Music Reference:
“If You Wanna, I Might” – HelloGoodbye (*)
“Rooftops” – Lost Prophets (**)
“More than a Love Song” – Augustana (***)
( ** are for your reference)
Chapter 13
There was something about this girl that made him feel like a ridiculous little boy who was just beginning to discover the finer aspects of the female species. One grin from her and he was reduced to the nervous and giddy mess he was back in junior high. Bloody hell, this can’t be happening, he grimaced as he nicked himself on the edge of the table as he tried to get out of their booth. The sharp pain at his side made him almost fall and Buffy seemed to be having a good time hiding her laughter.
“Careful,” she giggled and he shot her a look. Spike followed her towards the door of The Espresso Pump, willing his sudden nervousness to disappear.
There was something extraordinary about her and he couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was exactly. Maybe it was her smile. She had that smile that pulled everybody towards her and made them want to talk to her, yet at the same time, it challenged him. He wanted more than her easy-going smile. He wanted the sexy smile, the love smile, the nervous smile, the hungry-for-you smile. He wanted to know everything about her. But for some reason, just the fact that she was smiling at him at all seemed like it was enough. For now, at least.
(*)
I've been assuming everything
Hoping you'll soon mean everything
I've gotta stay calm, I want this to be real
I don't think you're into me
But truly, that's okay with me
I've gotta stay calm and find out how you feel
Maybe it was in her eyes. Those envy-me-emeralds seemed to see right through him and the more they looked his way, the more addicted to them he got. They pulled him in and made him want to know everything there was to know about her. What was her favorite food? Did she snore when she slept? How did she like her steak? Did she know how completely alluring her entire essence was?
So if you wanna say "I-I-I like you"
I might feel just like you
If you choose-choose not to
I knew you-you would
Maybe it was how completely real she was. He didn’t have to touch her to make himself feel like she was actually there with him; her presence extended far beyond her body.
She was so natural and that made her beautiful to him. He had seen it all already: the erotic women, the hot, sexy, and sensual girls, the raunchy, provocative vixens. Been there, hit that, played that scene. But how was it that she could send him reeling with just a little half-smile and a quick fleeting glance? It was like she had the power of ten women in one long eyelash.
And damn, it made him nervous. He quickly moved to open the door for her, but nearly knocked her to the ground in his effort to do so.
“Are you okay?” Buffy asked and he stared at her. No… I’m not okay. I’m most definitely out of my mind. He wanted to tell her, but he just smiled and pushed the door open.
She slowly walked passed him, but not before pausing and perusing his body up and down with an exaggerated smirk and a playful wink. His heart did the tango and he swallowed, hard. Oh, bugger…
Sometimes I think I am out of my league
And then sometimes I think I can dream
Sometimes I wish I could be the one fish
That you choose out of all in the sea
It was a song by Hellogoodbye. And, although he would never admit to anybody that the song was looping itself in his head at this most inopportune moment, it did a good job of picking out all the insecurities and jumpiness he was feeling and wrapping it all into one big mess of a pop song.
He turned to look at Buffy as she walked down the sidewalk next to him, leaning close and brushing against his side every so often. She was being surprisingly silent and biting her lower lip as she let her gaze drift off to the side, a sure sign that something was on her mind.
“What’re you thinking about?” he finally asked, exhausted by the silence. She looked up at him and shrugged.
“Stuff. You know,” she said matter-of-factly and he raised an eyebrow.
“Let’s be even more ambiguous.”
She gave him a little look and hooked her elbow around his arm. Again, he found himself completely mesmerized by how comfortable she seemed to be with him while here he was feeling… shy. Bugger, bugger, bugger, he repeated to himself.
“Is this one of those times when I’m supposed to say I’m thinking about you?” Buffy asked, grinning. He laughed at that and shook his head.
“No. Not when I’m right here with you…” he shifted his arm to take her hand in his. “Now, when you’re all alone in your little beddy-bye and missing the hell out of me, that’s a different story.”
She jabbed him in the side and made a face.
He smirked, then asked, “C’mon, what’s really on your mind?”
“Nothing much…” she paused for a moment, fidgeting, “Just… This is going to be so cheesy.”
“Cheese me,” Spike insisted, swinging out his free arm. Buffy stared at him, amused, and he cringed. “Just kidding, pretend you didn’t hear that.”
“Okay.”
She was silent for a short while, looking deep in thought. Finally, she started talking, “I was kind of thinking about my life. And my past. Like, all the stupid things I’ve done and everything that I regret. I kind of had this epiphany when we walked out of the door. Stupid, I know. But it’s like – I just want to let it all go and… live for this moment. You know?”
Spike knew exactly what she meant. He knew it all too well. “You’re right,” he nodded, seriously. “That is cheesy.”
“Oh, shut up,” she jabbed him again. “Seriously, though. What do you think about it?”
“What, forgetting the past? Living the moment?” He questioned, wondering where she was going with this train of thought.
