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Author's Chapter Notes:
Sorry I am late posting this chap today but I have been feeling yucky all day =( . Well I hope you all enjoy! Kuddos!
Buffy sat curled up on her couch, ice cream carton firmly in hand. If she didn’t start cheering up she was gonna pack on fifteen pounds in no time. Looking down at her ice cream, she grimaced and got up to put it away. She needed to pull herself together. If she was going to get through this then she needed to be strong and not let her feelings for William get in the way.


Buffy was just about to go to bed when there was a knock at her door. Looking at the clock, she frowned. Who would be coming by at eleven o’clock at night on a Wednesday? When she answered the door, Buffy had to suppress a groan. This was all she needed after the day she had had.


“Lindsey, what are you doing here?” she asked trying not to sound irritated.


Lindsey smiled softly, and jammed his hands in his pockets. “Hey Buffy, can I come in?”


Buffy hesitated for a moment and then reluctantly stepped aside to let him in. “Sure.”


Lindsey stepped inside of the apartment he used to call home and inhaled deeply. “God I miss that smell,” he sighed.


Buffy instantly regretted letting Lindsey come in. “Lindsey it’s late so if there’s something you need, can we go ahead and get to it,” she demanded exasperatedly.


Lindsey turned to Buffy with blue eyes full of hurt. “Buffy we haven’t talked since the day at your mom’s house. Every time I call you don’t answer and you make sure that we’re never at the studio together. How are we supposed to work things out if we don’t see each other or talk?”


Buffy used every once of control she had not to take her frustrations out on Lindsey. In all honesty, he had done nothing wrong to deserve her anger; all he had ever done was love her.


“Lindsey I’m sorry, but things have been a mess lately and I knew if I talked to you all I would do was make things worse between us,” Buffy tried to explain.


“Well you could have talked to me about it,” Lindsey pushed.


Buffy sighed, “No Lindsey I couldn’t have. I can’t talk to you about this, not when it involves you.”


Lindsey stepped closer to Buffy slowly, attempting to close the distance between them. “Buffy,” he pleaded.


Buffy backed up slightly and shook her head. “Lindsey don’t, not now,” she whispered in protest.


Lindsey reached out with a tentative hand and brushed the back of his knuckles over her cheek. “Buffy I miss you,” he admitted in a tight voice.


Buffy felt her heart clinch. Why did Lindsey have to be so kind and understanding? Why couldn’t he be like all the rest of the men she had ever known and just tell her it wasn’t worth the effort and walk away? Before she could stop herself, she returned his sentiment. “I missed you too.”


Lindsey pulled Buffy in his arms and tenderly kissed her full lips. “Buffy I need you, without you I can’t breathe, can’t sleep. I love you so much it hurts,” he gushed as he peppered her face with kisses.


Buffy wanted to pull away and tell him no, that she was sorry she couldn’t be with him anymore, but she was so confused between her feelings for William and Lindsey that she let her body betray her by physically reacting to Lindsey’s soft kisses and endearing words.


“Lindsey,” she whispered in a breathy voice. She knew it was wrong, but she wanted to be comforted.


Lindsey pulled back and looked Buffy deep in the eyes. “Buffy, just for tonight can we just pretend everything is all right between us?” he pleaded desperately.


Before Buffy could think, she nodded her head and pulled Lindsey in for a deep kiss. She knew she would regret this in the morning, but right now she was going to try and fool herself into thinking that things weren’t as bad as they really were.


******************************************************************************


Buffy woke up and felt a heavy arm across her bare stomach. When she looked over, she saw Lindsey sleeping peacefully on his stomach with a contented smile on his face. Closing her eyes she willed back her tears. How could she have done this? How could she have slept with Lindsey when she didn’t love him and even worse, when she was still in love with her husband?


Slipping out of bed, she grabbed her robe and went straight to the bathroom to get a shower. Getting the water to the point of almost too hot, Buffy took off her robe and got in, letting the scalding water wash over her.


After washing her hair, she took the loofah and scrubbed at her skin, scrubbed until it was red and angry. She felt dirty and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get clean. She was a dirty person who had used a man that loved her for her own selfish reasons.


Letting her tears mingle with the water that was running down her face, she let out a choked sob and fell to the shower floor as her body shook with the intensity of her emotions. When Buffy felt the water begin to cool, she got up and shut off the shower. Wrapping her hair in a towel, she pulled herself into the warmth of her robe and looked at the reflection staring back at her. It was a ghost of the woman she used to be. No longer did she have the spark in her eyes that once was so bright it was almost overwhelming.


