“Spike? Spike, what happened?”
“Buffy, please I…”
“You’re right”
She took an insecure step from the bed, as if she was giving him room the breath, but didn’t do it voluntarily.
“I’m sorry I am all over you like this. I am just so happy to see you after all this time. You died and I missed you so much, and now you are here all of a sudden. I am just…” Her babbling died away, as more tears streamed down her red cheeks.
He had never seen her so emotional, and it scared him. Why was she acting like this? It wasn’t like he used to have this huge place in her life. She could never have missed him as much as she was telling him now…Could she?
He wanted to calm her down more then anything, but knew that the truth would only upset her more. What was the right thing to do?
The truth of course. Dam nit.
“I really don’t mind you being all over me pet, never did, never would.”
She smiled, but kept crying.
“Look Buffy, why don’t you sit down and I will tell you the whole story. Then you can tell me what the hell happened here. Deal?”
“Deal. ”She whispered quietly and sat on the edge of his bed, still holding his hand.
He sat up, even though it hurt a little, and prepared himself for an explosion, as he search for words.
“When I die…” But he wisely shut his mouth, when he saw her eyes filling with fresh tears again.
“When I went away, I was not really gone.”
“What do you mean you….”
“Buffy please, this is hard. Please just listen till I am finished.”
“I’m so sorry. Please continue.”
“No, don’t be.”
She closed her eyes as his thumb caressed her cheek, before he continued.
“I was trapped in the amulet. My body and soul were inside it after the whole me burning up from the inside thing.”
“Oh my god, were you in pain?”
“No, I don’t remember much of it.”
“Thank god. How long? How long have you been inside that thing?”
Why, oh why did she have to jump to that part of the conversation right at the beginning. He had planned to avoid that as long as possible.
“Oh, just a…. a while”
“Spike?”
She knew he was hiding something, because he took a long, deep breath before carrying on.
“19 day’s”
“19 days!”
“Yeah well….”
“Only 19 days, Spike!”
“There is more to it then that Buffy, luv. Trust me.”
“There better be. I want a damn good reason for you not being able to pick up a phone and call me for half a year!”
“Well, technically, I wasn’t. Or for some time anyway.
“What do you mean?”
He looked into her eyes before continuing. Needing to know she was still there with him, so they could work this out. She was.
He started to talk about him coming back as a ghost, being in L.A., having to cope with Angel and meeting the Reaper. He made the whole story as impressive as he could, because he needed a lot of her pity for the next bit of the story.
And he did a pretty good job, because she was now clenching his hand as if she was holding on to life itself, and letting Ooh’s and Aah’s fill the room as he spoke.
But it was only a while before the reached a different part of the story, which made him look a little less like a hero.
“But you are corporeal now, aren’t you? Which is wonderful, don’t get me wrong, but how did that happen?”
“No one knows, really. There was this box in the mail, and when it was opened there was this flash and a weird sound and … BANG.”
“You were corporeal again?”
“Well actually, I walked into Angel’s office door, but yeah, that too.”
“When did that happen? Recently?”
“Well, I mean, what is recently?”
“How long, Spike?”
“About 4 months ago.”
Silence. Her expression was unreadable for a minuet, as she stared at the blank wall behind his bed. Then she continued.
“Do you hate me that much?”
Her words stung like a thousand knifes, and he swung his feet over the edge of the bed, trying to get closer. To take away the pain he had caused.
“What? Buffy no, no sweetheart, I adore you. Please don’t say that.”
He pushed her head into his shoulders gently as he stroke her hair and kissed her temple. She did not resist, as he had expected. She rubbed her head against his chest, as her hands found his hair to play with. But she was still sad.
“Then why?”
“Buffy, gorgeous, don’t you see. I couldn’t just….I couldn’t just worm my way back into your life, like nothing happened. I died for you, what can possibly top that?”
Pushing back, she looked into his eyes.
“Did you really think I would care? I don’t give a shit Spike, I just wanted you back. I missed you more then you can ever imagine. I cried for months when you were gone. Don’t you get THAT? Oh, I could just slap you right now!”
Her words should have tamed him, but there was one thing standing that was still bothering him.
“It was not like you were lonely without me.”
Her eyes narrowed at his words, and she knew he knew more then she would like him to know.
“Pablo?”
“The Immortal, yeah. You had a pretty good time going out with him, didn’t you?”
“Spike..”
“Or maybe you still are, then I apologise for my horrible grammatical mistake.”
