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Author's Chapter Notes:
Warning: This chapter contains a sex scene between Spike and Dru. If you don't want to read it I sugest you skip the flashback.
Thanks for the reviews your feedback has been great.
Flashback as always is in italics
Buffy sat across from Riley at the Italian restaurant he picked for their date. She had only ordered pasta in a vain attempt to speed the evening up. However, all thoughts of speed dating fled her mind as Riley order an entrée, a main course and a desert. As he continued to go on and on, she was only listening to every third word he said and was trying to look like she had his full attention. However, he did not; her thoughts were with Spike.

~

As she made her way to William's house, Buffy went over her speech repeatedly. It had almost been a week since they had made love and they had not spoken since. She had not meant to leave it so long. It was just she needed time to gather her thoughts. She wanted to make sure she had not confused her feelings towards having sex with William with falling in love with William.

She had been over and over it in her mind and her conclusion was pure and simple. She loved William Giles with all her heart. The sex had been a bonus. It had happened slowly, but in the end, it was him, the shy boy with a poet's heart that she loved. Now came the hard part, telling him.

As she stood at the front door, she could see that the lights were off and no one was home. She thought to herself ‘I might surprise him’ as she started to make her way to the back door.

~

William was glad no one was home. His head was still spinning. Not one hour ago, he was sitting at Willie’s drowning his sorrows. Now here he was in his bed with a woman.

He was surprised that he could remember where he lived considering just how drunk he was. The cab ride home was hazy, but as he lay there with Dru undressing him, things started to become somewhat clearer.

“Kiss me.” Dru demanded.

Her kiss was different to Buffy’s hungry kiss, as though she was searching for something only he could give. The room was spinning out of control, he did not know if it was the effects of the alcohol or her desire for him. It was a drug to him. To feel wanted, needed things he could not get from Buffy.

Dru rolled William onto his back.

“You are surrounded by sunshine. It’s not good for you. Come with me into the darkness. I promise I won’t let you go.”

With that, she unbuttoned his jeans and released his cock from its confines. Then she sank down on it.

“That’s it my Spike. I’m yours now and you’re mine. Always mine.”

William felt the spinning stop as he felt Dru’s heat surround his cock. His eyes snapped open as he realised what he was doing. For a fraction of a second, he felt the urge to push her off. It was not her place. He wanted Buffy. ‘But she doesn’t want you, you ponce.’ Who was he to argue with the women currently riding him into oblivion as she whispered words he only dreamed he would hear. Sure, the right person did not say them. However, Buffy would never say them to him. She had told him as much.

Something inside William snapped, the realisation that he would never have what his heart truly wanted. In addition, what was happening now was not a bad second prize. He grabbed Dru by the hips flipping her onto her back and started thrusting.

“Yes, love. I’m yours, only yours. Never had it as good as you.” He increased his speed; his release was close. “I love you.”

He looked down at Dru, as she went to kiss him; he noticed something out of the corner of his eye, something backing away from the door.

“Buffy.”

~

Spike was asleep when she walked back into the room. She had politely excused herself from her date, telling Riley she had some pressing matters back at the hospital she had to attend to. She was not lying. Her pressing matter was lying in front of her.

She did not wake him. He looked so peaceful. She could see the shy poet she fell in love with all those years ago. She smiled as she remembered the time they had dared each other to fit as many spoonfuls of ice cream they could in their mouths. The ice cream headache had lasted for hours.

She pulled up a chair beside the bed and held his hand. He always interrupted her when he was awake, maybe she could get a word in while he was asleep.

“I was angry Will. For such a long time seeing you in bed with Dru, doing those things, saying the things you said. It hurt me more than anything else has since. Therefore, it was easy you know to be the one in the right. I did not cheat. I did not sleep with someone else. I did not tell someone that I loved him or her. With all the anger I had seeing you do those things, hearing you say the things you said. It rather pushed what I did into the background. I could not see the whole picture, you know. It just became about your betrayal. Being angry at you was a good way for me not to face what I had done.”

She continued to stroke his hand as though it would be the last form of contact she would have with him as she felt the tears well in her eyes.

“But, it was my fault. You did not cheat on me. We were not together. You did not owe me any kind of allegiance and that’s my fault. I loved you. I fell in love with you that night. The next morning all I wanted was to fall into your arms and never let go. Nevertheless, I could not change the rules. It was not fair to you. You did not ask to sleep with me. I asked you. It seemed unfair to ask you to start a relationship as well. No matter how much I wanted it.”

She stood up and kissed him ever so slightly on the lips pausing shortly as if to commit the moment to memory.

“I’m sorry Will. I am so sorry. For being angry with you, for blaming you when really, I was angry with myself. You did not do anything wrong. It was me. I was the coward. I hope one day you can forgive me for being so horrible to you.”

She turned to walk out the door as her hand started to slip from his.

“I forgive you Buffy,” Spike whispered as she walked out the door.

“But can I forgive myself…”





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