Wiping away the tears that had escaped her now swollen eyes, she prayed Lindsey was still asleep as she walked out of the bathroom. Thanking whoever was listening for small favors, she grabbed some clothes from her dresser and left the sleeping man in her bed, shutting the door behind her.


Buffy stood in the spare bathroom brushing her hair when she heard a soft knock at her door. Quickly she ran to the door before they could wake up Lindsey. Buffy looked through the peephole and frowned. When she opened the door, she was greeted with a very official looking woman standing before her.


“Can I help you?”


“Are you Mrs. Elizabeth Giles?” The woman asked in a very business like manner.


Buffy was taken aback at the sound of her true name. She had been so used to the sound of Buffy Summers that her real name sounded foreign to her. When she didn’t answer, the woman asked again, “Ma’am are you Elizabeth Giles?”


Buffy nodded her head. “Yes, I’ m Elizabeth…,” but she couldn’t say the name. The woman gave her a sympathetic smile and handed her the package in her hand.


Buffy looked down at the envelope in her hands and saw the law firm address and didn’t even have to open the package to know what it was. She guessed William was ready to be done and over with this even more than she had thought. He had actually overnighted her the divorce papers. Buffy stood there staring at the envelope in her hands completely dazed.


“Ma’am, I just need your signature here,” the woman said gently, not wanting to startle the obviously upset woman in front of her.


Buffy looked up with wide eyes. “Huh?” she asked feeling somewhat disoriented.


“I just need a signature saying that you received your package ma’am.”


Buffy went to scribble her name, but the nice woman stopped her. “Your real name ma’am,” she corrected.


Buffy looked up with glassy eyes and nodded her head. Taking a deep breath, she slowly wrote out her full name ‘Elizabeth Anne Giles’.


After handing back the clipboard, Buffy shut her apartment door. She held the envelope as far away from her as possible as if it might burn her if it touched her body. Sitting at the table, she set down the offensive object and stared at it waiting for it to maybe jump up and bite her or maybe disappear if she concentrated long enough. She was so caught up in her daze, she never heard Lindsey walk up behind her.


“Baby you okay?” Lindsey asked as he leaned down and kissed her temple.


Buffy jumped and in the process caught Lindsey in the nose with her head.


“Oh fuck my nose!” Lindsey hollered as he clutched at his now bleeding nose.


This brought Buffy back to reality. “Lindsey oh my God,” Buffy gasped as she reached out to help him.


Lindsey let Buffy lead him to the kitchen, careful not to get blood allover the carpet. Once over the sink, Lindsey let go of his nose and blood came gushing from the sore appendage.


Buffy grabbed a towel from the draw and brought it to Lindsey’s face. “Oh God Lindsey, I’m so sorry,” she apologized.


“It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have snuck up on you like that,” he assured her.


Lindsey’s assurance seemed to push Buffy over the edge and she let her anger spill forth. “No Lindsey it’s not okay. Why do you have to be like this? Why can’t you just for once not be so fucking patronizing, huh?” she yelled as she turned and stormed out of the kitchen.


Lindsey stared after her in bewilderment. What in the hell had just happened? He was the one standing there with the potentially broken nose and she was blowing up at him? Lindsey took the towel away from his nose and noticed the bleeding was beginning to stop. Spitting out some of the blood that had trickled down the back of his throat, he went in search of Buffy. When he came to her bedroom, he found her sitting in her chair looking out the window over the New York skyline.


“Buffy?” he said cautiously. He was going to make sure she knew he was there before he approached her this time.


Buffy continued to look out the window. “You know William was my first everything,” Buffy said in a vacant voice.


Lindsey felt a stab of jealousy but pushed it away. Buffy didn’t need him getting all possessive right now, she needed someone to listen.


“Is that right,” he replied trying to mask his hurt as he sat on the edge of the bed.


“Yep. First crush, first kiss, first boyfriend even, well my only boyfriend,” Buffy replied as silent tears rolled down her cheeks.


“Besides me,” Lindsey corrected her before he could stop the words from coming out.


Buffy turned to look at him and gave him an empty smile. “And then there’s you,” she commented in a far off voice.


She sounded so broken that Lindsey instinctively wanted to go and comfort the woman he loved, but pushed it way.


“You’ve always been there no matter what, trying so hard to make me love you and all in vain. What does that say about you Lindsey?” she asked.


“That even more fucked up than I thought,” he answered in a wry voice.


“No, just that your are a good guy that deserves better than me,” Buffy argued.


Lindsey came over and crouched before her, putting his hands on her knees. “I don’t want to try and find someone else Buffy. I love you, god help me, but I do. I know right now you may not love me, but one day you will. The week that I didn’t have you in my life made me realize I need you and I’m willing to wait, however long it takes,” Lindsey stated determinedly.


