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She raised her small fist to the door of the crypt and knocked softly. When no answer came she very nearly turned and went home, but then forced herself to knock again, a little harder this time. She waited patiently for him to respond, but still no sound came from the crypt. Maybe he wasn’t even in there. Where else would he have gone? Willy’s seemed like the obvious place, but since word had gotten around the demon community about Spike helping the Slayer, he wasn’t exactly welcome there. Finally, she pushed the door open and entered the crypt with out an invitation—pretty much like she always did. Just because he claimed to love her did mean he was going to get any special treatment from her.

The only light in the crypt was coming from the television that Spike had managed to scrounge from somewhere. She could see the top of his blond head over the back of his raggedy chair. He hadn’t even made a move to see who had entered, making her hope that he might be asleep. Slowly, she crept to the side of the chair being careful where she stepped. She’d been in there enough times to know where everything was, but it had always been fairly well lit, and she didn’t know what Spike might have done after she had left him at the warehouse.

The sight of him when she rounded the corner of the chair made her breath catch in her throat. In his lap he held a half full bottle of Jack Daniels, which she could only hope had been his first for the evening. It was going to be hard enough to talk to him about this, but it would be impossible to talk to an intoxicated Spike about anything! The bottle had her concerned, but it wasn’t that which had made her stop short. He was still wearing the tan khakis he had been wearing earlier that evening. They were loose and baggy making his slender waist look even slimmer. The thing that caught and held her gaze was the fact that those pants were the only thing he was wearing as he sat there with his eyes glued to the TV screen. His muscular chest was bare and she could see the fine lines of his stomach muscles, which had only been hinted at through the black t-shirts he always wore. He kept his eyes glued to the television, refusing to acknowledge her presence. He knew she was there, even though he was pretending she wasn’t, and probably fully aware of how her eyes were locked to a point slightly below the chin. He was probably enjoying letting her stand there, staring at him half-naked. Buffy felt like she was silently being told ‘see what you could have had’.

“Spike,” she managed to utter and then cleared her throat. He voice was came out much more raspy than it should have been. “Spike,” she repeated louder when he still refused to look up from the television.

Slowly Spike rolled his eyes up so he could see the Slayer, apparently deciding that moving his head wasn’t worth the effort. Seeing who it was, he sighed as he brought the bottle of liquor to his lips taking a large swallow of the amber colored liquid and returned his eyes to the screen.

“Oh, look,” Spike said sarcastically, “the Slayer must feel like slumming.”

A sneer came to his lips as he took yet another swallow from the bottle. Well, she had been right on the fact that this wasn’t going to be easy. The sound of his voice brought her eyes up from his chest to search his face. The only emotion she could see was anger on his features. What else had she could she expect? Seeing him like this, so cold and angry, refusing to even look at her she felt sorry what she had said at the warehouse. She hadn’t been wrong, but she shouldn’t have been so bitchy about it.

“Spike, please, we need to talk,” Buffy pleaded.

“Not really interested in talking tonight, Slayer,” Spike replied. “I’ve got this extremely interesting show to watch.”

“Spike, it’s a Cher infomercial!” Buffy side stepped so that she was between him and the screen. He didn’t want to discuss what had happened anymore than she did, but they were going to have to talk it out whether they liked it or not.

“So? Just because she’s selling something doesn’t mean that she’s not interesting!” Spike declared nudging her thigh with his foot, hoping she’d get the hint and move out of the way, or better yet just leave altogether.

“Look, Spike, we need to talk,” she replied. “I’m not leaving until we get things straightened out.”

He took another sip of the whiskey, and slowly his eyes traveled up the length of her body finally coming to a stop at her eyes. “I think you’ve said what needs to be said,” he informed her bitterly. “If I need any more abuse, I’ll just head on down to Willy’s and let the patrons taunt me a little about lowering myself to helping you! Now, if you don’t mind,” he added giving her another nudge with his foot, “I am trying to watch my show!”

“Yes, I do mind, Spike,” Buffy shot back angrily, shoving his foot away. “I didn’t come all the way down here for nothing! You’re going to listen to me!”

