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Author's Chapter Notes:
This is the last chapter until the New Year. Hope you enjoy it.
Tara observed a noticeable change in Spike’s demeanour. Today’s therapy session had not started with its usual ten minute sweet-talk to try to get out of the session. Tara almost fell over when she suggested doing weights and he did not even flinch. She could tell that while he was here in the training room physically, mentally he was in another place altogether.

As Spike lifted the dumbbell for his second repetition, he kept replaying the previous night’s events in his head. Buffy’s confession of sorts had sent him spinning. How did it all get so screwed up?

“Spike, Spike?” Tara snapped him from his thoughts.

“What?” he replied.

“We’re done with the weights. Any more and you will give Big Arnie a run for his money.” Spike laughed at the thought.

“I don’t think I am going to be Governor anytime soon, pet. The rate I am going I will be lucky to be a kindergarten teacher.” He dropped his arms to the side.

“Are you ok Spike? You seem a little preoccupied.”

“Am I that transparent?” he raised an eyebrow.

“Not really I just have a knack for reading people. It’s what makes me good at my job.” She took the dumbbells off him and sat them down on the bench.

“I suppose it is. Do you believe in fate?” Tara looked up as she grabbed the physio ball for him to sit on.

“I guess so. I believe that everything happens for a reason.” She motioned for him to sit. She steadied him as he tried to gain his balance.

“What about things happening at the right time? Do you think everything happens at the time it’s supposed to?” It was the thought that had kept him up since Buffy left his room last night.

“I am not quite sure what you mean?” She took Spikes arms and helped him stretch them over his head.

“Was it supposed to happen this way? If I had not of gotten drunk that night, I would never meet Dru, you know and without Dru, I would not have the band. And the band is everything to me. It made me into the man I am today.” He was trying to work it out for himself more than telling Tara.

“Did you need to be made?” she asked.

“I don’t quite understand what you mean pet.”

“You said Dru made you what you are today. Were you something else before her? What did she do?” Tara stretched his forearms.

“I don’t know really. It all happened so fast. One minute I was in a bar and the next she was my life. I didn’t really have anyone else, so it seemed ok to go along with it. When she looked at me, I could see I hung the stars for her. You know? Am I a bad person to want that? To want the love and admiration?”

“No, that’s what everyone wants. Did she hang the stars for you?”

“No she didn’t.”

“Well I think that’s the problem right there.”

“I guess it is. I have spent the last couple of years feeling like an impostor. Like I was always one-step away from being found out. I’m no rock star. I’m just a guy who can write a song and carry a tune.”

“I’ve seen you perform Spike. The leather, the swagger the hair and where do I start with the look?”

“What look?” Spike had no idea what she was talking about.

“You know?” Tara did her best impersonation of Spike's leer that had been plastered on so many of his albums and tour posters. “The look.”

Spike laughed so hard he almost fell off the ball. Tara steadied him.

“The look was taught to me by our first stylist Lorne. The rest of it is just window dressings. When Dru found me in the bar, I wanted to be anyone else. To be someone she could love.”

“Dru, you wanted to be someone who Dru could love?” Tara asked.

“No not Dru.” Spike was lost in his memories of last night again. The way her hand had felt in his. The way she shivered under his touch.

“Buffy,” Spike looked up upon hearing Tara’s words.

“Tara, hey.”

She looked as good as she looked on her date. As she stood there in her sweats, she looked just as, if not more beautiful. He felt all the air leave the room.

“Sorry, I didn’t realise you were with someone.” She realised who she was with when she finished.

“Hello Spike,” he could tell from her tone that she was not at all that pleased to see him. “Look I will come back later,” she turned to leave.

“No, you can stay. We are almost done. Aren’t we Spike? Spike?” He knew he was staring at her, but he could not help it, one look at her and he turns back to nerdy William.

“Yeah, sure.” He looked away embarrassed that he had been staring at her so blatantly.

Tara helped him onto the floor to start the stretches. She took Spike’s left leg and helped him raise it to stretch. Buffy went to the punching bag and started her work out. Spike watched her from the corner of his eye. She focused completely on the task in front of her. It was that focus that Spike suspected made her a good doctor. Not that he had seen her in action. The one time he was treated by her, he did not have all his senses with him.

All the pieces fell into place for Spike while he watched her. He knew what he had to do. He had to stop running. It was time to be found out.

He was not Spike Giles Rock Star. He was William Giles plain and simple. Who was in love with the girl standing in front of him currently beating the punching bag to a pulp.

It was not going to be easy transitioning into the man he wanted to be, but he knew what the first step was.

“Tara, can we stop for a minute?” Tara looked up. “There is something I need to do. Can you help me up?”

“Sure,” Tara helped him up onto his slightly unsteady feet.

He limped his way over to Buffy and tapped her on the shoulder. She span around angry that someone had dared interrupted her. He saw her eyes soften as she realised it was him.

“I’m sorry Buffy,” his words were softly spoken and unsure.

“That’s ok Spike, I tend to zone out. You just startled me, that’s all.” She turned back to the bag.

He grabbed her shoulders to stop her from turning around.

“No, I’m not sorry about that. I’m sorry for that night, for what I did to you, for what you saw.”

He could see she was more than a little bit uncomfortable. He tucked the stray piece of hair behind her ear like he did so many years ago.

“But, what I am most sorry for is not telling you. All these years I was angry with you for not saying it. I am just as guilty.”

Frozen to the spot for the first time since she had seen Spike in the hospital, he was acting like the William she knew. She could see him coming closer and closer. However, the feeling of his lips on hers still took her by surprise.

“I love you Buffy.”





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