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**Definition taken from the Random House Dictionary.

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**forgive: to cease to blame or feel resentment about (an offense or offender).

Buffy had joined Dawn in the kitchen and sat at the island while Dawn heated the mugs of butcher's blood in the microwave. To any other person, this would not seem normal to watch, Buffy mused. 'That's what happens when you live in good old Sunnydale, and make nice with the friendly neighborhood vampires,' she giggled slightly. Dawn turned to see what was so funny. Buffy shrugged.

"Just how odd our lives are, but to us how normal. We don't think twice about heating up pig’s blood in the microwave, even knowing how long to set the timer for it so it's just the right temperature, or even the fact there is now a 120 something year old vampire, who used to be the scourge of Europe, taking a shower upstairs."

Dawn chuckled at this situation as well as the microwave beeped at her. Buffy glanced at the clock on the wall.

"Mind you, a rather long shower at that. I'll take that up to him." She intervened before Dawn made it out of the kitchen. "I've seen the "package" before, and I don't think my sister's virgin eyes need to go there." Buffy smiled sweetly at Dawn while she stood there, eyes wide, mouth in an 'oh'. She didn't want to accidentally see the "package" either.

As Buffy stepped onto the top landing, she noticed the shower was no longer running. She walked through her room and stopped outside the bathroom door, raising her hand to knock. That's when she heard the whimpering. She knocked quickly and softly but he didn't answer. Buffy slowly cracked the door open and saw him sitting in the corner, across from the sink. He was wearing his jeans but the shirt still hung over the shower curtain rod. Red, dark red liquid puddled on the floor next to him, and she lifted her eyes slowly, dreading. Blood, so much blood and from him. It ran in crooked lines down his arm from his hand, which was curled into a tight fist. She threw the door open and it banged against the wall. Spike jumped out of his trance, and noticed her standing there, looking frightened.

"I'm sorry. Really. I'll fix it, no need for you to worry. Tomorrow, I'll fix it. So tired right now. Buffy, can I go to sleep now? Just need to rest; want to rest." He was rambling again, out of fear maybe?

"Spike…what happened?" She walked across the bathroom floor towards him, taking in account that something crunched under each footstep she took. She made it to him and knelt down, turning to look at what else was on the floor. Shards of shiny, reflective glass covered the sink and the tile surrounding it. She grabbed the towel he had used and began to wrap it around his injured hand.

"Don't touch the blood, it's tainted. It's all about blood…power, life, keeps you alive. This blood, my blood, it's bad, will consume you, drown you, put out the light. "

Buffy once again grabbed his chin to raise his face to hers.

"Spike, I need you to focus. We are going down to the kitchen and get this cleaned up. Come on, up we go. Good. Watch the glass."

As they walked down the stairs Buffy yelled to Dawn to get the first aid kit out. Dawn obliged, not knowing what in the world she needed it for. Her question was answered when Buffy and Spike strolled into the kitchen, the once white towel she held over Spike's hand stained with crimson. Buffy sat him down on the stool, removed the towel and prepared to play doctor. Silence filled the air before she noticed Spike's eyes were back to normal.

"Are you back with us now?" She asked him sincerely.

He turned to her and croaked out an affirmation.

"Good. Can you tell me what happened?" She sort of knew the jist of what had taken place, with the remains of the vanity mirror scattered all over the sink. He was quiet for a moment.

"I didn't like the look of myself." Buffy hesitated with the bandaging and looked at him thoughtfully. He caught the gesture and sighed heavily.

"I mean, I didn't like what I couldn't see. There was nothing there, yet I feel solid, feel real, feel pain, loneliness, fear, love…" The last word drifted off. "Why can't I see? I see all of them, the ones, those I took away from their loved ones, those I hurt. I see them churning about in my head, haunting me in my dreams, in my thoughts. I keep telling them I’m sorry. Sorry for snatching them away from their normal, everyday lives and leaving them desiccated, leaving them for the blackbirds to finish off. Sorry," he chuckled. “That’s a Drusillaism…sorry. Isn't that a funny word? What's another word? Apologize?...Seems like such a harsh word. Forgive, so weak, shouldn't be allowed. Can't ask for forgiveness. Doesn't seem right. Shouldn't ask for it, should be given. But who would want to forgive me?" He paused again like he was expecting someone to answer. He looked up at her through his lashes.

"Buffy…I'm sorry. So very sorry for everything I…it…I've done. Sorry for hurting you that night. I'd do anything to take it all back, anything for you, to take all the pain and suffering from you."

Buffy looked at him softly. "Someone I love dearly once told me, 'Forgiveness is an act of compassion'. I'm trying to desperately live by that rule everyday now. Spike, you are forgiven. I forgive you, it's in the past."

Dawn piped in. "I forgive you, too." Spike smiled at his bit.

Buffy continued. "You need to forgive yourself so you can heal. Will you?"

"I will try, there's a lot there to forgive. Over 100 years laid out here before me."

"But it's a start. While we're on the subject…I'm sorry. Do you think you could ever forgive me?"

Spike scoffed. "Why would you need to be forgiven by me? Buffy, you've done nothing wrong."

She shook her head sadly. "Everything was wrong between you and me. You were becoming a friend, someone I trusted, someone who listened, so giving for a soulless demon. I was selfish, wanted more, wanted to feel alive again, wanted to know why I only felt safe and happy being around you while you listened to all my boohooing about life. I used you and tossed you aside. Friends don't do that. I gave you what you wanted, knowing that just my body was not enough to satisfy you. You wanted all of me. But I was uncaring. I needed you to make me feel alive and I believe…you needed me for you to feel the same, but you wanted to feel love and I wasn't prepared for that. That balance. We both needed it to live, the dark in you and the light in me. I still need it and you still need it more now than ever. We can balance each other and help one another. You're not beneath me, your not worthless and don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise again. I want things to be different between you and me. I want to make a difference. Just tell me, I need to know…am I forgiven?"

Spike seemed astonished, but he answered her. "Yes, you are."

Buffy was relieved to have that out of the way and she smiled at him. She was happy their friendship had been renewed. What they had when she came back to earth so long ago was actually nice and she was so ready to start where they had left off, before the kissing and the "shagging" had commenced.

She walked around the corner of the kitchen island and delicately wrapped her arms around the vampire who was more man than demon. She felt they were both heading out on the right path now. Spike hesitated at first, taken aback by this show of emotion from her, his Buffy. He lovingly wrapped his arms around her and held her while silent sobs wracked his body. Buffy tried her best to soothe him, while she shushed him softly and ran her hand gently over his soft curls.

Dawn had began crying as well and wanted to add her bit of comforting. She joined in the hug, rubbing both Buffy's and Spike's backs. They stayed in that position for quite a while, at least until his sobbing had stopped. He felt ridiculous, crying like a nancy boy in front of his girls, but their looks told him it made no difference to them. They were there to help just like they promised him. He would take them up on their promise, at least until he was strong enough to leave the nest on his own. He knew though that they would always be there for one another from now on.

TBC

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