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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thank you to everyone who's been reading and reviewing- I appreciate it! I hope you had a good weekend, and enjoy the update! :)
Buffy stared at Spike, tensing up as he got off of the desk and began to walk towards her. She took a small step back, flinching when Anya gave her a slight push forward.

“I’ll let you two talk,” she said, closing the office’s door before walking into the main showroom of the gallery.

“What are you doing here?” Buffy asked in a whisper, keeping herself from reaching out to touch him in order to see if he was real or simply a mirage.

It’s just a dream, she told herself, even though she knew better. This isn’t of the good… He shouldn’t be here… not now.

“I needed to see you,” he said, putting his hands in the pockets of his jeans and taking a deep breath, trying to calm down his nerves.

“Well, you’ve seen me,” she replied, moving backwards until she felt the door behind her, putting her hand on the doorknob.

Before she could turn it, Spike moved forward and covered her hand with his, noticing her jolt at his close proximity.

“Can we talk, luv?” he asked quietly. “I mean, I flew halfway around the world to see you- I think you can spare a few minutes of your time to talk to me.”

“I’m not ready to talk,” she answered, removing her hand from under his before walking towards her desk and picking up a pile of mail.

Spike leaned against the door for a moment before asking, “Ready now?”

“I’m sorry,” she said after scouring through the envelopes in her hands, slowly raising her eyes to his. “I don’t know what else to say besides I’m sorry.”

“Why did you leave?” he asked. “Your note did little to explain what was going on in your head, Buffy.”

“I couldn’t stay with you,” she answered, sitting down on the edge of the desk and looking down. “We both know things between us won’t work, Spike.”

“According to whom?” he asked, crossing his arms.

“It’s a fact that most long-distance relationships don’t last,” she replied, sighing. “And I’d rather cut things off before they become even more serious.”

“Weren’t things serious enough in London?” he asked, frowning. “I don’t have casual sex, pet, and I’m fairly sure that you don’t, either. It meant something to me… You felt it, too, didn’t you?”

“Yes,” she said, looking at him and seeing the hopeful look on his face. “But it still won’t work for us.”

“Why the bloody hell not?” he asked, his voice raising a few levels. “When two people care about each other, they do everything in their power to make it work. Distance is something couples can deal with, Buffy- it shouldn’t deter them from staying together.”

“I know that, but-”

“Did you change your mind that day?” he asked, hearing the hurt tone in his own voice. “Was it a goodbye shag?” She raised an eyebrow, confused. “Why did you agree to date me one minute and then do a complete one-eighty not even a day later?”

“I don’t know,” she murmured, averting her eyes quickly and focusing on the ground.

“Yes, I think you do,” he replied sternly. “Tell me why you left, luv.”

“What do you want to hear, Spike?” she asked sharply, standing up and walking towards him. “That I made a bad call? That I regret going to London, sleeping with you?”

“Do you?” he asked, his heart pounding faster as she looked away. “Answer me.”

“No, I don’t regret things,” she answered. “I regret leading you on, yes, and I regret leaving you like I did, but I don’t regret visiting you or leaving in general.” She looked at him. “I was trying to keep us both from getting hurt even more down the road.”

“So Anya was right, then,” he replied, scoffing.

“What’re you talking about?” Buffy asked, studying him. “You talked to Anya about what happened?”

“How else would I have known to come here today?” he asked, smiling a little. “Called her the day you left to find out where you went- she told me you were returning today, so I flew in late last night.” He paused when she took a couple of steps back and leaned against her desk. “She suggested it was a defense mechanism.”

“What was?” Buffy asked. “Me leaving you?” When he nodded, she looked away and sighed. “No one wants to be hurt by someone they care about, Spike. I knew things were becoming serious between us- sleeping together probably didn’t help matters- and I couldn’t stand the thought of us breaking up later if we were in…”

“Love,” he supplied, not surprised when she nodded. “You don’t think you broke my heart when you left?”

“Spike, I-” she began, feeling tears form in her eyes as he opened the office door and looked down.

“I’m leaving in a couple of days,” he said, not willing to look at her. “If you want to see me, you can call my cell phone.”

“Where will you be?” she asked quietly, hearing how shaky her voice was.

“Around,” he answered simply.

“Don’t go yet,” she said when he began to walk away, feeling slightly relieved when he stopped and looked at her. “Please don’t leave right now.”

