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“Quite the entrance” Buffy’s voice startled him from his thoughts. He looked up from the half smoked cigarette he’d been contemplating.

“Yeah well” he seemed embarrassed “gotta keep up the image” he dropped his eyes again unwilling to hold her open gaze. “You need something Slayer?” he asked through a heavy sigh.

“Just some pre battle company is all” she stated lightly coming to sit next to him on the cold back stairs.

“From me?” he asked incredulously. “Slayer head back over to your mates”

“Don’t wanna” she let the silence hang for a while watching his pensive face. “What’s up?” she asked softly, “you look like you got something on your mind.” She frowned a little, “I mean other then the impending bloody death of us all” her gallows humour didn’t raise a smile.

“Angel should do it,” he told her not looking up.

“Eh, do what?” she asked her head tilting endearingly to the side, God but she was beautiful, almost childlike in her gestures.

“Be your mystical vessel or whatever” he caught her eyes with his, “my fangs shouldn’t be anywhere near the nibblet and we both know it. Even if she won’t see it.”

She regarded him with open puzzlement. He seemed so contrite, so regretful, years of slayer training told her it was impossible, but her heart disagreed. “She chose you Spike, she trusts you” she emphasised the word you, her voice dropping and her eyes boring into his.

“She shouldn’t” was his sharp reply, “you know that better then anyone. Trusted me once yourself, didn’t you? Look where it got you” he sighed rubbing at his face, “Slayer, Buffy, please talk to her, make her see…” he trailed off when he felt her hand come to rest on his arm.

“Its okay Spike” she tried to sound firm, but her voice came out like a whisper.

“No it’s not” he responded in kind, “what if I hurt her, what if I take to much, or I can’t stop, I….”

“You can do it Spike” she interrupted, “you can do this and keep her safe.” She told him sincerely “I believe in you”

…………………….

“You can come out now” Spike said after Buffy ran off telling him she had something for him, his tone was conversational and relaxed, but the set of his shoulders told Angel all he needed to know about the others mood.

“Spike” his voice was laden with disgust as he stepped into view.

“Angelus” Spike greeted with elaborate bonhomie, “Good to see you, how’s my old grandsire?”

Angel ignored the attempt to irritate him. “What are you doing here?” he asked taking a menacing step towards the seated vampire, “What are you up to?”

Spike came to his feet casually, un-intimidated by his grandsires posturing, he sneered at Angel. “Here to help” he told him, “just like you” he smirked as if amused by his own thoughts “I want to save the bloody world”

“Save it for Buffy” Angel dismissed his declaration, “I know what you are Spike, so I’m telling you, go now, stay away from Buffy and I might decide not to kill you”

“Oooohh!” Spike couldn’t resist the opportunity to needle the dark vampire, “Some ones jealous. Thinks I’m gonna seduce his precious Slayer” He paused leaning in and adopting a conspiratorial tone, “again”

He stepped back and regarded the fuming vampire in front of him. “Don’t remember much about what happened in Sunnydale,” he told Angel his tone pleasant, as if he were making small talk with an old friend. He tilted his head and ran his tongue suggestively over his teeth, “but I do remember her screaming my name till she was hoarse”

Angel sung sloppily at him, an easy block and a hard punch in the nose put distance between the two again. “Now, now Angelus, play nice, wouldn’t wanna upset the Slayer now, would you?”

“I mean it Spike, I won’t let you hurt her again.” The words felt like a punch in the gut, stopping him in his tracks and stealing the unneeded breath from his body. He stepped back to lean heavily against the wall as images of Buffy’s hurt and frightened face rose in his mind, and guilty tears pricked his eyes, he squeezed them shut, not now, not in front of Angel.

“She doesn’t need you Spike” Angel pursued sensing weakness, “she has her friends and family, her fiancé, the people she loves.” He relished Spike’s violent flinch at the mention of Buffy’s intended. “She doesn’t need a thing like you, maybe she did once, but she wasn’t herself then, she’d been through something terrible and she used you to punish herself. She’s better now, she’s only letting you hang around because she’s soft hearted. Do yourself and the rest of us a favour and f**k off”

Spike swallowed hard and met his grandsire’s stern stare, his own eyes glassy with tears. Damn Angel for being right. The disjointed and broken memories of his time with the slayer told a story of self destruction and abuse, of a lost and frightened girl seeking comfort in sex and violence. “Will ya tell the nibblet I’m sorry?” he asked softly pushing off the wall and running a hand over his face.

“Sure, just go, I’ll make sure Dawn understands” Angel encouraged, anxious for Spike to leave before Buffy came back.

“What the hell is going on here?” Too late. The slayers angry voice turned both vampires around to face the furious girl.

