People say that when you die your entire life flashes before your eyes, the beginning to the end as the world slips into darkness and your life fades away. But what Buffy was going through now was like evolution in reverse. Inside her chest, she could feel some presence, some foreign entity trying to claw its way free and it was as if her body wasn’t large enough to contain it. She could feel her bones snapping like a crumbling foundation and her skin stretching, tearing to encompass whatever was struggling deep within her.
There was no comforting picture show of her life to distract her from the pain or her fear of dying once more, instead she could feel her humanity slipping away a little more with each passing second. All those human moments, picnics in the sun, going to school, sitting on her mother’s knee as she was being rocked to sleep were being replaced by other memories. Memories of things she had never done and were frightening in their vivid intensity.
Through them, she knew the thrill of snapping her jaws over her struggling prey’s throat and filling her mouth with the warm tangy taste of fresh blood filled with fear. She knew how raw meat tasted as it slithered across her tongue and how good it felt to dig her claws into the still quivering being she had just slaughtered.
Pulling away from Spike less than a block away from the warehouse they had just left, she fell to her knees, as her stomach twisted and clenched while it desperately tried to expel a fresh feed that hadn’t occurred. It didn’t matter that it was just an image inside her mind, her body now knew the weight of a fresh kill as it settled inside her stomach and her revulsion was enough to convince her brain that it was really there. Vomiting she started down at the grimy cement as it became awash with crimson and she could taste the salt of her tears as they ran down her face and into her open mouth.
It was at that moment she understood that she was once again drowning but instead of the foul water in that dank cavern, it was her own blood filling her lungs and chasing out the air she so desperately craved.
She was afraid.
Not of dying again because she had always believed that death had never wandered far from her side since that night but of what she was becoming. As someone who faced the worst things in this world, she didn’t have many fears and those she did have were hardly common. She was afraid of being helpless, afraid of being the type of thing she once hunted and lastly as if she held some unconscious need to have some form of normalcy she was afraid of hospitals.
Well she was positive that she wouldn’t have to face the final one because whatever was happening to her now a hospital would have no idea of how to treat it but the other two were very real concerns right now. But even with pain, upon pain, upon pain, ripping though her as she labored to breathe she refused to simply surrender. She was chosen for a reason to fight the forces of darkness and this was just another battle, even if it was only occurring within her own body.
Looking up, she sought out Spike’s concerned and terrified eyes and let him see the fierceness and determination in her own. “Giles…I need you to get me to Giles. I can’t fight it if I don’t know…what it is. Hurts…but can’t let it take me….won’t let it take me.”
Spike had no earthly idea what was going on but with the power pouring out of her with a burning intensity and the air filled with dark and powerful magicks he wasn’t about to stand idly by as she fought this battle alone. He didn’t need to know what was doing this to her all he needed to know was how to make it stop. That’s where the Watcher came in; he thought as he scooped her into his arms and began to run towards what he hoped would be her salvation.
Trying to be strong for her, he desperately muttered assurances that all would be well but with her bones being broken against his chest by some unseen force and her sweet blood steaming from her nose, he knew that she couldn’t hear him. The faint but steady pulse of her heart told him she was fighting for her life, focusing all that she was on the thing that was doing its best to destroy her from the inside. As he felt something writhing under her skin, he shifted his focus willing his own strength into her though the bond they shared. Right now she needed that more than comforting platitudes falling on her deaf ears.
By the time he rushed through the doors of the library, sending them into the walls with a resounding bang, he was practically exhausted but as long as she had an ounce of life within her, he would push his own body to its very limits. It didn’t matter how quickly it had happened or all the obstacles that would stand in their way once this crisis was past, he couldn’t imagine his life without her. She was his mate, his everything and it didn’t matter if he had known her three days or three hundred years, that would never change. “Help her.” He barked out as he laid her on top of the long wooden table, unconcerned about the books clattering to the floor.
Giles wanting to know who this man was but it was obvious that such questions would have to wait. “What happened?”
“I don’t bloody know!” Spike said holding her trembling hand in his own. “Her eyes suddenly changed to gold and we were on our way here when she suddenly started screaming. She tossed up a bucket full of blood in the alley and all I know is that whatever it is, it’s happening inside her.”
“Willow call for an ambulance.” Giles said briskly after taking her pulse.
“They can’t bloody help her. I can feel the magicks surrounding her but I don’t know if it’s a spell or some sort of possession. But I do know she’s suffering, so make it better!” Spike growled out. His own eyes glinted amber but never once did he look away from her shuddering body. “It’ll be alright luv the Watcher and your mates will figure this out. Just hold on sweetheart, I know it hurts but you just gotta hold on.”
