Buffy stood before them like the personification of death itself. Her hair and eyes were as black as the night itself and all around her lay the bodies of the dead. “You will be needed, do not fail her.”
“What---”
“They’re human.” Spike explained since it was obvious Angel was looking but not truly seeing what was before them.
“They served the beast.” She corrected in a voice devoid of any remorse. “You are creatures of darkness and light like myself because of our bonds to her as they were mindless harbingers of evil due to their bond with the beast called Glory. It was my duty to destroy them but she was damaged---”
“Damaged how?” Angel demanded angrily.
“Their deaths pain her and she brought even more pain upon herself by trying to cast me out.” The Slayer said turning her back to the vampires so they could see the red ruin that was her back but doing so in such a way that she could still see their every movement. “I am the power that animates her life but we were two defined presences within this skin. I exist to destroy even at the cost of myself and it is her nature to protect at the cost of her own life. She accepts that as she accepts you but she could not accept this and sought to cast me out. But her power is my power and I stopped her before she destroyed us both. I did it so that we could perform our duty but I can feel her pain and it far surpasses the damage done to our corporal form.”
“Why are you still here? You’ve done what the spell called you to do.” Spike asked unaware that he’d shifted to game face. He could barely feel Buffy at all beneath the presence of the Slayer, just a faint pulse of the woman he loved let him know she was alive still and that brought his own demon to the fore.
“I could not fight the witches spell anymore than she but on that our pain is shared. When man was young the first Slayer was chained to the earth and stripped of her will so that the essence of The First could be forged into a weapon for the shadow men to wield. As time passed that power was bound by the humanity that bore it through each passing life and death but never before was it permitted to take form. I was that power but this one, this girl gave me life through her death and when she drew breath once more I willingly bound myself to her. She accepted this without conscious thought because like me she yearned to be free and upon her acceptance of me I vowed to protect her with all the power of my life back to the beginning.”
She moved forward and stood before the vampires knowing from her connection to them through the vessel that they to had made such a vow. “And until three nights ago I had kept that vow. Never before had I rose to the surface without her silent call and as was my instinct I pushed you away but had it not been for her strength I would have taken your life. Never before had we been divided in such a way for we were one body and mind. Since we have been separated into two halves of a whole and had we not been her humanity would have tempered my instinct.”
“And you wouldn’t have killed these people because of the pain it would bring her.” Spike said since he knew that concession intimately.
“Yes I would have spared their lives to spare her this pain just as she was willing to destroy us both to save them. She believed you and the others would stop the beast if we failed and would not live if it came at the cost of all these lives. But as I said her power is my power and without my, her, our humanity I forced her to endure.”
She paused long enough to shake her head as though trying to clear it. “Even now we are merging once more but in her weakened condition it is possible for me to hold enough of myself back so that we can speak for it is important for you to understand what has been done to her. For three days and nights she has been ruled by the darkness and never again will she be the same. Something must be surrendered for everything taken, even if she was forced to accept it against her will. I will help her as I can for our connection will be stronger than before because we both have drank deeply from the quick spring of my creation these days past. Now you must drink deeply of her or your connections to her will be severed and death will claim her.”
“What in the bloody hell does that mean?” Spike demanded since it was obviously important but its meaning wasn’t nearly as obvious.
“You know how she can be killed so you know the answer and if you wish to save her the past must be laid to rest or the future that is yours to claim will be lost.
Before she could say anymore she collapsed, scooping her into his arms before she could hit the ground Spike turned to Angel. “We shouldn’t have waited.”
“We did what we had to do to keep the others safe.”
“I don’t give a rot about them!” Spike yelled at him. “She’s my bloody mate, your sire and we should have thought of her first!”
“We did as bad as this is gonna be for her it would be a thousand times worse if she’d killed her friends.” Angel said calmly forcing down his own anger, also for Buffy’s sake. “She’d never forgive herself if she’d taken their lives or ours and by staying in we spared her the pain both of us will carry the rest of our lives. But right now she needs you to be strong for her Spike and that means burying your hate and rage because it’s the last thing she needs right now.”
