Author's Chapter Notes:
Some stuff from the past Buffy episode: 'Consequences'
Chapter 13: Damaged From the Inside


Buffy and Spike were crouched behind a bush, watching two demons talking with one another. They were getting ready to attack, all they had to do was right for the signal. After Buffy had told her little secret of being in heaven both the blonde duo had been avoiding the subject. Spike figured that when Buffy was ready she would talk more about her pain of being in the world. But while he was waiting for that time to come he decided to try to ease Buffy back into the world she once knew, slaying the bad guys.

“Where’s Clem?” Buffy whispered to Spike.

”He should be coming any moment.” Spike whispered back, eyes still glued on the two demons.

There was silence between them and then they both saw the two demons to walk away.

“Damn it…they’re walking away.” Spike mumbled and crouched down even lower and started to move. “Stay close” he said and moved swiftly toward another bush.

However, Buffy didn’t follow orders, she stayed put. She seemed a little hesitant of moving towards Spike, she was afraid of being caught. Spike motion her to come over to where he was but she shook her head. Spike mouthed to her, ‘Come on!’ Buffy shook her head again and mouthed, ‘No!’ Spike rolled his eyes and looked back at the two demons and observed them. Buffy turned her head back to the two demons as well and then saw Clem walk into the scene. Both Buffy and Spike watched as Clem started talking to the two demons casually for a few minutes.

”…so you guys are heading out of town?” Clem asked.

”Nothing here to stay for…heard there was a slayer around in Sunnydale, but I think that was just rumor…” one of the demons said.

”You staying in town?” the other demon asked Clem.

”Yeah…its home…” Clem said and tried to act casual.

”You should try going to Las Vegas…” one of the demons said, “That’s where were headed.”

”Las Vegas huh?” Clem nodded and made a noted in his head the city of Las Vegas.

”Yeah…ever heard of Angelus?” the demon asked.

”Uh…no.” Clem lied.

“Master vampire…was once souled about eighty years ago…but get this, he lost his soul because his human friends wanted him to…” one of the demons laughed.

Clem did his fake laugh, “Yeah…that’s funny...”

”Yeah…Angelus just a few days ago came up with a plan to change everything for vampires…actually, to change the world…” the demon said.

”You don’t say…” Clem said, “Well…best of luck with all that uh…changing the world business.”

”I still don’t know why you stay here man…nothing left in this town but ghosts of the past and a few drunken vamps…” the demon said.

Clem backed away from the demons and stood in between the bushes that he knew Buffy and Spike were hiding behind, “You’d be surprised…” Clem said to the two demons.

Buffy and Spike rose behind their hiding places, ready for business. Both of the demons looked shocked and anger that they were set up.

”Slayer…?” one of the members mumbled.

”Surprise!” Buffy said with a little smile and ran from behind the bush and began to bet on one the demons while Spike took the other.

Spike threw his punches left and right until his demon collapsed to the ground. Having the opportunity, Spike grabbed the demon’s neck with both hands and snapped it with one quick motion, letting the demon drop dead onto the ground.

Clem walked up beside Spike and whispered, “What is she doing?” Spike looked over to Buffy and saw her giving the three horned fellow a good rough and tumble just for fun.

Spike sighed, “She’s just getting back in the game…” Spike and Clem continued to stare at Buffy pound the demon until he was just a limp body. Spike walked up from behind Buffy and grabbed her arm to make her stop but she just shook it off and continued to beat the demon on the ground. “It’s dead luv…” Spike whispered.

Buffy was panting heavily when she stopped her thrashing out at the demon. She took her hands off the demons bloody face and looked down at her palms, they were covered in bloody. Her behavior reminded her of her sister slayer, Faith.

“Buffy?” Spike watched as Buffy stood still. He was getting worried because she wasn’t moving away from the demon.

Buffy had a flashback of the time she was trying to help Faith stop being bad and killing.

'You know exactly what I'm about 'cause you have it in you, too…’ Faith said.

‘No, Faith, you’re sick!’ Buffy said.


“Buffy?” Spike’s voice broke through Buffy’s flashback.

‘I’ve seen it B…you got the lust…’ Faith told Buffy.

‘…I’m not going to do this…’ Buffy said.

‘Why not? It feels good.’ Faith said.


Buffy shook Faith’s words off her mind and looked back at her hands that were still covered in blood. Buffy looked up and saw Spike’s questionable face. Then she looked over and saw Clem staring at her as if she was a crazy girl. Buffy took one glance at both of them before turning around and running off.

”Buffy!” Spike yelled as she kept running.

Clem stepped towards Spike and watched too as Buffy ran off through the cemetery.

”Are you going after her?” Clem asked and looked at Spike.

Spike sighed; he seemed exhausted with the whole situation. “I don’t know…I’m tired of running after her…I don’t know what to do anymore…”

”Maybe…maybe you can’t help her…” Clem said.

Spike looked at Clem, “I’m not giving up hope…”

Clem nodded, he knew whatever he said to Spike would go in one ear and out other. Spike was on a one set mind when it came to Buffy and Clem knew that his vampire friend will not give up her; Spike loved Buffy too much for that.

“So…what did those demons say…any info?” Spike changed the subject.