Giles could tell this strange man’s concern for her was as sincere as his own but if they wanted to help her that had to remain calm. “I can do a spell to see if this is being caused by magicks but I still need more to go on. I need to know when this started, how long she’s been affected and since she isn’t in any condition to tell me those things, you have to.”
Spike thought a moment, knowing that his idea could only make things worse but one glance at her face told him that it couldn’t get much worse than it already was. “I can get inside her mind though our connection but I don’t have much strength left. I need Angel’s help.”
Giles wasn’t entirely sure what he was talking about but was relived that he had some sort of an idea. “Xander, go outside and wait for Angel. Willow, I’ll need your help preparing the spell and Mr….”
“Names Spike and I won’t let go of her.” He said looking towards the man for the first time. “Our claim is to new, I have to be touchin’ her to give her my strength and right now she needs that more than whatever you were wanting me to do.”
Blanching Giles suddenly understood what was going on and while his first instinct was to rip the vampire away from his precious girl, he had no other choice but to trust him and his intentions for now. “Very well.” He said with a slight nod. “But if you hurt her or I find out you did this, there will be no place for you to hide or no pain you won’t experience.”
Spike nodded before turning his attention back to his girl. Using his other hand, his brushed her hair back off her face and gave her a soft smile. “Did you hear that luv, your Watcher and I understand each other. Whatever did this to you pet, it’s gonna pay.”
While Willow and he gathered, the ingredients needed for the spell out of his personal supplies Giles found himself spending every spare second watching or listening to Spike interacting with his Slayer. He knew full well that he had placed his faith in the same demon that had slain two other Slayers but from the pallor of his skin, it was clear he was putting all his effort and strength into saving this Slayer. If he didn’t know, better he would say that he actually felt something like love towards her but since it was highly unlikely that he possessed a soul like Angel it had to be something else.
Therefore, they were unlikely allies but once his Slayer awoke, he would get to the bottom of things, Giles promised himself.
When Angel and Xander ran back into the library literally seconds after the spell had been cast, Giles quickly moved to place himself between the two vampires. He had heard the growl leave Angel’s throat the moment he had seen who was sitting beside Buffy but since the spell had shown she wasn’t under a hex or curse, they needed Spike. “Listen to me, Buffy needs help and while I don’t like this any better than you do we can deal with the rest later. Right now she has to be our first priority and his claim on her is probably the only reason she is still holding on.”
Angel was about to protest but when Giles shifted so he could get a good look at Buffy’s current condition; he swallowed his protest and buried his anger. “What do you need Spike?”
“I need sire’s blood but since Dru is gone, you’ll do.” Spike said doing his best to maintain his arrogant façade but to concerned about his girl to give a damn about a victory he had once planned on savoring. “We’ve claimed each other so I can get inside her mind and figure out what’s doing this but I’ve given her too much of my own strength to do it without your help. She won’t last much longer…she’s barely hanging on as it is and I can feel her slipping away.”
Angel walked over to his grandchilde and offered him his wrist with his face carefully blank but with his eyes promising all the torments of hell. “This is just the beginning William.”
Spike knew that he meant they’d have a grand fight to the death once they saved her but until she was safe, he didn’t give a rat’s ass about Angel’s threat. Shifting, he used his free hand to bring Angel’s wrist to his mouth and sunk his fangs deep into his skin.
Thinking that the two vampires were no danger to one another at this moment, Giles walked over to the others, certain that they had questions. He didn’t have any answers of course but since they all looked to him for guidance at times like these, he wanted to atleast be there for them. To his surprise, they quietly watched the scene play out before them and he could only assume that their uncharacteristic silence was due to their worry.
Unlike them, he had seen Buffy after some of her patrols had resulted in her being badly hurt. She would come by his place for bandaging or even stitches before making her way home. This was by far the worst condition he had ever seen her in but since the others had never been allowed to see her at her worst in the past, it must be frightening to see her like this now. “This could take some time and that is not on our side right now so perhaps we should research.”
“Sure Giles anything you need.” Xander said quickly, forcing his eyes away from the broken body on the table.
“Where do we start?” Willow asked relieved that they could actually do something that might help. She felt completely powerless just standing here while Buffy battled for her life.
Giles had no idea but the one he’d had to keep them busy, so he took a few seconds to think about it. “I suggest we start with the demon catalogs that we searched when Xander was possessed.”