Sighing Spike pulled her a little closer against his chest before heading back to her house but even though the words were said in a whisper Angel heard him with perfect clarity. “She needs us to be strong for her.”
“See I was right to do the spell, Buffy stopped the ritual--- I did it!” Willow said the second Spike walked through the door with Buffy protectively cradled in his arms.
That was the wrong thing to say.
“You did it alright Red,” Spike said with a sneer. “Remember all those people Buffy wanted to save, well thanks to your little spell they’re all dead!”
“Dead but all I did---”
“Was call the power of the Slayer forth without any humanity to temper it!” Giles said viciously as the full weight of Spike’s words washed over him like a cold rain. “You rank, arrogant amateur even after all we’ve said you still have no idea what you’ve done! You murdered those people by messing with powers you had no comprehension of!”
When she started to sob Giles strode over to her and slapped her across the face. “Don’t you dare cry! You got exactly what you wanted and it will be Buffy that pays the price for your pride! Had you simply listened to her, to all of us those people would still be alive but because you wanted to prove you had the power you killed them all using an innocent girl as your weapon! And every moment of pain and guilt that she feels will be because of you so don’t you dare cry, you haven’t the right!”
“We‘re leaving,” Spike said looking over to where their team, their family was because if he even glanced at Willow he was certain he‘d fucking murder her. “Go upstairs and pack up our things but I’m getting her out of here now. Whatever that bitch did changed her forever and until we find out what in the hell that bloody well means I want her away from the hell mouth.”
“Changed her…what do you mean?” Giles asked also turning away from Willow because he didn’t trust himself.
“Don’t know, her inner Slayer stuck around to tell us what she could but Peaches can give you the details. Since there’s no telling when she’ll come to I want to get her as far away from here as possible before that happens.”
“I’m coming with you.” Angel said firmly.
“Course you are Peaches but tell the Watcher the story first so he can start looking here while Wes looks back home.” Spike said with a slight smile since he’d felt Peaches gearing up to fight him on it. “Remember if you lose your connection to her, I lose her and for that I can put up with you.”
“I…I can go by the mansion and pack you a bag Angel.” Cordelia offered tentatively without any ulterior motive because for the past three days she’d really looked at Angel, saw beyond his handsome face to what he truly was. And while she didn’t think she could handle his demony-blood-sucking-creature-of-the-night status she really, really wanted to know if she could handle Doyle’s green spiky side. “Doyle invited me to come stay with him once this was over with so I could bring it with me when I drove down.”
“You do that but If you so much as look at Buffy wrong I’ll throw you out on your ass.” Spike warned her but for Doyle’s sake he was willing to see if there was more to the bint than he thought. But like he’d told Angel his mate was his first priority so if she even looked like she was thinking something unpleasant about Buffy she’d be out on the street before she could even blink.
“Will you call to let us know she‘s okay?” Faith asked quietly with unshed tears turning her eyes a soft chocolate brown.
“She’ll never be okay, the bloody witch saw to that.” Spike said losing control of his anger but he was able to stop himself from shifting at the last possible second. “When she’s ready you lot can come visit but if I see her near Buffy again I will kill her.”
With that he turned and headed for the door.
“She’s never gonna come back here again is she?” Xander asked filling the strained silence that followed the door closing behind their friend.
“No, I don’t think she will but no matter how hard this is going to be for her we won’t lose her again.” Giles assured them before finally turning back to Willow. “As for you, you’ve done enough and may the Powers have mercy on you if you try to go near her because I have no doubt that Spike won’t.”
“I didn’t want this…” Willow said, his earlier words being the only reason she was able to hold back her sobs. “I promise I’ll change because I never wanted this…I really thought I was doing the right thing.”
Softening slightly since he himself had once done the unforgivable he gave her a sad smile. “Perhaps you did but no matter how good your reasons or intentions might have been like Buffy you will have to live with this the rest of your life. Because this isn‘t the end, it‘s only the beginning of what‘s to come.”