DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters, but I'm using them.
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"Well, that was an interesting show last night." Willow sipped her coffee outside the cafe'.

Tara smiled. "Faith sure is different than Buffy. I've never seen Xander that embarrassed."

"Or Anya that angry." Willow chuckled. Her face sombered. "I hope Buffy comes back."

"We have to give her time. It's hard to lose your mother."

Willow squeezed Tara's hand. Tara's mother had died a while back. If it wasn't for Tara's understanding, Willow may have sided with Xander on Buffy.

"Hey, I saw your show last night." A girl wearing an Initiative t-shirt stopped at their table. "You're pretty good."

Willow smiled and pointed to the shirt. "You're a fan?"

The girl shrugged. "I got it from the PR agent."

"PR agent?" Willow raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah. A few months ago, he was giving these shirts and twenty dollars out to scream at some Initiative gigs. Maybe you guys should look into it."

Willow glanced at Tara and back to the girl. "Do you know the name of the agent?"

"I think he gave me a card." The girl rummaged through her purse. "Here. You can keep it."

Willow thanked the girl as she left. Pulling out her cell phone, she called the agent. After the call, she turned to Tara.

"The agency was hired by Walsh Incorporated a few months ago to promote the band. They were told last month that they weren't needed anymore."

"Well, that explains the popularity at the beginning."

"I can't believe they are getting away with this. It's one thing to hire a PR agency, but they're cheating. And I think they have something to do with our lack of gigs. Or our former lack of gigs. Did you notice how the places that canceled our shows are now booking us again?"

Tara nodded. "As soon as Buffy quit. Or as soon as we weren't as good."

"I wish I could talk to Buffy about this. We have no chance at winning the Battle of the Bands next month."

"We should get her out of the house."

A glimmer of hope touched Willow. "Yes. She needs a night away to forget her problems. I bet it's been nothing but work and Dawn."

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What started out as a few times a week, quickly brewed to every night. Buffy would leave when Dawn was asleep and visit Spike. She'd return a few hours later and collapse on her bed in exhaustion, but for a few hours, she felt absolute bliss.

She never told anybody what she was doing. In a way, she was ashamed that she was seeing a man purely for sex. She also was afraid of what they'd think because it was Spike, the man they fired.

It was obvious that he cared for her by the way he gently held her and the hurt look on his face when she left. He hadn't had to tell her that he loved her for her to know. He'd been getting quieter, and she knew something bothered him, but she didn't ask. She knew it was her. He didn't like her using him.

She figured that out a while ago, but told herself that it was okay because he had sold her out to Adam. Except she was feeling guilty, anyway. But she couldn't stop going to his apartment every night or offer him more. Life was too unbearable without him.

He stopped giving her a ride home about a week ago. Last night when she got up to leave, Spike turned away from her. He had always watched her go. She found it more painful than his usual quiet expression.

Willow had insisted that she and Dawn come to the Bronze to hang out with them. Buffy didn't really feel like going, but she hadn't spent any time with her friends. There wasn't a band playing, which relieved Buffy. She didn't want another reminder that she gave up playing.

"You've been locked in your house, except for work, too long. You need a break." Willow said over the loud music.

Buffy nodded and lied. "This is fun." She turned back to her drink.

"You up for dancing?" Xander stood up when the DJ started another song.

Dawn jumped up. "Yeah, let's..." She glanced at Buffy and started to sit down.

"Go ahead." Buffy gave her a small smile. Dawn needed some fun in her life, too.

Dawn's face lit up and she practically ran to the dance floor. Anya joined her with Xander, leaving Willow and Tara at the table. Buffy envied the carefree manner in which they danced.

She turned away from the dancing to face Willow and Tara. Spike was standing behind them in the back, which gave her a start. What was he doing here? She turned her attention to Willow without acknowledging him.

She didn't hear what Willow was saying. Her heart was beating a thousand times a minute. She forced herself to pay attention.

