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Grabbing her arm none to gently, Spike led her into the alley beside the hotel. “I know we’re dancing to a particular tune here pet, but I really need to hear the story behind that comment.”
“I’m immortal just like you, except for the vampire thing but I can be killed pretty much the same way. ” Buffy said with an deceptively innocent smile. “Now that you know, let’s go eat.”
Caging her against the wall with his body, he gave her a knowing smirk. “Not until you explain luv, because something tells me I’m the first to hear this little tidbit.”
“When I was sixteen the Codex prophesized that I’d die at the hands of the Master. I did but by coming back I got an unexpected bonus gift for defying fate or whatever. I was freed from my role as a Slayer and given immortality as a reward for saving the world. Being the Powers they took their sweet time filling me in on that little detail and decided it was exactly the motivation I’d need to take out Angelus.” Buffy gave him a half-hearted smile. It didn’t matter if she and Angel weren’t together or that she had moved on, that time in her life was never going to be something she could talk about without feeling some pain. “They understood I wasn’t happy about not knowing about the curse and they were afraid I’d tuck tail and run, leaving someone else to deal with Angelus. So they sent down this annoying balance demon named Whistler, to tell me what I just told you, making it clear that once I handled Angelus they’d let me retire. I had been immortal since my death, so I could have just skipped out but they told me what needed to be done and promised to see that another Slayer came to take over the hellmouth.”
“So let me get this straight luv, not only are you an immortal but you’re not the Slayer anymore, even though you got to keep your abilities?” Spike asked needing to be perfectly clear about this. Knowing that she’d age and die had worried him enough to consider asking her to let him turn her, provided he could arrange for a happiness clause free curse. He didn’t want a demonic version of her, he wanted her forever which wasn’t the same thing. Now it seemed that all the hasty plans he had made on his way to see her tonight hadn’t been necessary and the fact that she wasn’t the active Slayer was just a bonus.
He knew she’d never give it up entirely, it was a part of her but he didn’t fancy the thought of her forced to live a life where the needs of others would have to come before her own wants and desires. He had no doubt she’d show up if things got bad but atleast now it seemed like she had a choice, which was more than she’d ever had before.
“Yep, which is why I didn’t feel the slightest bit guilty taking off.” Buffy admitted with a smile. “Faith nearly went evil because she was forced to share the one thing she thought made her special. I only stuck around to help Angel fight for his atonement and since he was willing to just leave while Faith gathered the strength to fight, I just disappeared after we beat the Mayor and let her take that was rightfully hers.”
He liked the fact she hadn’t told the others she was leaving, cause he had no doubt they’d never let her go, but he had always liked Buffy’s mum and the thought of her being worried didn’t sit well with him. “What about you’re mum? She’s a decent lady and she must be worried about you luv.”
Touched by the sincerity in his eyes, she gave him a warm smile. “Mom is the only person who knows, she was at the house that night and she understood why I needed to do this. She even turned over my collage fund to finance my great escape. I talk to her once a week and she’s mothering Faith, who in turn is watching over her and they’re both happy with the arrangement. So much Faith is now my legally adopted sister, which is kinda fitting cause of the whole Slayer thing.”
“Are you alright with that luv, having her take over your life and mum like that?” Spike asked gently, trying to discover her long range plans.
“Believe me Spike, she’s welcome to my life and all it entails. Being the Slayer’s rough and if anyone deserves a chance at a little happiness it’s Faith.” Buffy admitted trying to convey with her eyes that she was being completely honest. “I grew up being loved and no matter where I am, my mom will always love and support me but Faith never had that. She didn’t talk about her life much but I know the reason she joined the Mayor was because she felt like it was her only way to compete with me. For her being chosen was like a sign she mattered, that she was better than she had always thought and then she meets me and finds out that I not only have everything she doesn’t but that I was also a Slayer. So if she couldn’t beat me at being good, she’d decided to be better at being bad.”
“You mean she’s noticed you were a better Slayer.” Spike said giving her a pointed look. He could relate to Faith, hell he’d lived in Angelus’s shadow long enough to know what it could do to a person and he didn’t blame her for doing what she thought she had to. But he didn’t know everything about the deal with the Mayor and he was guessing Faith had done some damage during her stint as a rogue Slayer. “What happened between you two luv?”
“She shot Angel with an poisoned arrow that only Slayer’s blood could cure, hoping to lead to a showdown between us.” Ashamed, Buffy found herself unable to meet his eyes as she talked about her own almost fall from grace. “I went to her place, fully prepared to drag her back to feed to Angel but the whole time we were fighting, I felt like she wanted me to take her out. Don’t get me wrong, she was fighting me with all that she had, but her eyes couldn’t lie and every time I looked in them, I knew she was asking me to save her...to put her out of her misery. Because of the way my dad suddenly forgot he had a kid and the way I had reacted when Kendra came to town, I knew what it felt like to not feel good enough and I saw myself in her that night. Without my mom’s steadfast love and devotion I could have easily become her, so instead of killing her, I told her that I believed in her and that she could still be the Slayer, a Champion, if she wanted it badly enough. Then I knocked her out and cured Angel myself...but in the end Faith came through. She battled her own demons and won and stood beside us as we took down the Mayor.”
