Author's Chapter Notes:
Another chapter for you, hope you like.

I don't own the characters.

Thanks to Nichole for all her help.
Chapter 3

New York, May 2007

William walked down the street. He always walked home after a double shift at the bar, cleared his mind. He didn’t look at the familiar surroundings, knowing them too well.

Everything was different. A lot of things had happened since he and Dawn moved to the Big Apple almost two years ago.

Dawn was doing great at NYU. She had gotten straight A:s throughout the first three semesters and was heading for a fourth in the same spirit. She loved being a journalism major. And she had found a guy. He hadn’t met him yet, actually she hadn’t said anything yet, but he knew. She was happy in a way he hadn’t seen before, and it made him happy too. That was the only happiness he got these days.

The rest of the Scoobies were doing well. Willow had graduated from medschool a couple of weeks earlier, and she and Tara had relocated back to sunny California, but not Sunnydale, instead they had decided on San Francisco. He understood their decision, he had always loved Frisco himself.

Xander and Anya were still living in Silicon Valley where, apparently, the market was good for a new building company. Little Alex was three now and they were expecting their second child in September. Giles was still in the mothercountry, enjoying a high position within the Watcher’s Council and, if you should believe Dawn, a girlfriend.

And what had he accomplished? When they moved to New York, he had decided to drop the nickname, and everybody knew him as Will. Only Dawn called him Spike sometimes, usually when she was really mad at him. He had also lost some of the accent and the style. At least the clothes. He hadn’t worn the duster since that day at the cemetery, it was stored away in a closet. These days he dressed in t-shirts, jeans and boots. Dawn had almost had a heart attack when he had walked into the apartment one day with brown hair, and told him that she would move out unless he changed it back. He believed her, so he did. He liked it better that way,too. He was working as a bartender at a bar in the Village, where he and Dawn lived in a three bedroom apartment. Giles had helped them to pay for the apartment, and with the salary that he made at the bar, they could live a pretty good life.

Of course, there was something missing. Buffy. The thought came to him as naturally as it always did. He hadn’t been with anyone since that night with Anya. Dawn had tried to set him up with some girls from NYU, but he usually called the date of after a couple of hours, making up all sorts of excuses to get away from there. Because none of them were her. She had been gone for five years now, and he knew that he was always going to miss her as desperately as he did that afternoon at the cemetery.

Will stopped on the sidewalk. He could feel the tears on his face, and he didn’t want to go home like that, in case Dawn was still awake. He turned his face to the sky and tried to make out the stars. You could hardly see them here in the city, but at least he could find the North Star.

“Mister, can you spare some change?” He heard from a shadowy part of the sidewalk.

He looked down to see the person, a girl, that had made the request. And almost had a heart attack.

“Buffy? Is it you?” His voice was weak and little more than a whisper. But she had heard him.

“Buffy? I don’t know no Buffy. Why did you call me that?” She gave him a frightened look.

“I’m sorry, I... I though you were somebody else. What’s you’re name?” He looked more closely at the girl.

“Joan. I’m Joan.” She looked away from his piercing stare.

Will smiled at the memory. Joan and Randy. Was it really her? But how was it possible? Not that he cared, the only thing that mattered was that it was her, he was sure of it. Even if she seemed to not remember him, or her life.

“I’m Will. Would you like a place to stay for a couple of days?” He could tell that he had scared her with his offer.

“Don’t worry, I’m not trying to hurt you. I don’t live alone, my little sister lives there too. Really, I’m not a bad guy.” He reached out a hand. To his, and her own, surprise, she took it and let him help her stand up. Why did she trust him?
Did she remember? But no, the look on her face was still blank.

They walked the last couple of blocks to his and Dawn’s apartment in silence. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to scare her off.

When they got to the apartment, he showed her the spare bedroom and the bathroom, and gave her some towels, a T-shirt and some sweats of Dawns. She went into the bathroom to take a shower, something that he had a feeling she hadn’t done in a while.

While she was in the shower, Dawn came into the kitchen where he was sitting.

“Hey. Who’s in the shower?” She asked sleepy.

“Ehh... look Dawn, don’t freak. And I’m not making this up. When I was walking home, a homeless girl asked me for some money.” He could see the disbelief on her face.

“And you took her home with you? Why not a kitten? Or a puppy?” Dawn sat down at the kitchen table.

“Dawn, just listen to me. I didn’t take her home, just like that. I... I think it’s Buffy.” He looked at Dawn, who stared at him, tears in her eyes.

“Don’t do this, Spike. Please. I’ve spent too much time hoping that she might come back. I can’t take this.” She got up and was about to leave the kitchen when he grabbed her by the arm.

“Dawn, I’m sure it’s her. But she doesn’t seem to remember me, or her life. But she did say her name was Joan.” He saw realization hit her.

“The memory spell...” She sat back down at the table.

“Yeah. Look, I just meet her, and if you want, I’ll send her out tomorrow morning. OK?” Will caught Dawn’s eyes.

