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Author's Chapter Notes:
I'm so exited with this new fic...
Thanks to Meli and Kar for their time and effort in beta reading this for me...love ya!
Part One
Welcome back to destiny…

"Bugger that hurt!"

Spike grabbed his nose as he realized his head had encountered solid wood instead of being able to walk straight through it. He jerked back slightly in surprise as Spike felt what it meant to have dense molecules collide with other impenetrable molecules of another kind. For a moment, he just stared at the door that lead to Angel's office, stunned at being suddenly corporeal again and shuddering as a fusion of tingling pain traveled down his spine.

"Hold on…" Spike looked up to see the door swing open revealing a dumbfounded Angel peering over him. Quickly getting up, he moved his hands over his now solid body, --- bloody hell --- it felt so real. "I can feel."

Spike moved a step closer to Angel, the look in his eyes triumphant and menacing. With both hands, he poked and prodded the other vampire.

"Hey, stop touching me," Angel tried to push away from Spike's now solid hands.

"Mmmm…" Licking his upper lip Spike tasted the bitter liquidity of the viscous blood that had trickled down his nose from where he'd hit it on the door. It tasted like him, undead but a factual dense mass undead. With envious eyes, Spike noticed the cup of blood in Angel's hand and made a grab for the cup almost tipping its contents over Angel.

"Hey!"

"Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Oh God. Its bloody ambrosia," Spike gulped the blood down and took immense pleasure as its warm contents slid down his throat.

He couldn't think of a time when drinking this poor substitute for human blood had such an effect on him. It was almost as pleasurable as when he'd tasted Buffy's blood under the influence of the First. Almost in a whisper he said her name, "Buffy…" Spike had longed for this moment when he'd be whole again. Even though he had never told anyone in the office, not even Fred, there had been only one thing that kept him holding on. One thing held Spike fast to reality and back from spiraling into insanity.

Her.

Buffy.

Even in the darkness from when he'd disappeared and hovered over hell, the only thing that made him keep his sanity was thinking of her. Every time he had tried to escape from L.A. in those first few weeks, it had been in vain trying to find a way back to Buffy. Everything that Spike was could be found within Buffy.

"Spike, don't go there," Angel had heard Spike's muttering of his old flames name. "Don't even think about it."

"Think about what?" Gunn asked as he looked over the now tangible vampire. "He's corporeal. When did this… I mean, how?"

"I don't know. He just…" Angel stepped closer to Spike. "I don't care how, but Spike, don't even think about going after her…"

"I got it. It must've been that box of flash I got in the mail," Spike interrupted Angel before he could finish. It was none of the ponces business what he did or where he went and diverting the conversation away from cupreous plans.

"You got mail," Angel was now intrigued who would be sending mail to Spike. "From who?"

"Don't know, don't care. But if you see him, give him a bloody kiss on the mouth for me." Spike walked past Harmony as she came to whine at her boss about the phones and her computer that was "now freaking out".  Angel pushed Harmony out of the way, as he tried to catch up with the other vamp that was only a blur as he headed for the stairs. "See you Angel. Gonna' find me a girl."

Spike pushed the door open to the stairwell and closed the door behind him, clasping the knob he twisted it until he heard it crack under the pressure. Satisfied that it would hold back Angel for a moment he flew down the stairs. A few seconds later, Spike was standing at the main entrance to the sewers. Spike could hear his grandsire pursuing him, turning around he shouted out one last thing before disappearing into the stench of darkness.

"Angel, I need to do this. Need to know if I've really got a chance with my girl." Spike turned as he could sense his grandsire further away than before. He could only assume that his plea to Angel had stopped him where he stood.

"Spike stop," was all Angel could say in a whisper.

