Chapter XI. Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This
London, 1880
William paced restlessly inside his room. He’d been unable to stop worrying, there were too many things happening, all of them at the same time, each of them pulling him in a different direction.
His mother’s health worsened progressively with each passing day. She’d tried to hide it from him, but after witnessing her last coughing bout during supper and watching her handkerchief turn red from the blood she’d expelled, he hadn’t been able to erase the feeling that it wouldn’t be long now before he’d be left completely alone. Consumption, the doctor had said when he’d examined her and the word, along with Doctor Matthews’ subsequent shake of his head, had filled him with dread. His beloved mother’s days on this Earth were numbered, he knew that and while he was saddened by it, it only affirmed his resolve of moving heaven and hell to be with his Elizabeth.
Elizabeth, what he wouldn’t give to see her just once? But how? It wasn’t like he’d find the Devil himself gallivanting around town asking for his soul in return for allowing him be with her, would it now? And even if he did, would she still want him were he soulless? Not that he thought it would matter, for she was his soul, his heart, his everything.
Never had he dreamt that he’d feel like this for anyone, the feelings Cecily Addams had inspired in him were nothing when compared to the conflagration that burned in his chest for Elizabeth.
He checked the secret drawer, sighing heavily when he found it empty yet again before he restarted his pacing. She hadn’t responded to his letter. What if he’d scared her with his intensity? Whatever would he do if she decided she was better off without him in her life? No. No, she wouldn’t do that. She was different from anyone else he’d ever met, she genuinely cared for him. He could feel it with every fiber of his being.
Three days ago he didn’t know Elizabeth and now he couldn’t fathom his existence without her and strange as it might sound, it felt right, as if everything that had happened in his life had been leading up to this precise moment. His love for her obliterated any common sense he had and he was ready to jump at any opportunity that presented itself, it didn’t matter how insane it might be.
He walked back to the desk and checked again, exhaling a relieved sigh when he finally found her letter inside. He brought the envelope to his nose to inhale the soft vanilla scent that seemed to permeate her letters before taking out the parchment.
“What’s this?” There was another, smaller envelope along with her letter, holding what he couldn’t begin to guess. He opened her correspondence first; he was desperate to read her words, to know she still cared for him and had not been frightened by the strong declaration of his feelings. He read aloud.
“My Dear William,
I can’t tell you how happy and relieved I was when I found your letter earlier today. Sometimes I’m so afraid that this is nothing more than a dream, a beautiful fantasy, but just that, nothing more than a dream. When I received a new letter from you, my heart told me this is real, that you are real and it means more to me than you can even begin to imagine.
You make me believe in myself, in you, in us. You make me believe that there must be a way that we can be together and if there is, we’ll find it. Someday, somewhere, somehow we’ll find it and have a happily ever after ending, if only in our dreams. You asked if I’ll dream of you and here is my answer: I will dream of you every night and day, every hour, every second and every moment in between.
And just so you recognize who you’ll be dreaming of, I’ve enclosed one of my favorite pictures of me in a separate envelope. Would you do the same for me, sweet William? Would you send me a picture of you so I know who I should dream of?
Forever yours,
Elizabeth
PS. Before I forget, I found a poem in one of my school books and it just puts into words everything I clumsily try to tell you, I hope you like it as much as I did.”
Turning to the second page, he found her ‘poem’.
‘The night slips over the world
Making us sleep
And the moon will dress
In silver the sea and the city
And I’ll miss you
Even more than I do now
You don’t know how much
I’ll continue believing that
We are one soul, you and me
And I’ll love you, I know
Even if you’re not with me
I’ll bring you with me into the sun
Into the dreams I’ll have
I’ll steal the colors of the morning
In a clear sky
Where I’ll draw your face
And I’ll smile’
His heart ached over the poem she’d chosen in order to convey her feelings for him. They were beautiful, almost as much as he imagined she would be. She moved him, filled him with a yearning to touch her, hold her, to look upon her...
“The picture.” Now he could gaze upon her lovely face. He was seconds away from seeing his Elizabeth for the first time.
Opening the second envelope, he held his breath and pulled her picture out carefully, noticing it must be the back of the photo. His hands trembled with anticipation, forcing his eyes shut to gather his nerve. Sighing deeply, he turned it over and opened his eyes.
“Ahh,” he gasped. Clutching his chest with his free hand, he stumbled backwards and landed in his chair.
He drank in her image; she was truly a vision, an angel fallen from the heavens for sure. And she wanted a photograph of him? Oh God, wherever would he find one where he didn’t look like a right ponce? Perhaps he should have a new one taken tomorrow? Or perhaps he should just send her any he found lying about in his room, no amount of new photographs would change the fact that he wasn’t worthy of a goddess like her.
