“You know what I just realized.”
Still tangled in his embrace, on the bed they had just made love on, Buffy opened her eyes and looked at him.
Her face was still flushed, and the smile that had been plastered on her face since the moment they had kissed, was still there.
It made him feel exhilarated.
“What?”
She flipped over so she was on her belly and looked at him curiously, while her hand played with a wave in his hair.
Smiling at her, he lit a cigarette and took a long drag before answering.
“You deflowered my soul.”
She looked a little stunned when he said that, but then giggles escaped her. He couldn’t help himself when he saw her laughing like that, sparks in her eyes, and soon he found himself laughing along with her. It had sounded a little funny.
“What are you talking about?”
He pulled her closer and inhaled the scent of her hair, while she was still giggling.
“I know that it sounds a bit lame, but…Ok, let’s put it this way: The last time I had a soul I was still human, and also a virgin. And when I lost it I got with Drusilla and well...”
He didn’t want to finish that sentence, this moment was to perfect for that. The look Buffy was giving him wasn’t helping either, though.
“And since I had my soul back, I didn’t….you know. Until now.
So you could say that you deflowered my soul.”
She stared at him a little blank. ‘Oh God’, he thought. ‘She would walk away after this. I probably pushed some reality button which will make her go away again.’
She thought he was the cutest thing she had ever seen.
“You are adorable.”
“What was that?”
Had she really just said that?
She hadn’t known he could actually blush.
“You heard me.” She teased, as she petted his hand with hers.
“So when you were human, you never…?”
“No, never. I wasn’t even married, so it wasn’t that unusual. It was unusual that I wasn’t married though.” He added with a smile, as he stroked trough her golden hair.
“But you were like what....25? When Drusilla sired you. Didn’t people marry around the age of 18/20 back in those days?”
“27, but thanks. And yes they did. I still lived with my mother during that time. She needed my help.”
“Aaaw, you did? How sweet.”
He snorted.
“So how does it feel Spike?”
“A little pathetic actually. Especially because you won’t drop it”
“No, I mean…having…doing….making love with a soul. Does it feel different?”
Her face was flushed when she said that, and he couldn’t hold back a grin. He couldn’t believe she was embarrassed by saying such an innocent thing, when she had done things with him he couldn’t even spell, not one year ago. And this very night on this very bed.
“God Buffy, I don’t even know were to begin.”
He sat up against the headboard and she took that opportunity to crawl into his lap.
Stroking her back and putting out his cigarette, he thought of a way to express how it had felt: But there was just no way he could do that.
How could he possibly describe these waterfalls of emotions he had felt when he had entered her willing body. The way he had finally felt complete for the first time in more than 150 years. The feeling he actually mattered to the woman of his dreams. There was no way she could understand.
“Let me put it this way: I never had a more perfect moment with a more perfect person.”
He saw her eyes starting to fill with tears again, and he hugged her close to his naked chest.
“We should probably go to sleep luv. Tomorrow will be a big day.”
“I am scared Spike. What if I loose someone? What if we won’t make it? What am I going to do?” And she looked at him in despair, as if he would have the answers to her questions.
Her sudden panic frightened him, but he just looked at her, trying to stay unaffected by her fear.
She didn’t know he was just as scared. And he wouldn’t tell her: She needed him strong.
“Don’t worry kitten. That little plan you came up wit in that pretty little head of yours will probably save us all.”
He could feel her smile against his chest and he felt himself relax.
“Don’t be scared Buffy, things will be alright. I won’t leave your side.”
That was exactly was she was afraid of. He couldn’t promise her that.
He planted a kiss on the top of her head.
“I love you, I will always love you. Now go to sleep.”
A tear escaped from the corner of her eye, as she felt him drifting off. A deep purr raised from his chest as a beam of moonlight fell on his face.
She lay there, staring at him, feeling him next to her. Hours had passed till she finally whispered:
“I love you too, Spike.”
************************************************************
“I can feel it, Buffy.”
”What?”
”My soul. It's really there. Kind of stings.”
She felt nothing but despair. Something awful was going to happen. That amulet was hurting him, and there was nothing she could do.
“Go on, then.”
”No. No, you've done enough. You could still...”
This couldn’t be the end. She had to save him. She needed him…..She loved him.
”No, you've beat them back. It's for me to do the cleanup.”
They only thing that mattered was that she was ok. He didn’t care about the rest anymore. Dieing right here, right now, to save a world she could exist in…..That was enough.
“Gotta move, lamb. I think it's fair to say school's out for bloody summer.”
How could he do this? He needed to come out with her. How was this going to be happy end if he wasn’t in it?
“Spike!”
“I mean it! I gotta do this.”
She saw his hand, shaking from the burning he felt inside. If this was going to be the end, she wanted to be with him when it happened. She wouldn’t leave him yet.
As she laced her fingers with his, she felt a jolt of pain going trough her. He was burning from the inside out, she realized. There was no way he could be saved. A tear rolled over her cheek, as their hands, still enlaced, burst into flames.
She couldn’t even feel the pain, because the pain in her heart was a thousand times stronger.
There wasn’t much time, and there was one thing she needed to tell him at last. She needed to tell him the truth.
“I love you.”
She felt sorry for him, he told himself. She could never really love him, as she had once told him.
”No, you don't. But thanks for saying it.”
She was too terrified to argue: he was dieing. His words stung like the knife that had sliced trough her not 10 minutes ago in this very battle. But she had no comeback, she was stunned.
“Now go!”
It was the only thing she could do, so she went. She couldn’t risk her life here. She needed to take care of Dawn. So she ran for it.
“I wanna see how it ends.”
************************************************************
Sunnydale was gone. He was gone. It was all gone.
People around her were talking, but she couldn’t make out the words. She didn’t understand. They didn’t understand.
Giles asked her what happened, and the only thing she could do was give him was his name.
“Spike”
Was he still there? Should she go search for him?
But there was no way, she thought, as the Welcome to Sunnydale sign fell down into the crater. It reminded her of Spike. How he had always knocked over the sign every time he had come back to her.
There was no way he had survived the blow: He was gone.
“Yeah, Buffy. What are we gonna do now?”
She heard her sister say. And even though it seemed things couldn’t get any worse, she smiled.
It was the exact same question she had asked Spike last night.
She turned around and faced her friends, who looked at her with curiosity.
“What is necessary, so our friends did not die in vein.”
Silence.
”Now let’s get out of here.”