Spike eased down the strap of her dress to see for himself the mark and the second his fingers brushed over it, he found himself cursing Angel to perdition. “Buffy, did he tell you he was leaving before or after he drank from you?”
“Before and after, just in case I was hoping things had changed.” She said unable to sound anything but bitter. “It wasn’t like I’d nearly become a murder for him and risked my life to prove how much he mattered to me, I can’t imagine why he’d think I still loved him.”
Hearing the shame in her voice, he tilted up her face and forced her to meet his eyes. “Listen to me pet and listen to me good. I've been alive a bit longer than you, and dead a lot longer than that. I've seen things you couldn't imagine, and done things I prefer you didn't. I don't exactly have a reputation for being a thinker. I follow my blood, which doesn't exactly rush in the direction of my brain. So I make a lot of mistakes, a lot of wrong bloody calls. In a hundred plus years there's only one thing I've ever been sure of: you. I'm not asking you for anything. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman.”
He stroked his thumb across her cheek and gave her a soft smile. “You loved him pet, surrendered yourself to it entirely and when he was threatened you were willing to do what it took to save him. There’s no shame in that. Its his fault for not treating you as you deserve to be treated. He marked you pet, claimed you as his but he was never willing to give you himself.”
Claims, she’d heard of them of course, because she was a Slayer dating a vampire but she couldn’t believe Angel would had given her some spiel about wanting her to move on, only to save a piece of her for himself. “Could it have happened unintentionally?” She asked softly, hoping against hope that it was just some horrible mistake.
More than anything he wanted to lie to her, just to erase the raw look of betrayal in her eyes but the way he saw it, she’d already been lied to enough. The Powers used lies of omission, Angel used lies designed to manipulate and her father lied to make her doubt her worth, to cover his own failings. He wouldn’t became like them. “Sorry pet, it takes blood magicks to lay a claim and once he said the word…”
“Mine.” Buffy finished for him, recalling the way that single word had followed her into the darkness that stole away her vision, giving her hope that when she opened her eyes again it would be the truth. “He nearly drained me but I remember him saying that…just after he pulled away. What kind claim did he make, what connection did he force on me with yet another promise he had no intention of keeping?”
Promising to thrash Angel for every ounce of pain he had brought this amazing woman, Spike couldn’t keep the anger out of his eyes. “He marked you as his childe but not his mate. Other vampires would sense his presence in your blood, giving you his protection and he’d sense your death.”
Spike expected a lot of things, tears and the fact she might possibly kill the messenger but he never expected the dazzlingly and more than a little chilling smile, that crossed her lips.
“I’ll tell you what William, why don’t I take you to dinner tonight?”
Spike was looking at her like she’d lost her mind and she didn’t blame him in the slightest. She had just asked him to kill her, so naturally that caused people to doubt your sanity. Tonight he wasn’t her new friend William, he was Spike slayer of Slayers…or atleast she was trying to convince him to be. The dry facts didn’t seem to be working so she had no choice but to lay her heart and soul bare and hope he could see it from her point of view. “Spike I can sit here and tell you that I’ll come back without needing to be sired but I’m asking a lot of you so I should atleast tell you why. I feel like a victim and I’m tired of being his victim. You know this isn’t the first time he bound me to him in secret.”
She let out a bitter laugh and shook her head. “The first time was when he gave me the ring, sign of devotion my ass, it was a wedding he wanted and he even deflowered his virgin bride. I didn’t learn the truth until I was in Ireland and I explained it away thinking that he would have told me if it hadn’t happen the same night he lost his soul. But I can't keep making excuses so I pretend what we had was special. It's clear that what he did had nothing to do with love and everything to do control.”
“You don’t know that pet.” Spike said despite the fact he agreed with her.
“We both know that if it was about love, he would have taken me as his mate.” Buffy gave a pointed look all but daring him to deny it again. When he didn’t she carried on. “He dumped me and if it was what he wanted, for whatever reason it was his choice. Just like it was my choice to leave instead of being left, but he didn’t give me a choice in this. If he had only asked me, even knowing he would leave I would have said yes but he took it from me without permission. He metaphysically violated me and after dealing with Angelus I know that having a soul isn’t enough, if the man it was given to is weak. He’s weak and instead of fighting when it gets to hard he just gives in and I can’t do that. I have to fight, have to stay strong or else everything I have started to build in my life will come crashing down.”
“What…what if you don’t come back luv?” Spike asked softly, moved by her impassioned plea. He crossed the room and sat beside her on the long divan, pulling her hand into his own. “I feel something for you Buffy and I’m afraid I’ll lose you before I ever find out what we might have between us.”
Buffy gripped his hand tightly and tried to keep the tremble out of her voice as she talked about her second death. “I’ve seen proof of my immortality, I was mugged in Italy and the guy had a gun. He shot me in the chest, took my purse and the tiny diamond studs my grandmother left me and as my heart slowed, I was terrified. I couldn’t help wondering if the Powers were wrong and that I was still just a mortal but before the night had passed, I died and woke back up. I was covered in dried blood but the wound was completely healed and the spent bullet was laying on the ground beside me.”
