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A/N: This chapter was very hard for me to write. I hope you all enjoyed it. Let me know!
Chapter 4

One year later...

A black car crashed through the 'Welcome to Sunnydale' sign and skidded to a halt. The occupant got out, stared worriedly at the town and sighed.

"Home sweet home."

Spike got back into the DeSoto and ran his hands nervously through his still-bleached blond hair. It had, however, gotten slightly longer and it curled at the nape of his neck. He still wore his long leather duster and customary black attire. He looked almost exactly as before, but one should never judge a book by its cover.

He was as nervous as hell at the mere thought of seeing Buffy again. He took a deep breath and a swig of whisky from his flask, to calm his nerves, and drove away, in the direction of her house.

His fingers drummed restlessly on the steering wheel as he tried to think of all the things that could possibly happen. She could stake him, she could kiss him, she could send him away. Most of the scenarios swimming through his mind weren't favorable and just added to his agitation as he tried to force them away.

***

He walked slowly up to her door, almost shaking with fear.

"Get a hold of yourself mate." He took yet another deep breath and knocked.

Dawn opened the door and screamed.

"Er... hello Niblet," he said uneasily.

She just stood there, gawping at him.

"Spike?" she managed to squeak out, after a moment.

"Um... yeah, Lil' Bit, it's me. How have you been?"

"If you really cared about that, you would've stuck around and seen for yourself," she told him hotly, quickly getting over her shock.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I wanted to be here with you, believe me. It almost killed me, having to leave."

Dawn's expression softened. She stared at her feet.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too, pet. Did you get my letters?" he asked softly.

"Yeah," she said, looking up at him, "but it wasn't the same as having you here, and I couldn't write back because you didn't send me the address of where you were. I thought we were best friends. How could you just leave like that without saying anything?"

"Can I come in 'bit? Or, do I have to stay out here all night?" he said, changing the subject.

She moved aside and allowed him to follow her into the house. He stood in the hallway, uncomfortable, with his hands in his pockets.

"Um... Spike..." She turned to regard him. "You have to know that a lot of things changed around here while you were away."

"It's to be expec..." he broke off when he heard the sound of a baby crying upstairs. "Niblet? What's that noise?"

"Um... that? Well..."

He closed his eyes and took a deep, unneeded breath. "Please tell me that Buffy didn't have a child with another man while I was away. If she did, I want you to stake me right here and now. I couldn't bloody take it!" he told her emotionally.

"No! Spike... she didn't... I... erm, you see... the baby is mine."

Spike tried his hardest to process this new information in a way that wouldn't make him over-react.

"Niblet - how? When? Who? How... how could you ruin your life like this?"

"I didn't ruin my life! I love my... um, my daughter very much, she's the best thing that's ever happened to me. Now, if you'll excuse me! I have to go see to her. You can wait in the living room." And with that, Dawn escaped upstairs.

Spike wandered into the front room, in a daze, and thumped down on the sofa. He noticed that hardly anything had changed in the house. Except for the baby things scattered about.

A few minutes later, Dawn came back down the stairs, holding, with the utmost care, a little baby. She walked over to the sofa and sat down next to Spike.

"Would you like to hold her?" she asked him softly.

"Um... I don't think... I don't really know how," he confessed.

"It's easy," she said as she placed the baby carefully in his arms. "Just support the head... yeah, exactly like that."

Spike gazed down at the little bundle in his arms. She was one of the most beautiful things that he'd ever seen in his life. She had the brightest blue eyes, a perfect tiny button nose and the cutest little mouth. She gazed back at up at him.

"She's so beautiful," he said with awe.

Dawn smiled at the sight of the vampire holding the baby.

"She's perfect, isn't she?"

"Yeah 'bit, she's perfect... I still can't believe you have a baby though. I still see you as my baby," he told her, tears he was trying to hide shining in his eyes. The baby let out a little yawn and her eyes began to droop shut. "What's her name?" he whispered, not wanting to disturb her.

"Well... she doesn't have one yet. Although she's three months old, it didn't feel right choosing her name without her fath... er, we haven't thought of a suitable name for her yet. We've just been calling her 'the baby'."

"Niblet? Where's Buffy?" he murmured, still looking at the baby.

"She's still out patrolling, but she should be home soon."

"Um... how..." he cleared his throat. Dawn knew what he meant.

"She's okay... she wasn't for quite a long time though; she really missed you."

"She did?" he questioned.

"Yeah, when you left, she was a real mess for a long time, then she found out about the baby and managed to pull her life together. For my sake and the baby's."

