Willow closed the door to Giles’ bedroom. She knocked once and spoke the words n’antendé secot. A puff of red smoke wormed its way into the cracks of the door, sealing them in and soundproofing the room.
“How’s Angel?” Buffy asked.
They formed a loose circle around Giles’ desk – Giles and Xander, Buffy and Willow.
Willow said, “He’s complain-y guy. Says he doesn’t need healing spells. And there was more than burned skin. He has some pretty bad cuts and scrapes. And a nasty knife wound that may or may not be poisoned.”
Buffy wrinkled her nose. “Doesn’t need healing spells?”
“Always with the macho,” Willow said. “I’m big bad Angel. I’m all rugged and glower-y.”
“Did he do the forehead thing?” Buffy said.
Giles, who grew more harrowed as the conversation continued, finally said, “Buffy, we need to talk.”
Buffy turned to Xander and Giles, holding up her hands. “I know we do,” she conceded. “It is way crowded here, what with Angel and Connor and Lorne, but...”
“Has nothing to do with them, Buff,” Xander said.
“It’s about Spike,” Giles said.
“Spike?”
Willow nodded. “Buffy...” she said.
Giles interrupted. “We have reason to believe that he’s a...”
“Golem,” Xander said.
“A what-em?” Buffy said.
“A mystical construct created to infiltrate this house,” Giles said.
“Exploit you. Determine weaknesses,” Xander added.
Buffy panned from one to the other, mouth slightly parted. “Are you insane?” she asked.
Giles rubbed his forehead. “I’m afraid we’re quite sober. We’ve all done our research.”
Buffy looked to Willow, but Willow did not meet her eyes.
“We had to be sure before we brought our findings forth,” Giles said.
“Brought your findings forth? Giles?” Buffy said.
Xander looked down at the space on the floor between his feet. He said, “It’s true Buffy. There’s a spell. An enchantment. It’s affected you, made you feel...”
“Made me feel what?” Buffy said, raising her voice.
Willow hugged herself.
“An attachment,” Giles said.
“Oh, I get it. Some super-powerful demon or witch cast a spell to make me fall in love with Spike,” Buffy said. She uttered an abbreviated laugh. “Why would they even bother? I mean, how lame is that?”
Xander finally raised his head. He had to work hard at keeping an even tone. He said, “He was someone close. And also dead.”
For a moment, Buffy felt her knees go jiggly. It was like a tiny earthquake beneath her feet. “He’s not dead,” she said. “He’s not. Obviously.”
Willow reached for her, but Buffy pulled away.
“No. I know what you’re trying to do,” she said. She raised an accusatory finger at Giles. “You never understood. And it isn’t like this is the first time. And Xander...” Buffy felt a twinge of an ache in her temple. She massaged it and closed her eyes. The room seemed to spiral behind her eyelids. When was the last time she felt this tired?
Giles came closer, trying the comforting patriarch approach. “This isn’t like it was in Sunnydale, Buffy. It’s preying on you. Drawing strength from your feelings for him.”
Buffy backed away again. “You don’t understand,” she said.
Willow covered her mouth. Xander looked miserable. Giles gaped.
“It’s impossible. This is the most ridiculous and ...and impossibly stupid thing any of you have ever said. Ever. Drawing strength from my feelings for him? I never l-” she choked on the words, but tried again. “I never...”
“We know. You never loved him, Buffy,” Xander said. “It’s all right. That’s part...”
Buffy shook her head. “I never looked at him,” she said. Her shoulders dropped and she didn’t seem to know what to do with her hands.
“Oh,” Willow said, softly.
Buffy massaged her temple again. “It’s not right. It can’t be. He’s so real,” she said. “And he knows things. And what I feel when I’m with him. Who could – create that?”
“They didn’t,” Giles said. “You did.”
Buffy sniffed, then straightened. Her forehead creased in a figuring-it-out way. “And Angel’s here. My Angel. Actually here, in this house,” she said, laughing at herself. “I’ve barely even looked at him.”
“There is a spell,” Giles said, trying to soothe her. “A disenchantment. It will remove the golem and allow Willow to trace its origin.”
