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Author's Chapter Notes:
I do not own the characters
Standing across the room from Spike felt like it was the best thing to do, "Okay this is what happened." She sat in the chair and started, "When we moved I found out that I was pregnant. I couldn't believe it at first but then I accepted it. Mom..Well she was disappointed but she stood beside me. So through my pregnancy I started working at this shitty ass diner." She took a deep breath, "Well mom had started dating this guy named, Ted. I didn't like him at all. Something about him seemed really funny and all. And when I told my mom she just told me that it was my hormones. I knew it wasn't though. So anyway they where dating and after 3 months of dating he moved in. And yes at the time you and I where still talking but I didn't want anybody else to know. I thought maybe mom was right it was just my wacky hormones. So, anyway. When he moved in he just became so..Controlling like. See down at the diner I met a few people around my age and was hanging out with them and all. Well, Ted didn't think they where good people to hang out with because I was pregnant. And they where great people. So he told my mom that they did drugs and all and that wasn't true. But of course she believed him. So I was 3 months along right? Well after a while the least little think I did...he would get pissed. Then mom was out getting grocery's. I told, Ted I was going for a walk. He said no I was not. I just told him he wasn't my father and I could do as I liked." tears welled up in her eyes, "So he grabbed my arm and called me a worthless little tramp. Then.. Then he slapped me and I fell. He then pulled my hair and hit me again telling me if I ever speak back to him again..He would kill me and my baby. So I kept my mouth shut and just covered the bruises up with make up. The abuse kept up for 3 years. He never raised his hand to Billy. Never. And then when mom found out she left him. I was 21 and living with her still. She found out and made him leave. So I was on my way home from work and he attacked me. He beat me up and... and he raped me. He said that I was nothing and that I didn't deserve to live. Lilly..My boss found me and rushed me to the hospital. I told the police what happened and they arrested him. But his words still live with me everyday. And my mom even blamed me for it all. Told me that I was a whore. And worthless.And the day she died...We had a huge fight. I told her that she was a drunk because she told me I wasn't a good mother. And she was.Billy was at daycare and I walked in the house..And she was dead. I never got to tell my mom that I loved her and that I was sorry. And that she was the best mother anyone could have." She was in tears and sobbing. He was the only person who knew all this.

Spike sat still and quiet through the whole story. Not once did he move. He wanted to kill Ted and all but he didn't say anything. The man was in jail. And how could Joyce do that to her? He stood up and walked to her. Taking her in his arms they both cried, "I'm sorry baby. I should have been there. I'm so sorry. I am so sorry you went through that." He sobbed into her hair and she sobbed into his chest. This was what they needed. A release. She had to start with letting go of the past. And this was the way.

A month had past since that night she told him about everything. And he had gotten her help. She was seeing a professional. But she was doing better. Today was Willow and Xanders wedding. Buffy had on a pink strapless dress and stood and watched them exchange vows. Willow wore a white dress that was strapless and it had glitter and beads on the top and then it flowed out and had a long train. Her hair was up in curls. Xander looked handsome. He had a tux on and they where so in love. But she couldn't keep her eyes off of, Spike. He looked amazing. But that night he broke the news to her. He was seeing someone and they where in love. She accepted that. Well that's what she said. But that was okay because she could deal.

At the reception Buffy was dancing with her son and having a blast. She had officially moved back to Sunnydale and she was doing better. She picked her son up and looked over to see, Spike and his girlfriend holding each other close. It still hurt but he didn't deserve a mess up like her. She smiled softly and said her goodbyes to Willow and Xander, "I'll see you guys when you get back from your honeymoon." She hugged them bye and then let Billy tell his dad bye, "I see you tomorrow daddy?" Spike smiled, "Of course little man. I love you and be good." He didn't look Buffy in the eyes. He turned to his girlfriend who was, Tara. She was nice, funny, smart. And he loved her. He did. That's what he kept telling himself.

Taking Billy to his dad's the next day, Buffy hated that she was still in love with him but it was over. Yes they shared a son together but otherwise they weren't the same people. Walking to the door she knocked, "Hey, Buffy come in." Tara gave her a smile. Buffy liked Tara. She was good for Spike, "Thanks, Tara." Walking in she waited for Spike, "Hey! There's my little guy." he picked him up and smiled at Buff, "Well I will be gone now. I will pick him up tomorrow. Bye Billy." She kissed him goodbye and left.

Tara loved, Spike but she knew he wasn't in love with her. He loved her but he was IN love with Buffy. But she would wait to end. Right now he needed her and she would be here. But she couldn't be here much longer. Spike watched Buffy walk away. She was doing better. She looked like the girl she was 5 years ago and he was happy. He helped that.

Driving to work, Buffy sighed and a soft smile formed on her face. At least she was happy. She was finally home and she had what she once had before. And that she was greatful for.

"Sometimes in life you just gotta live. Because even though you aren't with the person you love...Doesn't always mean things are bad. You have your family and friends. That's what means the most. Even if you can't let go. So this is my song." Buffy smiled when the Bronze people applauded. She started to sing.Never knowing Spike was there.

Can't Let Go
Written by M. Carey and W. Afanasieff

There you are holding her hand
I am lost
Dying to understand
Didn't I cherish you right
Don't you know you were my life

Even though I try
I can't let go
Something in your eyes
Captured my soul
And every night I see you in
My dreams
You're all I know
I can't let go

Just cast aside
You don't even know I'm alive
You just walk on by
Don't care to see me cry
And here I am
Still holding on
I can't accept
My world is gone
No no

Even though I try
I can't let go
Something in your eyes
Captured my soul
And every night I see you in
My dreams
You're all I know
I can't let go

Oh
Do you even realize the sorrow
I have inside
Everyday of my life
Do you know the way it feels
When all you have just dies
I try and try to deny that I need you
But still you remain on my mind

Even though I try
I can't let go
Something in your eyes
Captured my soul
And every night I see you in
My dreams
You're all I know
I can't let go
No I just can't get you out of my mind
I never can say goodbye
'Cause every night
I see you in my dreams

Even though I try
I can't let go
Something in your eyes
Captured my soul
And every night I see you in
My dreams
You're all I know
I can't let go

After finishing the song Buffy smiled and walked off stage. Heading out Spike grabbed her by the arm softly, "Billy is with Giles and I love you. I never stopped." And before she could reply he kissed her passionately.





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