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Author's Chapter Notes:
Yummy yummy in your brain.
Buffy jumped out of the shower and sprinted to her cell phone.

“Hello?”

“”lo pet.” A large smile lit Buffy’s face.

“Hey Will. What’s up?”

“Well, my brother forgot to tell me he was wining and dining some big wigs from Hicksville, South Carolina. Leaves me out one date so...fancy lunch? On me, o’course.”

“That sounds great! I need to get dressed first.”

“Now pet, there’s no need for that. Starkers is just fine with me.”

“You’re a pig, Will. I’ll be there in 45, k?”

“Right, I’ll make reservations for 1:30.”

“Shut up!”

“Bye, luv.”

“Bye pig.”

“Oink oin—“

Buffy flew around her room, trying to get ready. What to wear what to wear. A sundress? No, that was too girly. Halter top? Nah, too nighty. Oooooh! The pretty emerald top that fell off her shoulders and showed everything off juuuust right. Perfect. Buffy was out the door only fifteen minutes late.

************ ************ **** ************ ************

“This place is nice!” Buffy exclaimed. It was a beautiful outdoor cafe that gave the sense of being outside the city. Patrons sat under a gazebo with plants climbing up the sides and onto the top. It was classy but relaxed; the perfect place to bring a date—if it were a date. Which it so wasn’t.

“Yeah, great place to bring the business blokes. They eat it right up. Er…literally,” Will said. Buffy almost lost herself in his smile.

“So what’s good here?”

“Get a steak.”

“Will! It’s lunch. I’m not going to spring for a steak!”

“You asked, pet. And they make a bloody good steak. Plus I’m springing and as the magnanimous man I am, I give you permission.”

“Oh please,” Buffy said with an eye roll. “Bloody is right. I’ve seen how you eat your meat. It’s all gross and…and mooing! Why are you laughing? Don’t laugh at me!”

Will couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled up in his chest. Buffy’s meat comment just seemed terribly funny to him in light of her discoveries, though she was apparently naive enough to rationalize away the implications of him and Spike sharing a room…and a bed.

“I…I’m s-s-sorry pet. Honestly, I’m not laughing at you. Just, ah, thought of somethin’ funny, s’all.” He looked at her with wide, puppy dog eyes, begging her to believe him.

“I’ll buy you a dessert?” Buffy budged a little, her interest piqued. “Oh, that triple chocolate cake of death. Your own slice, all to your skinny little self. Whaddya say kitten?”

“You’ll be forgiven at dessert time. Maybe.”

************ ************ **** ************ ************

“But whhhh-hhhhy,” the petulant blonde demanded, stomping her foot and crossing her arms. She pushed her lower lip out in what was supposed to be a seductive manner, but it just made her look spoiled and idiotic.

“I don’t like the feel of this place. It’s not good enough for a girl like you,” Riley crooned, hoping to dissuade Harmony from making more of a scene. He’d brought her to this restaurant because it was far away from places Buffy went. Except his girlfriend was here, now, with one of those low life scumbags she called roommates. Luckily, they’d only ordered drinks by the time he noticed them on the other side of the patio.

“You mean that Pookie?” He turned his attention back to Harm, pasting on a plastic smile.

“Of course I do. Now, where would you like to go?” The waiter took his credit card. Good. They needed to get out of here. Like now.

“Oh, I don’t know! Surprise me. You know I like surprises.” Riley tried no to wince as harmony’s voice hit octaves higher than he could bear.

“Great, alright, let’s—“

“I’ll be right back. I’m just going to go powder my nose!” Harmony was gone before he could stop her. FUCK.

************ ************ **** ************ ************

“Yeah, well, I’m absolutely pissed, and Spike’s trying to drag my arse up the stairs. I was singin’ somethin’ at the top of my lungs, and so the Old Lady called the coppers.”

Buffy nearly spit water out of her nose. Spike and Will had gotten into some serious trouble back in the day!

“I’m surprised you survived.”

“Da almost killed us a time or two. Kicked us out of the house a few times too.”

“That’s the least I would have done,” Buffy said threateningly.

“Oi! You’d throw your poor, rebellious, sexy Twinlets out on the street?”

“You bet!” Buffy said cheerfully. “Right on your asses, bam!” She grinned while Will pouted. How cute. But she had things to attend to. “I’ll be right back.” Buffy grabbed her purse and headed towards the lady’s room. She opened the door and a platinum blonde woman in a bubble pink dress was sitting on the sink nattering into her phone.

“He’s like, ssssoooo sweet! Do you know what he said to me today? He said, he said…Oh! I can’t! It’s just like, too perfect! I’m going to cry and smudge my make up!”

Buffy rolled her eyes and wished the stalls were soundproof. The girl out there gave woman and blondes a very bad name. She kept going off on how perfect her boyfriend was, and how he was taking her out of this dumpy cafe and somewhere much nicer. Buffy personally thought the restaurant was beautiful and perfect. But anyone who was dating bimbo out there had to be one helluva idiot. Her name was probably Bambie or Candy or something equally inane.

“Oh! And he got me this absolutely gorgeous ‘Harmony’ necklace! Oh, it’s the most perfect way to write my name, like, EVER! I’m soooooo in love.”

Like she said, Bambie or Candy or Harmony. Buffy flushed the toilet, grateful that the noise momentarily drowned out the woman’s high pitched drone. She went to the sink that was the least covered by Harmony’s bright pink ass.

“But I have to go. Can’t keep my Ri-bear waiting! Smooches!” The Thing in Pink hopped off the sink. After giving Buffy a once over and checking her make up, the floozy flounced out of the bathroom. Buffy breathed a huge sigh of relief, choking on the stench of the woman’s perfume. That’s why all the stupid people kept breathing; all the smart people choked to death!

She pushed the swinging door open and…was that Riley? With the Pink Blob? Buffy studied the figure herding Harmony away from the restaurant. Nah, it couldn’t be. Riley had a big work meeting today. That’s why they couldn’t meet up for lunch. But more power to that guy if he kept dating Harmony.

With a light heart, made lighter by the knowledge that someone like Harmony wasn’t in her life, Buffy made her way back to Will.





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