“Let’s not tiptoe, Giles. Destroy it, you mean. Kill him,” she said. Her chin trembled. “Will it – hurt?”
“We don’t know,” Xander said.
Willow said, “But we know... that is, we know you...”
“I have to be the one to do it,” Buffy said.
“Yes,” Giles told her.
“Because it’s all about me,” she said, again with the bitter.
Gently, Willow added, “You don’t have to decide right now.”
Giles and Xander sent piercing glances Willow’s way.
“Good,” Buffy said. “Good. I believe I have had enough for one day.” She tried her best not to scurry out of the room, but looking dignified was difficult when you were storming out in blind fury.
“Wait,” Willow said, urgently.
Buffy stopped but did not turn around.
“About the spell. If we’re wrong, nothing happens. And we’ll all know,” Willow said. “We’ll all know.”
“But if we’re right...” Buffy said. She shook her head. “He can’t know.”
She stepped outside and leaned against the door. It took all of her copious strength to keep from sliding down to a heap on the floor. There was noise, upstairs and down. So many people crowded in - Kennedy, Lorne, Andrew, Connor, Dawn, William. She craved quiet, but there was none. She was home, but somehow, once again, she felt all alone.
Buffy went upstairs and lay down on her bed. Later, when William came up to join her, she pretended to sleep.
~*~
Xander came downstairs with a wicked craving for stringy cheese. And maybe some cashews. He needed salty snack foods to assuage his great big guilty conscience at having to break unpleasant news in such a bad way. As he passed by the dining room, he spied Dawn in the big swivel chair usually designated for Giles. She sat with her knees drawn to her chest. In her lap, she cradled an ancient text, which she highlighted furiously as she read.
Xander slid into the room. He said, “Speaking from experience: Giles really hates it when you do that.”
Dawn looked up, not full of joy.
“Seriously,” Xander said. “I think I still have the notch on my ear where he pinched...”
“This is from my personal collection,” Dawn said, swiveling away from him.
Xander felt the chilliness of icy Dawn scorn like brain-freeze.
“Personal collection?” he said. “You have a personal collection?”
Dawn spun the chair back to face him.
“You think you know,” she snapped. “But you don’t.”
“You think I think I don’t know what?” Xander said.
“The little conference you had upstairs. With Giles and Willow and Buffy. Do you think I’m stupid? You’re gonna do the spell. You’re gonna get rid of him,” Dawn said.
Xander put his hands palm down on the table. Suddenly, his desire for salty snacks anted up to include pretzels and pints of Guinness.
“Dawnie,” he said. “If he is what Giles says, some sorcerer out there throws a magical power switch and Spikey sells us out. Goodbye peaceful, well-put together house...”
“No, Xander. You’re wrong,” Dawn said. She hugged her book to her chest. “I know there’s something else. Something missing, that you’re all missing.”
“Dawn,” Xander said.
Dawn returned to her reading. With nose planted firmly in book, she said, in her most icy tone, “If you’ll excuse me, I have a lot of reading to do if I’m going find it in time.”
~*~
Buffy left William’s side after moonrise.
She walked slowly past closed doors, then went downstairs to find Willow standing barefoot in the garden. Pale green sand flowed from Willow’s cupped palms. Her upturned face glowed in the moonlight. Her eyes were closed, and Buffy noticed how at peace she seemed.
Buffy paused at the door, unsure if she should disturb her. Just as Buffy started to leave, Willow turned. She beckoned for her to come outside.
Buffy stepped out. The night felt balmy and serene, which was quite the contrast to the crowded-ness of inside.
“Am I disturbing the magics?” Buffy asked.
“No. The dew replenishes my energy. It’s good dew,” Willow said. She dusted the remaining grains from her fingertips. “And the sand helps to restore strength. Angel’s healing spells were kinda tricky.”
Buffy hugged herself. Willow leaned over so that their shoulders were touching.
“About earlier...” Willow began.
“The yelling,” Buffy said.
“Yeah. You okay?”
“Bit hoarse,” Buffy said.
“You don’t have to.”
Buffy turned to her. Her voice went all crackly. “What if they’re right?”
“Buffy...”
“What if he’s a... thing? A thing sent to hurt us?”
Willow said nothing.