“Nothing to worry about pet” Spike tried to placate her, “just talking battle strategy with gramps. I’m just gonna go see is Dawn’s all set” he backed away, he’d made his decision, he had to leave now, if he stayed, if he looked at her he’d never do it, he was too weak, too selfish to walk away.

“Stay where you are” she ordered her hand raised as if the gesture could physically keep him there. “Angel” she turned her angry glare on her first love, “you and I had this conversation last night. I told you then and I’ll tell you again. I. Need. Spike.”

She didn’t let herself look at him but she felt his reaction, felt the tension stiffen his body and sharpen his eyes, she could picture his face, his posture, perfectly in her minds eye. “Buffy, we don’t need him, we can find the temple without him” Angel was talking, trying to persuade her.

“I didn’t say we” she held his gaze letting him know how serious she was, “I said, I need him. Go away Angel, Faith wants to go over some things with you”

“Buffy” He tried again moving towards her, hands coming up as if to take her elbows.

“Go” her voice was low, but the command in it was unmistakable, he left sending Spike a deathly look that went unnoticed as the younger vampire kept his eyes trained on the floor.

……………………..

When he finally managed to raise his eyes and look at her he truly wished he hadn’t, she was looking at him with big wet eyes, and expression of bemused pain on her beautiful face. “You’re going to leave me” she accused in a whisper, tears spilling over to run down her rosy cheek.

Weak as he was he gave in, resolve melting away in the face of her tears. “Pet,” he moved forward one hand coming to rest on her arm, the other raised to brush stray tears from her soft skin. “I have to, I can’t be around you, I can’t risk hurting you again”

She shook her head unable to find words, he couldn’t leave her again, he’d only just come back. “Spike” she tried not to sound as if she was begging, but she knew her eyes gave her away. “You don’t” her hands where gripping his forearms with bruising force.

“Buffy” his voice was a husky warning, filled with regret and desire as his hand cupped her cheek more firmly. She didn’t let him finish, a slender finger pressed against his lips, cool and soft under her heated skin.

“Ssshh” she commanded softly drifting closer to him, the irresistible pull of his body drawing her in. This is crazy, Buffy told herself firmly, after everything he’s done, everything you know he's capable of. Stop it. Just stop it. But one of his strong hands had slipped under her hair to tilt her head back and the other was caressing the curve of her hip.

She held his eyes as he dipped his head towards hers, letting them fall shut only when his lips hovered scant centimetres above her own. Immediately images flashed across the screen of her mind, her own anguished face drawn in charcoal grey, Dawns torn blouse, Spike’s pained face when he told her what he’d done.

She moved away, but he’d beaten her too it and was already backing towards the open door, “I’ll stay for the battle” he told her, “then I’ll go. You know I have to. Maybe I’ll come back when…” he trailed off looking away from her.

Her mind flashed back the motel the half forgotten scribblings alongside Dawn’s smiling face, the name of a demon and a location in Africa. He was going to do it again, cross hell and earth to reclaim what Drusilla had stolen from him so long ago, face the trials and win a soul, for her.

“Spike” she tried again conflict tearing at her heart, a soul, a moral guarantee, a muzzle a hundred times more effective then any piece of silicon. If he had a soul they could put it all behind them, the attack on Dawn, on her, would be another creature’s crime, he would be absolved.

With a human soul his hands wouldn’t smear the crimson blood of countless innocents on her skin when he touched her, his kisses wouldn’t condemn her as a killers consort. It’d be okay, if he had a soul no one would judge her.

“No slayer” he was backing away, “just don’t say anything. It’s almost time, I have to talk to Dawn” with that he was gone, a tactical retreat in their running emotional battle.

She stared after him, fingers unconsciously stroking cool leather, she looked down at the heavy black coat, damn, she had meant to give it to him for the battle.

……………………

Angel was glaring at Spike, Spike was staring at Dawn, Dawn was looking apprehensively at Buffy, and Buffy was sending Angel angry accusing looks, that Willow was surprised hadn’t turned him to ashes already.

Giles spoke, breaking the circle, “I believe it’s time, for, er, for…” he faltered as if suddenly losing faith in the wisdom of their course. “Time for Dawn to, er, transfer her, um…”

“Oh for…” Dawn interrupted exasperated, “come on Spike you’re up, it’s drinky time”

Spike stepped forward diffidently his eyes capturing hers, gentle and questioning, “here?” He asked sounding slightly panicked, “Pet you might wanna” He gestured with his thumb towards a private room. “It can be a little intense, maybe…”

“Here” It was Angel that cut him off, “you think we’d let you bite her without us keeping an eye on you. How stupid do you think we are?”

“You want me to answer that you bloody ponce” Spike spat, glaring at his grandsire over his shoulder, Angel may have been right about his leaving, but that didn’t mean he was going to let the big poof accuse him of planning to hurt Dawn.