"I didn't mean to hurt her... or you." His voice broke with emotion.

"I know, Spike, I know."

***

She'd been curled up next to Spike, bringing him up-to-date on what had gone on in his absence, judiciously editing a few events, so that they fit with the story she was telling him. She'd just gotten to the part about Xander and Anya's wedding, when he'd fallen asleep. He seemed physically and emotionally exhausted.

Dawn got up quietly so as not to wake the sleeping vampire and baby and headed into the kitchen, her bare feet padding softly on the floor.

She'd just poured herself a glass of water when she heard the front door open and keys being dropped onto a table.

"Buffy?" she called out.

"Dawn, what are you doing up so late? I'm sorry I didn't come back sooner, but there was this big slime demon and he was going to..." As Buffy trudged into the kitchen, she saw her sister's worried expression. "What's wrong? Did something happen to the baby?"

"No Buffy, she's fine."

Buffy breathed a sigh of relief.

"It's about Spike..."

"Why? Have you heard from him? Is he okay? He's not... dead, is he?" Buffy drew a sharp breath in.

"You are so paranoid! No he's fine... it's just... he's here, Buffy."

"What?! He's what?" Buffy tried to comprehend what that meant.

"He fell asleep on the sofa, We were waiting for you to get back. He looked so tired..."

Buffy walked swiftly into the living room and felt a rush of different emotions.

Spike was fast asleep on the sofa, with the baby in his arms, her head tucked under his chin. They both looked so peaceful, cuddled up together, that Buffy start crying softly.

"Buffy? Are you alright?" Dawn asked as she led her sister back into the kitchen and sat her on a stool.

"I'm okay Dawn, it's just a lot to see him again... and with the baby like that... I just..."

"It's alright, Buffy." Dawn gave her sister a hug.

"Well? What did he say when he found out about her?" Buffy asked worriedly.

"He doesn't know yet, I thought I'd give you the chance to tell him when you were ready."

"What? Dawn? What do you mean? He obviously already knows about her," she said, confused.

"No he doesn't. I told him that she was mine. He doesn't know that she's his daughter," Dawn smirked.

“Dawn!” Buffy gasped. “What on earth am I supposed to say to him now?”

“I don't know, but at least I've bought you a bit of time to figure out what you want to do. I know you missed him Buffy, but you really need to ask yourself how much.”

“It...” Buffy took a deep breath “It hurts... it hurts that he's not here...”

“Well, that's a start.”

“When did you get so grown up?”

“I've always been like this,” Dawn replied with a smirk.

***


Buffy carefully extricated her daughter from her father's arms. She didn't want to disturb either of them, but he stirred in his sleep.

"Mm... Buffy," he mumbled.

She smiled. 'Still dreaming about me, hmm?' she thought to herself.

She carried the baby upstairs, placed her gently in her crib and tucked her in.

"I love you," she whispered and kissed her forehead. The baby let out a little gurgle in her sleep.

Buffy went back downstairs and sat quietly next to Spike. She studied his face. He looked so adorable when he was asleep, so beautiful and innocent. He didn't look any different than he had a year ago, which didn't surprise her. He was a vampire after all. Something about him seemed different though. She couldn't quite put her finger on what it was.

She put the palm of her hand on his cheek and then began to trace his features with her fingertips. She ran them over his cheekbones, down his nose, over his bottom lip and finally, over the scar on his eyebrow.

“Why did you come back?” she whispered.

His eyelids fluttered as he began to wake up, leaning into her touch before he realised who was touching him.

"Buffy?!" he pulled away and sat up straight. "I... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep like this, I'll come back another day," he stammered nervously.

"No Spike, we need to talk," she informed him grimly

"Yes we do... but it's very late and... you must be tired. Are you sure you don't want me to come back at a better time?" he asked her.

“No,” she said simply, her voice carrying no emotion.

He looked at her with pain-filled eyes. “Okay... but I...”

She stood and started pacing. “You think you can just leave like that and not even write or call or anything? People have fights Spike, but they take some time to cool down and then they talk it out again. I thought that you would know better than that, or did you not believe in us enough? Is that it?” She narrowed her eyes at him.

“I... Bloody hell, Slayer!”

“You made me believe that you loved me! Was that all just a lie?” she continued angrily.

“You never said it back,” he muttered.

“What was that?”

“You never said it back!” He looked up at her. Buffy didn't say anything, she just looked back at him. “How was I supposed to know that you wanted me around? You never said anything to me to let me know that I... that we were more than 'friends with benefits'?”

