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Author's Chapter Notes:
please review and read prequel entitled "Truth Is A Whisper"
Truth in Lies

Part 2: What Do You Want


By: Ms Big Bad
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Disclaimers: I don't own any of the characters used in this story. I'm just using them for entertainment cause I'm an obsessed freak! They belong to UPN,FOX, and the wonderfully talented Joss Wheedon whom I love and adore! The song "What do you want" belongs to The Goo Goo Dolls and is used w/o permission.

Ships:Buffy/Spike

Rating: PG-13 For some language and adult content.

Spoilers: Through "Doublemeat Palace" Season six.

Summary: This story shows Buffy's side of a argument/realization in their complicated realationship.

Note:This is Buffy's side of the story. To check out Spike's side read the prequel to
What Do You Want entitled Truth is a Whisper .

Feedback: Please tell me what you think about both the story.
You can reach me at msbigbad@msn.com or msbigbad17@msn.com -- or join my group at www.groups.yahoo.com/group/bigbadhavens .

Thanks: I want to thank my best friend, Lauren, for giving me the strength to go on writing. She encourages and inspires me everyday, and I love her! Also she gets credit for making me a dedicated watcher of the show!!! So lots of luvs to her! Mwahhh! My other friend Heather for wanting to read all my stupid stuff! Love ya!!! I also want to thank the cast, crew, writers, producers, and everyone else affiliated with the show! Thanks for making it the best damn hour of television ever. Especially James Marsters, which anyone who knows me can tell you that I am beyond obsessed with! He's a great actor, writer, and person!! Last and most defiantly not least I wanna thank you for reading! Especially if you read through all of this crap that I usually don't read!! Lot's of love to ya! Enjoy! Mwahhh!!!


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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What do you need from me tonight?
I feel you look right through me now.
I can't pretend it's alright.
Maybe we'll find a way somehow.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was the same dream I've had night after night after night. First there's a great nothingness. It's so peaceful there. Then I can't breathe and it's dark and musty. There I am clawing and ripping and breaking this box around me. Fighting for a life I'd already left. A life I don't even want. Nothing is quiet here.Nothing is peaceful. Nothing is right.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why do we need to turn it on?
Why does it always feel so wrong?
What do you need from me tonight?
The truth is so complicated now.
You feel so free to say you're wrong.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spike's asleep beside me. I'm glad he can't see these tears. Tears I can't keep inside. God. What am I going to do? What if I never get to go back there? A cool hand wipes away my tears.

"What's wrong luv?"

Oh God! I can't let him see me this way.

"Nothing I just...go away Spike."

I turn away I can't stand to look into his eyes. The only eyes that can see right through me.

"I live 'ere."

Son of a bitch!

"Right.I'll go.I don't know why I come here anyway."

That's a lie. Coming here is the closest I can get to peacefulness. I pick up my jacket and walk to the door. He tries to trip me. He misses. God, Spike! What happened to the competition we used to have? You just give in now. My fist connects with his face. I can hear his nose break.

"Bloody hell!"

I turn to the door again.

"Buffy.Where are you going?"

Where am I going?

Home?

To a house full of people I don't wanna see? There is just one thing that keeps me from leaping off another tower or finding some other way to end this meaningless existence.

Dawn.

The hurt on her face the night I left her.

When I told her to be strong.

The happiness.

When she found me.

The love.

She showers me with.

"I'm going home.You where wrong Spike. I don't belong with you.
I don't belong in the dark."

I walk out the door. I know he saw the tears run down my face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fear makes you fragile darling.
Hate is too heavy when you're weak.
Now we're both lost in anger.
When we're alone
We'll find some peace.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The door to his crypt opens. He's running after me with just his black jeans on.

"Buffy! Oie! Wait luv!"

"Go away!Which part of this do you not understand?"

His hands are on me. He turns me around to face him. I punch but he ducks it. I try one more. He catches my hands. He won't let me go. Maybe he does wanna fight back.

"Buffy,talk to me.What's wrong?"

You better let go, Spike!

"What's wrong?"

Just let me go!!! I try to wrench free from his grasp, but he holds me there still. He's stronger than I give him credit for.

"What's wrong is that I ve got a blood sucking, souless,demon on me 24/7, that doesn't know what go away or drop deader means!"

"An' you love it!"

Okay shouldn't have looked away into that nasty perverted mind of yours Spike. I kick him in the face, flipping him back hard onto the ground. I walk back towards my house.He pulls at my shoulder. I pin him back on the ground and put a stake to his chest.

"Slayer,what are you doing?"

"Something I should have done a long time ago."

He looks lost for a minute. I think I was lost too. What am I doing? Spike has been good to me.He really does love me. I can feel it everytime I'm with him.

"Is,is that why you cry?"

I knew he saw.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What do you need from me tonight?
The truth is so complicated now.
You feel so free to say
You're wrong.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


"I don't cry."

"Bollicks, Buffy, I hear you. I can smell your pain a mile away. So don't lie to me. If you're gonna kill me then do it. But, at least tell me if it's me that makes you so sad. Do I hurt you? Are you ashamed of me? What is it? What did I do?"

Oh God. Does he really think this is his fault? How could I let him think that?

Sometimes I think I'm gonna just breakdown, and he makes me happy again.

He makes me peaceful.

I kiss him.

I'll show him that it's not his fault.

Cause only he can make me feel dead again.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why do we need to turn it on?
Why does it always seem so wrong?
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