“Buffy I think we should talk…” Buffy began to zone out as the all to familiar sentence was said by her Watcher. Thanks to missing half the school day she had been able to avoid her friends; which only shows how badly her world had been flipped upside down lately.
She couldn’t stand being around her human friends and slunk around the halls to avoid them but she had happily spent the night and most of the morning with her mortal enemy.
As the latest Buffy-needs-us-to-tell-her-how-to-live-her-life intervention began, she found herself wishing she had skipped the entire day and just took her chances with Spike. He may kill her but that option seemed infinitely more appealing from where she was sitting right now.
Personally she thought her well meaning friends and slightly overbearing Watcher were the ones who needed help these days. First they didn’t want her to be with Angel and Giles wanted her to dedicate more of her time to slaying. So one would think that now that she was no longer with him and her nights were spent patrolling she’d get a pat on the head or even a cookie. But no…she got lectured instead.
So was it any wonder that spending time with Spike was a better way to pass her short life. Last night with him, she was free to laugh and joke without having to worry about her every word and inflection weighed for potential insanity and badness. He treated her like a person not an errant puppy who needed to be watched constantly so that it didn’t piddle on the carpet.
Hell even her own parents had accepted her independence.
Hank had more or less abandoned her after the divorce because a trouble teen didn’t play into his fancy smanchy day trader image. While her mother, still ignorant of her status as the Slayer had realized that her little girl was no longer dependant on her.
It wasn’t something they ever talked about. It was more like her mother’s intuition had sensed that she had a life of her own and a maturity that seemed to be beyond her seventeen years. Her mother had watched her go from a girl who didn’t care about anything but having this season’s hair to someone responsible and worthy of her trust.
In short her mom seemed to realize she had grown up and considering the fact that she had once burned down a school building, trusting her wasn’t something her mom would do on a whim. Nope, her mom had watched her and understood that she had some sort of higher purpose. Her mother had accepted that without needing to understand where those feeling had come from, knowing that she would tell her when she was ready.
Buffy loved her all the more for it…for just accepting her without having to push her way into her life and mold it to fit her own views of the perfect daughter. It was a true sign of her mother’s love for her because she had been willing to let her go, when she was ready to walk her path alone.
Which was why Buffy had encouraged her mother to resume the life she had put on hold while she had raised her. Joyce had always wanted to own a gallery but she also wanted to study art. That was a passion that had never faded even as the one she had abandoned it for had. Hank was the kind of man who wanted his wife waiting for him with dinner cooked and so Joyce had buried her own ambitions and put her husband and daughter’s needs before her own.
Everything she had learned about being selfless had been from her mother. Joyce had never complained when the marriage had fallen apart nor had she berated her ex-husband in front of her daughter. But Buffy knew she had every reason to, because thanks to her Slayer enhanced hearing she had heard her mother insisting that Hank not only pay the current month’s child support but also the month before. She knew from staying with her dad last summer that he had money coming out of his ears and had absolutely no problem showering it on his hypermammiferous secretary Kimmie.
During that trip Buffy had finally seen her father for the weak and domineering bastard her truly was because it was clear he held back his payments in an effort to make his proud ex-wife humble herself before him by asking him for the money. Joyce shouldn’t have had to beg anyone but she was willing to swallow her pride to ensure that her daughter didn’t have to go without.
The gallery while small, did a pretty swift business but since so much of that money had to go back into the start-up loan Joyce had taken out to purchase her share in it to begin with, as well as the mortgage on the house, money could sometimes be a little tight. Not that they were ever truly poor or anything but more like they got the generic shampoo sometimes instead of the salon crème rinse they both preferred.
Buffy understood that all of Hank’s money was placed in a savings account for her but more than that she understood why her mother wanted to be able to prove that she could give her the same kind of lifestyle they had enjoyed before the divorce. Stubbornness and a need to prove yourself was a Summers' women trait and both she and her mother had it in spades. Despite her mother’s words to the contrary she knew the failure of her marriage had affected her self-confidence and more than anything Buffy wanted to help her fix the damage Hank had brought her.
So when Joyce’s partner, a distinguished and somewhat roguish Scotsman named Duncan had offered her a chance to not only handle buying trips overseas but continue her abandoned studies there as well, Buffy had encouraged her to seize the opportunity. Buffy had only met Duncan MacLeod once, shortly before they had moved to Sunnydale, and while he seemed nice enough, at the time Buffy had unfairly blamed him for the divorce.