“Listen to you!” Spike roared jumping out of the chair. His bottle hit the floor and shattered with a large crash making her jump in surprise. His hands caught her upper arms in a viselike grip. Setting her off balance, her body fell against his. A shudder went through her body when she felt his hard body pressed against hers. She could feel his hot breath on his face and smell the musky scent of the whiskey. Vaguely, she wondered about the breath, considering he had no reason to breath, but the thought of what had urged his long dead lungs into action made her shudder all the more.

“Yes, you’re going to listen to me,” she whispered through clenched teeth, trying vainly to shrug her arms from his grip.

“Like you listened to me, Slayer?” he hissed back. “I pour my heart out to you, and what do you do!? Cut me off and walk out on me! Usually, when a man tells a woman he loves her, he expects a little more than being treated like a dog!”

“You’re not a man,” she reminded him her breath coming in short gasps from her exertion to free herself.

“Maybe not, but that doesn’t mean my feelings are any less real!”

“I don’t love you, Spike,” she cried. “I can’t…”

“Sure,” he replied a sad smile on his lips. “Spike’s a great guy when you need something, but keep you’re distance! He’s not worthy of anything so pristine as Buffy Summers’ affection!”

Buffy lowered her eyes. This was not going anywhere near the way it should. She did need him, he was right about that. She needed his help to protect Dawn, and she was blowing it. The way this was progressing, she’d be lucky if he ever spoke to her again, and for some reason that bothered her.

“Spike, I,” she paused trying to think which wasn’t easy with him so close. “I’m sorry. I…I overreacted. I was shocked. You in love with me…”

“You were shocked,” Spike laughed dryly. “How do you think I felt? Me! The Big Bad! My only desire for three years was to see you dead! Then I woke up one day to realize I had fallen in love with my mortal enemy! No shock there!”

Her eyes flew back to his. What could she say? “Spike, I…”

Her sentence was cut short as he crushed his lips to hers. A cry of alarm rose in her throat at the feel of his hard, cold lips pressed against hers. She pushed against his unyielding chest, her entire body trembling at the feel of his skin beneath her fingertips.

Her eyes fluttered shut as the kiss deepened and she moaned softly as his tongue flickered against her lips. This couldn’t be happening, her mind screamed, but her body was no longer listening. Her knees began to buckle, and if it weren’t for his hands on her arms holding her up she would have fallen to a trembling puddle at his feet. All too soon, the assault on her lips was over. Her eyes flickered open to find his face only a breath away from her own, his piercing blue eyes scanning her face.

“Tell me, you don’t feel anything,” he demanded softly against her lips.

It took a moment for the words to register in her hazy mind. Oh, she had felt something all right, but she couldn’t tell him that. She couldn’t allow this to happen!

“I…I…” Buffy stuttered.

The words just didn’t want to come to her lips. She had to tell him now, or she’d be lost! Suddenly, she jerked herself away from his body. Her hand flew to her bruised lips. Her movement so unexpected, Spike made no attempt to stop her from moving. She stared at him, breathing heavily, and not wanting to believe the kiss had actually happened. She cringed as a knowing smile came to his lips.

“No,” she finally managed to gasp. “I didn’t feel anything!”

The smile didn’t fade as he replied, obviously taking great pleasure in the moment. “You’re lying, pet.”

“I am not!” she denied. This conversation was over, and even if it wasn’t, it needed to be. She quickly made her way to the door. She paused with her hand on the door at the sound of his voice behind her.

“That’s alright, luv,” he said softly. “Now, I know differently. It’s only a matter of time until you know it too.”

Buffy almost wished she had stayed home. Not that she could stand another minute of sitting in her room replaying her confrontation with Spike in her mind! She had arrived just home just before sunrise. This time luck had been with her, and everyone had been asleep. Even if her sister had been awake, there was no way she was going to tell Dawn that she had kissed Spike, and she had enjoyed it!

