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Author's Chapter Notes:
Okay, so starting off with a new fic :-D Tell me what you think. I need a beta as well, so if you're interested, let me know. And I need reviews, they are the fuel of my muse. So help a girl out here. Any suggestions, just let me know ;)

Aryka.
Entry the first....

Dear little four-eyed man in tweed...Okay, so I get how you want to pick my brain, vampire borne again with a soul by default? Yeah that's a little weird. And the thing with Mr. Pratt...I can totally explain how a man trained to hate vampires would want to develop a relationship with one...Well in all honesty I can't...But to sit me in an all white room? I mean seriously, the lack of color in here is making me go a little crazed. But it's alright I guess considering the circumstances...So I guess you want to know what happened, right? Why I am the way I am? Honestly I don't know why. I just wish you'd quit staring at me. You've been cleaning your glasses for so long I can hear the squeaking.

Haha. I just threw your glasses across the room, watching you scramble to pick them up was kind of funny. Just because I have a soul doesn't necissarily make me nice ya know? I guess I'll explain the soul thing to the best of my ability, so when little-men-in-tweed Jr's read this, they'll understand a little more of how I'm feeling. Little deputies in tweed. I like that a lot more then watchers in training. I'm so calling Wes Little Deputy. I know you'd laugh at that even though you try not to encourage me. It'll be our little secret. Okay, so I feel remourse for bad things I do right? But with the demon in me, I'm compelled to do wrong. So it's kind of a lose-lose situation, either way I'm pissing off some part of my body. So for the most part I decide to do what the white hat part of my body tells me to do (for those who are "Buffy Speak" illiterate, that means my soul) because when I piss off my soul, it's the more bitchy part of me. I personally don't like to sit around and cry all the time. I'd be all broody like inmate No. 33872...Or I call him Angel.

So you're giving me dirty looks now. Asking why I've stopped typing. I'm starting to think about the night I was turned. Man I was fucked up...I guess you wanna hear about it though right? Big story in this vampiress' life? Well I'll type this up if you promise to let me see him again soon. Please Giles....

It all started when I was jamming in my car to some Face to Face....

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August 19th, 1999

It's all right
Everything is fine
You live the perfect life
Never one immoral thought inside your mind

What they say
Does it make you feel ashamed?
Isn't everyone the same?
Does it matter that it wasn't your idea
God is a man
You know for certain
The knowledge in and of itself
Is more than we deserve

So you've tried
And you've made up your mind
Something's still not right
The devil you don't know is still outside

The music blared in Buffy's ears as she sped down Mainstreet. She was doing 93 in a 25 and normally, there would be a little voice in one's mind that would say that it wouldn't be right to be going that fast, too dangerous, or you might get pulled over, but with the cocktail of drugs Buffy had done that night, mixing uppers and downers such as pot and cocaine, the voice had lost itself somewhere along the line. In actuality, the voice had all but dissapered for Buffy Summers. Once the captain of the cheerleading squad, took a wrong turn somewhere in her freshman year. She often wished that she had a good reason, like her Dad molested her, or her Mom died, but the blonde realized there was no rationalizing her addictions. The blue and red lights flashed behind her black DeSoto as the cop sped to keep up with the small 18 year old girl.

"Fuck." Buffy muttered as she took a slow drag of her ciggarette, slowing down to pull over.
When she came to a complete stop on the side of the road, Buffy rolled down her window, casually making smoke rings as she waited for the police officer to cautiously stroll up to her car. The tobacco burned her throat in the most pleasant way, soothing her frazzled nerves. Too many drugs, she thought. Buffy sighed desperately.