Returning his attention to the portrait itself, he noted with much curiosity the differences between this one and the pictures from his time. The colors were vibrant, jumping out to grab one’s attention. So vivid and real, making her appear as if she were about to walk out of it to stand before him. Such strange oddities this future held in the photo of this woman.
His eyes ran over the delicate curves of her body, her white dress clinging to reveal she was a woman of small stature, petite. Her attire bore much of her skin. The women he knew would be appalled by such a costume, finding it much too brazen and bold. Their layers of petticoats and high collared necks were ‘appropriate’, but here was a glimpse into the future that he, ashamedly, found very alluring as his manhood responded of its own volition.
Hair the color of spun gold, smooth honey toned skin and those eyes... like the sea, no, jade. Yes, that was what they reminded him of. He ran a fingertip gently over the vision of her exposed neck, shoulders, along her waist and back up again. His imagination ran away from him, he could almost feel the softness of her skin, the material of the dress that hugged her lovely form. He touched her covered breasts, almost believing he could feel their weight in his palm. Oh how he suddenly yearned to remove it, to undress her slowly and...stop that.
His Elizabeth was a woman of propriety. It was highly disrespectful for him to even conceive the notion he would defile himself in front of her image. She was pure, and the time for pleasures of the flesh could wait until she had taken his name, until they were properly wed.
His heart sank in that moment, heavy with sadness when it occurred to him those things would never come to pass. She would always remain a world away until he found a means to be with her.
The tiredness of the day and the weight of all his concerns filled his head, making it hurt. Perhaps he should lie down for a bit. Yes, a short rest would do him good. As for her picture, he would hold it to his chest; keep her close to his heart where she belonged.
Dejectedly, he decided that it was late enough already and that he should wait until the morning to write back to her. Maybe tomorrow he’d find one photograph that wasn’t as awful as he remembered.
* ~ * ~ *
“William…”
William awoke to a hand ghosting a caress over his cheek as he listened to the sweetest voice that had ever graced his ears, calling his name. Startled he opened his eyes, gasping and putting a hand over his chest as he sat upright on his bed. He scrubbed his eyes, trying to rub the sleepiness out from them, squinting before taking his spectacles from his night table so he could have a clearer look of the person sitting on his bed.
“Elizabeth?” She nodded, smiling at him, while he looked at her in confusion, unable to fully grasp if this was a dream or if somehow a miracle had happened and she was really in front of him. “Am I in Heaven? I have to be, because I’m certain I’ve never seen such a beautiful angel on Earth,” he whispered, as his eyes devoured her. He’d thought she was beautiful when he’d seen her in the photograph, but having her here in front of him, she took his breath away.
“How is this possible?” he asked.
“You asked me to meet you in our dreams and here I am.”
“So, this is a dream then?”
“Sort of, not quite though,” she said cryptically.
“I don’t understand.” He furrowed his brow in confusion.
“I know you don’t, but you will, when the time is right. Then you will know everything you need to know.”
“And when will that be?”
“Soon.”
He sighed, passing a hand over his face. He wished she could be a little less enigmatic, but it seemed that no amount of asking would work. “You are not going to tell me anything else, are you?”
“No, not tonight.”
“But soon?” he insisted.
“Yes.”
“All right then.” He looked at her again before taking her hands in his, unable to stop himself for another minute, for another second, needing to feel her close to him as much as he needed to breathe, to make sure that she was there with him even if he knew this was only a dream. If only he could gather the courage to ask her for a kiss, he would die a happy man if only she granted her permission for that. God! Who was he kidding? He’d die a happy man if only she said she’d think about it!
‘Why don’t you ask her? You don’t have a thing to lose if you do. This is a dream, your dream. The worst that could happen is that she disappeared into thin air. And if she said yes, oh if she did, it’d be Heaven on Earth for sure.’ He had to do it, if this was truly the only opportunity he’d ever had, he had to grasp it with both hands and not let go of it ever.
“Elizabeth, my love,” he started, afraid he’d lose his courage if he didn’t ask her right away. “I-I realize this is rather forward of me, and you may very well slap me if I offend you, but I would prefer that over knowing that I had you here before me now and I did not ask for lack of courage…”
“What do you want to ask?” she spoke softly, with that smile of hers that he couldn’t get enough of.
“I-I,” he cleared his throat before continuing, “this might be the only chance we ever have and rest assured that I would cherish this moment forever if only for having had the pleasure of being this close to you, but—” he paused, inhaling deeply as he steeled himself for whatever answer she might give him. “It would make me the happiest man that ever walked this Earth, if you would allow for me to taste the sweet nectar of your lips?”
He waited with baited breath as he saw the different emotions that played in her face, until she smiled brightly at him, responding with a shaky, “Y-yes. Yes, William, I would like that too.”
