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**Definition taken from the Random House Dictionary.

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**trust: unquestioning belief in the integrity, strength or ability of a person or thing.

A couple of days passed since the incident in the basement. The cult of students had been punished and released from the school. Buffy knew it would only be a matter of time before another would start up. They always did. She still shouldered the grief from losing the girl who had come to Buffy with her problem. She knew she was dying, but had in her own anonymous way informed Buffy of the cult without really telling her about it.

Buffy understood that Cassie died of natural causes, but the weight of her death still bothered her. Spike had helped a little in the grieving department after he told her Cassie was gone. He waited with her as the ambulance came and went and continued to grace her company as she waited for the coroner. He stood close by as they watched them put the body bag in the back of the vehicle, whispering to her that she wasn't in any pain anymore and she was better off. He then walked out of the room and left her behind.

Now, Buffy sat at her desk, daydreaming, most of her thoughts drifting back to the blonde vampire. She wanted so much to help him, but what could she really do for him? She would talk to Dawn about the dilemma and then she would talk to Spike. Which, really, was total chaos most of the time and she never knew if he understood her when she spoke to him, or if he did, if it was her misunderstanding him and what he was saying. He went way off the scale with his babblings most of the time. She knew there was much more to the rants than she could make out. If she could get him away from the hellmouth long enough, maybe he would start making sense. Maybe.

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The sun would be setting soon, at least within the hour. He liked fall, it was his favorite season. He'd been to New England in the fall, the most beautiful sight he had ever witnessed. Even at that time, to a vampire who lived in the dark, he was still drawn to the light. He would make his way to a small window that overlooked the rolling hills, and peer out of it as the sun rose, setting off a cornucopia of brightly colored fireworks. He loved nature, and the changing of the leaves was spectacular to him. The trees didn't change much here in sunny California and that made him sad. If only he could take Buffy and the Bit to Maine one fall, just to show them the beauty outside of this hellmouth. He laughed at himself. That would never happen.

"Would it?" He turned away from the wall and spoke to her. She was standing in the middle of the room with her arms crossed across her chest. She didn't answer.

"I'll always be here, stuck in this basement, listening to them talk on an on about how pathetic I am. Just until it swallows us all up, then I will never see another fall day, never see the beauty, the light."

"Never say never." Buffy finally spoke.

He glanced at her. "Oh, stuff and nonsense. We both know."

"Do you want to be in the light?"

"Yes, yes more than ever, in the light with you. But it will never happen."

"Never say never."

"Stop saying that. You actually believe I can come into the light with you? I can't do it on my own. So are you saying you want to help me?"

Buffy didn't answer. He looked up and she wasn't there. Another figment of his imagination gone wacky.

"I didn't think you would want to help me," he mumbled, feeling the pain of loneliness creep over him again.

"Do you want my help?" Her voice sounded different this time, louder and more solid. His head snapped up in the direction her voice traveled from, a different area of the basement, and she was wearing different clothes, wearing her hair in a different way.

He gasped, "Buffy, is it really you?"

"Um, last time I checked I was really the one and only Buffy. Is that really you?" She pointed at him.

He paused and his mouth drew up in a slight grin. He ducked his head as he shook it. "No, can't say that. Once I get the rest of my mind back, then I'll be the real deal."

She laughed softly, "Can't wait for that grand day. Which is what brings me down here in a way. I want to be all helpy, in anyway I can. Thing is," she looked around the room he had been staying in, "it isn't going to be possible to find that piece of your mind that's lost with you living like this over the hellmouth. I honestly believe whatever is going on underneath, is hurting you. So, if you trust me, I think we should get you out of here. Do you trust me, Spike?"

He looked at her with reserve. "I've always trusted you, Buffy. But I can't go back to the crypt. Too many memories, good and bad. I have nowhere to go."

"Well, that is what I've been doing all afternoon. What do you say about coming to my house and…”

"No, no, no, no." He walked away shaking his head and wringing his hands. "Not going there, can't go there, not worthy enough to be there."

