Author's Chapter Notes:
Hi everyone! This is my 'new' story. It actually isn't that new, I had it post on a different site under a different name. I wrote it more than 2 year ago. After that I stopped writing, but when I started again I changed my username. I posted it under the name sarah_spikelover before this. But anyway, I changed a couple of things.

I hope you guys enjoy this story, let me know what you think!
Chapter 1: Looking Back


Buffy Summers was a 21-year-old woman who was taking care of her sister. Their mother died because of brain cancer and Buffy was left with Dawn’s custody. They didn’t have a lot of money so Buffy was looking for a job. When she hadn’t found a job in 2 weeks. Which wasn’t strange because she just didn’t finished highschool because of her problems at home, she became desperate and finally settled with a job as a hooker.

Buffy was sitting at her table; surrounded by pictures of her and the people she loved more than anything. She was looking through them when something caught her eye. It was a picture with her and Spike. She looked at it and thought back to the day when Spike left.

“Xander, you can’t go. You can’t leave me alone with mom and Dawn, you’re my big brother. You can’t just leave!” Buffy, the 15-year-old girl, desperately cried to her 16-year-old brother. She was standing in the livingroom with her hands on her hips. She was just angry and sad, the emotions were just mixed into one dangerous combination. Buffy really didn't want the man, who was besides her brother also her best friend, to leave her alone with a sister who depended on her.

“Buffy, we have to go. The band just isn’t working for us anymore. Sure we’re a big hit here in Sunnydale, but we want to be famous! We can’t do that in this crappy little town. You do understand that right?” He said to his little sister. Of course he understood her; he didn’t like to leave her either. Dawn and Buffy were everything to him; it wasn’t easy for him to leave. And what about his mother? After his dad left he’d taken the job as ‘the man of the house’. What would she do without him? Xander knew she would understand, she always wanted what was best for her children, but she would cry and he couldn't take it when she cried because of him. He was a sucker for the women in his family.

“How are you gonna do that Xander? Think! Who’s gonna take care of you?” She nearly screamed. She would miss him SO much. Couldn’t he just stay? Life wasn’t fair, she just lost her father, who was probably busy fucking his secretary, and now she would lose her brother too? What did she do wrong?

“We’re gonna take care of each other. Spike, Devon and me. You don’t have to worry, I’m gonna be just…" Buffy looked like she was in a daze. "Buffy are you listening? Are you all right? …Please talk to me!” Xander asked his little sister. She just zoomed out while he was
talking. What would make her…? Uhhhh… right… Spike! His little sister was in love with his best friend for 3 years now. No wonder why she would react this way.

‘Spike is gonna go too? Isn’t losing my brother enough? Why is everyone against me, why can’t...' she stopped thinking when she heard her brother shouting her name. She looked up at him and at the expression of his face. She could tell she must have drifted off for a while. She always did that when she was thinking of Spike, she couldn’t help herself.

“Finally… as I was saying, I have to leave. Don’t you want to see me happy?”

Xander used the "don't you want me to be happy?" Routine. It didn't work as well as he wanted it to.
“Of course I do Xander, it’s not that, it’s just… I don’t want to lose you, don’t you see? You’re my big brother and when you’re all famous and surrounded by half-naked girls you won’t think of my again.” She said with a shaking voice. She was scared SO scared of losing Spike and her brother. What would she do with a sick mother and a little sister without someone telling her she would get through it?

“I sure hope I won’t think of you when I’m surrounded by half naked girls. That would just put me right out of my mood.” He said trying to lighten the mood. It didn't work.

“God Xander! Could you just be serious for one second? This isn’t time for jokes. I’m gonna lose you!” Buffy shout as loud as she could. She was gonna make him stay.

“Buffy listen to me, you’re not gonna lose me. I’m gonna write, e-mail and visit you as much as I can ok? You’ll grow tired of me, I promise.” He whispered softly. He didn’t want to leave her as much as she didn’t want to lose him.

“Promise?” She asked with an unconvinced look on her face.

“Promise. And you know I never break a promise.” Xander said while he walked out of the living room. Leaving her to think to herself about the current situation.

“I know… I just hope this won’t be the first time.” She whispered to herself. She knew Xander didn’t break any promises, but she couldn’t help wondering if he wouldn’t break this one. She just hoped she was wrong.


Buffy felt a tear slide across her cheek. It was so long ago. She remembered everything. The yelling, the crying and… the promise. The promise her brother kept… for about 3 weeks. After he became famous, she didn't hear from her brother since then. After waiting for about a week she started calling him herself, but every time he was busy, or just wasn’t there. The person who would usually answer the phone was, probably Xander’s secretary, said she would tell him that he should call her back… if she really did that, why didn’t he ever call her back? He didn’t even come to the funeral when Joyce, their mother, the person who loved him so much died. He abandoned his entire family. He did leave a message though, saying that he couldn’t come, and saying that he couldn’t handle it. Buffy didn't believe it. He was so consumed with his ego to care about his old life. The life that contained his dead mother and his frightened sisters. If he‘d come back, everything would’ve been better. She probably wouldn’t have been a hooker just to make ends meat for her and her little sister.

The job wasn’t really that bad though, she got paid enough. But every night after work the first thing she would do was wash herself till she was all red. She felt dirty, and she didn’t like it, She didn't like being others men's "toy". But she didn’t stop the job, she never even thought about stopping it. She knew that without the money she earned, they wouldn’t make it. They needed the money, so she needed the job. It seemed like the best escape from her family problems and for enough money to survive but still… she couldn’t stop hoping for a better life. A life without being a hooker. But without that, she didn’t really have anything to complain. She had a house, friends, a lovely sister and of course a…

“Mommy, what are you doing up?”


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AN: Please please leave a review! I wanna know what you guys think of it! - Spikegirl





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