He had showed up offering Joyce a partnership in the gallery and she couldn’t help thinking that if he hadn’t, her parents would have worked through their problems. But since hindsight is always 20/20 Buffy was grateful that her mother had a friend who was kind enough to help her mother through a difficult situation but also smart enough to make it look like something other than pity. By not just handing her the job but allowing her to buy her share, Joyce had not only received a fresh start but she was allowed to do it proudly.
At first though her mom had been a little unsure about being gone several weeks at a time but after a long talk in which Buffy promised to call if she needed her Joyce had been willing to atleast discuss the offer with Duncan. Knowing her all to well Duncan had promised her mother that should the need arise he would arrange to have her flown home immediately but he also promised to leave his home in Seacouver if Buffy needed help.
Being a man of his word, Duncan called Buffy almost every other day just to check up on her. Not the you-can’t-be-trusted kind of check-ups but more like a family friend or even a doting uncle calling to make sure everything was going all right.
But if Buffy was a betting person, she would lay down money on Duncan having more interest in her mother than just a ‘friend’. The first time he had called to check on her, she had felt more than a little weird about talking to a virtual stranger so she had broken the ice by asking how he had met her mom.
Apparently when her mother was in college in Washington, she had fallen in love with a miniature portrait in a local gallery. Being a college student she couldn’t afford it right away and instead of letting it go, she had begun to save up all her extra money so that she could purchase it. But by the time she had returned it had already been sold but thanks to a pleading pout and big sad eyes she had convinced the owner to give her the address of the buyer. It ended up bringing her to a dojo where she once again launched into full pout.
According to Duncan, her mother’s pout and big puppy dog eyes look was as effective as her own and he was unable to refuse selling it to her.
It was the start of a beautiful friendship they both would say but since Duncan had a way of saying her mother’s name like it was a whispered prayer Buffy knew her mother hadn’t just gotten her piece of art but also gotten her hooks in Duncan’s heart. But now that Buffy had gotten to know him, she knew that the highlander was a way better man than her real father had ever been. She found herself constantly teasing him to make a move, knowing he’d be good for her mom but one thing she was sure of about Duncan, was that he was one of those guys who’d take his sweet time about it.
But since he’d probably call tonight, it couldn’t hurt to sound him out about what was going on with her and her friends, she decided idly aware of the fact that Giles had handed the floor over to Willow during her internal musings. From the looks of things they seemed to have been delighted with her silence, probably mistaking it for her actually paying attention, and by the looks of things it was almost over.
“We know you’re going through something Buffy but you need to talk about whatever it is that is bothering you.” Willow said gently, pleading her friend with her eyes to reveal whatever secrets were going on in that mind of hers.
It wasn’t hard to see that these little interventions weren’t going to let up anytime soon and since she resented being asked to make her private life not so private she found herself talking Spike’s advice.
‘Show em’ how pointless it is and if you make a big enough impression I reckon it’ll sink in quick enough.’ He had told her with that arrogant little smirk of his. ‘You’re the bloody Slayer, the thing all the beasties fear and you're running because your sodden mates and Watcher want to talk you to death. Grow a spine luv, give it to em’ good and they’ll be the ones to lay off.’
Last night it may have sounded a bit harsh but with them all buzzing at her like fun sucking gnats, she knew if she didn’t do something soon it would only get worse. She had tried being polite, listening to their concerns and complaints and defending her actions but they were not giving her the same courtesy. If she wanted to break up with her boyfriend, she shouldn’t have to explain herself. Chosen One or not it was still her life and if Willow didn’t have to tell the group about her big old crush on Xander, she shouldn’t have to explain her not so crushing, crush on Angel. “I’m on drugs.”
“Pardon me?” Giles asked sharply, looking at her like he had swallowed something slimly and it was trying to climb it’s way back out.
“Come on you had to know it was drugs.” Buffy said struggling to keep her face serious and somber. “I was all mopey and broody and now I’m actually happy so it has to be drugs right? The Chosen One can’t just be happy or make her own choices without it being written in some dusty old book. So it must be drugs, because a good Slayer is a miserable Slayer; happy just doesn‘t fit into the whole martyr for a higher purpose deal. So now I’m just getting high…that’s it I’m a big old stoner druggie. I‘m a fan of Mary Jane, searching for a higher state of consciousness by taking a ride on puff the magic dragon. I wasn‘t late this morning because I might have accidentally just sleep in, it was really because I was up all night with the munchies. But now all these interventions having finally gotten through to me, I have seen the error of my ways. So I promise I’ll go back to skipping my patrols and I‘ll even run out and hook up with another vampire just to restore order to the universe once more.”