“Yeah.”
“I hear it’s a rush,” he said, plainly. Suddenly, an idea hit him and he pulled Buffy off of the sidewalk and into the empty street, stopping in the middle.
She opened her mouth to protest but he silenced her with his index finger and a slow smile. He took a step away from her but didn’t release her hand.
“Want to give it a go?”
………………
………………
………………
Would he ever stop surprising her? For some reason, she didn’t think so. She was beginning to learn that she had to expect the unexpected when it came to him. But it didn’t stop her from questioning his sanity.
Buffy widened her eyes, but he gently pressed a finger over her mouth that was open and prepared to speak, taking the “what the hell are you doing?” right off her lips.
“Want to give it a go?” He asked as if standing in the middle of the street in New York City was the most natural thing to do. She looked left and right frantically, but calmed down when she saw that the street was empty. Marginally.
“Wait, what?” she stared at him. He was grinning wildly and his excitement was starting to rub off on her.
“You know,” he squeezed her hand, “Let go of your inhibition, all that rot.”
She wasn’t sure where he was going with this. “How?”
“Scream. Shout.” He answered, simply, then quirked his eyebrow, “Standing on the rooftops, everybody scream your heart out, you know?”
Spike sang the last line and she couldn’t help the warm, fuzzy feeling from spreading through her body. He was so cute, standing a few feet away from her with his hair pulled out of that hair-gel bond and starting to rumple of it’s own accord. Inside, she knew that she would never be able to resist anything he asked her to do.
“You want me to scream?”
“No,” he emphasized, slowly, “I want you to let go.”
Buffy thought about it for a few seconds. “So… you want me to scream.”
Spike shrugged and grinned even more, “If that’s what it takes.”
Buffy looked around at the relatively quiet street. There were a few people here and there, but most of them weren’t paying any attention to them. Still. Scream?
“I think I’ll pass,” Buffy said, taking a step closer to the sidewalk. Spike held on fast to her hand.
“Scared, love?” His voice was teasing and his eyebrows raised as if challenging her.
“No,” she denied, “I just have this thing where I don’t feel comfortable standing in the middle of the street and making… loud noises.”
“What’s the problem?” Spike asked her, pulling her back towards him.
“Noise pollution!” Buffy blurted out the first thing that came to her mind.
“Nonsense.”
“But… the people…”
“You see people?” He scanned the vicinity then looked back at her. “I don’t.”
Obviously, he didn’t count the handful of people walking on the sidewalk - where people were meant to walk on – as people.
“Well, the people – “
“Don’t matter,” he cut her off. His eyes were digging deep into her own and she felt something inside her give in to him. Damn you, she silently cursed, damn you for being so … ugh.
She tried to put up one last fight, “But…”
“Go on,” he implored her, “Scream. Let it all out. I’ll do it with you.”
“Scream?” Buffy asked, uncertain. She couldn’t see somebody like Spike screaming…
“Wanna sing?” He asked. With a mischievous smirk, he started singing loudly, “Standing on the rooftops everybody scream your heart out! -- Come on, you little chicken-shit -- This is all we got now, everybody scream your heart out!”
The people on the sidewalks did turn their head to stare at him, but suddenly, Buffy really couldn’t care less. Laughing hard, she joined him in his singing.
(**)
“Standing on the rooftops
Waiting till the bomb drops
This is all we got now
Scream until your heart stops”
Everything inside that was holding her back evaporated as she threw her arms up with him and spun around, singing at the top of her lungs. They were both laughing and singing and she wondered why she had never tried this before. Was it because she was always so reserved? Had she never been this daring? Suddenly, she felt free. For the first time in her life, she didn’t feel like she was being judged. The only person that mattered was right there next to her, making a fool of himself as well.
“Were never going to regret
Watching every sunset
We’ll listen to your heart beat
All of the love that we found!”
At that exact moment, it started drizzling. It was like something in the sky just opened up and decided that the moment called for rain, so rain it did. She kept singing and spinning, amazed at the dizzy, liberated feeling that made her want to let go.
She felt Spike pull her and she spun into his arms. He was laughing with her and she brought a hand to his face, needing to feel his skin.
“It’s beautiful,” she smiled, her voice a little hoarse.
“I told you it’d be good, love.”
The rain was getting heavier, but they didn’t run for cover. She was entranced by the raindrops that stuck to his eyelashes and she pulled his head down to kiss them off. He held her closer and danced with her right there in the middle of the street, the rain pelting down everywhere around them and on them.
………
She had never danced in the rain before and now she wasn’t sure if she was ever going to stop. He was singing in her ear softly; it was a song she had never heard before. His voice was low and she couldn’t quite make out his words, but she loved them anyways. She buried her face into the crook of his neck as he swayed her back and forth.
Suddenly, her cell phone rang.
Buffy’s shoulders sagged as she pulled away from him and dug into her back pockets to see who the hell was calling her at 2:30am.