Buffy turned to look back out the window not saying a word. She had no more energy left to argue, so instead she just let Lindsey hold on to his fantasy that one day she would love him even though that’s all it would ever be, just a fantasy.



******************************************************************************



William sat in his office half listening to the client in front of him. He hadn’t been able to concentrate on anything since he had talked to Buffy yesterday. Realizing he hadn’t heard a word the man from a very important account had said, he stopped him.


“Mr. Winters, I apologize, but I’m going to have to reschedule our meeting for another time,” William apologized.


“What?! I rearranged my whole schedule for this meeting,” Mr. Winters exclaimed outrageously.


William took a deep breath and tried to keep a rein on his temper. “I understand this is an inconvenience to you but-,”


“No this is more than an inconvenience, this is unacceptable,” Mr. Winters declared getting up from his chair and leaning over William’s desk.


“Well if there’s anything I can do to rectify the situation, by all means feel free to tell me,” William replied losing what little bit of control he had.


“By finishing this meeting as promised Mr. Giles,” Mr. Winters challenged.


William lost all control and stood from his chair, leaning over his desk to face the obstinate man in front of him. “I told you I was unable to do that. Now if you would like to finish with one of my associates, then that can be arranged,” he said in a low menacing tone.


Mr. Winters face turned red with anger and he pushed himself from the desk. “I have never in all my years been treated with such disrespect. Mr. Giles you will regret this when I pull every last account I have at this firm,” he threatened.


William knew he should have been trying to save his ass, but at that moment in time he didn’t care. “You do what you think you have to Winters, but I can guarantee you won’t find anyone as good as me,” he replied cockily.


“You arrogant son of a bitch,” Mr. Winters hissed. “We’ll see how high and mighty you are when I take and tear this firm apart. When I’m through with you no one will touch this place with a ten foot pole.”


William walked over to the door and opened it. “Have a nice day Mr. Winters,” he said with an infuriating smirk on his face.


“Your finished Giles,” Mr. Winters sneered in his face before storming out of the office.


William slammed the door to his office, ignoring the look of concern on his secretary’s face. Once behind closed doors, he let the realization hit him of what he had just done.


“Fuck!” he yelled as he kicked the desk in front of him.


He had just pissed away one of the most important clients this firm had and it was all because he couldn’t separate his personal life from his professional life. He had never had an issue with separating the two but ever since Buffy had come back into his life everything was a complete mess.


With a sigh, he picked up the phone and got Tara on the line so she could do some damage control.


“Tara I need you to call up Tele Corp and have a late meeting with Mr. Winters set up. Tell them that I am regretfully sorry for the way this afternoon’s meeting went and that I would like to rectify the situation in anyway possible.”


“Of course Mr. Giles, anything else I can do for you,” Tara asked shyly.


“No Tara that’s all, no wait, can you tell me if the mail service I ordered has called to verify delivery?”


Tara looked through her messages before finding the one she was looking for. “Yes Mr. Giles. It was delivered and received at ten-thirty this morning by Mrs. Elizabeth Giles,” she replied gently. She wasn’t told about the situation but she was smart enough to put two and two together.


“Thank you Tara,” William said quickly before hanging up.


Sitting back in his chair, he closed his eyes and let out an exasperated sigh. His life was falling apart before his eyes. In a matter of days Buffy would no longer be his wife. This thought caused a knot to form in his throat. This isn’t what he wanted but it seemed to be the only answer. If he ever wanted to live a life that wasn’t bogged down with pain he had to cut all ties from the only woman who ever truly made him happy.


Pulling a flask from his desk, he tipped it up and took a long swallow. With a sardonic chuckle he toasted himself. “Ain’t love grand.”



A/N: Okay I know Buffy is so not looking good right about now, but she does realize she is wrong here. People make bad desicions when they are hurting and that is exactly what Buffy did. She took advantage of Lindsey to try and make herself feel better even if it was temporary. I know this is wrong and I don't condone such things but I want this fic to be true to real raw human emotions. If this offends you I am sorry, that was never my intention. With that being said I hope you will all keep with me. I promise Buffy will start to try and redeem herself in the next chap. As far as Lindsey, what can I say, he 's blinded by love and is willing to take what he can get where Buffy is concerned. Kuddos!






Thanks to spuffette, KT, spikeshunny, aspikefan, Spikesluv, dusty273, caatje, cordykitten, nichole, Nicki, kim, Debbie, Deege, mer, MidnightGirl, DaniD, Meagab, willowmouse, Kimber, vitalis, SarahandJamesFanatic, Raspy_Luv, frederique, Laura, usafan, and Brunettepet for the lovely reviews! Kuddos!





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