“So…what do you think?” Buffy asked nervously, watching Willow’s expression.
The redhead swallowed and bit her lip. “I don’t know…I mean, I’ve never driven that far by myself.”
“I know the way,” Buffy told her friend. “But I totally understand if you don’t want to take me.”
Willow shook her head. “No. I’ll take you. Will you…will you tell me why?” She asked, meeting Buffy’s eyes. The implication was clear. Willow was agreeing to drive Buffy to LA because they were friends, but she expected the same trust.
“Yeah,” Buffy said slowly after a moment. “I will, I promise.”
Willow smiled, her face lighting up. “Then I guess we’re going on a road trip!”
Buffy laughed at the redhead’s infectious enthusiasm and then her face fell. “What about your parents?”
Willow’s brow wrinkled in concentration. “I’ll think of something,” she finally replied.
Buffy’s smile widened and she felt a rush of gratefulness for Willow. They had only known each other for two weeks and Willow was willing to do this for her. It just showed how loyal of a friend Willow was.
“Thank you so much,” Buffy said and impulsively hugged the redhead. “And I’ll tell you why later.” The thought of telling someone about what had happened, or at least part of it, made Buffy’s heart race with nervousness, but at the same time it felt right.
*********
Spike nearly jumped a foot in the air when he felt a delicate hand tap his shoulder. “Bloody fuck!” He shouted, spinning around to see Buffy, of all people, standing there with a smirk playing on the corner of her lips.
For a moment, Spike’s attention focused solely on the redness and lushness of her lips currently curved upward slightly. Then he quickly shook his head, snapping back to attention. “What do you want?”
The smirk on her face fell and Buffy muttered reluctantly, “A ride.” For the past couple of days since their blowout, they’d been dodging each other in the house and at school, and Willow or Fred had been kind enough to give her a ride. Unfortunately, Fred was out sick, a rare occurrence, and Willow had to stay after to work on a computer program. No one else had their license, a product of living in a small town, which meant Buffy had to suck it up and ask Spike.
Spike stared down at Buffy, eyes narrowed. He could see she wasn’t happy about asking him and that made him feel a little better. “Sure.”
Buffy gave a demure mumble of thanks and then slipped into the passenger seat as Spike took place at the wheel. She kept her mouth shut, not wanting another argument to take place. This was just a quick ride home, over in a few minutes.
“So what are you doin’ tomorrow?” Spike asked, feigning innocence. He could easily recall Buffy’s words only a few days before.
She shot him a glare. “Hanging out with Willow.”
Spike didn’t feel guilty exactly, but it was something close. He’d overacted, a little, with driving Buffy to LA, but it was strangely unsettling to think of her pining after some thick-necked git.
“I’ll, uh, drive you. Tomorrow, if you still wanna go.” Spike’s gaze never strayed from the road, his hands gripping the steering wheel.
Buffy’s mouth dropped and she blinked in surprise. She kept her eyes on Spike, waiting for him to turn and face her, and add…something. Anything to indicate he wasn’t serious. But he was, Buffy realized. Was he feeling bad? Or was he just trying to pry and figure her out?
Spike had already expressed his discontentment with not knowing much about Buffy or why she was living with them in Sunnydale. And why was he changing his mind after so vehemently protesting against taking her?
The confusion inside her made Buffy irritable. She hated not being able to exactly discern what Spike was doing.
“No thanks,” she replied shortly, her voice taut.
“Fine,” Spike snapped back, turning hard into the driveway. “Just offering.”
“Well,” Buffy began, stepping out of the car, “Don’t. I already got the message on how much you don’t like me, so don’t fake being nice.”
Spike’s jaw tensed. “Summers, I don’t fake being nice just to appease. If I hated you, I wouldn’t offer.”
Startled by his frank admission, Buffy sat there for a moment, her eyes trained on Spike’s. He stared back defiantly, waiting for her to respond, but instead Buffy leaped out of the car and walked inside without a backwards glance.
Spike stayed in the car, watching her go for a moment. Her reaction had puzzled him; it was the last thing he’d have expected from Buffy. He thought she’d make a sarcastic remark or glare at him. Not run into the house.
Deciding he wasn’t going to figure the girl out anytime soon, Spike backed out of the driveway and sped off.
*****
Buffy partially hid, watching Spike drive off. She sighed and faced the empty living room with annoyed expression.
“God, you’re stupid, Buffy,” she said out loud, wanting to smack herself in the head. What was her problem? Normal people wouldn’t run off when a person said they didn’t hate them.
But here she was, hiding from Spike. Who, if he didn’t think it before, thought she was certifiably insane. And it wasn’t that Spike’s confession was a bad thing, but with all the weird…feelings, or whatever the hell they were in her, Spike not hating her changed things.
