Spike sat up in his hospital bed, he should be feeling drained between the heavy physio session and the even heavier heart to heart with Buffy. Instead, he felt better than he had in ages. He had not realised how much effort it had been pretending to be something he was not.
There was only one reason for it.
“Dru,” he looked over at his dark princess in the doorway.
So much had passed between them over the years and as easy at it would have been to right them all off as a mistake. He knew it was not the case.
“You look better,” Dru made her way to the bed to get a closer look.
“Yeah, that’s what clean living and a dose of daily physical therapy will do for you.”
She sat on the bed and ran her hand down the side of his face.
“That’s not the reason. The truth, it suits you,” he shifted uncomfortably in the bed. He hated her ability to read him at times.
“Dru,” he started.
“I would say that I let you go. But that implies you were mine to begin with.” She stared into the distance, unable to look him in the eye.
He had seen many expressions cross Dru’s face in his time. However, never before had he seen such sadness. It pained him to be the cause of it.
“I’m sorry,” he took her hand and held it in his own.
“Are you sorry Spike? For all the things I did for you, to you?” the sadness was giving way to anger now.
“I am not sorry. What we had, it was good, and it worked well for us. I don’t regret our time, love,” he meant the words.
“Lets not pretend Spike, I might be a lot of things to you, but I am not your love. Never have been, have I?” the question hung in the air.
“No,” he struggled to find the right words.
“All the success was mine. I made you.”
“I know and I am forever grateful for that Dru. You were my salvation.”
“But, you are lost to me. She has taken you away; she took you away the night she ran from your room.” They both knew it was the truth.
He wanted to lie and say that he loved her to make things simpler, not for him but for Dru. Nevertheless, as much as Buffy deserved the truth, Dru deserved it more.
“Yes, she took away my heart. But, you did have me Dru; for a while you did have me.”
Dru stood up to leave.
“Without me you would be nothing.” Her voice was cold.
“I know that, but the thing is Dru, without her I am nothing.”
~
As Buffy opened the door to her apartment, she heard her machine click on.
“Buffy here, leave it after the beep.”
“Hey Buffster, its Willow. Just calling to say hi and well, Tara sort of told me what happened in the gym. Are you okay? Call me.”
She let the machine get it, talking to Willow would help, but she needed time to figure out the day.
She was okay, better than okay. Since she had spoken to Will today, she had felt the weight of their broken friendship lift from her shoulders.
It felt good to be friends with Will again. Like a piece of her that had been missing for so long had been found. It gave her the strength to do what she had put off for years.
She had never heard one of his songs, with the exception of the other night in the ward. She wore it like a badge of honour, one of only a handful of people in the country that had not heard his music.
At first, it had been too hard. To hear the voice that had whispered sonnets sing about life love and what not. Things that he had shared with only her were now Top 40 hits.
On the way home, she had stopped at HMV and bought a best of album, “The Quickest Way to Play Catch Up”. She felt she needed to know about his past in order to move onto the future.
After she had showered and changed into her pyjamas, she poured herself a glass of red wine and with shaky hands, she placed the CD into the stereo.
As she sat down on the sofa, his voice filled the room as if he was sitting next to her.
I've hardly been outside my room in days,
'cause I don't feel that I deserve the sunshine's rays.
The darkness helped until the whiskey wore away,
and it was then I realized the conscience never fades.
When you're young you have this image of your life:
that you'll be scrupulous and one day even make a life.
And you make boundaries you'd never dream to cross,
and if you happen to you wake completely lost.
But I will fight for you, be sure that
I will fight until we're the special two once again.
And we will only need each other, we'll bleed together,
our hands will not be taught to hold another's,
'cause we're the special two.
And we could only see each other, we'll breathe together,
these arms will not be taught to need another's,
'cause we're the special two.
I remember someone old once said to me:
"that lies will lock you up with truth the only key."
But I was comfortable and warm inside my shell,
and couldn't see this place could soon become my hell.
So is it better to tell and hurt or lie to save their face?
Well I guess the answer is don't do it in the first place.
I know I'm not deserving of your trust from you right now,
but if by chance you change your mind you know I will not
let you down 'cause we were the special two, and will be again.
And we will only need each other, we'll bleed together,
our hands will not be taught to hold another's,
'cause we're the special two.
And we could only see each other, we'll breathe together,
these arms will not be taught to need another's,
'cause we're the special two.
I step outside my mind's eye's for a minute.
And I look over me like a doctor looking for disease,
or something that could ease the pain.
But nothing cures the hurt you bring on by yourself,
just remembering, just remembering how we were...
When we would only need each other, we'd bleed together,
these hands would not be taught to hold another's,
we we're the special two.
And we could only see each other, we'd bleed together,
these arms will not be taught to need another's,
'cause we're the special two.
The tears she did not even know she was shedding flowed as the song finished.
“Yes Will, we are the special two.”
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks for all your reviews.
Song in the chapter is in italics and is called the Special Two its by a singer/songwriter called Missy Higgins.
Song in the chapter is in italics and is called the Special Two its by a singer/songwriter called Missy Higgins.