Buffy went over to sit down on the stone step. “Who would do this, Will?”
Willow sat down too. She took Buffy’s hand in her own. “A villain,” Willow said.
“Damn them.”
“That is part of the mission statement,” Willow said.
Buffy rubbed her face with her free hand. She said, “I haven’t been this tired since...”
“Sunnydale. I know,” Willow said. “The amassed crowd doesn’t help. This place was already full to brimming, but now with Angel and Connor and Lorne...”
“Who’s not a Slayer, by the way,” Buffy said. “Notice: tall, male and demon.”
“Seeking asylum,” Willow said.
Buffy nodded. “Lorne knows Angel, and he knew Spike. Giles had a plan.”
“Yeah, you know, it was kind of a shock to find that the reason Lorne was here is, well, here,” Willow said.
Buffy watched the moon as it sailed between the clouds. There was so much noise in her head, so much crowded into her thoughts.
“I don’t think I...” Buffy said. She couldn’t complete the sentence.
“It’s okay,” Willow said. “I know.”
“No,” Buffy said firmly. “You misunderstand. I don’t think I can fight any more. The last few days – earthquake notwithstanding – they’ve been good days. Normal. Fun, even. And things just fit. They fit. It’s been what regular people must have, Willow. And if it’s all been the product of a spell wrought to weaken our guard, to weaken us...” Buffy laughed. “It’s just the last in a string of cosmically bad jokes with me as the punch line.”
Willow gripped Buffy’s knee. “Buffy,” she said.
Buffy got quickly to her feet. When she spoke now, her words held a rusty razor blade’s edge. She said, “It felt nice. Being with him. It felt – all right. Guess that should’ve been my first clue. Safe to say things never felt ‘all right’ with Spike.”
Willow stared up at Buffy’s face.
“When can we have it done?” Buffy said. Her tone had turned from rattling on the edge of breakdown to full-speed resolve. Sometimes Buffy’s hairpin course changes left Willow with the dizzies.
“The spell?” Willow asked.
“To gather what you need for it,” Buffy said. “How soon?”
“Tomorrow night. We can arrange everything. I’ll have to go to the Westbury house to get some things, but... Buffy, are you sure?”
“I will be,” Buffy said. She stood still for a long while, not moving. Willow tried to read Buffy’s expression, but the light from the house cast them both in deep shadow.
“Buffy,” Willow said. “You’re zoning.”
“I am,” Buffy said, distracted. “I need indecorous amounts of sugar and caffeine, followed by brutal slaying. And then, binge sleep.”
“You mean patrol? Tonight?”
“I can’t stay in this house tonight, with Angel upstairs and William in my bed,” Buffy said. “It’s best I go out and kill something evil.”
“But the shimmery warriors. They’re still out there,” Willow said.
“You know what? Let them find me. I could use a good fight,” Buffy crossed the flagstones and opened the back door. She said, “Tell Giles and Xander. No one else. We’ll work the spell tomorrow night.”
~*~
Dawn watched Willow and Buffy in the garden. Even though she could make out about one of every five words they said, she got the whole grim picture.
Giles told them about the golem theory. And they were going to work the spell.
Dawn hid in the downstairs bathroom until Buffy went out to patrol. She waited for Willow to come in, but when she didn’t, Dawn slipped like smoke back upstairs. But she didn’t go to her own room. She knocked instead on Andrew’s door.
After what seemed like five minutes of near constant tapping, Andrew threw open the door. His tousled hair was like a nest on top of his head, and his bleary eyes opened no more than slits.
“I have a plan,” Dawn said.
Andrew blinked, mouse-like, and said, “Does it involve musk glands or pipe organs? ’Cause, if not, you just woke me from a Dark Phoenix dream for nothing...”
“You’re babbling,” she said. “Musk glands?”
Andrew blinked again. He waved a hand for her to go on.
“Are you in?” Dawn asked.
“I don’t know. What’s the plan?”
They heard the back door open and close. Willow was coming in.
Dawn pushed past Andrew, closing the door behind them. “I’ll tell you,” she whispered. “But you have to play cool.”
Andrew folded his arms and looked down at her. “I’m all about the cool,” he said.
