Just push the door, Buffy instructed herself. Her fingers fiddled with the shoulder strap of her backpack as she pushed the swinging door open with her free hand.
Ducking slightly, Buffy stepped in the quiet room and turned to the front desk.
“Oh,” Giles blinked. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”
Buffy shrugged uncomfortably. “Yeah. Research paper.”
“For US History?” Giles questioned as he moved around the desk.
“Yeah,” Buffy answered slowly. “How’d you know?”
A faint smile appeared on Giles’s face. “William did the same one last year right after Halloween.”
“Oh.” Buffy felt a little stupid. Sometimes she forgot that Giles and Spike were actually related. “Right. Where’s the American history section?”
“Right behind those stacks.” Giles pointed up at the stairs, indicating to the first row. “There’s a little table up there so you can look at them, if you want.”
Buffy smiled gratefully. “Thanks, Giles.”
“Of course, Buffy. I must run to the teacher’s lounge for a moment, so if you have any questions ask Tara.”
“Tara?” Buffy echoed in confusion. “She’s here?”
Giles nodded, looking surprised at her uncertainty. “Yes, she’s, erm, helping me sort through the new donations. She should be back in the stacks somewhere.” He absentmindedly glanced over Buffy’s shoulder before walking out of the library.
“Tara?” Buffy called out loudly.
There was a dull thunk and shuffle as Tara’s peeked out from behind a rather tall shelf. “Buffy!” She said, surprised. “Looking for a book?”
Buffy rolled her eyes. “US History paper.”
Tara made a sympathetic noise. “I remember that.” She walked down the stairs, her long skirt swishing around her ankles.
“So, where’ve you been?” Buffy questioned as she leaned against the desk. “I didn’t see you at the dance.”
“Um,” Tara began, her gaze flittering. “I-I had a lot of w-work to do.”
Tara’s explanation was vague enough that Buffy suspected it wasn’t true, which meant she was avoiding someone, probably Willow. She tried to think back if Willow had mentioned Tara much in the past week and found herself realizing she hadn’t.
“Is everything okay?” Buffy asked carefully, setting her bag down on the ground. “I mean, you and Willow haven’t been hanging out much.”
“O-oh, w-we have, I’m just…busy,” Tara said by way of answer. This time, there was no doubt in Buffy’s mind something was wrong.
“Oh.” Buffy glanced down at her light pink nails. The color was sheer and pink; the opposite of what she was feeling right now. It then occurred to her that maybe Tara was a good person to talk to about her dilemma with Spike.
While Fred was good at keeping it quiet, she didn’t really know how to answer. Give the brunette a complex physics problem, she’d solve it in a second, but real life was a little different. Wesley was like that too, which was probably why they were together.
Buffy, on the other hand, seemed to be clueless on both. It didn’t used to be that way, Buffy used to be the It Girl before last year. Everything came easily until Angel.
Complications.
“Buffy?” Tara prompted gently with a searching look.
“Do you think maybe you could stop by the Magic Box around 6:30?” Buffy proposed. “I’ll be done with work then, and there’s something I wanna…talk to you about.”
Despite her puzzled expression, Tara agreed. “Sure. But, um, the library is empty.”
“I know.” Buffy bit her lower lip. “It’s just…private. I really don’t need anyone….especially Giles, you know, overhearing anything.”
“Oh,” Tara said, understandingly. “Right, he’s your stepfather.”
Buffy felt that disappointing sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. “Exactly.”
************
“Wait, what happened?” Buffy asked, thoroughly puzzled.
Currently, she, Willow and Anya were sitting outside in the balmy sun during lunch while Anya was explaining her fight with Xander.
“He’s being a stupid head,” Willow announced, taking a bite of her peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Anya nibbled out a carrot, her brow furrowed. “I laugh at his jokes, I support him, I give him great sex and not to mention the amazing blow jobs. And all I get is an ‘I don’t know, Ahn’? What the hell?”
Buffy glanced between the two girls. “Again I say ‘huh?’”