Letting go of one of her hands, he brought his up to gently cup her face, leaning in to place a soft kiss against her cheek, and another, and yet another before progressing towards her lips where he deposited the softest caress he’d ever given. Her lips were soft and a shiver ran down his back as he finally experienced what it was like to kiss a lady, his lady.
He slowly increased the pressure of his kisses, without demanding anything more from her that she wasn’t willing to give, allowing her to set the pace on which they could advance. He was uncertain as to how to proceed since he’d never been in a situation like this before, afraid that anything he did might put an end to this wonderful dream.
She took him completely by surprise when she boldly took the hand that was still holding hers and placed it around her waist while her other hand snaked over his chest until she threaded it into hair, kissing him with all the fervor she could muster as she opened her mouth slightly and glided her tongue over his lower lip.
His brain almost turned to mush at the onslaught of passion that went through him at her actions, most of his blood having run southward, hardening him inside his breeches much to his chagrin. He knew he had to put a stop to it at that moment, she was a lady and as that she had to be treated, his body’s demands be damned.
He pulled back to look at her, panting as he tried to control his body’s reaction to her closeness, only to find her looking back at him hesitatingly, as if she was afraid she’d done something wrong when it was him who should be begging for her forgiveness. He was aware that he had to stop, that he might do something he’d regret if he didn’t, but she looked so sad, so bereft, that he couldn’t bring himself to put an end to it, not yet anyway.
So he did the only thing he could think of, he took her face between his hands and kissed her again, letting his tongue out to gently slide it over her bottom lip, much as she’d done before. She sighed contentedly, opening her mouth to let his tongue inside to tangle with hers. He moaned deeply as he tasted her for the first time, the flavor of her kisses more than enough to obliterate whatever little sense he still had left in him.
* ~ * ~ *
Sunnydale, 1999
Buffy was lost in the sensations William’s kisses elicited in her, but lost as she was she couldn’t shake the sense of familiarity that they—that he—stirred within her, as if she’d felt his lips over hers before, but that couldn’t be. Strange as it might be, she’d never dreamt of him before tonight. So how could she feel like she’d been kissed by him before?
Maybe if she saw what he looked like she could shake this feeling. Yes, that’s what she should do. Without interrupting their kiss she extended her right hand towards her table lamp, intent on turning it on and finally see what William looked like.
She had her hand on the switch when his hand covered hers as he stopped kissing her. Drat, she’d been caught!
“Ah, ah, ah, that’s cheating,” he chided her, chuckling when she pouted.
“But—” He put a finger over her lips, effectively interrupting her before rising from her bed and walking toward the desk.
“Where are you going?” she asked.
“It’s time for me to leave.”
She threw the covers away from her body and followed him to the desk, pulling on his arm so he turned to face her again. “No, no, I don't want you to go. Don't leave, please,” she pleaded. ‘Ever,’ she added to herself. She wasn’t too keen on begging, but desperate times required desperate measures and what kind of a dream was this if he was leaving anyway?
“I'm never too far away from you, Love.”
“Again with the cryptic?” she said, pouting.
“Oh, look at those pouting lips, I just have to kiss them…” he said before leaning down and cradling her head in his hands to nibble on her bottom lip.
* ~ * ~ *
William was thoroughly confused as he felt the dream he’d been in turn into a completely different one. One where he wasn’t quite himself but the man he’d felt he’d been turning into. One where he seemed to be playing a part in but couldn’t entirely control his actions or what he said, almost as if he were a marionette of some sort.
He wasn’t in his room any longer, that much he was sure of, but his Elizabeth was still there with him, sitting in what he imagined was her bed while he kissed her. He opened his eyes halfway just to be sure as nothing seemed to be the same anymore.
Just then he noticed she was extending her hand to turn the lamp near her bed on and he knew he had to impede her action. She couldn’t see him, not yet anyhow. Why he wasn’t sure, but he absolutely knew that he couldn’t allow her to see him…not tonight, it wasn’t time.
He covered her hand with his and stopped kissing her, chuckling at her expression of being caught. She was adorable.
“Ah, ah, ah, that’s cheating.”
“But—” He put a finger over her lips to stop her from trying to defend herself. Knowing their time was running short he got up from her bed and walked towards the desk they shared ownership over.
“Where are you going?” she asked.
“It’s time for me to leave,” he answered as he reached the desk, inherently knowing that it was through it that they’d been able to share this dream.
He heard her get out of her bed and the soft padding of her bare feet on the floor before he felt her hand pull on his arm. He turned around in such a manner that he still blocked most of the light with his body.
“No, no, I don't want you to go. Don't leave, please,” she pleaded and he just about gave in to her request, wishing he could indeed stay with her but knowing it was impossible at this moment in time. ‘Someday, there has to be a way,’ he thought, even more determined than before to find that way even at the cost of his very soul.
“I'm never too far away, Love.”
