed giddily.
“But Christmas isn’t for another two weeks,” Spike pointed out.
“I know, but your flight leaves the week before the holidays, so I can’t exactly wait until then now can I?” Anne replied.
“What?” Spike asked surprised. He couldn’t fly home for the holidays. This was his and Buffy’s first Christmas together, and he didn’t think her folks would let her fly off for the holidays. Hell Buffy hadn’t even told them they were dating out of fear that her dad would make her move.
“I bought you a ticket to come home for two weeks, and Rupert will be coming with you as well,” Anne exclaimed excitedly. “Oh William, won’t it be wonderful, the whole family together for the holidays!”
Spike felt like a rock was sitting in his stomach. He was just starting to get back into Buffy’s good graces and now he was going to have to tell her he would be gone for two whole weeks. In an absent voice, Spike replied, “Yeah Mum, great.”
Anne was so excited she didn’t catch her son’s disinterested tone. Anne continued to talk animatedly about Spike’s upcoming arrival while Spike added the appropriate ‘yeah’s’ and ‘okay’s’.
When Spike couldn’t take anymore he explained to his mother that he had some errands to take care of and he would call her later to get all the details of his upcoming trip. Anne agreed and bid her goodbyes before disconnecting.
Spike hung up the phone and let out an audible groan. How in the bleeding hell was he going to tell Buffy he had to go to sodding England for Christmas? Cursing his own fate, Spike got up and headed out the door to find the perfect gift for Buffy.
Buffy and Willow had been shopping for what felt like hours and Buffy was still empty handed. She had gone into every store the mall had to offer and she still couldn’t decide what to get Spike for Christmas. She had thought of clothes, but that was beyond lame. Buffy had seen a few nice watches that had grabbed her attention, but they just didn’t seem like Spike. That’s when the idea hit her. Pulling Willow along, Buffy headed in the direction of the store she knew would have what she was looking for.
Spike stood in front of the glass counter, looking at the assortment of merchandise. There were so many to choose from that he was beginning to wonder if he should have brought Red with him to help him decide. The look on his face must have given away his dilemma because a petite saleswoman walked over to assist him.
“Is there anything I can help you with sir?” the young woman asked in a sickeningly sweet voice.
“Yeah, m’lookin’ for something special for m’girlfrien’,” Spike informed the salesgirl.
“I see,” the young woman replied knowingly. “Well you’re in luck, because that just so happens to be our specialty.”
“Right then, lead the way,” Spike suggested.
The saleswoman led Spike to a counter and pulled out a few items for his inspection. Spike looked them over and shook his head disapprovingly. The young woman pulled out a few more items and Spike pointed. “That’s it, that’s the one I want,” Spike demanded.
The sales woman smiled approvingly. “That’s an excellent choice if I do say so myself.”
“So, if you were to get something like this for your first Christmas together with your boyfriend you’d like it?” Spike asked insecurely.
“Oh most definitely,” the sales woman assured him with a bright smile. Feeling confident with his decision, Spike went to the register and finished his purchase.
Willow and Buffy stopped out side the store and Willow looked inside with a wide grin on her face. Turning to Buffy she commented, “It’s absolutely perfect.”
Buffy gave Willow a hopeful look and they headed inside to see if Buffy could find what she was looking for.
Buffy browsed around the store on a mission. She hadn’t come across what she was looking for yet, but she just knew she would know it when she saw it. Willow held up several items, but Buffy just dismissed them and continued her hunt. She had all but given up when she came across what she was looking for. She held it up excitedly to Willow.
“This is it; this is what I was looking for!” Buffy chirped giddily.
“Wow Buffy, it’s amazing,” Willow gushed and then looked at the price tag. “Whoa, are you sure?” she asked with shocked surprise.
“Absolutely,” Buffy stated resolutely.
Willow shook her head disbelievingly and followed Buffy to the register. The item Buffy had picked out was very expensive, but Willow knew Buffy had made up her mind and there was nothing anyone could do to change it.
Buffy put her item on the counter and rummaged through her purse for her wallet. The guy behind the counter rung up the merchandise and commented, “Who ever this is for is a very lucky guy.”
Buffy smiled satisfactorily and handed the guy her credit card. He was about to swipe it when Buffy stopped him.