Anya sighed loudly. “Xander and I were making out in my car and I very subtly asked him if this meant something, you know? We’ve been screwing each other’s brains out for the past three months, so shouldn’t he call me his girlfriend? He’s not dating anyone else,” she paused, turning to Willow. “Right?”
The redhead nodded vigorously. “Right.”
“So,” Anya continued, now spooning her chocolate pudding in her mouth. “He’s all ‘undecided’ and ‘I don’t know’.” She huffed, “Men.”
Buffy blinked. “So you and Xander…?”
“Nonexistent until Xander grows a pair,” Anya announced with another scoop of pudding.
“Okay,” was all Buffy felt she could say. She turned to Willow. “Please tell me you and Oz are still in the insane happy land?”
Willow’s face adopted an uncertain look. “Actually, I’m not so sure,” she admitted.
“What?” Buffy blurted. “Is everyone having relationship problems? You were both supposed to be my light at the end of a very, very long and dark tunnel.”
“Well,” Willow amended, “we’re not not good, but…I don’t know, I…I just feel like maybe…” she trailed off, staring across the courtyard.
“Wills?” Anya prompted.
“I don’t know,” Willow echoed with a weak shrug. “Maybe it’s nothing.”
Buffy studied her friend’s worried, torn expression and decided to change the subject. “So…where’s Fred and Wes?”
“Extra credit Physics lab,” Willow answered swiftly. “They told me they wouldn’t be at lunch.”
“Nerds,” Anya imputed without malice.
“Well, they’re still in happy land, right? All good and…happy,” Buffy tried with false confidence.
“Yeah,” the two dolefully responded in unison.
“Yeah,” Buffy repeated. There was a gloomy pause before she added, “Okay, who wants chocolate?”
Both girls’ hands went up, and Buffy sighed, standing up. “Two chocolate bars, coming up.”
*************************
For the first time since Buffy had been at Sunnydale High, she didn’t go straight to the track/football field. Cross-country had ended, sadly, and the cooler, for California anyway, weather was coming in. She pulled her blazer tighter around her waist and attempted to keep up with Anya’s rapid pace.
Buffy immediately spied the red convertible, top up this time, parked awkwardly in its spot.
“Nice parking job,” she said, unable to hide her smirk.
Anya beamed. “Thank you! It’s so much better than last year.”
Buffy shook her head in wonder. “How exactly did you pass?”
Anya unlocked the car and both girls slid in the buttery leather seats. “I’m not sure. One minute I was describing the patriotic purpose of money and capitalism and the next, the lady was giving me my slip.”
Buffy broke out into a wide grin. “I’ll have to remember that technique.”
Anya backed out of her spot and with a squeal, shot out of the parking lot. “What technique?” She asked, puzzled.
“Never mind,” Buffy wisely responded.
They pulled into the Magic Box with two minutes to spare. Buffy quickly pinned her nametag on and ran a hand over her hair, smoothing it down. She and Anya raced into the building through the back, punched in and went to the front desk where Jeff was managing the cash register.
“Hey guys,” he greeted cheerfully.
“Hey Jeff,” Anya replied with a charming grin. “Who’s your favorite cashier today?”
Jeff chuckled. “Actually, Buffy.”
The blonde’s brow furrowed. “Me?” She echoed, glancing at Anya.
“Yep, and Anya,” he said her name clearly, “will be helping with me with our monthly inventory.”
Anya turned to Buffy with a smug little grin. “If I didn’t, Jeff would be a terrified little man cowering in the corner of his store.”
Jeff rolled his eyes as Anya followed him to the back room. “I just let you think that so you don’t bug me about helping,” he told her with a ‘ha!’ look. Then he added to Buffy, “Remember everything for the cash register?”
Buffy nodded ‘yes’ and went to go grab her drawer. She could still hear Jeff and Anya arguing playfully as they descended down into the basement to do inventory. She smiled a little at their antics. Maybe he wasn’t so bad, she thought, thinking back to what she saw the pervious week. And, she added mentally, who was she to judge?
A rather obese old man with a receding hairline waddled to the counter and plopped down his purchases, sniffling loudly.