Don’t be ridiculous, Buffy told herself, scoffing. Nothing has changed. It just meant Spike…well, she wasn’t sure what he was actually thinking, but it wasn’t hate and that was good.
Right?
********
“So, what did your mom say?” Buffy asked as soon as she was out of Giles’ and her mother’s earshot.
“We’re good,” Willow confirmed, “My mom thinks I’m spending the day at the library, hence no answering my phone and your mom…”
“Thinks I’m hanging out with you and then going to a movie/dinner,” Buffy finished, letting out a slow breath.
“Good,” Willow repeated and Buffy could hear the underlying excitement in her voice. She knew the redhead rarely, if ever, did something she wasn’t supposed to do.
“I’ll pick you up at ten?”
“Yep,” Buffy responded and they quickly exchanged goodbyes as Mrs. Rosenberg entered Willow’s room.
Buffy returned the phone to its original spot.
“Was that Willow?” Joyce asked curiously. She took a sip of her wine, looking up at her daughter.
“Yep,” Buffy replied easily, “she was calling to confirm our plans for tomorrow.”
“I always did like that girl,” Giles commented, sipping his own drink. “Always in the library, quite brilliant really. She tried to teach me how to use that blasted contraption, but it was rather unsuccessful.”
“Don’t you mean the computer?” Buffy teased and both women laughed at Giles’s sheepish expression.
Buffy sat down with them, enjoying the relaxed atmosphere. While she wouldn’t say that she and Joyce would be winning any mother/daughter awards, they were getting along better, slowly but surely. Buffy was determined to get to know her mother again. It had been shocking how much she realized she missed having her mother around, and it made her wonder why she’d delayed coming to Sunnydale so long.
Life in Sunnydale was good. She had her friends, her family and most importantly, her past was finally starting to let her go. Buffy just hoped it would stay that way.
************
“Ugh,” Buffy grumbled as she reclined in Willow’s temporary car. Her sleep had been cut short by her alarm clock blaring at 9:00 in the morning. Far too early for sensible people to be up, Buffy reasoned.
“Hey,” Willow nudged Buffy, “Come on, we’re going to LA.”
“Exactly,” the blonde muttered, slouching in her seat.
Willow frowned, giving Buffy a quick glance before returning to the street. Buffy, seeing the look, exhaled loudly.
“LA, for me, doesn’t hold a lot of good memories,” she began softly. “After my parents got divorced and my mom left…let’s just say I wasn’t the same. I used to be this peppy cheerleader, but then I sorta changed. Drinking, smoking,” Buffy paused, “and some other not-so good stuff.”
Willow looked sympathetic. “I’m sorry, Buffy. Really.”
Buffy shot Willow a grateful smile. “Thanks. So the reason I need to go back is because today is my…friend’s birthday.”
The redhead didn’t miss the pause at ‘friend’. Whoever he was, was something more than just a friend. Willow didn’t push, Buffy had promised her what happened, but at her own pace.
“Okay then,” Willow said with false brightness, a distraction. “Time to turn on some whiny rock music and sing as loud as we can?”
Buffy laughed loudly, a wide grin blooming on her face. “Yep!”
*****
The two girls filled the ride with meaningless chatter and the occasional serious questions. Willow had opened up a little more about her now-dead crushes on Xander and Spike and included embarrassing details about both of them, which cheered Buffy up.
Buffy confessed that she and Spike rarely got along, and how annoying he was. Willow didn’t seem all that surprised.
“Spike’s always been like that,” Willow told Buffy as she pulled off at the LA exit.
“An asshole?” Buffy supplied, causing Willow to shrug sheepishly.
“Kinda, yeah. Like I told you, even now he’s still hung up over Drusilla,” Willow added.
Ah, Buffy thought, the elusive Drusilla. “What is she like?”
“Drusilla?” Willow asked and wrinkled her nose slightly. “Basically, a vampire. Dark hair, pale skin, weird behavior. Almost childlike, yet you know she’s definitely not innocent. She leeches on to people, like Spike, who tend to like people who need them.”
Buffy frowned. “What do you mean?”
“Spike’s a romantic at heart. I know, hard to tell, but he fell hard for Drusilla and she craves that attention. Spike spent so much time with her, he kinda…lost himself,” Willow clarified.
Buffy nodded slowly. That explained why he took losing her so hard, he didn’t know what do with himself. It hit her sharply that she and Spike had that in common: falling for the wrong people for the wrong reason.
“Buffy?” Willow called out and the blonde quickly snapped to attention. “Where am I supposed to go?”
“Oh,” Buffy relaxed, “take a right turn on Range.” Willow was now sitting straight, her eyes alert. She’d only driven in LA once and that had been a few months before with her parents.
Buffy remained quiet, letting Willow focus. She only commented when Willow need directions.
