There wasn’t much to be said after Buffy’s startling confession. Willow drove them back to Sunnydale in near silence. For the most part, Buffy’s mind was elsewhere, on Angel.
Thinking about him was hard and Buffy wondered how she could have thought she was ready to see his grave. Whatever small slice of hope her mind had clung to, was shattered, leaving her emotions in a whirlwind.
The safety net was gone and she had to face up to reality. Angel was gone. Really gone. Buffy let out a long sigh. If she could, she’d have cried at that thought, but there were no more tears left in her. Exhaustion had taken over and all she wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep.
Seeing Darla had also sent her mind reeling. While they’d never met face-to-face, Darla was well aware her late husband had been having an affair, but didn’t know who. Buffy knew Darla hadn’t found out until the accident, until Angel had died. But there was always a possibility that Darla had found Buffy’s name. After all, she was a woman with connections.
For Buffy, Darla was representation of her shame. Just thinking of her made the guilt and shame wash over her. She felt like she should have known, had some sort of intuition about his marriage.
The one good thing Buffy could cling to was that Angel being gone helped her move on. But the pain was still there, the pain of loving and losing him. Buffy bit her lip, watching as the passed the “Welcome to Sunnydale” sign.
“Hey.” Willow’s voice broke through Buffy’s muddled thoughts. “Wanna get something to eat?”
As if on cue, Buffy’s stomach rumbled. It was late, nearly 6:00, and the last time they’d eaten was around noon. “Yeah,” she said out loud. “That sounds good.”
“How about Romano’s?” Willow suggested, naming a popular pizza place that served Buffy’s favorite: extra cheesy with pineapple.
A small grin crept on her lips. “Definitely.”
*********
By the time they’d ordered and called their respective parents, Buffy felt a little better.
“Buffy,” Willow began hesitantly, fiddling with the plastic placemat before her. “I was wondering…what was it like? Being in love?”
At Willow’s nervous expression, Buffy couldn’t help but laugh a little. “I don’t know. I mean for me with…Angel…it was almost…painful. Like, being around him complicated everything, even without knowing about the marriage. But at the same time it was exhilarating and just…amazing.”
Willow nodded slowly, never looking up from her hands. “I want that,” she whispered and then added, “except for the painful part.”
“Yeah,” Buffy said, sounding far away, “So do I.” Then she shook her head. “Enough sad talk. I think I’ve had more than my share of that today,” Buffy said briskly, trying to look cheerful.
“Okay,” Willow quickly agreed. “So-“
“Willow! Buffy!”
Both girls turned to see Gunn waving at them from across the room. Next to him the same curly haired girl Buffy had seen at lunch the day before sat with him. Spike and a guy Buffy vaguely recognized sat with them.
“Joy,” Buffy muttered under her breath as Willow, ever the friendly one, stood up and walked over to their table. The last person Buffy wanted to see was Spike.
She reluctantly stood up and followed Willow, pasting a bright smile on her face.
“Yo,” Gunn greeted Buffy as she stood there, avoiding Spike’s direction. “Have you met Gwen?” He gestured to the brunette beside him.
Buffy shook her head. “No. Nice to meet you.”
Gwen nodded with a tight smile. “You too.” She pushed back her curly hair and Buffy caught a glimpse of a few red streaks as she whispered into Gunn’s ear.
He frowned for a moment and looked puzzled before standing up and dropping a ten on the table. “Gwen and I are headed out. Later Wills, Buffy.”
Buffy watched them leave, their hands intertwined. “I didn’t know Gunn had a girlfriend,” she said, half to herself.
Willow nodded, acknowledging Buffy’s comment. “Yeah. They’re kinda off and on again.” She turned to Spike and the dark-haired guy. “Either of you seen Tara lately?”
Spike shook his head and drummed his fingers on the table. “Haven’t seen the bird since Thursday in English.”
The other guy looked confused. “Tara? Man is she that blonde chick, kinda shy?”
Willow rolled her eyes. “Devon, she’s in your study hall.”
A look of recognition flashed in his eyes. “Riiight. Dude, I remember her. I haven’t seen her though. Think she ditched.”
Willow frowned, looking a little worried. “No way, Tara would never ditch. I mean, she’s not a schoolaholic like me, but…”
Buffy laughed a little at Willow’s word and Devon’s attention shifted to her. His eyes traveled over her golden hair to her body and stayed there.