“OK.” She nodded

At that moment, Buffy/Joan came out from the bathroom. When Dawn saw her, she felt tears form in her eyes. It was her.

“Joan, I’d like you to meet my little sister Dawn.” Will introduced. Dawn took a few careful steps towards her.

“Hi.” Dawn smiled at Joan.

“Dawn... I think I knew someone named Dawn once...” Buffy/Joan looked like she was trying to remember something, but failed. “It’s nice to meet you, and it’s very nice of you and your brother to let me stay here. Thank you.”

“No problem. I’m just gonna head off to bed again, got an early class tomorrow. Sleep tight.” Dawn turned and went back to her room, giving Will one last look before she left the kitchen.

“I’m gonna crash too. You need anything, my room’s right across the hall from yours, OK?” Will got up from the chair and started walking towards his bedroom. Joan followed him. Outside the bedrooms, they stopped for a minute.

“I want to thank you too. I haven’t slept in a real bed since... I don’t even remember. Thank you.” Joan smiled at him before disappearing into the spare bedroom.

“You’re welcome.” Will whispered before going into his own, leaving the door open just a little, so that he would hear her if she needed anything.

*****

If he had thought that he would be able to sleep with Buffy – or Joan – a few feet away, he had been terribly wrong. Will looked at his alarm clock for the fiftieth time. 2.30 A.M. He thanked a higher power that he didn’t start working until 5 P.M. Giving up on sleep, at least at the moment, he got out of bed and went into the kitchen to get something to eat.

He had just made himself a sandwich and poured a glass of milk when he heard a muffled cry coming from Buffy/Joan’s bedroom. He got up and went over to the door, trying to hear what was going on. It was quiet now, and after a minute he started going back into the kitchen.

“No... no... please... no...” At the sound, he rushed back to the door and opened it, finding Buffy/Joan in the bed, tossing in her sleep, crying. He sat down on the bed next to her and shook her lightly.

“Bu... Joan! Wake up, it’s just a nightmare.”

She opened her eyes, and he saw recognition in them.

“Spike?” Her voice was little more than a whisper, but it hit him like she had yelled it. He put his arms around her and pulled her in close, rocking her slowly as she snuggled up against his chest.

“God, Buffy, I’ve missed you so much, you have no idea. When I saw you tonight, I couldn’t believe it... but it’s really you. I’m so sorry for everything, and I’ve missed you so, so much, Buffy.” At the last word he could feel her freeze in his arms. She pulled away.

“Why did you call me that again? I told you – my name is Joan.” She pulled the covers up around her, trying to shield herself from him, and he felt like someone had put a knife through his heart. He got off the bed and stepped back from her.

“I’m sorry, I thought you were... someone else for a while there... must have been a dream.” He had to fight very hard to keep the tears away. It had been her, really her, and he had messed it up. Lost her again.

“OK... why are you in my room?” She gave him a confused look.

“I heard you crying, thought you had a bad dream... I’ll leave now... sorry.” He walked out of the room and back into his own, completely forgetting about the sandwich in the kitchen.

*****

“Goodnight Dawn, Will.” Buffy left the livingroom where Will and Dawn were watching a movie. Will looked after her.

“t’s not her, Spike.” Will twitched at Dawn using his old nickname. “Not anymore. It may look like her, but she’s not in there. You know that too.”

“Yeah. I just can’t... help but hope.” He turned the DVD of when the credits started rolling over the TV-screen.

“I know. I do too, sometimes. But then I remember...” Dawn got up and stretched. “Well, I’m off to bed, see you tomorrow.” She walked down the hall into her room.

Will turned the TV off as well before going down the hall to his bedroom. He stopped for a moment outside Buffy/Joan’s room, listening to her soft breaths through the door. When he got into his room he closed the door and pulled his shirt, boots and jeans off before going into the bathroom. When he got back into the bedroom after brushing his teeth, he could hear cries from the room across the hall. He quickly made his way into Buffy’s bedroom, where she was turning in bed, crying, just like the night before. He shook her gently, trying to wake her up. She opened her eyes and looked at him with tears in them before pulling him into a tight embrace.

“Please don’t leave me. I’ve missed you so much. I don’t wanna go back, please don’t let me.” He could feel her tears on his bare chest, and he stroke her hair, trying to comfort her without knowing what to say.

They sat like that for about ten minutes before she pulled back, just like the night before, looking at him with confusion in her eyes.

“Sorry, Joan. Bad dream... I’ll let you sleep.” Will got off the bed and started for the door, when a small hand held him back. He turned to look at her.

“I don’t know why... but you make me feel safe. Could you stay with me tonight? Just... sleep?” She looked at him, pleading, and he got back on the bed, lying on top of the covers to keep from getting too close to her, both for her sake and for his own. She snuggled up against him, and he put his arm around her, his arm coming to rest upon her neck. She let out a sigh of contentment and within a minute she was asleep again, while Will was wide awake by her side.





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