"You know that is a bunch of, what do you call it? Rubbish! I don't mean to stay there indefinitely. Just come home with me, get cleaned up, get something to eat, get some rest and tomorrow we will find someplace for you."

"But, Buffy…"

"No, buts."

"But, Dawn…she's really scary now. What if…"

"I've talked to Dawn about the whole thing…everything, she knows everything. She wants to help, too. Let us help."

Spike shook his head yes.

Buffy smiled, a radiant smile that spread over to Spike who returned it. She felt better, for not only helping but seeing him look a little happier that someone did care about him. She knew it was going to be tough but she was ready to take the challenge.

They started up the walk to 1630 Revello drive when he froze. Buffy turned to see him standing still, looking down at the ground. She walked back over to him.

"Don't give up on me yet. We're about 20 feet from the front door."

He placed his hands behind his back and started swaying. "Why are you doing this for me?"

She sighed. "I want to help. I feel an obligation. I feel very sad seeing you like this and I know this isn't really you. I want to have a fresh start, a clean slate. I want to help in anyway I can, help you get better."

"Are you scared?"

" Horrified. You?

" Terrified. But I've overcome worse scenarios." He looked at her. "I'm ready."

They started walking again towards the door. He crossed the threshold without faltering. Dawn popped up next to them and squeaked out a hi. Spike jumped a little and took a step back. Dawn looked at Buffy quickly then turned her attention back to Spike.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to scare you. I want to be friends again. Can we be friends again? Cause I've missed you."

Spike relaxed and reached out to run his thumb down the side of her face.

"I've missed my lil' bit. I'm sorry."

Dawn wrapped her arms around him and they hugged tightly. Dawn grimaced and pulled back.

"Not trying to be mean, but…you reek. I love you, but…will you go get a shower and burn those clothes?"

"I would love to get a shower, but…I'm afraid this is all I have."

"Not necessarily. Dawn went to the crypt today after school and picked up most of your stuff. Clem helped out. He asked about you; I think he misses you. I told him you were a bit under the weather and that you would visit later."

"Thanks, both of you."

Dawn tossed him a change of clothes as Buffy led him up the stairs to the bathroom. She went in to prepare it for him but he suddenly stopped in the hallway. She looked up to see him clutching his clothes to him and backing up against the opposite wall, eyes as big as saucers.

"Spike? What’s…" Realization hit her instantly.

He started ranting again. "Bad, bad place. Bad things, bad thing. It hurt the girl, I know it hurt the girl. Couldn't stop it. Wanted to, couldn't. Disgusting, vile, evil thing. I am…"

"Not that thing. It's over, in the past. Clean slate, remember? I'll tell you what, how about you use the shower in the master bedroom? Sound good?"

Spike still looked lost but he silently agreed. Dawn showed up at the top of the stairs to see what was going on. Buffy lead him past Dawn to the room that was now hers. She turned and asked Dawn to warm up some blood, two mugs and have them ready for him. In the bathroom, she pulled clean towels out and turned on the water. As she walked towards the doorway, she noticed he was riveted in the same spot and looking in the opposite direction.

"Are you going to be ok? You know, you actually have to get into the tub to get a shower." She wanted to make the moment lighter.

He looked down at the clothes in his arms and she noticed the tears streaking down his face. She walked back, took the clothes out of his hands and sat them on the sink. She reached up to wipe the wetness from his face, and he cringed.

"You shouldn't have to touch me." He wouldn't look at her.

Buffy grabbed him under the chin and lifted his face up to make eye contact with him.

"But I can and I will. My decision, not yours. Do you need help? I mean, you do remember how to bathe, right?" she laughed softly.

He chuckled. "Yes, I think I can manage."

"Good, and lets have a private burial of those clothes later." She walked back towards the door.

"Buffy?" She turned at the mention of her name. "Thank you. This means… means a lot."

Buffy smiled. "You're very welcome. What are friends for?"

She shut the door behind her and walked back downstairs feeling a bit better about herself. She knew this would be a rough road to travel but they were at least getting somewhere. She knew being on the hellmouth always ensured one of a joyride.

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TBC





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