Chapter Fifteen: Explanation

“Since that day, in the woods…I have all these feelings inside.” He gestured to his chest with both hands. “I know it’s wrong to love you, but it’s there, and it’s haunting me, Summers.

“I tried so hard to ignore them…they were there before and when Angel took you from me, knowing how badly I wanted you. Dru had left me that day in the woods, said that I was changing. I could feel I was. I didn’t want to fuck Dru as much, and when she brought a girl to join us…I wasn’t interested. Our love had run out and all it was was fucking, and darkness.

“Dru liked the dark,” He sat on the bed beside Buffy, looking into her eyes, “and you shined most out of all the people in Sunnydale. One night, about six months ago, I told her I wanted you there with her and me.”

Buffy suppressed the urge to hit him, but listened.

“She said you’d burn me, as you had before. Show me a world I didn’t belong in, with light and happy things. I think that’s when she knew I was truly crushing on you. That night, I saw you running, and I wanted to chase you, because opportunity suddenly presented itself. I took the chance and wanted to get close to you.” He stood and kneeled before her.

“I’ve been with a lot of women, with Dru, but I stopped enjoying it, Buffy. I want someone to be interested in me, and me only. I want to have someone get lost in me, and you did when you looked at me. Every time you look at me, I see it. All the emotion and how much you care. I knew that Dru left for a reason, one I didn’t understand, but I’m beginning to.”

His hands reached for hers, and she stiffened at his touch, but when she looked into his eyes, she relaxed. “I…I don’t know what I want. I understand where you’re coming for, but all I can ask for is some time.” She reached out her other hand and caressed his cheek.

“I love you, and you don’t have to say it back, I just want you to know that it here.” He was sincere, and she was touched.

She wanted to say it back, let him know that she felt the same, but she couldn’t. She had to think, observe, and wait for it to grow into something.

The sound of the front door slamming shut startled Buffy. She stood, along with Spike and they made their way downstairs.

“Oh, Buffy, Spike. I wasn’t expecting you two to be upstairs…alone.” Joyce said, nervous at the sight.

“We were just having a chat, Mrs. Summers’. Dawn is upstairs on the phone. I better get home.” He turned to Buffy and smiled, then went to the door. “I’ll see you in school.”

After he left, Joyce looked at Buffy. “I think it’s time we had the talk. Birds, bees…I suggest you go to the kitchen, and get out the hot chocolate.”

Buffy groaned, and did as she was told.

*

“Two hours?” Willow questioned, astonished. They were walking the halls of Sunnydale High, Xander in the middle, as they made their way to lunch.

“Yup, she even asked if I’d been sexually active before.” Buffy said, blush rising to her cheeks.

“What did you say?” Willow asked.

“I told her the truth…sort of. I told her, I’d THOUGHT about it, but if I told her about Angel, she’d freak.” Buffy said, knowingly.

“At least you weren’t traumatized. My father used my GI Joe, and my older sister’s Barbie doll.” When the two girls on each side of him gave him no reaction, he said, “I was seven, and girls were icky. Joe was never the same to me again.”

They nodded in understanding.

“I don’t understand what brought it about. Spike and I were just walking downstairs from my room and she-“

“Spike was in your room with you…alone?” Xander interrupted Buffy.

“So what? You’re in Buffy’s room with her alone all the time, and Joyce never worries.” Willow said.

“But, Mrs. Summers trusts me. She knows Buffy doesn’t look at me like that, and I only dream of touching her in that way.” He explained.

“Xander!” Buffy yelled, as they entered the cafeteria.

Oz and Anya were already sitting at their usual table, waiting for the trio.

“What took you so long? The French fries I got for you are getting soggy and cold.” Anya complained.

“They’re always soggy and cold, Ahn. I like them like that.” Xander sat beside her, and kissed her mouth quickly.

“Hey.” Oz nodded his head at Willow, and earned a kiss, as well. Willow happily sat beside him, and gestured for Buffy to sit next to her.

“I guess I don’t get loving.” Buffy said glumly, as she sat across from Xander and Anya.

“I’ll kiss you if it make you feel better.” Anya thought back her words. “That sound far more lesbian out loud than it did in my head.”

“I’m not complaining.” Xander said, his eyes going between Anya and Buffy. “By all means, kiss.” Anya just rolled her eyes.

Buffy felt a finger tap her on the shoulder, and turned to face blue eyes.

“Mind if I join ya?” Spike asked coyly.

She looked at her friends for permission, and they all nodded, except for Xander.

“On one condition.” Xander spoke up, unusually brave.

“What’s that mate?” Spike asked.

“No wet willies, wedgies, or heads in toilet bowls.” Xander requested.

“Kinda grew out of that some time ago.” The bleach blonde sat next to Buffy, as she searched her book bag for her blueberry yogurt. “I actually would like to apologize to all of you for that. I was a real ponce back then.”

“You were pretty nice to me.” Oz shrugged his shoulders.

“And me.” Anya said happily. “You asked me to join you and Dru that one time.”

Buffy looked at the overly excited blonde with wide eyes. “You never told me about that!” Xander happened to chorus with her.

“Didn’t seem important at the time…I didn’t do it. I had other plans that night.” Anya shrugged.

“You were actually going to do it?” Will asked, astonished.

“Is everyone at this table prude? Orgasms from one person are nice, but two people at the same time…sounded interesting. Although. I appreciate the orgasms Xander gives me now.” She smiled at her honey.

“Thanks Ahn.” He grinned.

“Well…more of a one woman at a time type of man, now.” Spike looked over at Buffy reassuringly. Beneath the table, his hand slid to her knee and squeezed gently.

“Good to know.” She smiled, her hazel eyes twinkling, her lower lips moistening.

*A/N: I recently got a second job, so updates will be scattered,but I won't disappoint you readers. Thanx so much, and review ASAP!!! I love hearing that you are enjoying. Also, I'm trying to give this story a long life, that's why the sex is taking a while, but don't worry...it'll happen.*





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