“What happened to him luv.” Spike asked, unaware that his eyes were a bright gold instead of their human blue. The thought of her dying alone in some alley, killed by the very people she once gave her life to save, had his demon surging inside him with the need to hunt the man down and destroy him.
Buffy looked into his eyes, trying to think over all she had come to know about Spike and his human side William. As Spike he had kept his word about their truce to stop Angelus and she had seen how devoted he had been to Dru on several occasions. Now during the one night they had spent together as friends instead of allies or enemies he had shown her a side of himself, she didn’t think very few beings got to see. He was still charming, still witty but softer, not weak just like the demon’s rough edges were smoothed down. With Angel and Angelus they were like night and day, evil and good but William and Spike were more like partners. The man and demon merge together to fill the missing pieces in the other and it made him an incredible person…a stronger person.
When it came down to it, she felt like she knew him, all of him and in turn she felt safe letting him see all of her. Trusting her instinct, she told him about meeting the gypsies and how they had taught her how to harness the magicks inside her. “So I did a spell on the bullet, one that caused all his bad acts to haunt his dreams and wouldn’t stop until he confessed to his crimes. Just before I left, I saw he had turned himself in and justice was done.”
“Bloody hell pet, you’re full of surprises tonight.” Spike said with a light laugh, more than a little amused how she had appeased her morality with her need for justice. It was also a little sadistic, that she had more or less done the same thing to her killer that had been done to Angel. Letting the guilt make him suffer more than any kind of physical torture ever would since there was no way to escape what is inside you. The girl had a perverse streak in her and he loved it. “Blighter got what he deserved luv, I’m right proud of you on that bit of magick.”
Grinning, she arched her eyebrow knowing exactly why he liked her actions. It wasn‘t exactly the kindest thing she‘d ever done but he had killed her and two other helpless people, so he was particularly low on her deserving of mercy scale. But Spike had inadvertently, given her the key to convincing him to do this. “Then you're going to love this part. My magicks are why the others can’t find me. I’ve used a spell that diffuses my presence and anchors it all to my immortality instead of my Slayerness. So since they don’t know I’m immortal, they’re trying to find a Slayer, just like the way the Council found me after I was called. They haven’t show up in Europe looking for me yet so that can only mean their spells keeps honing in on Faith. But sooner or later Angel’s going to fess up about marking me and it’s not something my spell can scatter. It isn’t a part of me I’ve embraced, it was something done to me and the only way to break the blood magicks is to be drained dry, because apparently the claim didn‘t break with my other death. If it had my mom would have been frantic during my next call to her. They may be trying to hide the fact they're looking for me from her but if they were sure I was dead, they'd tell her.”
For a moment he believed that she had been planning this all along, played nice so that he’d help her hide but the look in her eyes when he told her about the claim wasn’t something anyone could fake. It was to stark, to pained to be false and even though he didn’t cast a reflection he knew that look of betrayal had haunted his eyes throughout his unnaturally long life.
But while her plan would work, there was one thing she hadn’t considered and if he didn’t tell her, she would feel betrayed once again. “Retired or not Buffy, your blood is still Slayer blood and if I drink you down, I’ll get stronger just like I did after killing the other two. You’re blood is special, it doesn’t just feed our kind it alters us. We don’t just take power we take you inside us, which is why I recon the Master drowned you instead of finishing you off with his fangs. Vamps like Angelus and the Master think human emotions weaken them and when you drain a Slayer you get power but also a whole bunch of humanity to go along with it. I was always a bit more human than normal vampires and that made my demon less powerful but once I bagged my first Slayer the human part of me may have increased but so did my demon, because by then it was used to my humanity. Dru got a good dose of it from drinking from me all those years, which is why the Judge said we stank of humanity while Angelus couldn‘t be burned. So if I help you pet, I‘ll recon I‘ll be as powerful as Angelus because I wasn‘t that far behind before this.”
“I always figured it would make you stronger if we did this Spike but I believe in you.” Buffy admitted honestly, his words only confirming everything she thought about him. “I know you haven’t fed on the living since we met up here, not because I’ve been following you around or anything, but because I know you don’t break your promises. You may have never given me the words but I read them in your eyes that night and you gave me your word and that‘s enough for me. But I‘m glad to know that doing this will help you as well because even though Angelus can‘t come back, I doubt you and Angel will ever be friends. He‘ll never see you as anything but his grand-childe and if this will give you the power to be your own man, then you deserve that.”
Spike loved the way that sounded and he couldn’t resist placing a soft kiss on the hand wrapped around his own. He knew she wouldn’t be considering this is her feelings for him hadn’t changed but he was touched that she was already treating him like a equal. By doing this it would help her but she also wanted to help him, which was more than Dru had ever done. He’d been crippled after doing the ritual needed to restore her strength and even before Angelus showed back up, she’d turned his care over to the minions while she sought out her own pleasures elsewhere. More than anything it was becoming crystal clear that the woman at his side was the one he wanted to remain there. “If this is what you want Buffy, I’ll help you.”