"License, registration, and proof of insurance." The officer stated professionaly, eyeing the girl carefully. Buffy smirked as she looked up with her practiced 'deer in headlights' gaze.
"Is there a problem officer?" She asked in an innocent voice. As soon as the words flew from her lips Buffy realized she shouldn't have spoken as the police officer could tell that this girl was on something. Ha, if he only knew Buffy thought. The slurring, high as a kite speech patterns probably gave her away.
"Can you step out of the vehicle please?" He asked her, flashing his little light into her car, stopping right into her eyes. She could practically feel her pupils attempting to dialate....Or maybe they were already dialated but confused on what to do with this annoying blue suit trying to tap into her personal life.

"Fuck." Buffy repeated, but shrugged off the cop's intentions as she took another long drag of her ciggarette, tossing it out of the window, towards the angry, glaring cop. In one swift movement she opened her door, bashing it into the police officer's genetals, scrambling to get out of the car. She was damned lucky that this police officer was doubled over in pain and that he didn't have a partner with him. Buffy brought a tiny, but powerful foot up and kicked the cop's neck. The cop's head made a sickening crack as it made contact with the ground. Blood pooled around him quickly and she could even smell the metallic nature of the blood in the air. The dark red liquid stained the concrete.

"Shit!" She yelled into the nights air, thrusting her fists to the sky and pacing around for a few moments. Buffy was tired of dealing with her moral dilemmas. She reached down and grabbed the radio off of the cop's shoulder. "Uh...Officer down?" She said into it, unsure of herself. She threw the black electronic back down into the sticky red liquid before taking off down the street, running down alley ways, weaving in and out of parking lots, ignoring the catcalls of the homeless men and women. Finally after running for what seemed about a half hour, she couldn't run anymore, her lungs felt like they were on fire, burning deep into her chest. Sweat poured from almost every inch of her as she fought to catch her breath. She sunk down onto the ground and buried her head in her hands.


"Aw..Poor lil dolly." She heard a voice from the darkness of the alleyway. "All dressed up but nowhere to go. The beating is horrifyingly fast dolly. I want to dance all night to this girls rhythm. Ms. Edith told me to give you hellos and have a lil looksey."

Buffy looked up as this woman came into view, raising an eyebrow as she saw the ravenhaired beauty. She internally scoffed at the loonie freak in front of her. She didn't look or smell homeless... "Who the hell are you?" She called out to the stranger. If Buffy hadn't ran herself to the brink of exhaustion, she would have stood, prepared to protect herself. But alas, all she could do was sit and not care what might be in store for her.

The woman made clicking noises with her tongue. "Tsk tsk, shhhush 'lil dolly or there shall be no tea and crumpets for you. Mummy will come to you. No worries of your pretty 'lil head. The woman fisted a large amount of the velvety fabric of her skirt before kneeling next to Buffy, who was now seemingly paralyzed with the drugs coarsing through her veins. "Oh, my 'lil dolly has been a naughty 'lil one. The blood shall be sweetened with a tid bit of sugar I suspect." She laughed menicingly before her features shifted. Her once beautiful brown eyes bore a yellowish color and the skin around them grew into more prominent bumpy layers of skin. Buffy internally screamed, almost as if she were trapped inside of her own body. Move damnit! She screamed to herself, but to no avail as this strange woman sank her teeth into Buffy's neck. All she remembered the next time she woke up was the horrible pain shifting throughout her entire body as she could feel the blackness engulfing her.

Memories from her childhood flashed within her mind, going so fast almost becoming a blur. She saw her mother crying over her coffin and Buffy felt her stomach tie in knots with remorse over her past decisions. I love you mommy... Were Buffy's last thoughts before silently going into the longest sleep of her short life. No "Why me?" or "I'm to young to die." Buffy realized that she had a life, and she had wasted it. She was almost happy that she was dying. She could no longer hurt those around her. A feeling of peace floated through her. She only could have wished it would have lasted.