Spike heard Angel's words but he didn't stop and he couldn't stop until he saw her again. He just had to know the truth. Could Buffy have been telling the truth in those last few moments in the cave as he transformed from vampire to Champion? The question had always haunted him when he was the one that had been haunting others and even Spike, himself. As much as Buffy may have said it to make him feel better about the sacrifice he made for her, something nagged him that maybe just maybe she might have meant some of it. Something deep down in his soul was crying out for Buffy and the truth, so much that it wept in it's own sorrowful consciousness.

To know the truth.

Did or could Buffy really meant it when she said those words to him?

"I love you."

                                           ~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~

Part Two
One amongst a new generation of Slayer…

"Dawn, you need to strike harder." Buffy watched as her younger sister hit Andrew dressed in a somewhat used huge padded dress-up sumo suit that protected him from the blows of the large pole that Dawn held in her hands. "Put more thrust into your swing."

"Buffy, I've been at it for hours and I'm tired," Dawn looked longingly at the clock on the wall in front of her. "I think that…."

"How do you expect to improve if you're not really trying," Buffy's tone became harsh and sharp towards her sister. "You have to train just as hard as everyone else, Dawn."

Dawn responded by throwing her stick onto the ground and walked slowly up to Buffy with an angry look spreading across her face. Dawn crossed her arms in defiance and stared directly into the disapproving gaze of her sister. Who lately would do nothing but just sit on the bench. As she sat, Buffy would dictated to whoever was training what they were doing wrong and yet she seemed to have given up training and patrolling for that matter as well. Dawn felt that she had a right to be angry with someone who didn't practice what they preached.

"Like you have been training lately 'oh chosen one' or should I say ex-only-chosen-one. You haven't picked up a weapon for weeks finding some pathetic excuse for not training or patrolling. Aren't we good enough for you anymore?" Dawn's voice rose with serious accusations of Buffy's almost utter refusal to do her job of hunting and killing the undead.  

Others around Buffy and Dawn where drawn instantly to the heated exchange between the sisters. Dawn's heated tone had caught their attention, as she'd seemed the only one who had the guts to say what the Slayers had been thinking for weeks. Buffy lifted up her face in bravado against her sister's anger and all the other eyes set on them. Crossing her arms, Buffy stood up and got ready for the inevitable showdown that she knew had been coming for weeks. Buffy just had not expended the whirlwind of anger to come from the one person she come to rely on and cared the most about in this world.

The group of slayers all knew that something had to be wrong with their leader, as they had never seen Buffy so lost within herself, or have no direction in her mission. Ever since the fight with the First Buffy hadn't been the same, it was as if something had been ripped out of her and left a void that just couldn't be filled. All of them had given her time to get over the loss of her friends in the battle of the First. To adjust to her new role of leader of the Slayers and time to generally move on with her life but Buffy hadn't seemed to have moved on at all. If anything, Buffy had seemed to have come a complete stall.

No one knew the reason why Buffy was acting the way she was, she'd purposely isolated herself from the others that formed a tight knit community.  All they saw was their leader failing in her duty to them and to the world. None recognized the silent anguish that she felt of being alone in a world full of ex-potentials where she is no longer the Chosen One, but one amongst many of a new generation of Slayers. Struggling within herself to carry the weight of being the one that leads those that have been called to the mission.

Dawn returned the posturing of her sister, she couldn't miss the disappointment that fill Buffy's eyes and small amount of liquid that filled her eyes. A look of sorrowful hurt crossed her face if only for a moment, but it hadn't been missed by Dawn as she knew her sister all too well. Dawn had seen her sister struggle even before the First came along, ever since she'd returned from the dead after Willows' spell. Buffy never seemed to be able to accept her return from the after life, things had changed too much even though she'd been gone a short time.  People around Buffy had always thought that things would go back to the way they were before she died, but they didn't.

Dawn also didn't need to guess that part of Buffy was deeply missing people that had been close to her and had died in those last few hours of the battle. In particular Spike, as much as anyone was just as important to her as he was, in those last few days Buffy had allowed herself to become closer to him than she'd ever done before. They may have been physically intimate for a few months but this time Buffy had let him into her heart, even though she professed not to love him she'd really come to care about him. Dawn knew she missed everyone, but Buffy pined for Spike, she could almost say that she longed for him to return.   

