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Music Reference:

“I just called to Say I Love You” – Stevie Wonder. (*)
“I just wanna hold your hand” – The Beatles. (**)
“I will follow you into the Dark” – Death Cab for Cutie. (***)

( ** are for your reference)

Chapter Nine

Buffy couldn’t help but laugh at the pitiful expression on Spike’s face when his car failed on him again. He looked so defeated with his brow wrinkled up and his lips tightened in a straight line; it was adorable.

“Oh, yeah,” he glowered at her, trying the engine again, knowing that he’d be disappointed, “Just so funny, innit? A real riot, this is.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just that – you look so cute and frustrated…”

“Yeah. Bloody adorable,” Spike ground out flatly, then gave up, pulling his keys out of the ignition and throwing it roughly on the dashboard. They sat together in silence and listened to the faded sound of multiple melodies fused together, oozing out of stores, clubs, and cars driving past.

“So…” Buffy said, slowly, drumming her fingers lightly against the passenger seat compartment.

“So, what’ll it be? Subway or taxi, love?” Spike poised.

Buffy wasn’t even sure where they were headed to. “Walk? It’s a nice night.”

“That it is.”

They got out of the car at the same time and Spike smiled wanly at it. “Stupid, soddin’, piece of trash,” he sighed affectionately, running a loving hand across it’s hood as he walked over to the sidewalk to stand with Buffy.

She mock-gasped and slugged him gently in the arm. “Don’t listen to him, Mrs. D!” Buffy said, before covering the side-view mirror “ears” of the car with both hands, playfully shielding it from his words.

“And she says I’m adorable,” he laughed before holding his hand out for her to take.

………

They walked for some time, heading for nowhere in particular, letting the pull of different nightlife sounds draw them down different streets and avenues. When they found themselves ambling down 42nd, nearing the hustle and bustle of what was Time Square, Buffy realized she was subconsciously picking out certain songs she recognized from the music in various backgrounds and singing them under her breath.

Tonight’s mood of choice was seemingly sappy love songs, she vaguely comprehended as she hummed through several Frank Sinatra songs and Stevie Wonder’s “I just called to say I love you,” for what seemed like the fifth time in fifteen minutes.

(*)
“I just called to say I love you, I just called to say…” Her voice faded away slowly when she realized she was singing out loud to the restaurant’s music as they passed it.

“… how much I caaare, I do” Spike finished for her, loudly exaggerating a few words with his head thrown back. She laughed and ignored the strange looks people were throwing their way. What? she wanted to ask them, Never felt this way before?.

“I love that,” she said when he was done.

“What, pet?”

“You know… getting a call just because. A random ‘I love you’, you know? Nobody ever calls just for the heck of it anymore.”

Spike nodded, “It’s this new bloody generation. Everybody’s set apart, every man for himself, yeah? Can’t get too close, can’t be too open. We like to say we love with everything, live for anything, all that rot, you see? But I think we’ve forgotten the little things.”

“Like holding hands,” Buffy held up their linked hands and smiled.

“Yeah. Like holding hands,” He ran his thumb across the back of her hand and sang, “Oh please say to me, You’ll let me be your man, And please say to me, You’ll let me hold your hand...” (**)

“Mmm,” Buffy sighed dreamily, leaning a little closer to him. Her very own rock-band boy to serenade her night after night…

He sang to her all the way to Broadway.

………………
………………
………………

Spike cocked his head to the side as they stopped at an intersection, a breath away from Time Square.

“You hear that, love?” He asked, his ear straining. Buffy looked questioningly up to him and he nodded towards the Saturn stopped at the red light. A cigarette dangled loosely from the hand of a hairy arm hanging out of the car’s rolled down window and it’s stereo was just loud enough for him to catch a few words.

(***)
Love of mine…
Someday you will die…
But I’ll be close behind…
I’ll follow you into the dark…

“That’s definitely not depressing,” Buffy raised a sarcastic eyebrow. Spike silenced her with a shake of his head.

