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Author's Chapter Notes:
Sorry for the lack of updates last week. My new job has taken up quit a lot of time and i haven't had much time to write. So here's the next update, and wow i have to disappoint you guys again because i'm going on holidays to NYC! So now writing no updating! But when i come back i'll do it asap!

Enjoy this chapter! Thanks to everyone for reviewing. It means so much to me! And thanks a million to my great beta's for helping me write this story.
Chapter 33: Tell me your story


“So, let’s get started,” Tara smiled at them. “Why did you decide to come to this session, Spike?”

“Because Buffy asked me to. And because I want to show her how much I love her.”

“Is there any other reason why you think it would be good to have therapy sessions?”

Spike was silent for a moment. “I’m not sure.”

“Buffy, what do you think?” Tara asked her.

Spike saw Buffy turning towards him and he looked at her expectantly. “I already told you before that I think it’s good for you to talk about your own insecurities. I know that what happened between me and Riley wasn’t something you would want to see your girlfriend do, for whatever reason. But you never gave me a chance to explain what had really happened, clearly thinking the worst of me without hearing me out.”

Spike stayed silent, his own inner battle clear making it impossible for him to respond right away. It wasn’t until he felt Buffy’s hand on his that he was roused from him thoughts.

“Spike? Are you ok?”

“It hurts…”

“What hurts Spike?” Tara asked softly.

Spike looked her way slightly confused, he had forgotten she was there.

“I… I can’t. I…”

“Spike, please.” Buffy grasped his hand and squeezed it tightly. They had discussed his previous relationship with Cecily a few times, but never in detail. He’d always made it clear that he didn’t want to go into the subject further. All she knew was that the girl cheated on him and had hurt him badly.

“Please.” Buffy whispered urgently, triggering something in him because he looked back up at her, his mouth slightly open in preparation to talk.

“She… she used me. I was nothing to her. I thought she loved me, but… I was beneath her.” The last bit was whispered softly, as he was clearly embarrassed to admit this.

“Who said you were beneath her?”

“Tell us what happened exactly Spike,” Tara asked him quietly.

Spike looked up into two pairs of supporting eyes, and knew the only way to deal with this was to share his burden. He looked back down, not able to look at them while telling his tale.

“It was about four months after we moved in together. Things had been great and I gave Cecily all the love a man could give. I bought her gifts and cooked her simple dinners which we ate in front of the fireplace. The normal romantic things you do when you want to show the woman you love how much you actually care.” He felt Buffy move closer to him as he spoke. She gave him strength by just being there and listening to him.

“I’d been thinking about it for a while. We’d been together for over 2 years by that stage and I felt we were ready for a next step after moving in together. So I went to our local jewellery store and picked out a nice ring.”

Spike took a deep breath after that, the memories getting clearer in his head.

“You were going to propose to her.” It was more a statement than a question that came from Buffy’s mouth, but he nodded all the same.

“I thought we were at the point in our relationship that we could commit to each other to always love and cherish what we had.”

”So what happened?”

“Well, I bought the ring and wanted to surprise her with something nice. So I bought some flowers and food. When I came home I started making dinner and arranging the place. It wasn’t until half an hour later that I heard noises down the hall. At first I didn’t realise what was going on until I heard soft moaning and an increasing thumping. I couldn’t help myself, I marched straight to our bedroom door and opened it. The sight…”

He squeezed his eyes shut, wanting the haunting images to leave him alone. Buffy squeezed his hand and brought him back. He looked at a pair of pleading and supporting eyes.

“I saw them together. Cecily had tied up some guy and was riding him and moaning. She was having sex with some guy in our bed. The bed we shared and loved each other in. Nothing mattered anymore. It was all tainted. I remember standing there, completely frozen in place.”

He took a deep breath before continuing. “Cecily hadn’t noticed me at first, but something caught her attention because she looked at me. The expression on her face told me that I had no right to be there, that I wasn’t wanted. Then the look of hate changed. She began smiling. She was smiling at me as if it were the most normal thing in the world.”

Spike didn’t realize that his voice had gone monotone.

“I couldn’t look at her then and turned around and walked back into the kitchen, throwing away the food and blowing out all the candles I had lit. I sat down on the sofa, waiting for her to appear. I had jewellery box in my hand. Don’t ask me why I picked it up off the counter. I knew I wasn’t going to give her the ring, but I wasn’t going to just walk away without her realising what she’d done.”

He stared off into the distance, projecting himself back into that time and place. “She hadn’t even bothered to get dressed. She just walked in still naked. When she sat down in a chair near me I looked at her and told her I loved her and thought she loved me. All she did was smile at me. I showed her the little box in my hand with the ring inside.”

He stood up and began pacing around the room. “She laughed right in my face.” His voice was bitter now, surpassing his anger and hurt while talking. “‘Oh Spike, did you really think I would marry you. I’m sorry darling, but you’re beneath me. There are things I want in this life and you’ll never be able to give them to me.’”

He looked at Buffy. “That’s what she said. I was hurt and confused. The woman I loved and had thought I would spend the rest of my life with had played me, used me at her convenience.”

He was quiet after that. He felt ashamed for being so stupid and letting himself be played like that. When no one said anything for a few moments he looked up to gage their reaction. Buffy’s face was wet with her tears and Tara looked at him with an understanding gaze.

“Thank you Spike, you did well.” Tara smiled at him softly.

He just nodded. He felt strangely better, having shared this story with them. But he knew he still had a long way to go. Telling them this, didn’t mean he was now cured, but it sure was a step in the right direction.

“How do you feel?” He heard Buffy ask quietly.

“I feel a lot better. Thank you for bringing me here.”

He pulled her into a big hug. He knew that this was a good start to making their relationship work again.

=====

End chappy 33. Hope you liked it. Finally we get to see Spike's side of things.





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