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Thanks again for all your reviews. Hope you enjoy the chapter.
Spike looked down at the bandage on his hand and winced. It was not the pain of the injury that upset him; it was more what it represented, Buffy, her rejection of him, her leaving and not coming back.

He lay back on his bed and closed his eyes. He wanted to be anywhere but here.

He still had a week before he was to be discharged from the hospital, but it may as well have been a year to him. He just wanted to get out of here, away from her. Move on like she had.

Maybe she was right. Love was not enough for them. It had not been all those years ago. What had changed in the time between? Not much, they still loved each other and they still could not make it work.

All the questions and solutions kept swimming around his brain and everywhere he looked was another reminder of Buffy. It was suffocating him. He needed to get out and soon.

“Spike, you didn’t come to the gym today,” Tara walked into the room, her concern showing on her face. “Are you alright?”

“No, I am not alright,” he looked down at his hand. The dull ache mirroring the same feeling in his heart, “I can’t be here any more”

“Well, we could do some of our therapy outside today,” Tara offered.

“No. I have to get out of this hospital. I can’t be here, it hurts too much,” he did not attempt to fight back the tears that were flowing down his face.

Tara moved over to him and looked at his leg. “If your leg is hurting, then you need to stay.”

“No, not the leg. Not the leg. Me, I am hurting. I need to get out, move on. Away from here, away from her.” His sobs echoed around the room.

It dawned on Tara what he was talking about, Buffy. Spike had told her that they were slowly but surely patching there relationship back together. From what she could see in front of her, she could tell that it had not gone well. He looked broken. She sat next to Spike and put her arms around him.

“Please help me Tara. I just want to leave. I couldn’t bear to see her.” His voice pleading.

“It’s ok, I understand. I can talk to Dr. Finn and have him move up the discharge date as long as you get a physio to see you everyday for the next two weeks.”

Spike nodded and wiped the tears from his face.

“Thank you and not just for getting me out early but for all of it,” the relief evident on his face.

“Are you sure leaving is what you want to do?” Tara asked.

“No, I don’t want to leave. She took the choice away from me. What am I supposed to do, sit here and be loves bitch? Not me. Not any more.”

Tara got up from the bed and went to leave the room. “I will go and see Dr. Finn now.”

“Great, I will start packing my things. The sooner I am out of here, the sooner I can move on.” He opened his bedside drawer and saw the copy of “Great Expectations” that Buffy had given him the week before. It was not so much of a book, as it was a symbol of their relationship. They had met because of there love of it. She had given it to him as a gift. He held it for a long time deciding what to do with it. Both the book and their relationship. He threw the book in the bin. In that instant, he closed his heart to her.

~

She did not cry. She held it together all the way home. Made dinner, even watched the news; it was not until she was in the shower that the tears came. It was as though the water flowing from the shower gave permission for the tears to follow. She sat in the shower with the sobs echoing in the shower. She stayed there until the water turned cold.

What had she done? All the way home, she had convinced herself it was the right thing. What kind of future could they have? She did not study this hard to throw it away to be some rock star’s girlfriend. Nevertheless, Will was not some rock star in her heart and she knew that.

She stood in her room looking around it searching for something to focus on other than the pain in her heart. She lay on the bed staring at the ceiling, her head spinning with questions that she had no answers to.

As much as she would like to place the blame solely on him and the lifestyle he lead. She knew that in her heart, she was scared. She was as scared of loving and being loved, as she had been all those years ago. Except she was not seventeen any more, she was a grown women now. One that wanted to love and to be loved in return. She wanted to love him and be loved by him in return.

In that instant, she knew what she had to do.

~

Buffy broke all speed records to get back to the hospital to see him. She had practiced the speech in the car. She would plead her case, tell him how stupid and scared she had been for all these years, how she loved him, had never loved anyone else and probably never would. She would beg if she had to. She loved Will and wanted to do whatever it took to make the relationship work.

The world seemed to be on slow motion; she wanted to be there faster. Traffic lights took hours to change; the lift up to his room seemed to be on a go-slow as well. As the doors opened, she felt the butterflies fill her stomach as she walked down the corridor to his room.

When she got there, she was not met with the usual sight of Will sitting in his bed. The room was bare, all the cards and photos had been taken away. The bed itself was in the process of being stripped and remade. Buffy stood frozen to the spot trying to take in the meaning of what was before her.

“He left,” the orderly’s voice startled her.

“Oh,” was all she could say. “Was he discharge or did he check himself out?”

“Was discharged, seemed pretty happy about it to.” She kept making the bed. “I know everyone around here will miss him. Breath of fresh air he was.”

“Yeah, I guess. Did he leave a forwarding address?” She had to see him.

“Check at the nurse’s station, they could help you get in contact.”

“Thanks,” as she turned to leave the room something caught her eye. In the trash can she saw it.

“Great Expectations”, the book she had given him, the book that had helped them become friends. He had thrown it away. She picked it up and held it to her chest.

What did she expect? For him to sit and pine for days, he had moved on. It was after all what she had asked him to do. She had asked him to leave her life. And that was what he had done.

She took the book, walked out of the room, straight past the nurse’s station, and went on with her life.

Without Will, just as she had wanted it to be.





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