"No, Dawn, I don't think that you're not good enough for me." Buffy sighed as she tried to remain calm and in control. The desire to throw her arms into the air and yell 'I give up' was hard to deny. Turing around she looked at those that stared at her, "I don't think that about any of you."

"Then what's your problem?" Dawn relaxed her posture as she tried to regain her composure and not antagonize her sister anymore than she was becoming. "I don't understand, you don't practice and you don't hunt. All you do is sit on your ass and yell at anyone in your clear view."

"Dawn…" Buffy teeth gritted as she tried to stay cool as she felt her hormones begin to rage inside her. "I don't want to discuss it here."

"Why not?" Dawn pointed to everyone in the room as she was beginning to loose her temper at her sisters' refusal to discuss the situation. "What you do affects us all. Everyone in this room is affected by you. You're meant to be our great leader. So be one."

"Dawn, I said not here," Buffy struggled to control herself as frustration, anger and sorrow began to well up inside her threatening to pour out. "This is way too personal."

"Too bad." Dawn felt that Buffy owed them an explanation and she would be dammed if she and the others didn't get one. "Whatever's making you act like a spoiled kid is upsetting everyone and I think you owe us an explanation."

"You might want know, but I don't think that it's everyone's business!" Buffy voice was staring to crack under the strain of holding onto her reasons for being and feeling the way she did. She'd held back from her sister and the others, deep and personal secrets that were making her life a lonely hell. Secrets that explained why all this was happening to her and telling them might splinter apart the group of Slayers that was still new and fragile. Buffy did not want to have to explain that her personal life was about to explode onto her ability to continue with first being a Slayer and secondly leader.

"Dawn's right, Buffy," Kennedy walked to stand next to Dawn away from the other girl that she'd been practicing with. "We have a right to know why you've been such a bitch lately."

Buffy turned her head sideways to look at the girl that came to challenge her right to keep some things private. Kennedy had assumed the role of second in command when Faith wasn't around, not that she hadn't gained the right by trial and acceptance by the others or pushed her way to the top by being Willow's lover. Pressure was being on Buffy exerted to explain herself by the group. It penetrated through every pore and scratched at her resolve not to tell them. Buffy could feel the cracks begin to appear within her determination to keep quiet, it was becoming harder and harder with each second that passed. Buffy just wasn't ready to tell the troops the facts…not yet.

"You have no right to interfere in my personal life and how I choose to conduct myself," Buffy spat out at the group. "You, also if I remember all agreed to follow me when we fought against the First and you have no right to question me at all on anything!"

"Hang on a minute," Kennedy took a step closer to Buffy. "As I remember we voted you out as leader…"

"And look where that got you," Buffy pointed out.

"What does that have to do with this?" Kennedy started to defend herself and the others that where there when they disastrously choose Faith over Buffy as leader. "That was then this is now."

"Kennedy, I will not explain myself to you or anyone else," Buffy turned towards the door and started to walk out of the room.

"Buffy stop," Kennedy angrily yelled at Buffy and ran over to where she was walking out; grabbing her arm, she attempted to pull the woman back into the room. "We want an answer and we want it now."

All of Buffy's primal protective instincts kicked into action as she picked Kennedy up by the clothes that she wore. Hurling her across the room into the mirror that hung across the whole wall, it sheared into pieces and fell around the girl as she landed on the ground with a loud thud. A groan coming from Kennedy was all that could be heard above the sharp intakes of breathes of horror from the rest of the group as they took in what Buffy had just done to a fellow slayer.

"You want to know the truth fine," Buffy voice was sharp and steely. "I'm pregnant and I'm having my baby. I don't want to play Slayer anymore."


~~***~~***~~***~~





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