It was her mom.
“I have to take this,” she said, apologetic. Spike nodded and walked with her back to the sidewalk as she answered.
He walked away from her, giving her privacy as she brought the cell phone to her ear, and she smiled, appreciating the gesture.
“Hey,” she said into the cell phone.
“Where are you?” her mother’s tired voice asked.
“Um. Mott street.”
“Oh, ” there was a little pause, “With who?”
“A friend of a friend,” she said vaguely, staring at Spike’s back as he danced in circles by himself with his head thrown back and his arms raised up and out. “I’ll be home late.”
“If you’re coming home at all, right? ”
“Something like that.” He was leaning against the wall now with his eyes closed. “Do you want me to come home?”
Her mother sighed, “No, you have fun, honey. But remember.. ”
“Yeah, I know,” Buffy smiled. Her mother obviously trusted her. “Don’t get killed, stay off drugs, no babies in the morning.”
“You know me too well. ”
“Duh, Mom.”
“I can’t get over how… independent you are now,” Over the phone, her voice sounded wistful and Buffy was silent for a little bit.
When her mother didn’t continue, she breathed out slowly and said, “Mom…”
“Hm? ”
“I think I might be in trouble.”
There was a pause.
“Are you pregnant? ”
“No!!” Buffy nearly shouted, surprised.
“Oh. What is it, then? ”
“I think I might be falling in love,” she said softly, turning away from Spike.
Her mother chuckled softly over the phone, “Aw, Buffy. It’s not that awful Angel boy is it? ”
“No!” Buffy said, firmly, “It’s… someone I haven’t known for very long.”
“Is he good to you?”
She didn’t need to think hard about that one. “Yeah. He really is.”
“Are you frightened?”
Leave it to her mother to sum up everything she was feeling into one very peculiar word. And surprisingly enough, it was accurate.
“A little bit. It might not be real.”
“I’ve always told you to follow your heart, honey,” her voice was oddly comforting. “This goes for love, too. Sometimes… you should give your brain a rest. God knows that’s what it needs. Getting into Columbia and being successful is what your head takes care of, sweetie. Love is something that belongs to your heart. ”
Buffy smiled. Then frowned, “I rejected Columbia, Mom.”
“You did? When? ”
“When I mailed my rejection letter…”
“What rejection letter? ” Her voice sounded like she was restraining something. A laugh? Shouts of fury?
“The one I mailed out in April. You knew about this, Mom.”
“Oh! You mean the one that’s sitting somewhere in that massive to-be-shredded pile on my desk?”
Buffy couldn’t believe her ears. “WHAT?!” She shouted. Something inside her told her that she should be angry at her mother but … something was relieved. That part of her that she had been repressing for years due to her never ceasing competition with Drusilla was rejoicing. It was the part of her that cared about herself, her life, her future… it kept telling her that competing with Drusilla was stupid, but for the longest time, she stupidly ignored it.
“I sent in your acceptance letter and your father’s check. It’s taken care of, dear. ”
“MOM!” She still shouted, happy and furious all at the same time, “YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO-“
Her mother hanged up.
For a few moments, she stared at her cell phone screen, wondering if she really just had that conversation with her mother. Deciding not to dwell on it, she flipped it down and stuffed it back into her pocket.
Spike was looking at her strangely from his place against the brick building. She noticed that it had stopped raining sometime in the middle of the conversation.
Buffy remembered what she had told her mom. I think I might be falling in love. The thought had initially scared the hell out of her. She had always been so careful with her heart, but whenever she was with him, she couldn’t protect it. He kept creeping in with each minute, each kiss, each surprise.
And it made the moon shine brighter and the streetlamps glow.
(***)
More than a love song can give,
More than a feeling like this,
More than a dim light upon the path you walk,
More than my words can explain,
More than the falling rain,
More than the sun shines upon your lovely face;
It’s more than a love song.
She walked up to him and when he saw her approach, he pushed off the wall and smiled at her.
“So,” he asked when she was right in front of him. “What now?”
.........
A/N: At first, I wasn't going to have the phone conversation in there because it seemed too much like the book, but I really couldn't just leave Buffy's future up in the air because of an old flame against Dru. So yeah... I twisted around the conversation to make it more mine, thus breaking her out of Dru's bonds permanently.
This chapter felt really good to write because now I feel that I've somehow managed to stabilize this relationship enough for them to continue it after the story ends. And, I also feel that I've guided Spike and Buffy through some thorough thinking and growing up time and that they've actually matured quite a bit throughout this one night.
There's one more exciting chapter that's coming up. It's a little bit long, so I might break it into a chapter and an epilogue.
I wasn't planning to do an epilogue for this story because I already have a few ideas for possible sequels, but we'll see.
I want to say THANK YOU to all of the readers that went along on this adventure with me. The reviews have really helped me get through this. Muchas Gracias!!!
[Reviews - 227]
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