“I don’t remember you though,” he drawled. “Are you new?”
“Kinda,” Buffy responded, crossing her arms. “I’m Buffy Summers.”
Devon’s eyes widened and he turned to Spike. “Dude, that’s the girl who you live with? Damn!”
Willow rolled her eyes again. “Ignore him. He finds it impossible to not say stupid comments.”
Devon continued gawking at Buffy until Spike finally hit him in the chest. “Lay off, mate. You’re acting like a bloody idiot.”
Devon just blinked. “Right,” he mumbled and then focused back on Buffy. “Wanna go out sometime? My band is playing at the Bronze on Tuesday at eight.”
“Umm…” Buffy began. “I don’t think that’s the best-“
“Devon!” Willow admonished, sitting in the chair across from him. “She doesn’t want to go out with you. Not everyone is amazed you have a band.”
For a second Devon looked hurt but then he grinned. “Cordy was pretty amazed.”
Willow’s nose scrunched. “Cordelia?! You went out with her?”
Even Spike looked surprised. “Hey! When did that happen?”
Devon shrugged, leaning back in his seat. “A couple months ago. Man that girl is hot.” His temporary infatuation with Buffy forgotten, Devon continued discussing his ‘date’ with Cordelia in detail, causing both girls to return to their seats, disgusted.
Thankfully the pizza was just arriving as they sat down and Buffy dug in, savoring each bite.
“Summers.” Buffy glanced up to see Spike standing in front of their table, hands shoved down his ever present duster.
She swallowed the last of her food and took a sip of water. “Yeah?”
“Need a ride home? I’m headed there,” he asked, motioning in a random direction with his thumb.
Buffy glanced at Willow who was already done. “I don’t know, I came here with Willow…” Buffy began.
Seeing Spike’s expression, Willow smoothly cut in. “Go ahead. I have to drop some books off at the library anyway.”
Buffy cleared her throat and stood up, grabbing her bag. “Okay then.” She followed Spike out to his car after exchanging a quick hug with Willow.
“Promise you’ll call me tomorrow?” Willow asked and Buffy nodded.
The night was clear and balmy, a warm breeze occasionally drifting in, and Buffy briefly enjoyed the feel of the air on her skin. She walked towards Spike’s car, intent on figuring out why he’d offered to take her home.
Buffy slid into the passenger seat and waited for Spike to get in and turn on the engine. As he did so, she cast a look at him. He was unusually silent and wasn’t bothering to even look in her direction.
Spike pulled out of the parking lot and drove down Main Street, his gaze focused on the traffic. “So, did you ever get to visit the bloke in LA?” Spike finally asked.
Buffy swallowed hard. “Yeah. Willow drove me.”
Spike cleared his throat. “Nice birthday?”
“I guess,” she answered in a non-committed tone of voice.
“Right,” Spike laughed, “I’m sure with his girl there, everything was dandy. You do the whole dinner by candlelight, roses and champagne deal?”
“No,” Buffy responded sharply. “I just went to visit his grave.” She hadn’t meant to say that out loud and by the expression on Spike’s face, she had certainly startled him.
“Oh, bloody hell,” Spike sputtered and exhaled loudly. He stopped at a red light and turned to Buffy. “I-uh-didn’t realize he-“
“Was dead,” Buffy finished for him, her voice soft. “Yeah. Um, he died a few months ago. And you’re right, he wasn’t just a friend.”
Spike nodded slowly. “I guess that means I owe you an-“
“Green light,” Buffy interrupted quickly and Spike snapped to attention, accelerating.
They drove in silence the rest of the way, Buffy intent on keeping her mouth shut. Spike almost apologizing to her was definitely not of the norm.
Spike pulled into the driveway and cut the engine. Buffy moved to open the door when he stopped her.
“What?” Buffy demanded, crossing her arms, trying to look bored and annoyed.
Spike’s jaw clenched and he looked up, letting out a sharp exhale. “We have a truce, right?”
Buffy nodded quickly. “Of course. Be civil for parents.”
Spike regarded her, his brow furrowed. “Do you hate me, Summer?”
“What? Of course not!” She immediately replied. It was true, she certainly didn’t hate him, she just…violently disliked him a times.
“Okay,” Spike continued slowly, “And I don’t hate you…most of the time.”
At this, Buffy rolled her eyes. “Riiight, because you’re Mr. Lovable. You know, just because I don’t hate you, doesn’t mean you have redeeming qualities.”
