Author's Chapter Notes:
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Chapter 18: Holding Back

Buffy’s voice seemed to have abandoned her and she swallowed uneasily as Spike sauntered to the table where she and Xander were sitting.

Both Xander and Willow shifted awkwardly, unsure of what to say. Anya gave Spike a brief wave before returning back to the heated conversation with Hallie about flowers. Buffy sat there silently, her gaze fixated on the table, her mind racing. Her lips thinned in annoyance as Spike shot glances at her, obviously trying to get her attention.

This wasn’t what was supposed to happen, Buffy thought with a huff. She was supposed to be prepared, more composed and instead Spike’s presence was throwing her off balance; she was having trouble forming clear thoughts.

Giles walked over to his nephew and shook his hand, “Erm, it’s good to see you again. How was England?”

“Still as rainy as ever,” Spike replied and both British men shared a chuckle.

“Hey man,” Xander greeted friendly enough, but there was a slightly guarded tone to his voice.

Willow’s head snapped up from her book and she gave Spike a small smile before saying, “Welcome back.”

Tara gave him a smile as well, before returning to her homework.

Dawn enthusiastically hopped down from the counter top and hugged Spike.
“So did you bring me back anything?” Dawn asked eagerly, her eyes wide and hopeful.

Spike laughed, “I’m not giving you soddin’ anything thing till you stop pestering me.”

Dawn mocked zippering her lips, “Check: no pestering.”

Spike gave her a look but reached into the deep pockets of his duster and pulled out a little velvet box. Dawn opened it to see a sliver heart topped with a small garnet on a delicate chain.

Her voice escalated to an ear-piercing pitch. “Omigod! I love it!” She proceeded to undo the clasp and put it on, fingering the charm lightly. “Thank you soooo much.”

Buffy watched as Dawn happily eyed her necklace, completely entranced by it. Buffy ignored the sinking feeling of disappointment that Spike hadn’t gotten her anything. Not that she’d take it, she reminded herself. Anything she accepted from Spike might be construed as a peace offering, or worse a declaration of her love. Nope, she didn’t want any shiny jewelry from Spike. Really.

Dawn was now rambling on about her latest crush, Josh, since Scott turned out to be in Dawn’s words ‘totally lame.’ Spike was pretending to listen with rapt interest, but his mind kept wondering to the blonde sitting not more than five feet from him. He could see Buffy out of his peripheral vision, her rigid poster and stony expression. She was clearly uncomfortable in his presence and while a part of him enjoyed making her squirm just a little, he knew they needed to talk, soon.

Tara had distracted Dawn long enough with questions about Josh for Spike to lean over and whisper in Buffy’s ear. “Can we talk?”

Buffy scoffed. “No, not now and I’m starting to think not ever,” she hissed, scooting her chair away from his. Buffy wanted to smack herself. Why did she say exactly the opposite of what she wanted to say around Spike? Suddenly, the room became too small. She had to get out of there, now.

“Bu-“ Spike began but Buffy held her hand up as if to physically stop his words.

“No! I have to go, now. There’re things I have to do,” Buffy said lamely and stood up quickly, nearly knocking over a stack of books.

“Dawn, let’s go,” Buffy commanded, avoiding everyone’s puzzled looks. “Anya I’ll call you later.”

Anya frowned, watching as Buffy practically ran for the exit, Dawn following reluctantly. Spike’s gaze stayed trained on Buffy as left, the door slamming shut behind her.

Everyone’s stares slid from Buffy’s hasty exit to Spike sitting in his chair, watching the door with barely hidden hurt expression. At their looks, he quickly dropped his pained expression, trying desperately to ignore the sting of Buffy’s rapid departure.

“Well…” he began awkwardly, “I should probably head out as well. See you all later. Whelp, we still on for a pool game later?”

Xander nodded and gave an attempt at a smile, “Yeah. Be prepared to weep Billy.”

Spike nodded goodbye to the others before leaving, his duster billowing behind him.

No one spoke for a moment, the awkwardness still hanging in the air.
Hallie cleared her throat, “I should probably go as well. Anya, we’ll talk later.”