Clem sighed, “Well…”

*~*~*~*~*

Buffy broke into an old home that seemed to be uninhabited for years, figuring it didn’t matter; the town really wasn’t going by the law anymore anyway. She walked into one of the bedrooms and saw a king size bed. Buffy sighed and walked towards it but then stopped and moved mirror that was hanging over dresser. She stared at her reflection, she seemed like she was looking at a stranger.

“Who are you?” she asked the reflection in the mirror after a few moments of staring at herself.

After she asked the question she got no reply, so she asked again.

“Who are you?!” she asked a little louder and tears welled up in her eyes.

Then she asked it once more but it more like a cry and scream. She took her fist and punched the mirror, shattering it. She didn’t stop once the mirror was broken, she kept punching it and punching it, not caring the pain she was causing to her hands.

Her screams and words that rolled off her tongue seemed to come from a place of anger, confusion, and madness. At one point she yelled ‘You don’t belong here!’, and then she yelled ‘You’re dead inside!’ repeatedly.

So out of it, Buffy didn’t even notice that something was pulling her back from the mirror, holding her and trying to calm her down. She kept thrashing out but the person held a strong grip on her until she was no longer fighting.

Buffy looked up and saw Spike as she cried, “Please…please” she sobbed, “Please help me. Help me….”

That’s all Spike needed to hear when he brought her close to his chest, protecting her as she continued to sob.

*~*~*~*~*~*~


Buffy sat on the edge on the bed, staring down at the floor, making her hair fall in her face. She really didn’t know what happened to herself a couple of minutes ago; she didn’t know what made her snap inside.

Spike walked into the bedroom from the hallway carrying some bandages and medicine for Buffy’s hands.

“You’re a lucky girl…found some bandages in the bathroom…” Spike said as he walked towards Buffy and kneeled down so he could tend to her hands.

Spike took both her hands and looked at them for a moment until he looked up and met Buffy’s eyes. He seemed like he wanted to say something to her but he could find the words, he just looked back down and started to grab some bandages for her hands.

Buffy raised her head a little, making her hair fall away from her face.

“How’d you find me?” Buffy asked softly.

Spike didn’t look up at her, “I have my ways…”

There was a moment of silence between them. Outside they could here the crickets of the night chirping.

”Why won’t you leave me alone?” Buffy asked, breaking the silence. Spike look up at her. “Why don’t you…go?”

”I like it here….” Spike said softly, “Besides…a friend of mine is in trouble…she needs help…” Spike pointed out.

Buffy looked down, knowing what he was talking about her.

”I’m a worthless cause…” Buffy got up off from the bed and walked to a different spot in the room.

Spike stood up, “Buffy—“

”I am!” Buffy turned around and had tears in her eyes, “There is no one left to live for here…my sister…my friends….their all gone…” she said the words as if they were breaking news to her.

”I know…” Spike whispered and looked away.

“I feel like I don’t even know myself…” Buffy said.

“I know the feeling…” Spike said.

”How?! How could you possibly know?!” Buffy shouted.

”You think you’re the only one that lost something?! Those friends…your sister, they were close to me too…hate to admit, but they were.” Spike said, “I traveled for almost a century around this bloody awful world and I found nothing compared to what I had back here…with you…with those Scooby pals of yours…

Buffy was surprised that Spike actually say these words, ‘I thought…I thought he hated my friends’ she thought to herself.

“The best years of my undead life…” Spike shook his head and then looked back at Buffy, “You think I didn’t want to walk out in the sun, drink some holy water, or go running into a stake over the years? I can’t even count the times I wanted to…but you know what kept me running…what made me make it to tomorrow?”

Buffy stood silent, waiting for the answer.

”’Be brave…live…for me.’” Spike stated.

Buffy exhaled the breath she was holding. He just threw the words she said to Dawn right back at her and she thought it was unbelievable that Spike still remembered ever word.

“I know you probably weren’t applying those words directly to me…but I took them to heart…I pretended they were from you to me.” Spike said honestly.
-
Buffy had tears in her eyes as he walked forward to her. She stared at him as he raised one of his hands to brush her tears away.

”I know you hate me saying but…I love you…and I will not lose you again.” Spike whispered, “You asked for help…so…I’m going to help.”

”And what if I’m beyond helping…will you give up?” Buffy whispered.

“Would be easier to do that huh? However…once I get started on something…I never stop.” Spike said. Buffy knew it was true; Spike wasn’t one to give in easily.

“So…what now?” she asked.

”We start from the beginning, the basics…a little refreshing.” Spike said.

Hours later Buffy and Spike walked through the old broken down Magic Box and into the backroom. Buffy looked around at the room that was once her training room to see it wasn’t totally destroyed, some of the equipment was still useable.

Buffy turned to Spike with questionable eyes.

“I fixed it up a little.” Spike shrugged.

Buffy looked back around at the room for a second time and examined more.

“So…” Spike started, Buffy looked at him, “Shall we get started?”

Buffy thought for a moment that this whole situation wasn’t such a good idea and just wouldn’t work. However Buffy knew that there was no other way, it was either get busy living or get busy dying.

“Let’s go to work.” Buffy said to Spike.


TBC....





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