“Just up at the next road and another left,” instructed Buffy, pointing with her finger. Willow complied and turned onto a fairly small street with big trees. It was obviously an older area with a beautiful church looming ahead.
“You can park in the church’s parking lot,” Buffy told Willow, who looked confused, but pulled in to the nearly empty parking lot and found a spot.
“Your friend lives in a church?” Willow asked, staring up at said building with a puzzled frown.
“No,” Buffy replied and swallowed hard. “He’s over there.” She pointed to the graveyard filled with headstones.
Willow blinked in shock, her hand covering her mouth. “Oh, Buffy. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize-“
Buffy quickly cut the redhead off. “No, don’t be. I kinda didn’t tell you on purpose,” she confessed. “It’s hard for me to think about it, let alone be here. I didn’t want to…” she let her words trail off as she stared out at the numerous graves. There were only two people there, a blonde woman and an older man scattered on either side of the graveyard.
Willow opened her mouth to ask where his grave was, when she saw Buffy’s face blanch, her eyes wide.
“Buffy?” Willow asked hesitantly, reaching out to touch her shoulder. “Are you-“
“We have to go, now,” Buffy hissed, pulling her seatbelt on.
Willow frowned, rapidly growing more and more confused. “Wait, I thought you wanted to see your friend’s grave?”
“Willow!” Buffy half-shouted, then lowered her voice. “Please, go.” The desperate plea in Buffy’s voice urged Willow to quickly back out and drive back the way they came. After a few minutes, Willow glanced at Buffy, alarmed to see her hands pressed against her face, soft sobs escaping from her.
Willow pulled over on another one of the nearby small roads, turned to her friend, concerned.
“Buffy, what’s wrong?” Willow asked. “You can tell me, I swear I won’t say anything to anyone.”
Buffy sniffled, wiping away her tears. She swallowed and the let out a slow sigh. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to go all Cry Buffy on you. I just,” she stopped, sniffling again. “God.”
“What?” Willow urged, now extremely worried. She searched Buffy’s face as if it held the answer.
“Um…” Buffy struggled to explain. “The guy whose birthday it is, he wasn’t just a friend.”
Willow nodded understandingly. “I kinda could guess,” she confessed, “you sorta hesitated when you said ‘friend’.”
Buffy nodded. “Yeah. I almost told you then, but I didn’t want you to think…god, this is gonna sound so bad,” she said, half to herself.
“I’m not going to judge you or anything,” Willow told Buffy, shaking her head.
“Okay,” Buffy whispered, tilting her head back. “Um, his name was Angel, Angel O’Connor, and was my first…a lot of things. I told you that after my parents divorced, I changed. I started hanging out with my cousin, Faith, who doesn’t exactly have the best reputation, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to…let go. I met him at a party and I think I fell in love with him at that moment. He was amazing. Sweet, smart, gorgeous, mysterious…everything I wanted.”
Buffy looked away, out the window. Willow respected this and didn’t say a word as Buffy continued her story.
“We started dating and one thing led to another…we were in love, and I had never been happier. I thought finally all the badness with my parents was gone and I had an amazing boyfriend. I could picture us together with the white picket fence, golden retriever, and 2.5 kids. He was…older, and I knew that, but I never really bothered to ask how much. It didn’t matter to me. He was perfect.”
Buffy could feel her throat closing up as she came up to the hardest part. She inhaled deeply and resumed talking.
“One night, he came to pick me up. We always went out at night and it was always to a place out of the city limits. It never really bothered me, mostly because they were gorgeous seaside restaurants and hotels. It was drizzling when he picked me up, but as we drove it got worse. It was storming, huge bolts of lightening and deafening thunder…I was kinda freaked out, not used to it storming that badly or all the rain. Then…” Buffy stopped, unable to continue.
Willow’s face was etched with sadness as she reached out, touching Buffy’s hand slightly. “Did you guys…crash?”
Buffy nodded, drawing in a shaky breath. “We skid and hit a tree. I broke my arm and a piece of glass got embedded in my stomach.” Her hand ghosted over the scar on her lower abdomen as tears slipped down her face. “He got the burnt of it though. They said…his skull shattered.”
“Oh, Buffy. I’m so, so sorry,” Willow’s voice cracked a little. “That must have been so hard to see his grave. I totally understand why you wanted to go. We’ll just head-“
“That’s not why.”
Willow stopped, watching the Buffy carefully. “What?”
Buffy cleared her throat, wiping at the stray tear on her lip. “That’s not why I couldn’t.” She paused and Willow waited for her explanation.
“Did you see the blonde woman there?” Buffy finally asked, staring down at her hands.
Willow nodded, her brow furrowed. “Yeah?” Her answer was more of a question, and she glanced at Buffy.
“Her name’s Darla O’Connor,” Buffy said softly. “She’s Angel’s wife.”
tell me what you think!