“No, listen,” he urged, “Romantic is what it is.”

No blinding light…
Or tunnels to gates of white…
Just our hands clasped so tight…
Waiting for the hint of a spark…

The light turned green and the car screeched off as the two of them started walking again. Spike couldn’t help thinking about that song.

“Romantic…” Buffy repeated slowly. He inwardly kicked himself for his choice of words when he heard the amused lilt of her voice. You could write a book, he thought, frantically trying to dig himself out of another declaration of ‘Oh! How adorable!’ , call it something like Hello There! I’m a Ponce!.

“Well, uh, in a manly…” his voice trailed off and he swallowed hard.

“Aw, that’s so –“

“Adorable? Cute? Yeah, got the memo, Goldilocks.”

“Well, I was going for ‘sweet’, but adorable works, too,” Buffy laughed.

Spike decided that his manhood wasn’t worth saving anymore, especially since the more he tried to salvage it, the more it seemed to be in danger. Cute..., bloody hell.

“I’m serious!” He insisted, “Did you listen to the words coming out of Ben Gibbard’s mouth?”

“Uh… ‘Love of mine, one day you’ll drop down dead and … dead,’ something like that? Which is, by the way, definitely of the scary, sinister, … stuff,” she shrugged. Spike widened his eyes, horrified.

“No, no, no, you’ve got it all wrong! He’s talking about – “ Spike paused for a moment, “Forever, you know? He’s saying he can’t live without her and he’ll follow her right to the very end of the bloody world. That’s so –“

“Raw,” Buffy supplied, letting go of his hand to wrap his jacket tighter around her body. Spike could feel the cool of the night breeze on his bare arm and stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jeans, trying to warm them up a little.

“Yeah,” he nodded, feeling the dull pain in his chest that the song always drew out. He turned his head away from her to focus on the neon lights across the street.

Buffy must of noticed his change in demeanor as he involuntarily distanced himself, because she gently touched his arm and asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Spike said, a little too sharply. He quickly glanced at her and away again. After a little while, she tugged at his arm to take his hand out of his pocket and into hers.

“I guess Death Cab for Cutie just brings out everybody’s emo..”

“No, it’s just,… it reminds me of my parents,” He told her, surprising himself. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to talk about his parents. Was a year enough? Was it still too new?

“What happened?”

He took a deep, shuddery breath and decided that he was ready, “Last year, my mum died. Overdose.” He focused on the worn out tops of his Doc Martins. “My dad didn’t take it well. Long story short, he drove off a bridge and killed himself. Followed her out of the world, blindly.”

She was silent for a long time, but her grip on his hand tightened until both of their knuckles were white. When she looked up at him, he saw the neon lights reflecting from those eyes, making them glow orange, green, blue, and yellow. Were those tears? He couldn’t tell for sure.

“I’m so sorry,” Buffy said, softly. He shook his head.

“No, don’t be. Wasn’t very close to them, anyways. Didn’t even live with them, actually. It’s just… I wish I did. I wish I had something else to remember them by. Hell, just a happy minute to hold on to. Seems like all I have is a stupid soddin’ song,” he said, darkly, then smiled. “Funny. I think you’re the first person I’ve told that to, love. Tragically lucky you are, yeah?”

“Tragically lucky? No. Glad you opened up? Yeah.”

“Oh.”

Spike smiled for a second, then almost laughed as he thought of the irony. How could talking about something so depressing make him want to smile? He just laid himself out for Buffy to stamp on and all he could think about was why a load had just gotten lifted from his shoulders.

He thought about his parents’ death. It was because of them that he had gone through hell itself for the past year. It was because of them that he had thrown himself into music. And if he thought about it hard enough… it was because of them that he had fallen so deeply and so hard for Drusilla. Spike scoffed at the tragic love story of his ridiculous life.

“You know, I blame them,” Spike said, referring to his deceased parents.

Buffy turned to him, puzzled, “Blame them? What’d they do?”