“Wait, can I see that one right there,” Buffy asked pointing in the glass container. The guy pulled out the item Buffy had pointed to and handed it to her for her inspection. Buffy took it out of its box and studied it for a minute. It was perfect. Buffy handed it back to the gentleman behind the counter and stated, “I’ll take it.”
The guy simply shook his head and let out a soft chuckle as he rung up the second item Buffy had picked out. Buffy gave the guy a big smile and grabbed her purchases. She met Willow out side the store and asked, “So do you think Spike will like his gift?”
“Are you kidding me?” Willow asked incredulously. “Buffy he is going to flip when you give it to him,” Willow informed her friend.
Buffy let out a giddy laugh and clutched her bag in her hand. She so couldn’t wait for Christmas.
Buffy walked in the door and set down her purse on the counter. Spike peered over the edge of the couch and frowned, “Didn’t find anything while you were out?”
Buffy tried her best to look indifferent. “Nope,” she lied. She ditched her bag at Willow’s so Spike wouldn’t find his gift if he tried snooping around when she wasn’t home.
“Well did you have a good time anyway?” Spike asked casually as he turned his attention back to the TV.
Buffy came to sit next to Spike on the couch. “Yeah, we did,” Buffy replied in an exhausted tone.
Spike turned to Buffy and asked, “Tired pet?”
“Kinda,” she replied and then asked, “So what’d you do all afternoon?”
“Nothin’ really, just picked up a bit and then watched some telly,” he replied. It wasn’t exactly a lie, just a partial truth.
“Be glad, the mall was a mad house,” Buffy informed him and grimaced remembering all the engrossed shoppers.
‘Don’t I know it,’ Spike thought to himself remembering his own horrific experience at the shops.
Spike patted Buffy’s thigh and suggested, “How ‘bout you go take a nice hot bath and I’ll order us some dinner, how’s that sound?”
“Mmm, like heaven,” Buffy replied wistfully.
Spike got up and pulled Buffy to her feet. Placing his hands on Buffy’s shoulders he massaged them gently as he led her to the bathroom. With a quick nuzzle to her neck, Spike left Buffy to her bath and went to order food.
Buffy closed the door to the bathroom and sat on the edge of the tub to run her water. Grabbing her favorite bubble bath, she poured a generous amount in the water and watched as the frothy foam began to fill the tub. She quickly removed her clothes and slipped in the vanilla/gardenia scented water.
Buffy leaned her head back and let the warm water relax her tired muscles. In her relaxed state she let her mind wander.
It had been two weeks since Spike’s botched attempt at telling her he loved her. He had gone above and beyond trying to make things up to her. He would leave little love notes scattered throughout the dorm for her to find randomly and left fresh flowers in her room with notes that said, “Just because I love you.”
There was no doubt that Spike was in love with her. Everything was great except for the fact that he wouldn’t touch her. Sure he would give her little sweet kisses when she got home or hold her hand when they watched TV, but that was as far as it went. Spike had changed. He was almost timid around her and this made Buffy’s heart ache a bit. She wanted the old amorous Spike back. She was bound and determined to get things back to normal between them; she just had to figure out how.
Buffy laid in the tub lost in her thoughts so long that the water turned cold. Shivering, Buffy climbed out of the tub and wrapped herself in her thick terrycloth robe and rubbed her arms fighting away the chill. Buffy pulled a comb through her honey blond tresses and opened the bathroom door.
Spike looked up at the sound of the bathroom door opening and his mouth went dry. Buffy was standing there in her bathrobe and her face was clean of all traces of makeup. Spike decided that he had never seen Buffy look more beautiful than she did right then. Swallowing hard, Spike asked, “Have a nice bath?” his voice tight with desire.
“Mm hmm,” Buffy replied with a nod. “Dinner smells wonderful.”
“I got you the fettuccine alfredo you like so much from ‘Alonzo’s’. I hope that’s alright.”
Buffy smiled brightly. “It’s more than alright,” she assured him. “Give me a minute to get dressed and we can eat.” Spike nodded in agreement and took their plates into the living room.
Buffy found a pair of silk pajama pants and a white camisole to put on. She dried her hair with her towel as best she could and left it loose to dry naturally. Glancing in the mirror she nodded approvingly and went to eat dinner with Spike.
Spike was already seated on the floor waiting for Buffy. Buffy sat across from him and sniffed at her plate. “God this smells wonderful,” She gushed as she picked up her fork and twirled a fork full of pasta.
“It does,” Spike agreed as he took a bite of his spaghetti.