“Of course,” Anya replied, “You have to come over tonight and help me decided how to do my hair for the wedding.”

As soon as Hallie’s dark curls were out of sight, Willow let out a deep breath.
“There’s something I have to tell you guys.”

Her friend’s looked at her expectantly and Willow nervously fiddled with her pencil.

“Dawn and I came up with a…well a plan.” At their confused expressions, Willow clarified, “A plan to get Spike and Buffy together.”
There was a dead silence for a moment as everyone processed Willow’s words.

Tara sighed, speaking first. “Sweetie I know you want to help but I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”

Xander raised his hand, “I second that motion. Wills, come on. Do you really want to get between them? That’s just asking for a disaster and I for one would like to avoid that.”

Anya nodded vigorously, “Absolutely. We cannot have the best man and maid of honor in a fight during my wedding.”

Willow rolled her eyes, “Anya, they already are! Dawn and I have it under control; we just need help from everyone. They’re meant for each other, you can’t tell me you don’t see it. Spike loves Buffy and Buffy, whether she knows it or not, really likes Spike. Maybe more than that, but Buffy’s too stubborn to do anything about it.”

There was another pause as everyone contemplated the truth in her words. Xander spoke reluctantly, “What do you want us to do?”

Willow smiled beatifically. “Well first…”

********************************************************

Xander ran his hand through his hair for the hundredth time and surveyed the crowd, looking for Spike. They’d agreed to meet at The Bronze at nine, but it was already past nine-thirty and no neon yellow haired man in sight.

“Spike man, where the hell are you?” Xander mumbled to himself and went over to the bar to order a beer.
Normally he would have gone home by now, but with Hallie there working on Anya’s hair, he opted to stay out of the way for the night. Plus, as much as he loved his fiancé, Hallie freaked him out a little. He wasn’t sure what it was exactly, but she just seemed…off.

There was a tap on his shoulder. “Hey Harris.”

Xander turned to see Spike looking a little worse for wear. His usually slicked back hair was a mess of curls and his eyes were a little puffy, like he’d either been crying or he was drunk. Xander would bet money that it was a bit of both.

“Hi,” he stood up, “ready for our game?”

Spike nodded and they walked over to the tables. “You break.”

Xander did so and soon the game was well underway. Xander was competent enough as a pool player, having played most nights in high school, but Spike had a true knack for the game. Which was why Xander was having his ass kicked.

“Damn,” Xander swore good-naturedly, “That was good!”

Spike just shrugged and bent forward, lining up his next shot. His hair glinted in the lights looking tinged with blue. “You just suck whelp.”

“I do not!” Xander said defensively and huffed, “I can beat anyone of those college frat boys over there.”

Spike scoffed, “Who can’t?”

Just as Spike was about to make his shot, Xander asked suddenly, “So what’s with you and Buffy?”

The question jarred Spike and he missed completely, sending the ball rocketing off the table. “What?” he asked loudly.

Xander shrugged, “Things were tense earlier, just wondering.”

Spike straightened giving Xander a ‘are you stupid?’ look. “In case you forgot, I said some things that weren’t exactly of sharing variety. Got Summers pissed at me and now we’re not talking. End of story.”

“Bullshit,” Xander announced, surprising Spike. “There’s a hell of a lot more to that story. I’m not the smartest guy but even I could see there’s more than you or Buffy are letting on.”

Spike stared at his friend straight in the eye, “What? Is this the part where you tell me to fuck off and leave Buffy alone?”

Xander met his friend’s gaze squarely. “You hurt Buffy,” he said quietly, “So yeah, I’m a little pissed at you. But it’s kinda obvious that Buffy has less than hate-y feelings for you.”

Spike scoffed, “Yeah and I’m sproutin’ wings.”

Xander regarded him seriously, “Believe whatever you want, but she likes you. We all know Buffy doesn’t exactly say what’s on her mind, she’s not the one who’s gonna be broadcasting her love declarations. But if you really do love her.” Spike’s eyes widened at those words however Xander just continued. “Then prove it.”

Spike stared down at the pool table. “I’m not sure how,” he admitted quietly.

Xander shrugged, “Be the man she needs.”





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