“It’s fine here” Dawn rolled her eyes in frustration, “come on guys, it’s really no big”

Both vampires gave her incredulous looks but neither spoke. She stepped closer to he favourite vampire, pulling back glossy hair to expose her pale throat. “Ready?” she asked nervousness making her sound impatient

Spike swallowed hard, suddenly overly aware of the sound of her heartbeat, accelerating despite her calm façade. He could smell her too, sweet skin and hot blood just beneath. Bollocks, he couldn’t do this, he could hear Buffy’s shallow breathing behind him this was all wrong he couldn’t do this not here, not in front of Buffy.

He took a step back ready to bolt when the slayer was suddenly at his side, her hand on his elbow stopping him, “It’s okay” she reassured him, “If you don’t want us here we can go” she held his eyes, letting the implied trust shine in the intensity of her gaze.

“Buffy, are you insane” Angel’s outraged voice shattered the moment leaving them both blinking. Spike cast an irritated glance at the dark vampire, bloody bastard thinking he’d hurt the nibblet. Resolve straightened his back. He’d show him.

Two smooth steps forward and he had her held gently in his arms, one arm loosely around her slim waist, the other reaching around to gently coax stands of dark silky hair off her neck.

His lips hovered over her the skin as his fangs descended, “You okay?” he asked, Dawn heard the difference in his voice, muffled slightly and knew he was in game face, a half expectant, half frightened shiver ran through her body and she nodded deliberately.

Despite his warning the sharpness of the pain caught her by surprise causing her utter a shrill squeak, fear griped her as his fangs burned into her soft flesh instinct took over and she tried to pull away, his arm tightened around her waist holding her to him as his free had stroking her hair comfortingly.

A moment more of burning pain as his initially delicate sips gave way to strong gulps of her ancient blood, and then a strange sensation of bliss a floating surrender that made her feel at once weak and infinitely powerful. She felt her body go weak and didn’t fight it, trusting him to keep her standing. He was growling now the vibrations running through her skin to raise goose bumps, instinctively she raised her hand to draw him closer to her throat.

From her place at the pair’s side Buffy could just make out the ridges of Spikes game face, this was the demon at work, the darkness within him that for so long had been an impenetrable wall between them. The same darkness he would cleanse with the burning fire of a human soul

She heard his growls grow louder as he gulped greedily at her sisters blood, his arms tightening around her like a deathly vice. The slayer rose within her, instincts as old as time demanding action, destroy it, her lineage commanded, destroy it now.

She was about to move, hand already reaching for the stake in her waist band when she stopped, letting her heart and mind hold sway for a moment over the raging righteousness of her destiny. His arms where not a prison around her sisters delicate frame but a unbreakable protective circle, his possessive growl claimed her as his, but not as prey, for she was his, his to love, to care for and most of all to protect. His Dawn, his little bit, no demonic instinct could overcome the unremitting protectiveness of his affection. He had proved it already, even with all memories of her eclipsed from his mind, still his heart had known

Dawn’s desperate needy moan broke through her musing, she sympathised with her sister, she had once felt the seduction of a vampires bite, the intoxicating force of its demonic lure. But Spike was already pulling away, gently disentangling Dawn’s arms from around his neck his hands going to her sisters face, eyes gentle, almost regretful, “You okay pet?” he was asking, his voice soft and concerned, his blue eyes searching her face for reassurance “I didn’t hurt you did I?”

“I’m fine” Dawn answered fingering the wound, evidently she had enough blood left to blush crimson, oh God, he had warned her, why hadn’t she listened? Buffy had been watching while she tried to climb all over Spike, she was so embarrassed her hands came to cover her face. “Oh God I’m sorry. I’m such a…” she began but he stopped her.

“Not your fault pet” he assured firmly, “nothing to be embarrassed about, it’s my nature that’s to blame luv, not yours.” He ruffled her hair until she batted at his hands and gave him an affectionately annoyed smile. Buffy couldn’t help but envy them the simplicity of their relationship, even after the intensity of what had happened still they found they’re equilibrium again with consummate ease.


“I reckon we got all the juice you need red” He looked over at the witch, “never tasted anything like it. Like slayer blood, but older, more powerful”

Buffy only half listened while Willow once more outlined the workings of the spell, a frown etched deep on her forehead, when she had heard Spike denounce his demonic nature an unexpected sense of unease had settled on her, a foreboding that left her stomach tying itself in nervous knots that had little to do with the upcoming battle. Spike planned a quest for a soul and that was a good thing. Right?



A/N As awlays hugs to my lovely reviewers, stern disapproving looks to those of you who never bother. ;)

Hey Lizzy, you been somewhere nice? Glad to have you back. Luvin as always brewing under the surface, little tease for you here.

Thanks KMS needed some positive thoughts on this chappie, was feeling a bit blocked, am off and running again now, thanks in no small part to my lovely reviewers.

You are my sweet, my little Cali xxxxx





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