So she had enjoyed it! No matter how much she tried to convince herself otherwise, she had. It didn’t mean anything! If anything, it simply meant that he was a good kisser. He’d had like a hundred and twenty-five years to perfect his technique. That was all it was! There hadn’t been anything emotional involved. It was purely physical. Or so she had tried to convince herself all day! She had finally managed to lie down for a fitful few hours of sleep about the time Dawn woke up for school. Surprisingly, her sister had not bound in the room demanding details of what had happened, and instead headed off straight for school. Her mother hadn’t bothered to wake her either, leading Buffy to think that Dawn had taken care of filling her in. She had managed to miss all her classes, but that really didn’t matter. At this point, her semester was shot. She had probably missed more classes than she had actually managed to attend!

Now, she was sitting in the Bronze, a huge, fake smile plastered to her lips. She felt on edge, expecting Spike to show up at her side at any moment. That made her even angrier at the vamp. They had planned this evening out all week. With everything that was going on, all of them, not just Buffy, needed a night to just pretend to be your normal, everyday twenty-somethings. He had managed to set her world into chaos, maybe even more so than Glory, but she wasn’t going to let him ruin her one evening!

“So, what shall we do first?” Xander asked cheerfully, bringing Buffy’s attention back to the table. “A game of pool, an order of wings, a little dancing? An evening free of dusty old books, and I feel like a kid in a candy shop!”

“I for one, think I would enjoy a dance with my favorite girl,” Willow announced entwining her fingers with Tara’s and giving her hand a squeeze.

Buffy watched the pair leave giving them a smile as they passed. It had been weird to see them together at first, but she was glad to see her friend so happy. They had been through so much and she felt so responsible for putting them into such danger. She couldn’t help but be glad that Willow had found someone to be happy with, even though it also reminded her of how alone she was now. The feel of a hand on her shoulder interrupted Buffy’s thoughts. By the scowl that Xander shot just over her shoulder she knew exactly who it was that stood behind her. It was bad enough that he had been running through her mind all day, but was it too much to ask that he couldn’t give her one night to herself?

“Great,” Xander grumbled, “return of the living dead. I told you Buffy, if you’re nice to them, they’ll just follow you home.”

Xander didn’t know how right his comment was! She hadn’t even really been nice to Spike, and yet he still wouldn’t leave her alone! She sat stone still refusing to turn around and look at him, even when his fingers slowly began to massage her collarbone. From the questioning look on Xander’s face, she could tell that he hadn’t missed Spike’s actions and was very confused why she let him continue. How she wanted to say something, knock his hand away, or better yet just stake him on the spot! She couldn’t do anything! She was sure Spike was just waiting for her to act, and he wouldn’t hesitate to bring up the events of there last meeting! It would be hard enough to explain why she had allowed him to touch her. There was no way she’d be able to casually explain away their kiss!

“I’m not following anyone,” Spike replied. “It’s a public place. Perhaps, I’m the one being followed.” He gave Buffy’s shoulder a squeeze to emphasis his last comment.

“Now, wouldn’t that make for a fun evening,” Xander growled. “Maybe later we can follow you back to your crypt for a late night screening of Passions. Come on Anya. I think they’re playing our song.”

“I didn’t know we had a song,” Anya protested as Xander grabbed her hand and pulled her away from the table.

Buffy waited a few moments to be sure her friends had made it to the dance floor before she dared to look over her shoulder at the vampire behind her. He gazed down into her eyes intently, a smug smile on his lips. He had reverted back to his customary black ensemble. Apparently, his encounter with the world of fashion had been a one-night event.

“You’re looking quite provocative tonight, pet,” he teased as his eyes ran slowly over her body taking in the light, floral print dress that she had now wished she hadn’t chosen to wear.

“Get your hand off me, Spike,” she hissed.

“A little touchy tonight, are we?” he chuckled softly, but did remove his hand from her skin. “Perhaps it’s all that sexual tension you’ve been keeping locked up so tight.”

She glared at him as he took the chair next to her that Tara had recently vacated. He was leaning in far too close to her. She was dying to shove him away, but she couldn’t afford to provoke him now. After they dealt with Glory’s threat, she was going to do a lot more than shove him!