“Is that what’s wrong with her?” Xander asked softly. “Did she get in touch with her animal side?”
Lifting his head from Angel’s wrist, Spike looked at Giles. “He might be on to something. Buffy told me her senses were different after her death…stronger more powerful. My senses reflected that and I told her maybe she got another dose of Slayerness. So you might start checking there while I try to reach her.”
Stunned that once again, the vampire had given them a ray of hope, Giles found himself nodding. He was disturbed that Buffy had felt the need to consult with Spike about the changes within her but at this moment he could only be glad she had confided in someone. “You two look over all the texts we have about the Slayer, while I consult the codex again to see if not only her death was prophesied but also her return.”
While the scurried off to do that, Spike turned away from Angel and back to Buffy. If he had hesitated only a second longer he would have seen the flicker of jealous that had shot through Angel’s brown eyes.
“Alright luv, I know you’re still in there but I need you to let me in.” Spike said softly, brushing his fingers over his mark. He wanted to let her know that it was him trying to reach her and not whatever she was fighting. Closing his eyes, he reached inside himself to seek out the bond between them and willed her to talk to him.
‘Luv, we need to know what happening.’ Spike thought and for a few moments, there was no response. Then he heard her sweet voice floating inside his mind and felt a smile break across his lips for the first time since she’d screamed.
‘Spike…is that you?’ She said softly, her voice as weary as her body.
‘Told you I’d be there for you luv, so talk to me.’
She quickly told him what she had felt back in the warehouse and what she had felt since. ‘It hurts Spike, everything hurts…I don’t know how much longer I can do this.’
‘I know it does baby but I need you to hold on a little longer. I’ll make it all better, just trust me.’ He pleaded with her, not liking the defeated sound of her voice.
‘I feel you Spike, feel your strength but I need something else from you.’
'Anything luv, just keep fighting.'
‘I promise I’ll fight for as long as I can but if I…if I don’t make it I need you to destroy whatever took over my body.’ She told him firmly.
‘Don’t ask me to kill you luv, you know I won’t.’
'It won’t be me anymore it’ll be the thing that killed me looking back at you from my eyes.’ She said remembering Giles words to the others when they learned Jessie had been turned. ‘I’ve been ready to die, accepting that it was going to be my fate but I can’t let my body become something evil. If I do then that means all of this pain and everything I went through as the Slayer was pointless. I want my life to mean something…I don’t want to be nothing but another faceless girl in a Watcher’s diary.’
‘So keep fighting it luv, you’ve never backed down from anything before so don’t start now. Those were your words sweetheart and I knew you meant them, so quit giving up and fight damnit!’ Spike said, wanting to make her angry. He could live with her being mad at him, just as long as she lived.
‘I know what you’re trying to do and I appreciate it but I already have a reason to fight…you. That’s what I wanted something worth fighting for, something in my life that made living more than a duty. You gave me that Spike…you are my passion.’ She poured everything she felt for him through their connection. While they had been trying to figure everything out she had held back, wanting to have some control over her emotions and now she let him experience everything that he had kindled inside her. ‘We may have never talked about it but we both knew this day would come sooner or later. I wanted more time with you Spike, I couldn’t wait to spend another second with you but it was always borrowed time. Stolen moments in the grand scheme of fate but I don’t regret giving myself to you…loving you. If I die today, I know I was loved but also that I will be remembered. So please my love, my mate, don’t let this thing ruin your memories of me. It might take my life but you can stop it from taking the only thing that will remain once I’m gone. Please Spike; please promise me you won’t let that happen. If I have to die today, let me go in peace.’
More than anything, he wanted to say that she wouldn’t die but connected to her like this he could see she didn’t have much time left. Already he could feel her heart rate, too slow to begin with getting even slower and he knew she could tell her time was running out as well. Once again, he had failed to save someone he loved but he had one thing left to give. ‘There will never be another; you are my love Buffy…always. I promise I won’t let this thing win but I need you to fight as long as you can. I know it hurts but being strong means fighting and I’ve never met a stronger person that you. So give us as much time as you can but no matter what happens, I’ll take care of you. I love you Buffy.’
He wanted to stay with her, to face the end at her side even if it meant sharing her fate but as long as she was fighting, he would as well. Breaking the connection, he opened his eyes unaware of the tears drying on his cheeks. He told them everything she had said, leaving nothing out just incase they could see something he had overlooked before letting his eyes go cold and empty. “If she doesn’t make it, she wants it to end here. I promised her I’d see to it and if any of you try to stop me, I’ll kill you.”