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Chapter 8 – Fighting the Wrong Fight


“You look lost in thought.”

Buffy’s spine straightened as a feeling of déjà vu seemed to rush through her at the sound of the familiar voice. Turning toward the entrance of the kitchen, she idly picked at the ice cream in front of her, not wanting to think of where this conversation could lead. The last time they’d had a late night discussion in the hotel kitchen, Buffy had ended up with a concussion from the blow that Angelus had given her. “Are you… you?” she asked, smiling at how absurd the question sounded.

Knowing what she was talking about, Angel smiled as he walked into the kitchen, sitting down next to her. “Human now, princess,” he said, grabbing a spoon and digging into the ice cream carton sitting in front of Buffy. “Can’t exactly lose my soul. No one would be more surprised than me if that was the case.”

Buffy smiled, allowing herself to relax.

“What are you sitting here thinking about?” Angel asked after a moment.

“You,” she replied, staring at the counter as she idly licked the ice cream from her spoon. “And Spike.”

Angel sighed, dropping the spoon onto the counter, knowing where the conversation was heading. He knew his daughter, she wouldn’t rest until she found out what they had been talking about earlier. Hoping that if he gave her a crumb, she would be satisfied, Angel took a deep breath. “There’s something coming,” he said after a minute, seeing Buffy turn her gaze to him.

“Something that I’m not ready for?” she asked, her jaw setting in a firm line as she waited for his answer.

“Something that… I don’t think you should know about,” he said carefully.

“This is about Angelus, isn’t it?” Buffy asked, feeling her heart drop into her stomach.

“He was a factor,” Angel muttered, looking at the counter.

Buffy’s head fell into her hands as she ran her hands through her hair, sighing heavily. “You’re not going to tell me, are you?”

“Not unless you need to know,” he said quietly, slowly standing up. “I need you to understand what I’m trying to do.”

“Protect me,” she filled in.

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m being more selfish than that. I’m protecting myself.”

“What do you mean?” Buffy asked, looking up at him with a confused expression.

“I did so many horrible things as Angelus-”

“You’re not him,” she said quickly.

“-Things that I never want you to hear about,” he continued as if she’d never spoken. “This is one of those things.”

Buffy didn’t say anything, watching as he solemnly stood up and walked out of the room. She stayed where she was for a long time, staring at every steel surface of the kitchen, wanting to prove that she could understand his decision. Her normally stoic father had taken a tiny step with her tonight. Maybe, over the next few days, she could get him to open up a little more.

* * * * *

“You expect me to just-”

“Yes,” Angel said, standing across from Spike with his arms firmly crossed over his chest. “I expect you to handle this.”

Spike clenched his jaw, not liking the tone in the other man’s voice. Being woken up by anyone who wasn’t Buffy was bad enough – being woken up by her father was a bloody nightmare.

“And I can’t tell Buffy,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair before turning angry eyes to a man he knew as his grandsire. “This is your secret,” he said, eyes flashing yellow as his temper rose. “I’m risking a hell of a lot more than you by keeping this from her. I should walk down there and tell her exactly what’s going on.”

“Spike…”

“She knows you’re not perfect, Liam,” he said, trying to control his temper. “She saw firsthand what you were. She’s heard about what you did to Drusilla. She can handle the truth.”

“I know she can,” Angel said with a slight nod, looking into the other man’s eyes. “But should she? Just because she can handle the truth, does that mean it would make it any easier knowing what her father used to be?”

Spike sighed, looking at the floor before angrily kicking the dresser in front of him, hearing the wood crack from the impact.

“She’s twenty years old, Spike,” Angel continued quietly. “I haven’t been able to love her the way she deserves. I haven’t been a father to her. I haven’t kept her protected the way she should’ve been. I’ve left that up to the people I trusted… and you,” he added, seeing Spike narrow his eyes in response. “I can’t shelter her from the hardships of life anymore, but I’ll be damned if I add to it.”

Sighing heavily, Spike braced his hands on the surface of the dresser, seeing Angel’s reflection standing alone in the mirror in front of him. “You’re going with me?”

“I am,” Angel said with a nod.

“And Cordelia…?”

“If I thought Cordy was in danger, I would do everything to protect her. You know that.”

“When are we leaving?” Spike asked in a resigned voice.

“How soon can you pack?”

Looking up to meet the other man’s gaze, Spike nodded, waiting until Angel left the room before grabbing a bag from the closet shelf, throwing in the small amount of clothes that he kept at the hotel for visits.

Hearing the door open, he paused for a moment before continuing his packing.

“Whatever question I ask, I’m not going to like the answer, am I?”

Spike briefly closed his eyes at the sound of her voice before zipping up the bag. “I doubt it.”

“Then I’ll risk it,” she said, looking at him with trepidation. “Where are you going?”

“Your father and I have some business,” he said, carefully choosing his words as he turned around and walked past her, out the door of the bedroom.

“Spike-”

“Buffy, I can’t tell you,” he said, already knowing her next question.

“What do you mean you can’t tell me?” Buffy asked, following him down the stairs.

“Just what I said, Goldilocks. Can’t tell you.”

“Spike, you can’t just leave. Let me come with you- whatever it is, I can help.”

“Not with this trip, you can’t,” he said picking up his duster and quickly pulling it on.

“This isn’t fair,” she said, hating the whiny tone in her voice. “We’re supposed to be together- you can’t just leave me.”

“Buffy, it’s not like that,” Spike said irritably, looking around the area before grabbing the keys to his motorcycle, seeing Angel watching him from the doorway before the other man turned and walked out of the hotel.

Pressing a quick kiss to her lips, Spike picked up his bag and threw it over his shoulder. “I’ll call you soon, baby.”

“Spike!” she yelled, seeing his shoulders tense at the sound of her voice before he turned to face her with an unreadable expression. “Please, tell me something.”

“You don’t need to know,” he said, his voice low and menacing.

“You’re treating me like I’m a child,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest.

“That’s because you are,” he said, raising an eyebrow, trying not to let her tear-filled eyes affect him.

Taking a deep breath, Buffy slowly looked at the floor, nearly shaking her head at the hypocritical words. “You don’t have a problem with who I am when you’re fucking me,” she said, her whispered words cutting into him.

“Don’t start this,” he said, gritting his teeth when she looked up at him. “I don’t have time for it.”

Turning around, Buffy nearly ran up the stairs, not sparing him a second glance. “Have a nice trip!” she yelled, punctuating her sentence with the slamming of a door.

Spike clenched his jaw, glancing at the clock behind the counter. “I don’t have time for this,” he repeated, closing his eyes and refusing everything inside of him not to go to his mate, knowing that she must be distraught.

Turning and walking out of the hotel, he threw his bag on the back of the motorcycle.

* * * * *

Buffy let her tears intensify when she heard the sound of the bike starting and pulling away. The effects of the claim seemed to be getting weaker and weaker the farther away he traveled.

Knowing that he was shutting himself off to the claim to keep her from discovering what he was doing, Buffy sobbed into her pillow.






Thanks so much to: Brunettepet, shelly, Cordykitten, Whitelighter354, GoofyMama99, willowmouse, ?, Franchesca, Sevvy_O, Crystal Pegasus, jennybean, Elanor, BuffyandSpikeForever, Spikes Sweety & missy for reviewing!





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