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I'm going to try and post two chapters every night... except weekends. Reviews may entice me to post more often. thank you for everyone reviewing!
Chapter 4

April 1998
Buffy thought that the barbeque was going great. Xander was cracking jokes and making Buffy laugh. Spike took up his seat behind Buffy, encouraging her to lean back on him. The food, hamburgers and hot dogs, was over done, but still good. Someone had a keg and the beer flowed freely. Buffy was feeling a definite buzz as she giggled at Xander. Spike ran his hands through her shoulder length hair, twirling the ends around his fingers. “Hey, pet. Want to go for a walk?” At her nod, Spike helped Buffy stand up. Xander, getting the hint went on to socialize with others at the party.

They walked hand in hand down the beach to a less populated area when Spike stopped Buffy. He hugged her to his body and whispered in her hair, “Buffy, Buffy, Buffy. I missed you all today. Did you know that, pet?” His hands roamed her back, bringing her closer. “I picked up the bloody phone at least ten times wanting to call you, but didn’t know your number.” His mouth made its way down her neck, “What’s your number, baby.”

Her mouth was currently latched to the side of his face sucking and nibbling. He tasted slightly of soap, aftershave, smoke, and something unique. “Mhmmhaah.”

“What was that, luv?” He stopped his traveling mouth and stepped back a little without letting go.

Sighing, Buffy clarified, “It’s a bad idea.”

“What is, luv?” She glared at him for the use of endearment. Spike was good all last night with not using it, but it seems he was slipping back to it.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to give it to you.” Spike let go of her and stepped back.

“What? Why isn’t it a good idea? Don’t you trust me?” Spike started to pace right in front of her on the sand.

“It’s not that. It’s just that… see if I give you my number expecting you to call and then… you don’t… I just don’t want to be hurt.” Buffy’s arms encircled her stomach.

“Oh, I see. But it is bloody fucking OK to hurt me by not giving it to me and giving me the opportunity to not disappoint you?” Spike threw his hands up in the air as he was talking.

“No, I mean… Spike I just don’t want to be hurt. Give my hopes up and stuff. In a few days you are going to be gone but I’m not. I’m going to walk around and see all the places we were together and remember.” She couldn’t even look at him. Buffy hated hurting Spike like she was, but it was for the best. If she gave in, she would be the one that hurt.

“You don’t think I would call you? I’ll call you! I like you! I’m not going to just fall off the planet.” He stopped pacing and stood in front of her. “Look at me!”

Bringing her eyes to rest on him, she suddenly wanted to tell him her name, number, address, email, and social security number. She wanted to tell him everything. She wanted to tell him about being only 18, being in high school, her fears and desires. But that little voice in her head that sounded similar to Cordelia won out. “You say that now, Spike. But I’ve seen it before. You will leave and I will sit near the phone waiting for you to call and you won’t. I’ve watched Cordy do it many times.”

“That may be true about others, but not about me. And it doesn’t look like Cordy will be waiting by the phone from the looks of it.” Spike came forward to touch her arm.

“What do you mean?” She didn’t break away from his embrace.

Spike motioned over to his right where Cordy and a new man were making out on the beach. “Looks like she is too busy to give out her number.”

Watching her friend make out with a different guy tonight, Buffy shivered and said quietly, “Why can’t we just enjoy the time we have?”

Spike looked at her and couldn’t believe her. She gave all signs at wanting a relationship versus just a fling, yet she just told him she just wanted to have fun. Sighing, Spike didn’t know what to do. “I can deal with that.” For now, he vowed.

Present:
Buffy sat down at her desk and started her home computer. Maybe she could catch the latest gossip for her favorite soap opera. Starting her Instant Messenger, Buffy was pleasantly surprised to see another email from Spike. It occurred to her that she’s been thinking about Spike a lot lately. Shaking her head she opened up the message and laughed. Throughout the years he continually tried to pry her private information out of her, especially when she moved from Sunnydale to LA. He claimed he wanted to send her an apartment-warming present, but she didn’t buy it. Every once in a while he would try to get her to come visit him in Chicago. She refused. Buffy wasn’t sure why she refused, but she did. A little voice in the back of her brain said, ‘you don’t want to visit him because you put him up on a pedestal. If you saw him again you would see that he wasn’t perfect and like every other guy.’ Another voice, a small voice said, ‘because if you saw him you would give it up. You would fall head over heals, that is if you aren’t already.’ Shutting out the voices, Buffy hit reply.

Subject: Re: Hey there cutie
Date: Saturday, 21 June 2003 18:56:37 -0600
From: EAS@hotmail.com
To: sxyspike@hotmail.com

Hey, Handsome!

You never give up, do you? You know we agreed to keep it to emailing. Why mess with a good thing? I met Cordy at a coffee house this morning. She is doing fine and working a lot. She claims she is an ‘important actress.’ I laughed and told her she wasn’t.

Dawn is off restriction and dating Angel’s half brother again. What I would like to know if how did she find in a city of over 3 million the one brother of my ex? It’s uncanny. I guess it could be worse Conner is nothing like the ‘poof.’ He treats her right and is nice enough. He calls me ma’am though. Gives me shivers.

LOL, I guess I am rambling. Riley and I had a fight last night, a BIG fight. I think it was the fight, the breakup fight. I’m not sure. He thinks that because I share my thoughts and stuff with you on a daily basis that I don’t feel the need to share them with him. I share with him. Ridiculous, huh?

Anyways, its late Saturday night and should be getting some shut-eye.

Talk to you later,
Buffy





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