“Buffy I don’t find your flippant manner amusing.” Giles said somewhat stiffly but he was doing his best not to laugh. She was really quite clever when she wished to be, he thought more than a little proud of her sarcastic nature. She reminded of himself at her age; which is why he wanted to instill a strong since of discipline in her. He didn’t want her to turn to darkness in a need to escape the harshness of her life.
“And I don’t find these stupid talks amusing.” Buffy said getting to her feet, this time deadly serious. “You guys are suppose to be my friends but since this deal with Angel you’ve been demanding an explanation. I told you that I just didn’t want to be with him anymore and that should have been enough but no, you all want me to pour out my entire heart and soul. You don’t see me telling any of you that you have to pour out your private thoughts or give an explanation for your love lives, so why should I be expected to? I have talked about it with someone and maybe if you hadn‘t all ganged up on me, demanding an explanation, I would have felt comfortable talking it over with you.”
Buffy took a deep breath and looked at Giles. “You are more important to me that my real father ever was but you are also my Watcher. When you asked me if I had any prophetic dreams I told you the truth when I said I hadn’t. It’s obvious that was how you ended up being in these talks about my love life but once I told you what you needed to know, it should have ended there. Since it didn’t, I can only take that to mean you don’t trust me so now I don’t know if I can trust you to be there when I do need you.”
She let him see how much it hurt her to say that to him before turning around and walking out of the library.
“Why did you just let her leave like that?” Xander demanded the second the doors shut closed behind her.
“Because she’s right Xander. Just because she allows us to help her with her birthright that does not give us the right to dictate or question her private affairs. I do not believe that Buffy would ever intentionally place us in danger and once she said there was no cause for concern we should have accepted that.” Giles got to his feet and pulled off his glasses so that he could massage the bridge of his nose.
“But Giles, even you can admit her attitude lately isn’t very Buffy-like.” Willow said. As Buffy’s best friend the fact that she wouldn’t confide in her bothered her and if it wasn’t because there was some big bad on the horizon did it mean that she was rethinking their friendship. She knew first hand how crazy Buffy had been about Angel because they had spent hours talking about him and Xander so the fact that Buffy could just dump him left her a little unsure about who Buffy would dump next. So it had to be something evil…it just had to be, she told herself. “She risked her life to be with him during that whole Darla thing and now she just break up with him out of nowhere there has to be a reason behind it. Doesn‘t there?”
Hearing the unease in her voice, Giles gave her an understanding smile as he finally realized what this all had been about. They were all afraid of losing Buffy in their own way and now it appeared that their own insecurities and issues had inadvertently caused them to push her away. “I’m sure there is but I suspect that it has everything to do with the fact she is a young woman and nothing to do with her being the Slayer.”
“So what was that whole drug riff all about?” Xander asked still not getting it. To him it was very simple, once you got the object of your desires you didn’t just leave them unless there was evil in the mix.
“Perhaps the real reason she parted ways with Angel is embarrassing and she resents the fact that we have been trying to force her to reveal it.” Giles said with a weary sigh. As an unmarried man of his years, this sort of discussion was vastly uncomfortable but if his discomforted would ease things for all of them it would be worth it. “She is a young woman who found herself dating a much older man with centuries of life experience. Perhaps she was not ready for the kind of relationship Angel would expect or just didn’t feel like she could compete with the women of his past due to her own…er…lack of experience.”
Willow flushed a brilliant shade of red once she understood what Giles was trying to say. “You mean that she might have just broken up with him because she was a virgin and he has…well you know…gotten around.”
Finally getting it, Xander leapt to his feet. “I knew it! That bastards been pushing her to give it up and she’s not looking to be another notch on his bedpost! He is soo dusted the next time I see him.”
“Xander, Angel seems like the patient type but it could be that Buffy was just afraid that if they did it…she you know, wouldn’t be good enough.” Suddenly feeling guilty she shot Giles a desperate look. “And all this time we’ve been trying to make her admit that. We’re horrible friends.”
Seeing her point and knowing exactly how embarrassing it would be to admit something like that, Xander couldn’t help seconding her opinion. “Man, we are lousy friends. That kind of thing should only be between a girl and her diary, so it‘s not a big surprise she made with the crazy talk.”
“But we can fix it right?” Willow asked quickly. “I mean we just go to her and tell her we understand or tell Angel and maybe he…”
“Actually I think we have interfered enough as it is.” Giles said interrupting her with a pointed look. “If she wishes to share such private information with him it should be her choice alone. I think the best thing we can do right now is give her a little space.”