“Again with the cryptic?” she said, pouting.
“Oh, look at those pouting lips, I just have to kiss them.” He leaned down and cradling her head in his hands, nibbling on her lower lip.
It started out innocently enough, he had only meant to play lightly with her lip because he simply couldn’t resist her pout, but when she moaned and stood tall on her tiptoes, threading her hands around his neck as she pressed her body closer to his, he couldn’t stop from kissing her more passionately.
Feeling the change in his kisses and hoping that he’d given up on leaving, she tilted her head and opened her mouth to let his tongue in to dance with hers. Shivers ran through her as his hands traveled from her face down to her waist, ghosting over her breasts as he passed them by. Fleeting touches weren’t enough anymore, so she used one of her hands to guide one of his, placing it firmly over her breast, praying he got the idea and that she wouldn’t have to spell it out for him. Truthfully, she didn’t think she had it in her to talk at this precise moment.
He shuddered as he felt her breast filling his hand, almost ending their kiss altogether because surely this wasn’t the way one treated a lady, was it? Then that other part of him, that ‘other him’ took over and he could no longer form a coherent thought as his other hand closed firmly around her waist, raising her lithe body off the floor. He swiftly moved them past the desk and pressed her into the closest wall forcefully with his body. He couldn’t get enough of her as their kisses fueled the passion he felt for her.
Buffy was thanking whoever was listening for the support the wall brought her as she finally had enough leverage to bring her legs up and wrap them around his waist. She couldn’t get enough of him, especially not now with his mouth literally devouring hers. His fingers toyed with her aching nipples, making each of them in turn diamond hard under his touch, the sensation shooting straight to her core while he ground his hardened cock against her over-heated sex. With every thrust he hit directly upon her sensitive clit, making her wetter by the second. ‘Oh God, please, don’t let him stop now,’ she begged as she felt herself getting closer to orgasm.
He ground into her, the little mewling noises she made incensing him further, making him delirious with lust. She felt heavenly between his thighs; her heat scorched him even through their clothes, branding him as hers as he thrust against her body. He had never felt anything quite like this; he’d never felt so close to being complete, so close and yet so far as the barrier of their clothes prevented him from delving into the physical depths of her heaven. NO!!! He shouldn't, couldn't do this to his darling Elizabeth, not even in a dream. No, no, he wouldn’t allow it. He had to stop it now.
* ~ * ~ *
He awoke with a start, heart pounding in his chest, hands trembling. ‘Oh dear God,’ he thought, ‘I-I nearly, almost...’ The thought of what his body wanted to do to his sweet Elizabeth had horrified him. He raised a hand to his brow, it was damp with perspiration. Pulling the handkerchief from his left breast pocket, he proceeded to wipe at it furiously while attempting to sit up.
“Arghh.” He had to lie back down quickly. Sitting up had proved to be quite painful with the full state of arousal his manhood was still in from the heated dream. “Bloody hell,” he cursed. One hand went to cover the throbbing vile beast that wanted to defile his girl while the other flew outward, coming into contact with something cool and smooth. Lifting his head up towards the object to see what it was, the face of his beautiful angel stared back at him from the photograph.
He lifted the picture and brought it close to gaze upon her, the memory of their dream shared moments still fresh in his mind. The sound of her voice, her soft skin, her touch, the way she’d kissed him back... He hardly took note of what he was doing until he looked down to find his breeches open and his hand desperately stroking his erection.
“Oh, sod it.” He couldn’t help it, he was already on the verge of release right before he woke up and now, staring at her picture, he knew it was going to happen with or with out help from his hand. He pumped himself with forcefully at a pace that seemed almost inhuman, moaning her name as he stared at her sweet smile, her golden skin, the curve of her hips and swell of her breasts that not moments ago were pressed into his body, making him....... “Ahhhhhhhh.”
He roared aloud as his essence shot forth, leaving his body to stain his shirt and vest. He couldn’t stop himself though, it felt too good to finally let go, the thought of his angel naked and writhing beneath him filling his mind’s eye. He would deal with the shame later; right now he was riding a wave of euphoric bliss, rapt in a fantasy of making sweet love to his Elizabeth, shedding them both of their innocence, bringing them into adulthood with the act of coupling.
tbc
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Author's Chapter Notes:
First of all, I want to say a huge thank you to the very lovely, Im_bloody_English, for agreeing to co-write this story with me from this chapter on and help me with edits and such. It has been truly a blast working with you, darling. *hugs* Second, this story just took a turn neither of us anticipated as we were brainstorming this chapter, although I don’t think you’ll mind much of the changes we made. ;) Last, but not least, thank you to Im_bloody_English, Ash, TammyAsh666, slayercaro, Amelia-Jane, Crystal Pegasus and cordykitten, for reviewing. I hope you enjoy this new chapter as well.