“Spike, please! Stop it. How could you even think that mend anything to me?”
“……”
“Spike?.”
“It didn’t?”
“No!”
“Then what was it?”
She felt this urge to tell him it was none of his business, just like she had told Angel when he had asked about her relationship with Spike. But she couldn’t, because there was one thing that was different. It was his business.
“It was just a stupid fling to get over you, Spike.” She snapped. ”That was all that it was. A meaningless, boring, wrong, useless fling. Especially because it didn’t work”
“Oh….”
“I didn’t get over you.”
“Did you love him?”
Had he even heard a words she was saying?
“Spike please. Of course not! I didn’t even like him.” She was now pacing across the room, as her hands grasped her hair in frustration.
“I was struggling. I was alone, and I was still dealing with the pain that was caused by your death. I wasn’t moving on, I’m still not moving on. I loved you Spike, and I still love you.”
Her words created a force field around them, as if they were connected by this greater power. He realized she wasn’t lying. She loved him, he could feel it. He could actually touch the love she felt for him.
A tear rolled down his cheek, as her words worked there way inside of him.
She had said it before, but he had never dared to believe it was true. There was always an excuse. She knowing he was dieing, or wanting him to snap out of a coma. But not this time. She needed nothing from him now, and she had still said it.
“Buffy, you can’t..”
“No Spike, listen. I can do or don’t as I choose. You get no vote in my dissensions whatsoever. I choose to love you, and to be with you. I have done some dumb things I can never take back, and you made mistakes all the same. Especially with you not telling me you were back.”
He could tell she was having a hard time trying not to raise her voice.
“But that doesn’t matter anymore. I am to tired to fight over that. Or anything else. I know you had your reasons, and when you find the words, you might even explain the whole deal to me one day. But right now I just want to be with you more then anything. I couldn’t live without you, and now your back. Let’s not waste time fighting.”
He was surprised to see her shocked at her own words for a moment.
“Of course, it is up to you to decide if you’ll have me.”
Tears kept streaming down it face. He had prayed so many times, she would tell him half of what she had just said to him. It felt almost unreal, but it wasn’t.
“Buffy, my Buffy. If this is real..”
“It is. Spike, it is. Please don’t deny me.”
They were both crying now. Crying for all the pain they had caused each other. And the new chance they had received as a gift from god.
“I would never deny you Buffy. I love you. I want to be with you more then you could ever know. Now come here, kitten.”
She laughed at the change of his voice in the last sentence. It broke away all the tension as she melted in his embrace. The familiar purring noise he had always made when he was happy rose from his chest, and she signed.
“Buffy, I love you so much, luv.”
“I love you too Spike. I know you have trouble believing me and that hurts. Please let me show you how much I love you.”
The satisfied, emotional smile was replace by a wicked one, as he hold her at arm length so he could look into her eyes.
“You mean now? Right here?”
Her green eyes met his perfect blue once as he raised his one eyebrow.
He saw her smile widen as her cheeks became flushed.
“I was talking about, me loving you forever, or something poetic like that. Not that I don’t want too though….But you are hurt, I will hurt you.”
“I’ve been worse. And you should know by now I am never too tired or hurt for making love to you, sweetheart.”
She smiled at the low, sexy sound of his voice, and the purr that was still filling her ears, and leaned in to kiss him passionately. Her heat met his coolness, and they were drowning in the feeling of each other.
Feeling her body so close against his, he felt truly safe and relaxed for the first time since forever. He just wanted to curl up into her lap like a big cat, after he had had his wicked way with her of course.
“How long do we have?”
“An hour, minimal. Maybe two. Not as long as I would like, but still acceptable.” She whispered in his ear as she was pulling at his t-shirt, wanting it to come off.
Raining soft kisses along his collarbone, she realized how much she had missed his body along with all the other things. She had craved for the vision of pure perfection right underneath her own fingertips.
She moaned as his hands found his way underneath her top, and his mouth the way down her throat and neck.
“Spike, Spike please make love to me.”
“Buffy, God. I’ll just die if you ever stop doing that” He gasped as she caught his earlobe between her teeth.
Kissing her lower and lower down her chest, he felt a hand suddenly stopping him.
“Have you even heard what I just said?” He tried to keep his voice panic free, as he lifted his head to meet her eyes.
*Little cliff-hanger…Sorry! But I will update soon, promise. I just realized this is my longest chapter so far =D Please review you guys, cause I am dieing to hear what you think of my story!
Thank you! Much love, Karin*