“You’re wearing Star Wars pajamas,” Dawn said.
“What of it?” he asked, narrowing his eyes.
“Are you in or not?”
“Is it about Spike?” Andrew asked.
When Dawn didn’t say anything, Andrew said, “What did you find?”
“Maybe something,” she said. “Maybe nothing. But I need your help.”
“Well then, I’m in,” Andrew said.
Dawn nodded. “Good.”
~*~
Buffy woke up just enough to pound the hell out of the snooze button. But her spider-sense told her that someone watched her trying to sleep. She rolled over to find William perched in the chair.
“You keep hitting the snooze,” he said.
“Gives me the illusion of control over my own destiny,” Buffy said. Her throat felt all snargly from patrolling in damp conditions. She sat up on the edge of the bed and rubbed her eyes.
“Where’s Dawn?” she asked.
“Downstairs. Scrapping with Andrew over the last banana. I think she poked him in the eye,” William said.
Buffy chuckled at that. She moved zombie-like to the dresser and slipped on her robe.
“Angel’s down there, too,” William went on. “Regaling everyone with tales of the Black Thorn Circle. I’m paralyzed with... not caring much.”
Buffy laughed again. She went into the bathroom to wash her face.
William appeared at the door.
“How was your night?” he asked. “You two have fun together?”
Buffy whirled on him. “Excuse me?” she asked.
“You left last night. I figured...”
“You figured I what? Popped upstairs for a quick tumble then come back here to sleep beside you?” Buffy asked.
“Well, I...”
“Who would do that?”
William gave her a sheepish shrug.
“Oh,” Buffy said, flatly. She shook her head. “I went on patrol.”
She washed her face, then strode out past him. Her movements were efficient now, brisk and over-purposeful.
He said, “But... The Knights of the Shimmering Badness?”
“No sign. Of them or anything else. Earthquake must have scared them all underground, so to speak,” Buffy said. “It was very non-gratifying. Not that killing is gratifying...”
“Crowded house brings out everyone’s demons,” William said.
“Get that in some freaky fortune cookie?” Buffy asked. She looked hard at him, then continued to dress.
William edged onto the arm of the chair. He said, “It’s changed, hasn’t it? Something...” He shrugged. “The Scoobies are all cranked to 13. Willow and Kennedy, sniping at each other. Lesbian sniping – not as sexy as you might think. Xander complaining about storing pints of blood in the house. And you... you look past me.”
Buffy turned, almost tripping over pants legs. “I’m not,” she said. “I’m overwhelmed, is all. A lot has happened.”
“I can let go, Buffy. Couldn’t before, but I can now. So.”
“Don’t you dare,” Buffy heard herself say. “Don’t even think that way.”
“Fine. Fine. You don’t have to be shrill about it,” William said.
“I am not shr...”
Dawn knocked on the door, then walked right in. Buffy finished pulling on her pants.
“I’m heading down to the trains now. Just wanted you to know,” Dawn said. She glanced at William, but quickly averted her eyes.
“Good. Okay,” Buffy said. “School’s all open today? No chance of train derailment?”
“With us, anything is possible. But should I die in some random fiery train crash, I promise I’ll just come back,” Dawn said.
“Don’t joke like that,” Buffy said.
“Who’s joking?” Dawn said, deadpan. She looked back at William, then turned to leave.
Before she closed the door, she said, “I don’t have soccer practice today, so I’ll be home by 5. And, Spike, Andrew and I found some stuff on those demon fighters who attacked you. You might wanna check with him.”
“Thanks, niblet,” William said.
Dawn left. Buffy looked at him.
“See?” he said. “Bit strange.”
“Dawn making odd remarks about dying in horrible ways is not strange. She is the girl who once trapped us all in a house. No doubt you remember that,” Buffy said. “Let’s just go downstairs and face them, okay?”
William followed her out of the room.
Halfway down the stairs he said, “Can I hit some of them?”
“No.”
“One of them?”
“Is it Andrew or Kennedy?”
“They’ll do,” he said.
“No,” Buffy said.
“You used to be fun,” he said.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I rip off a line from Joss in this chapter. But, it's a Spike line and he uses it again so I figure that it's keeping in character and is therefore a fair play.