“Get away from me!” Buffy warned him slowly putting added stress on each word.

Spike gave her another of his infuriating smiles, but made no attempt to move. “If you want me to leave, Slayer, why don’t you put your hands on my tight, little bod and make me.”

She could only stare at him in shock after that comment. He must have to practice to be this infuriating! He was way too good at getting under her skin for it only to be a gift. Why did he have to pick her to be the focus of his torment?! Well, she wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of letting him know how much he was succeeding. “Spike…”

“What’s wrong, luv?” he sighed. “Don’t trust yourself? You know you want it.”

“For the last time, Spike,” Buffy replied her voice rising in spite of herself. “The only feelings I have for you are disgust and loathing.”

“You didn’t feel that way last night,” he reminded her. “I wasn’t the only one who found it quite enjoyable.”

“Shut up, Spike!” ‘Good come back, Buffy!’ she thought. Why was she sitting here listening to this? It wasn’t like anyone would suspect a thing if she just got up and walked away. “That was a mistake, and it will not happen again!”

“So you feel nothing?” Spike asked finally getting the hint.

“Less than nothing,” Buffy agreed.

“Then prove it,” Spike stood up and extended his hand to her. “Dance with me.”

She glared at his hand like it was a snake poised to strike. He was never going to give up. More than ever she wanted to get up and walk away, but now with him standing just in front of her, if she made a move to stand, she’d ended up pressed against his body yet again. She couldn’t do that again!

“Come on, Slayer,” he taunted. “Prove to me that you don’t want me. Can’t do it, eh? Just the thought of my arms around you makes you nervous, doesn’t it?”

“Not in the least!” she denied grabbing his hand tightly. She felt a tinge of satisfaction when he winced at the strength of her grip.

She forced her gaze to focus on his shoulder as he led her to the middle of the dance floor and took her into his arms. She knew the Scoobies were watching them shock covering their faces. She was feeling too anxious to face them, and she knew better than to look Spike in the face. She couldn’t stand the thought of him looking down at her with triumph in his eyes. His shoulder seemed the safest place to look. She cursed her self when her body trembled at the feel of his hands settling at the base of his spine.

She laid her hands lightly on his shoulders enjoying the feeling of the play of his muscles just below his skin, and fought the urge to entwine her arms about his neck. He was already holding her tight against him. She was already trembling from the intimate contact, and she didn’t have to help him prove his point.

“It’s not that bad is it?” she felt his lips brush her ear as he spoke.

“Spike, please,” she whispered turning her head to face him.

“Please what, luv?” he whispered back. His lips were barely touching hers. “Kiss you?”

“Spike,” her denial was cut short as he crushed his lips to hers. Her heart fluttered as the kiss deepened, and against her will her hands rose to entwine her fingers in his short blond hair. The world dropped away until there was nothing but the feel of his lips caressing hers. It was so wrong, but she didn’t want him to stop.

“Buffy?” The sound of Xander’s voice from just over Spike’s shoulder brought her back to reality. Quickly, her hands found his chest, and gave him a sharp push away from her. He stood there looking quite happy with himself. She could see her friends just behind him. All of them shocked, except for Willow who actually was smiling approvingly.

What had she done? She couldn’t believe she had allowed him to kiss her again, and this time they all knew! There was going to be no way she could explain this to them. Taking one last glance at Spike, she did the only thing she could think of. She turned and ran for the door.

For the second time in as many days, Buffy found herself strolling the streets of Sunnydale and approaching home dreading that someone might be up when she returned. How had she let things get so out of hand? She should have never have listened to Willow, and she most definitely should not have gone to Spike’s crypt. If she would have just went to bed, she could have gotten up in the morning and pretended that Spike had never said he loved her! She pictured the faces of the Scoobies when they had seen her kissing Spike. They were sure to be at the Magick Shop in the morning when she arrived to train. How was she going to explain this one away? She was reasonably sure they weren’t going to buy that she tripped, and her lips just happened to land right smack on his!