"So, professor Mike said he wanted me to present it to the class. Isn't that cool?"

Buffy forced a smile on her face. "Yeah, it is."

"Hello, Buffy."

She stiffened. He was standing right beside her.

"Spike?" Willow asked in confusion.

"What are you doing here? Didn't we fire your sorry ass?" Xander walked up to the table.

Spike raised his eyebrow at Buffy. She turned away from him.

"Talk to you later," he mumbled. Buffy felt him walk away. She wanted to run after him. She wanted to get away from this bar that only held memories of better times.

"Are you okay?" Willow gave her a puzzled look.

Buffy ran her hand through her hair. "I'm fine." She pushed her chair back. "I need to freshen up a bit."

In the restroom, she stared at herself in the mirror. She had circles under her eyes, and she hadn't even attempted to fix herself up for the night. She had only thrown on a pair of jeans and ran a brush through her hair, but she couldn't find the energy to fix it now.

The minute she stepped outside the restroom, she was dragged to a supply closet.

"What are you.."

Spike's eyes blazed as he closed the door behind him. "You never told them about us."

Buffy lifted her chin. "Tell them what? There's nothing between us." She hadn't seen him this angry before, and it reminded her of when they used to argue at practice. She tried to ignore the way her pulse quickened.

Spike stepped in close. His breath was hot on her face. "Then, why do you come to my place every night?" His voice dropped to a husky whisper. "Why do you crave my touch, even now?"

She gasped as he ran his hand down her arm. He pulled her towards him, until she was flush against him. Her toes curled. When he began to kiss her neck, her knees became weak.

Suddenly, he spun her around so she was facing away from him and began to unbutton her jeans. "You know what I think?" He pushed her jeans and panties to her ankles, reaching between her legs to caress the juncture of her thighs. "I think you like keeping this from them because it turns you on."

Buffy was lost to the sensation he brought to her. That they were in a public place and could be caught any minute, did arouse her. But, it was the fact that she was with him, though, that really had her hot. She didn't argue with him even though the truth was she was afraid. She didn't know how her friends would react. They wouldn't approve of her using sex to feel alive.

His fingers played their magic, bringing her closer and closer. It wasn't enough, though. As if he could read her mind, she was being pushed forward, and then he was inside her, completing what was missing.

"You like this?" He gasped. "Is this what you want?"

She moaned and pushed back against him. He wasn't using a condom, and she dwelled in the new feeling. Since she'd been on the pill long enough, she was going to scrap them later that night. He just jumped the gun a few hours.

"Tell me.. tell me you need this. That you need me." His hands steadied her hips as he pushed inside of her again.

Eyes closed, she raised her head. "Make me feel...just make me feel."

She felt him pause a second before his fingers gripped her tight as he drove into her. The almost violence of it quickly brought her to climax. Crying out, she trembled around him. His arm slipped to her waist to hold her to him as he shuddered in his release.

"Buffy." He held on to her tightly, resting his chin on her shoulder.

She touched the side of his face, but remained silent, stunned by what they had just done. For a moment, she felt something beyond lust for him. She recognized the feeling and it scared her.

"I should get back." She refused to look at him as she cleaned herself and pulled up her pants.

Before she opened the door, she paused. She wanted to tell him that he meant something to her. Reality began to come back to her, though. She had to take care of her sister and couldn't be in the band anymore. Her mother was dead. The emotions she had just felt with Spike were fading away, leaving her numb again. She walked out the door.

When she got to the table, she didn't know how long she had been gone.

"Are you okay? You were gone a long time." Dawn touched her hand.

Buffy shook her head. "I'm not feeling well." She looked up into Dawn's eyes. "I want to go home."

"Okay." Dawn nodded. Willow offered them a ride home, but Buffy barely remembered it.

The only thought that was clear in her mind made her feel even worse. She was using a man she loved.

TBC - Thanks for the reviews.





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