“Made me right crazy, they did. Haunted me for a bloody year,” He ranted, itching for a cigarette as they passed a seedy looking bar. “I screwed up school, nearly drove the band insane, made all my mates want to murder me, got involved with Drusilla, didn’t keep up wi-“

“And that’s their fault how?”

“Well, it just was!”

“Did their ghosts of Christmas past make you date Drusilla?” She sent him a pointed look that made him frown a little bit, “I didn’t think so.”

“Drusilla is – was – the one at the time,” He sighed, scratching the back of his neck with his free hand. He had been going through a dark time and when he met Drusilla… she became his everything. Remembering one of their sweeter moments, he impulsively mumbled, “I’d die for her…” without thinking.

“Right. You go have fun doing that,” Buffy said stiffly, letting go of his hand.

“What?” Spike looked at her with confused, furrowed brows, “What’d I say?”

“Nothing. Just declared your ever-lasting love to your ex-girlfriend, but who am I to say anything?”

………………
………………
………………

Buffy had thought that they were making progress when he was all with the ‘Oh Buffy! I never told anybody this!’ and the opening up. She even started feeling like maybe he was actually adding her to his life and letting her see the real him.

But then he had to go ruin the mood by bringing up Bitchsilla and how ‘oh em gee, she’s like totally the bloody one!’, reminding Buffy that Drusilla was always a step ahead and always in the way.

And hearing the way his voice softened when he said her name made her stomach clench and her jealousy spring to an all new high. For a second, she wondered if maybe Angel used that same tone when talking about her to Drusilla. Probably not.

Her hands felt empty without his, so she crossed them over her chest and walked a little quicker.

“What?” Spike seemed like he was truly clueless, “What’d I say?”

She glared at him, contemplating how to answer. “Nothing,” her voice was dripping with sarcasm, “Just declared your ever-lasting love to your ex-girlfriend, but who am I to say anything?”

“What are you on about, love? I didn’t…” Spike paused mid-thought before realization dawned on him. “Oh…”

“Yeah.”

Her entire body felt tingly and fired up with something that wasn’t quite anger and wasn’t quite frustration. She couldn’t help it that for some reason, she felt like she had left her guts on the sidewalk ten steps ago and the faster she walked, the more it hurt. The more distance she put between him and herself, the faster she wanted him to disappear from her life. Was it jealousy?

Yeah. Most definitely.

“I didn’t mean it that way, Buffy,” He grabbed her arm, forcing her to stop and turn towards him. “I was just remembering… you know, the past.”

It didn’t help the jealousy die, “Yeah, I know,” Buffy muttered. “But right now, I’m here. Here. In the present and looking towards the future. Your thing – whatever it was – with Drusilla was heavy. Is heavy. And if you can’t move on, then –“

Buffy looked into his eyes and could see the hesitancy there shining back at her. It was almost like a war playing out before her; like he was weighing out each scenario, Drusilla… future… Drusilla… life… Drusilla… moving on… Whatever battle he was fighting in his head, she really wanted to win.

“I am,” Spike sighed, rolling on his heels. “When I’m with you, I know I’m moving on. You make me want to, pet.”

She decided not to push it. Things like that took time. Everyone dove in head first when it came to knowing people like Drusilla or Angel. Getting into the big mess was always a snap of the fingers, wham, bam, thank you ma’am, but for some reason… disengaging and saying goodbye took time. Time, pain, and life.

So she decided she’d let things be for now. She’d wait, let the past die it’s slow natural death, give him time for her to grow on him, give herself time to learn to love him the proper way.

Just as she was about to offer him her hand – a reconciliation - she looked past his shoulder and saw the one and only Drusilla walking straight towards them like an arrow shooting at it’s target.

Speaking of the devil…










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A/N:... Ohhh... what's Spike gonna doooo? Next update can be tomorrow... can be next week. It's all played out beautifully in my head... I just need to get it down, down, down!!





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