God, she was doomed! There was no way she was going to explain this one away! Why had she done it in the first place? It wasn’t like she was just as strong as he was. She could have easily pushed him away, but she hadn’t. She had actually pulled him closer! She had to be losing her mind. She couldn’t actually feel something for that vampire!

She kicked off her shoes as she closed the door behind her. There was a light still on in the kitchen. Did her family ever sleep? With a sigh, she slowly made her way into the kitchen. She’d much rather not do this, but she was going to have to explain her actions at some point, and she may as well get it over with!

Her mother looked up as she entered. She really should have been in bed. She needed her rest, but Buffy couldn’t help feeling relief at the fact that it wasn’t Dawn waiting up for her. At least her mom would be objective, and not looking at the situation through the prejudice of a teenage crush!

“Mom, what are you doing up?” Buffy asked softly as she took a seat in the chair across the table from Joyce.

“Oh,” Joyce sighed. “I woke up, and I just couldn’t stand laying in the bed a minute longer.”

“Mom,” Buffy’s voice filled with concern as she covered her mother’s hand with one of her own. “You need your rest.”

“I think I’ve had enough rest to last me a life time, Buffy.” Joyce took a sip of the mug cocoa she had sitting on the table before her. It seemed to be the drink of choice in the Summers’ household since Spike had decided to intrude on their lives. “Besides, I wanted to talk to you.”

Buffy dreaded the sound of that last sentence. Buffy had spent most of the day in bed before she had headed off to the Bronze. Lord only knew what stories Dawn had been passing on to their mother while she wasn’t around to defend herself.

“About what, mom?” Buffy asked trying to sound as innocent as she could, and failing miserably.

“Spike,” Joyce answered simply. “What’s going on, Buffy?”

“Nothing!” Buffy cried. God, why couldn’t her sister keep her mouth shut?! “Really mom! He’s just being his normal, ultra annoying self, but nothing’s going on! What did Dawn tell you?”

“Nothing, honey. Spike stopped by earlier this evening…”

“Spike was here?” Buffy eyed her mother suspiciously. “What was he doing here?”

“He just stopped by to chat. He was upset and needed someone to talk to.”

She’d just bet that Spike had needed someone to talk to, and she was sure that she knew exactly what the topic of conversation was about. Wasn’t it just convenient that it was her mother who he chose for a little heart to heart?! More and more she wished that she had brought Mr. Pointy with her to the Bronze. He had asked the loaded question about why she hadn’t staked him yet. Well, she was more than ready to do it now.

“God,” Buffy let go of her mother’s hand and clenched both hands into tight fists on the table. “I can’t believe he had the nerve to show up here! Isn’t tormenting me enough for him? I can’t believe he would dare bug my sick mother!”

“Buffy, calm down! He didn’t bother me! It was nice to have some company after lying around this house for days,” Joyce said softly, hoping that her even tone might calm her daughter down. “He was too tormented himself to torment me.”

“Tormented?” Buffy eyed her mother suspiciously. What did Spike have to be tormented about! He should be ecstatic! He was just swimming in his element—making the Slayer’s life a living hell!

“Buffy, he really cares for you…”

“Cares for me!” God, he’d gotten to her mom too! “Do you hear what you’re saying mom!? This is Spike! William the Bloody! A few months ago, he wanted to swim in my blood!”

“That was a few months ago,” Joyce repeated. “He’s changed, Buffy. Even you have to admit that!”

Buffy sighed. Yes, his tone had changed. He was actually helping her, but that didn’t mean he was now a different person! Why was everyone suddenly nominating Spike for sainthood!?

“He’s a vampire, mom!”

“Angel was a vampire!” Why did everyone have to remind her of that fact? Hadn’t that excuse been worn out yet?

“Angel was different!” Buffy objected. “He has a soul!”

Joyce took another sip of cocoa. She was going to have to take this slow. She had known that when Spike had shown up earlier that evening mooning over her daughter. She had to admit that she wasn’t wild about her daughter being involved with another vampire, but it was obvious Spike cared for Buffy a great deal. Her daughter had been miserable since Riley left. She deserved to be happy, and Spike had convinced her that he was more than willing to try. Besides, with the threat of Glory looming over their heads, the last thing they needed was a Slayer moping around about a lost love or running away from a new one!