“Other than my hot body?” Spike joked which earned him a glare. He shook his head, clearing his mind. “Point is: civil isn’t working. Dad and your mum aren’t all that convinced we’re the wee little family they want us to be. And ten bucks says they’re bloody married in a year.”
“Oookay,” Buffy drew out the word. “What are you suggesting?”
“Friends.”
Buffy blinked. “Um…maybe I heard you wrong, but did you just say friends?”
“Yeah,” Spike replied, “We annoy the hell out of each other, but we can still try and be friends. For them.” He jerked his thumb to the house.
“I guess,” Buffy said slowly, her brow creased. “What exactly does that require?”
“Well first,” Spike shot her a grin. “You, me, and a run tomorrow morning. Five minute miles.”
Buffy immediately straightened at the challenge, her own grin creeping up on her. “Really? Think you can beat me?”
Spike shrugged good-naturedly. “Probably. But I don’t wanna hurt your girly feelings.”
Buffy scoffed. “You are in no way going to hurt my ‘girly feelings’.”
“Oh?” Spike countered. “So you’re not a girl?”
Buffy snorted. “Puh-lease. I’m so a girl and I can prove it.” There was an awkward pause after her statement and she could feel her face heating up.
“Err…that came out wrong,” she mumbled and Spike laughed. “I mean,” Buffy continued fumbling to correct her words. “I am a girl and I can prove it. I’m just not gonna prove it…to you.”
“I don’t know, Summers. I wouldn’t mind so much.” Spike intended his words to be teasing, but instead his voice was low and smooth.
Another awkward pause settled between them and Spike cleared his throat, trying to ease the discomfort. Buffy’s eyes glanced up, meeting his, and for a moment Spike just stared into the dark hazel color. Then his gaze drifted down to those damnable shiny lips currently parted slightly in confusion.
“So,” Buffy said loudly, breaking the silence. “Friends.”
Spike jerked himself out of his trance and nodded sharply. “Yeah, soddin’ friends.” He yanked his car down open and stomped out, clearly angry. “See you tomorrow morning at 8:00.”
Buffy sat there, watching him stalk into the house, a frown on her face. “Gee, what did I do?” she mumbled. So much for their ‘friendship’. And why was she agreeing to that anyway? Spike’s approval was so not something she ever needed. It’s for your mom, she reminded herself as she walked into the house.
She’d barely made it into the front door when she accosted by her mother. Joyce’s face was practically glowing with happiness.
“Oh, Buffy,” she smiled at her daughter. “Guess what? An old friend of Rupert’s offered us his beach house for the weekend! Isn’t that exciting?”
“Uh…” Buffy stared at her mother in horror, but she was too oblivious to notice.
“Oh, it’s going to be so much fun! You and William have a four day weekend coming up and we’ll get to finally bond together as a family.” Joyce reached forward to brush her daughter’s hair out of her eye. “I’m so glad you and William are getting along. And Rupert thinks you’re wonderful. I really think this going to work out perfectly, don’t you?”
“Um…” Her mother looked so hopeful that it was hard to say no. “Sure!” Buffy said with false cheerfulness. “It’ll be super!”
Joyce bit her lip, her smile falling a little. “Do you think maybe you could talk to William about it? He wasn’t all that happy when Rupert mentioned it.”
“Sure.” Buffy kept her grin pasted on. “No problem. In fact, I’ll go do that now.” She started up the stairs after Joyce gave her a quick hug.
Spike’s door was shut and Buffy knocked hesitantly. When there was no response, Buffy yelled, “I’m coming in!”
Still no answer.
Buffy opened the door a crack to see Spike sitting on his bed, headphones on. When he noticed her at the door, he picked up his iPod, hit a button and pulled an earphone out. “Yeah?”
Buffy stepped in and shut the door before turning around with a no-nonsense look on her face. “The thing about friendship is it requires compromising. That means I go running with you and prove that I can so kick your sorry ass, and you go to the beach house next weekend and pretend to be the dutiful, dotting son you aren’t. Deal?”
Spike sat up, meeting her eyes with a raised brow. “And if I say no?”
Buffy crossed her arms. “I’ll tell Harmony you love her.”
Instantaneously, Spike’s slouched back against his pillows, defeated. “Fine,” he grumbled, “I’ll bloody fuckin’ go.”
“Good.” And with that, she flounced out of his room.