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So you see, I think a part of the reason I didn't let go of my soul when I died was because I accepted my fate. I didn't scream, although the drugs pretty much took care of that. My body was pumping blood way too fast, I probably would have died of a heart attack that night anyways. Because running so long was shifting the drugs through my system way too fast anyways. I didn't see Drusilla for a while after that. Although I did sense her for a little while, I could also tell when she left Sunnydale. You Watchers are supposed to know your stuff, but really, you should have had a Slayer in Sunny-D instead of William the Watcher while Drusilla was in town. She killed so many young people it made me sick everynight. The fact that after some time I was able to kill vampires and the entire time I could have sensed her out if I tried, I mean really really tried. But I never did. I remember a little from when I came to my unlife. I remember an agonizingly horrible pain as my soul and demon duked it out when I awoke. I remember screaming as hard as my lungs would allow. I remember the dirt flowing freely into my mouth after the first punch aimed at the coffin. The panic, the fear, the anger. I wanted to stay dead, wanted to be dead. I could already sense I was unnatural. And I wanted to be back into the ground. I remember having an urge to just lay there forever. But all of my screaming convinced me otherwise. I think that's how I attracted Will towards my grave. I think he could hear me.

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August 24th, 1999


Buffy's final frantic punch went through the top of the soil as she grasped for the blades of grass to help pull her out of the coffin. She lifted her head out, coughing up the dirt that had attempted to embed itself in her lungs as she stepped on top of her coffin for leverage to pull herself out. She sobbed uncontrollably, pulling herself out, grunting with each failed attempt at using a handfull of grass. Buffy finally plopped out onto the ground, facing up still screaming. "What the hell am I?" She called out into the night's sky. Everything was clearer. She could hear the worms in the ground that were trying to fight their way into her coffin to hopefully feed upon her flesh. She could hear the scurry of animals in the woods all around her. She could hear and smell a human stepping slowly towards her. Buffy wasn't sure how she could tell it was a human, but something, the saltiness of the skin she could almost taste, the excitement, the anxiety. She could feel it all rolling off of whoever tried to come up to her. Buffy felt the urge to jump on the upcoming human, sucking him or her dry of blood. The thought alone made Buffy turn around on all fours, retching up what little she had in her stomach.

"Don't move." Buffy heard an englishman's deep voice and she froze, looking up at the crossbow he held in his hands. She was instantly struck with his gorgeous looks. His platinum blonde hair was spiked up and messy and the black tank top he was wearing had a rip in the abdomen, rushing fresh blood through the open wound and onto his hard rock abs. The fact that she wanted to lick every drop of his delicious blood off of his gorgeous body made her stomach lurch once more. Buffy lowered her head, sobbing even more, she would never again enjoy the touch of a man. If she had the chance, she still wouldn't let herself. "What the hell am I?"

"Vampire, the Undead, Blood sucking feind from beyond the grave...Whichever you prefer." He said simply with a smirk circling the vampiress as she stumbled up to her feet.

"What if I don't prefer any? I don't want to hurt anybody." She said, furiously wiping at the tears that were staining her cheeks.

For a moment William Pratt, Watcher extrordinaire was taken aback by this poor girl...vampire He corrected himself. She really seemed to not be all evil and bumpy and whatnot. The thought scared him a bit and he shifted the crossbow to ready himself in case of an attack.

Buffy could taste his fear and saw the slight movement of the crossbow. She simply sat down on her knees, head facing the ground. "Do it." She muttered.

Will raised a scarred eyebrow for a moment before dropping the crossbow into one hand, holding it parallel to his knee. "What the hell is wrong with you, you bloody chit?" He scratched the back of his head before continuing. "You're supposed to be up and attacking me. Getting one with the bumpies. Grr!" He yelled hopping forward. Buffy did nothing but sit there. "Either you do it now, or I'm going to fall asleep and let the sun do it."

Will sensed something was off about this vampire. "Alright goldilocks, up you go." He said, grabbing one wrist and handcuffing it to the other with every intention of handing this vamp over to the Watchers Council, or Maggie Walsh. Whoever he could get in touch with first. In the meantime, he had to figure out what he was going to do with the little vampire that could....But wouldn't.





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