Buffy gave him her perfected beam. “Hi, welcome to the Magic Box. Did you find everything you need?”
**********
At 6:32, Buffy punched out and met Tara outside of the shop. She unpinned her name tag and stuck it in her pocket and put her backpack in Tara’s car. They wandered down to the ice-cream parlor and ordered before strolling on sidewalk.
Buffy took a lick of her mint chip as Tara finally asked, “So, what’d you want to talk about?”
It took Buffy a moment to respond, but she did, her voice soft. “I wanted to talk about…Spike.”
Tara took a little spoonful of her chocolate. “What about him? Y-you guys not getting along well?”
Buffy laughed sardonically. “Actually, kinda the opposite.”
Tara looked thoroughly befuddled. “You m-mean you’re…getting along well?” Her words tumbled out clumsily.
“You could say that,” Buffy said slowly, “or you could say we made out.”
Tara stopped in her tracks, ignorant to the drop of ice cream trickling down her fingers. “Y-you w-what?” Her voice was shocked.
“We kissed,” Buffy muttered quickly. “At the beach house and then again at the party, where I was so not sober and there may have been some taking advantage of…by me. God, I’m a slut.” She repeated her words from her conversation with Fred.
“No you’re not, Buffy,” Tara replied gently, seemingly over her shock.
“What?” Buffy asked, looking up. “You’re not shocked, disgusted…”
“No!” Tara shook her head vehemently. “Well, definitely shocked, because, you know, it’s you and Spike, but not disgusted. You’re not related by blood, Buffy, just remember that.”
“I know,” Buffy admitted, “but it’s still so…weird and awkward. Almost like we are siblings. My mom and Giles keep pushing for us all to be one big happy family, and meanwhile, the big brother and sweet little sister are having lusty feelings.”
Tara giggled a little at the imagery. “Okay,” she conceded, “it is a little awkward.”
“A little?” Buffy grumbled, “try way awkward.”
“But,” Tara continued firmly, “you can’t just ignore the feelings.”
“Why not?” Buffy muttered. She knew she couldn’t, but she wanted to say it anyway.
“I think you know why,” Tara observed, taking a lick of her ice cream.
Buffy swallowed a heaping spoonful of ice cream, enjoying the icy flavor slide down her throat. “Yeah.”
“Are you…are you in love with him?” Tara ventured timidly.
“No!” Buffy’s response was immediate and sharp. She really wasn’t. Love was something far, far away from any feeling she had for Spike, and she didn’t plan on changing that anytime soon.
“Just asking,” Tara told her with a half-teasing smile.
Buffy smiled back. “Then the answer is no. It’s not.”
Tara’s expression turned serious as they found themselves in front of her slightly beaten little silver car. “Whatever you choose, Buffy, it’s the right choice for you, okay?”
“Okay, thanks,” Buffy answered, taking one last bite of her ice cream before tossing it out. Tara did the same and wiped her hands off on a little napkin.
Buffy looked around sheepishly. “Um…give me a ride home?”
Tara laughed a little. “Sure.”
The drive to Revello Dr. was relatively quiet and peppered by the occasional small talk. Mostly, Buffy was thinking about everything. Everything meaning Spike and their situation. She knew she needed an answer soon, she couldn’t just expect Spike of all people to just drop it. He’d keep pushing, she’d bet on it.
Tara turned into Buffy’s driveway and parked the car. Buffy hoisted her backpack on her shoulders and turned to her friend. “Thanks, it really helped talking to you.”
“You’re welcome a-and thanks for ice cream, it was good,” Tara replied with a shy smile.
“No problem,” Buffy said easily. She bit her lip, remembering her question. “Maybe it’s none of my business, but what’s going on with you and Willow?”
Flustered, Tara stumbled over her vague answer. “I-we’re…not…it’s not that-“ she stopped herself, looking apologetic. “It’s not really my place to tell.”
Buffy nodded slowly. “I understand, thanks though. But even if you’re fighting or whatever, I’m sure you’ll work it out.”
“Yeah, we will.”