“And what’s to say that Spike doesn’t? He hasn’t killed anyone in over a year,” she suggested.

“That’s because of the chip. He doesn’t have a soul!”

“Who’s to say he doesn’t, honey? It’s not like you wear a soul around your neck where everyone can see it. Either way, soul or not, he has changed, and you wouldn’t be so worried about what he does if you didn’t feel something.”

“I do not feel a thing for that…that…” Buffy couldn’t think of a word bad enough to call him. She was so frustrated.

“Buffy…”

“No mom,” Buffy said with a finality that signified the conversation was over. “I don’t. I’m really tired. I think I’m going to go to bed now.”

Buffy’s heart sank as she entered the Magick Shop. As expected, the entire gang was seated around the table waiting for her. Even Giles was there. How was she going to explain to him that she had fallen for another vamp? Fallen for his tricks, of course, not that she had literally fallen for Spike! The expression on Giles’ face was sad as she approached the group. At least, she could count on her watcher to set her straight.

“Hi, guys,” she said cheerfully. It was too much to ask that they’d just let it pass, but she wasn’t going to be the one to bring it up.

“Please tell me you’re hung over!” Xander was the first of the Scoobies to speak.

“What?” Buffy asked surprised at his outburst.

“You kissed Spike,” he explained. “You must have been drunk!”

“Xander,” Willow glared across the table. “We were going to give Buffy a chance to explain.”

Buffy sighed in frustration. Apparently, her social life had been the topic of the morning rather than looking for a way to defeat Glory. She couldn’t blame them, she hadn’t really been giving the Glory problem her full attention the last few days either.

“Willow’s right. Now is not the time to attack Buffy,” Giles agreed, ever the voice of reason. “She very well may have had a very good reason for what she did. You do, don’t you?”

“I don’t know, Giles,” she answered refusing to meet his gaze. “Spike told me he loved me. So I went to his crypt to tell him he was insane, and it just happened. Now every time I turn around he’s there.”

“Spike thinks he’s in love,” Giles repeated thoughtfully to himself, “with the Slayer, quite unorthodox.”

“Wait a minute! Last night wasn’t the first time you kissed him?” Xander asked as the pieces slowly came together.

“Well, I for one think it’s romantic.”

“What?” Xander spun in his chair to give Anya a shocked look. “He’s stalking Buffy and forcing himself on her!”

“He showed up at a public place, that isn’t really stalking,” Anya tried to rationalize. “Besides, it really didn’t look like he had to force her to kiss him.”

“Guys,” Willow cut in, “Buffy’s not on trial here. Maybe she might care for him. That’s not a crime.”

“Will, it’s Spike! He’s a vampire, remember?” Xander objected.

“So, Oz was a werewolf.” Buffy could see Tara cringe when Willow mentioned Oz’s name, but she was thankful that she hadn’t brought up Angel yet again! “And Anya was a vengeance demon. It’s not like we’ve cornered the market on normal relationships.”

“I think the question is,” Giles spoke up ending the debate, “do you feel something for him, Buffy?”

She wished they could go back to the debate. Normally, she would have been annoyed that they were talking about her like she wasn’t in the room, but it was better than having their eyes all focused on her expecting her to answer a question she hadn’t managed to answer yet for herself.

“I…I…”she shifted about uncomfortably. What could she say? She was supposed to hate him, but every time he was around she felt butterflies in the pit of her stomach. They fought constantly, but she actually enjoyed it. She couldn’t tell them that! “It really doesn’t matter what I feel…”

“Yes, it does, Buffy,” Willow said with concern. “There’s more to your life than taking care of your family and slaying demons…”

“Not right now Will,” Buffy responded sadly. “Right now I can’t afford to forget that I’m the Slayer, and I most definitely don’t have the time to take part in this little soap opera that Spike has concocted. Now, if you need me, I’ll be training.”





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