They sat in comfortable silence as they ate their food. Spike knew he needed to tell Buffy about his phone call with his mother, so he decided now was as good a time as ever.
“I talked to my mum today,” Spike started.
“Really? What did she have to say?” Buffy asked curiously.
“The usual stuff. You know, she wishes I was closer to home, that sort of thing.”
“I bet she really misses you, huh?” Buffy asked sympathetically
“Yeah, since my Da’s not around, it’s just her,” Spike replied sadly.
“So, what does she plan to do for the holidays?” Buffy asked as she took a bite of her pasta.
There it was. His opportunity to tell Buffy that he wasn’t going to be here in LA for Christmas was staring him in the face. Spike put down his fork and wiped his mouth. Taking a deep breath, he looked up at Buffy with sad eyes.
“Buffy my mum asked me to come home for Christmas,” He stated quietly.
“Oh,” Buffy replied letting her disappointment show. Their first Christmas together as a couple and Spike was gonna be half way across the world. “So I guess you told her yes.”
“I didn’t really have a choice, she already bought my ticket,” Spike explained mournfully. He wanted nothing more than to stay in LA with Buffy, but it would absolutely crush his mother if he turned down her gift.
“So when do you leave?” Buffy asked as she fought the tears stinging the backs of her eyes.
“Next week, after finals.”
“How long will you be gone?” Buffy asked in a tight voice as a tear fell from her eye.
Spike went to Buffy and wrapped her in his arms. “Buffy don’t cry, it’ll only be for a couple of weeks,” he assured her in a comforting voice as he stroked her hair.
Buffy reveled at the feel of Spike’s arms around her. It had been so long since he had held her like this. If all it would take to get Spike to hold her again were a few tears then she would have cried more often.
Spike pulled back to look in Buffy’s eyes as he cupped her cheeks. “You know I would much rather be here with you right?”
Buffy nodded sadly. “I know.”
Spike kissed Buffy’s forehead and sat back on his haunches. “How ‘bout we finish up dinner and watch a movie,” Spike suggested trying to lighten the mood.
Buffy looked at her plate of half eaten food. “I’m not that hungry anymore,” she replied softly.
“How ‘bout that movie then?” Spike asked hopefully.
Buffy just wanted to crawl in her bed and cry herself to sleep. She was so disappointed that Spike wasn’t going to be with her for Christmas. She had made so many plans for them. First she was going to tell her parents about her relationship with Spike, and then on Christmas morning she had planned to tell Spike that she loved him, but now it was all ruined.
“I think I’m just gonna head to bed, I have class in the morning and I’m kinda tired from all the shopping today,” Buffy lied. There was no way she would be able to sit with Spike watching a movie and not burst into tears.
“I understand, you head to bed and I’ll clean up dinner,” Spike agreed disappointed that Buffy didn’t want to spend time with him.
“Okay. I guess I’ll just see you tomorrow then,” Buffy replied softly.
She stood there expectantly waiting for a goodnight kiss, but Spike just simply turned and started cleaning up their dinner dishes. Buffy felt hot tears fall down her cheeks. She quickly turned so Spike wouldn’t see her cry and went to her room without another word, shutting the door behind her.
Spike set the dishes in the small sink and dropped his head. The distance that had grown between him and Buffy was killing him. He felt like he was walking on eggshells constantly. He made a point not to be overly affectionate with her out of fear of rejection. She never returned his sentiment whenever he told her he loved her and she never made any advances toward him affectionately. It was like they weren’t even a couple at all.
After cleaning up, Spike stood staring at Buffy’s door. Slowly, he walked over and was about to knock when he heard soft sobs coming from the other side. He let his forehead rest on the door and screwed his eyes shut. Buffy was crying. He wanted to thrash open the door and take her in his arms and tell her he would stay, but he couldn’t do that. Swallowing the knot in his throat, Spike let his own tears fall before he turned away from Buffy’s door and went to his room to fight the sleep he knew would never come.
A/N Okay I know this chap is a bit angsty, but I promise it won't last long, just stick with me here because I promise it will all be worth it! Kuddos!
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks to slayerette, lacey, Cordykitten, BuffyandSpikeFOrever, lindsay, Brat, Kristin, Lisa, Brunettepet, flibble, spikesbabi, carri, and MidnightGirl for the reviews. Y'all are such doll babies! Let me know what you think. Kuddos! Discalimer in full effect.