“You want me to stay, to listen to you break my heart even more?” he asked, noticing a tear roll down her cheek as he spoke. “We need to talk more- I agree completely with that- but I can’t stand here and pretend that things are alright. Not now, at least. You hurt me, Buffy- there isn’t much you can say to fix that. I don’t think I want you to try, even.”

“What are you saying?” she asked, feeling her stomach sink when he turned his back to her.

“Maybe you were right about us needing time to figure things out,” he said sadly. “You had your time, and now I need mine.” He looked over his shoulder at her. “I want to be with you, pet- you should know that by now.”

“I do,” she replied, walking to him again. “And I want to be with you, too, but it can’t work, Spike.”

“I don’t believe that,” he said, shaking his head and turning once again to face her. “It can work- we just need to deal with the distance issue.” He paused. “That’s the only reason, right?”

“What do you mean?” she asked, frowning. “That distance is the only reason we wouldn’t work?”

“Yes,” he answered, watching as she began to wring her hands. “Is it?”

“Probably,” she said quietly.

“Probably?” he hissed, not bothering to hide his anger. “What else is the matter?”

“I don’t know if I’m ready to be in a serious relationship again,” she murmured. “I didn’t think it would ever become as intense as it did.”

“You wanted it, too, though!” he shouted.

“Yes, but I…” she trailed off with a sigh. “I thought I was ready, but I’m not. I care about you, Spike, and-”

“If you really did, you wouldn’t have walked out on me,” he replied, beginning to walk out the door.

“Spike, don’t,” she said pleadingly, feeling tears begin to escape the corners of her eyes.

“I’ll be around if you change your mind,” he said, not looking back at her. “But I won’t wait forever, Buffy, and don’t expect me to. Just because I might have started to fall in love with you doesn’t mean I’ll patiently wait for you to change your mind for the rest of my life.”

Before she could respond, he stormed off, leaving the gallery. She watched him go, realizing what he had said as Anya walked towards her, frowning.

“What just happened?” she asked, flinching when Buffy slammed the door of her office.

She could hear the sound of Buffy crying from the other side of the door and slowly ran her hand over the wooden surface, sighing.

I never imagined she’d be the one to hurt him, she thought. They both deserve to be happy, and if she thinks that I’m going to support her choice to not be with Spike, then she’s got another thing coming.

“Buffy?” she asked, knocking on the door.

“I don’t want to talk, Anya,” she heard Buffy reply in a choked voice.

“Let me ask you one question,” Anya said as she opened the door a crack, peeking in to see Buffy sitting at her desk, her eyes red and puffy. “Do you honestly and sincerely care about Spike?”

“Yes,” Buffy answered, quickly wiping off her cheeks, even as more tears streamed down them.

“Do you think someday you might love him?” Anya asked.

“Yes,” Buffy said as she covered her face with her hands.

“Then get off your ass and go after him,” Anya said sternly, ignoring Buffy’s surprised expression as she looked at her. “He flew all the way from London to see you! How many men do you think would do something like that for a girl?”

“But-”

“Buffy, he’s the best thing you’ve ever had in your life,” Anya cut in. “I’ve seen how happy you are when he’s around, and-”

“He’s doesn’t live here anymore,” Buffy interrupted.

“He’s here right now!” Anya yelled, becoming upset. “Don’t be stupid and give up on what you two have… and might have in the future. I know how rough things were between you and Xander, but I think you need to get over it once and for all and give this a shot. What’s the worst that can happen?”

“He breaks my heart,” Buffy mumbled.

“Well, you broke his, so it would only be fair,” Anya said sternly. “If you don’t see him before he leaves and try working things out more, you’re going to regret it for the rest of your life.”

“What makes you so sure?” Buffy asked, a part of her knowing Anya was right.

“Because I know you better than you know yourself,” Anya said, studying her for a moment before walking out.

Buffy looked at her desk and took several deep breaths to calm down before closing her eyes.

She’s right, she thought. I need to see him again and figure things out. We had something great going… and I messed it up. She opened her eyes and stood up. It could be even better than before if you’d give it a try, Summers. He deserves it, doesn’t he?

“Yeah, he really does,” she whispered to herself.




A/N The question is, where will things go from here? There's more angst ahead, folks, before the fluff and romance returns. I hope you stick with me as the story progresses!





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