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DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters. I've "borrowed" them from Joss Whedon and company.

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The aftermath was both the best and worst part of the affair. Spike laid completely relaxed and spent, and he knew Buffy was the same. Sex had never been as good as it was with her. On the other hand, Buffy refused to touch him, and any minute she was going to leave.

When she had come over, she didn't mention the incident in the Bronze, nor had he. He knew he behaved badly, even if she hadn't told her friends about them. On the way home that night, he realized she probably didn't talk to them about anything.

Buffy turned to him, laying on her side. "I'm suddenly very hungry. Let's get some pizza."

Spike blinked in surprise. He couldn't remember a time when he ever saw her eat. Still, he wasn't about to pass up an opportunity for her to stay, so he smiled at her.

"Hungry, are we? You did work up quite an appetite."

This was different - her staying. It almost gave him hope that she cared for him. He watched as she ordered a large pepperoni. Her tongue kept touching her upper lip as she listened to the person on the other end. Tentatively, he stroked her arm, but she didn't pull away.

"You know, one of us is going to have to get dressed to get the pizza," he murmured.

She gave him a big smile. "I guess flashing the pizza guy wouldn't be proper."

Growling, he trapped her to the bed with his arms. "You're not flashing anyone."

She reached up and kissed him, sending shivers down his spine. Panting, she pulled away. "We have thirty minutes before the pizza comes."

"We'll have to be quick, then." He pushed the covers that separated them off the bed.

Buffy reached down and gently tugged on his softened length. "Well, this won't do."

"Hey, give a man a break. We just ended a two hour session." Spike stroked the side of her face, smiling.

"Well, let's see what I can do about that." She pushed him down on the bed and kneeled at his side. Giving him a wicked smile, she bent over and took him in her mouth.

Gasping, Spike felt himself respond. The sight of her bent over, bottom in the air, had him hard as steel. He squeezed her firm behind before sliding his hand down to her breast. His thumb brushed against her nipple in time to her ministrations.

After a few minutes she suddenly released him and sat up. "That's better." Smiling, she eyed him from head to toe. "What to do, what to do."

"I know what you can do." He needed her to touch him again.

"I'm trying to of a position we haven't tried." She tapped her chin. "We've had me on top, on bottom. We did it standing up the other night. We've done doggie style many, many times."

"Come here."

She gave him a slow smile before pretending to ignore him. "I don't think we've tried it in a chair."

"Come here, Buffy."

"You have such nice chairs, though. I wouldn't want to mess.."

Buffy shrieked as Spike tackled her to the bed. Holding her arms above her head, he quickly thrust into her.

"Oh!" Her playful smile slowly gave way to a look of absolute bliss. "I.. like.. this position."

Spike had to pause for a minute to control himself. Her smile had melted his anger at her, and he wasn't sure he would last long without that emotion. She felt perfect.

Slowly, he moved. Keeping her arms above her with one hand, he lightly skimmed down her side with the other. She rubbed his leg with her heel, letting him know she wanted more. His pace increased, and he skimmed her side again. They continued like that, building up in pleasure until she trembled around him. He toppled over quickly afterwards.

As they came down from their high, the doorbell rang. "Good timing," Buffy chuckled.

A few minutes later, Spike entered the bedroom with the pizza and a few sodas. Buffy greeted him with another smile. He was still recovering from their latest sexual round. This time had been playful. Before, it had always been intense and almost mournful. He liked this side to her.

She ate the pizza as if she'd been starving. He wondered when she ate last, but the sight made him smile.

"Careful, I don't want pizza sauce on my sheets."

She stuck her tongue out at him. "You have to wash them anyway. They're covered with other fluids."

"True." Spike sat on the bed and grabbed himself a piece before she ate the whole thing. She seemed in such a good mood that he thought that he could talk to her. "The Battle of the Bands is in a month. Have you thought of rejoining the Scoobies?"

Buffy froze with a half eaten piece in her hand. Dropping it back into the box, she immediately closed up.

"I can't. It's not an appropriate job." Her voice had dropped to almost a whisper.

"But, it's a job you enjoy," he said gently.

Glancing at the clock, she started to hurriedly get dressed. "I have to get back. I shouldn't have stayed so long."

He watched as the despair quickly replace the light-hearted expression she'd carried only moments earlier. She was still miserable except for the moments in his arms. Her wild moods and trying to keep up with them were driving him mad.

Spike reached out a hand to stop her. "Buffy, you need to start doing things you enjoy again. If you can't do that, maybe you need to see someone."

"I don't need a shrink." She stepped past him, buttoning up her shirt.

"Then don't see one. But, you're not coming back here."

Her eyes widened as she looked at him.

"I can't deal with this anymore. Every night, I hope you'll talk to me. I know you're hurting, and I want to help, but you won't let me."

"I don't need your help," she murmured.

His heart squeezed in pain, and his jaw clenched. "Just go."

She looked at him in confusion and hurt, but didn't move. He opened the bedroom door in frustration.

"Go!"

She paused before leaving. When he heard the front door open and close, he threw the pizza at his bedroom door. A tear angrily fell down his cheek as he sat on his bed. Why wouldn't she let him help her? Thoughts of her and her obvious pain consumed him. It was hours before he was able to sleep.

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Work had been increasingly frustrating. It started when Buffy arrived at nine, only to be yelled at by her manager because she was supposed to have been there at eight-thirty. She had tried to explain that she just got her schedule mixed up, but that only got her a lecture on responsibility. Then, she was yelled at by no less than three customers, and she couldn't take her break until after two. They had been swamped.

The stunned feeling from being kicked her out of Spike's apartment only accumulated her frustration. She wanted Spike to help her, but at the same time, it scared her. It would only lead to dependency which would then lead to her being hurt. The same thing would happen if she allowed herself to love him.

Hoping that Dawn was already home and cooking dinner, she entered her house. Nobody was home. The phone began to ring, jarring her.

"Hello?"

"Buffy? I'm with Janice. We have a huge test tomorrow, so I'm at her place studying. I'll be home by nine. Is that okay?" Her sister sounded so normal.

"That's fine." Buffy wearily hung up the phone.

After a shower and change of clothes, Buffy still didn't feel like making dinner. She thought of ordering a pizza, but that only made her think of Spike. Shaking her head, she thought that maybe she could change his mind. He wanted her, even claimed to love her. If she went to him, he wouldn't turn her down, would he?

The thought cheered her up enough to make herself dinner before going. Munching on the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, she walked down the street to Spike's. Butterflies danced in her stomach in thought of seeing him. By the time she reached his apartment, she was fidgeting in anticipation. Wiping the remaining crumbs on her jeans, she rang the doorbell. After a long moment Spike opened the door.

"Why are you here?" He didn't even try to welcome her.

Taken back, Buffy tried to smile. "I was lonely - thought I could come over."

Spike closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. Taking a deep breath, he looked at her again. "No. I can't deal with this anymore."

"Please, Spike." She paused to think of a way to change his mind. "I know I hurt you."

"You've been using me."

She nodded meekly. "It's just so hard."

His eyes softened. "I know, but I can't help you. Go spend some time with your other friends or your sister." He closed the door before she could say anything else.

She didn't fully realize what had happened. After starring at the door for a few minutes, she slowly turned and headed back home. He didn't let her in. Deep down, she had known he wouldn't let her in again. She hurt so much lately, she was afraid of making it worse. In ignoring her love for him, she ended up doing just that. By the time she got home, she felt dead inside.

TBC - review please





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