“So now you're blaming it all on me? That's just swell,” she bit out in annoyance.

“What was I supposed to do? Your little friends found out about us and you were so embarrassed... so... ashamed,” he swallowed hard, “that you'd been caught with me.”

“I...”

“I couldn't do it. I couldn't go through the hurt of being treated as though I wasn't good enough, that I was beneath someone... again.” He stared at his boots, unwilling to look at her.

He was right. All this time she'd been mad at him for leaving, but she'd never realised that she'd hurt him so deeply.

She took a deep breath and sat down next to him. "I want you to know... that, that night... I didn't mean what I said. I was confused and worried..."

"Buff..."

"Don't interrupt me," she told him firmly. "I've wanted to say this for such a long time, so, please, just sit quietly while I get it out."

He regarded her with awe. Gone was the unsure girl he'd once known and, in her place, was a confident, self-reliant woman. In that moment, he knew that he loved her as much as, if not more, than before.

"Where was I?"

Erm... somewhere around confused," he snarked.

"I said no interruptions," she snapped back, but with a tiny smile of her own.

"I was confused and worried about my friends finding out about us like that. I didn't realise how much you meant to me. The things I said to you were inexcusable, but I wasn't using you. Yes, I was ashamed of what would happen when my friends found out I was sleeping with the Big Bad," Spike blanched at that, "but I didn't realize that you hadn't been that for a very long time, and that no-one saw you as evil anymore. I was foolish and hiding behind my own insecurities and, for that, I'm sorry." She paused. "But I still can't forgive you for leaving me when I needed you the most."

Spike slid off the sofa and knelt at her feet. His feelings were beginning to overcome him.

"Luv, everything inside me was screaming to stay with you," he told her desperately. "I had to go out and find my place in this world because I knew that my entire existence couldn't revolve around you. I went to figure out who or what I am. I thought about you every minute I was gone... but I knew... we couldn't go on like we were. I just wanted you to be happy and I obviously wasn't enough for you."

"You leaving didn't make me happy," she said, trying to prevent a sob from escaping. "You always knew exactly what to say, and how to comfort me. But you weren't there - you left! Just like every man I ever loved: My father, Angel, Giles. I thought you would never leave like that. I trusted you! You promised me that you wouldn't go."

He pulled her into his arms and held her tight. She didn't resist and relaxed into him.

"But you didn't love me," he murmured sadly.

"It's not up to you to tell me how to love," she replied softly. “Are you back? For good?”

He didn't know how he was supposed to take her first comment, so he just focused on the second. “For now...” he said carefully. “If you want me to. If not, I'll just piss off out of your way.”

“You should stay.” She offered no explanation and he didn't question her. He just nodded.

"Luv, we both said some pretty awful things... do you think we can forgive and forget and start over?" he asked.

"Start over? Like how?" she looked at him.

He sat back onto the sofa next to her. "Well... how about we go patrolling tomorrow, start with that and then see what happens from there?" he asked hopefully.

She paused for a few seconds, thinking about his proposal. "It sounds good," she said. She certainly had deep feelings for him and wanted him in their lives. This was a good way for them to take things slowly, one step at a time, and she could figure out just how much he meant to her.

"So, we're friends?" he asked as he held out his hand.

"Friends." She shook his hand in agreement. "And, we'll take it from there."

They stood up and she saw him to the door.

"Night pet!”

"Goodnight Spike." She watched him walk to his car and drive away.

She remained on the porch for a while after he had left, lost in thought. It would be good to have someone who could take care of themselves to watch her back during patrol again, someone she wouldn't be distracted by because they could hold their own in a fight.

She'd finally gotten her life sorted out. She was on the border of being happy and now he was back... although she didn't know whether or not he would fit back into her life again.

She thought back to how things had been before. She'd definitely been happy until their fight. He'd been attentive and had looked after her without smothering her, which no other man had done before. They had always treated her as though she was some sort of china doll.

Spike deserved a second chance. She didn't think it was going to be easy, but they were just going to have to try. Even if it was only for the sake of their daughter.

The baby was another thing that Buffy didn't know what to do about. Maybe things would have been better if she'd told Spike straightaway, instead of dragging it out. Now there was no way that he wouldn't be angry or hurt when he finally found out about her.

She sighed, thinking, 'why do things have to be so complicated?' and turned to walk back into the house.

'One thing's for certain,' she thought as she walked up the darkened stairway. 'That man still has a very nice ass.'

A/N: This chapter was very hard for me to write. I hope you all enjoyed it. Let me know!





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