Chapter Thirty-Four: Destiny



Buffy sat on the passenger’s side of the Desoto, watching the waves crash against the shore. Tears slid down her cheeks, and she swallowed the painful lump that swelled in her throat. Her world was crashing down, all around. “W-when are you leaving?” She sniffled.



“A week.” He replied in a daze. He couldn’t cry anymore, the whole ride from Buffy’s to the beach his own tears had taken over as he explained the situation.



She looked over at him, her cheeks damp, and her eyes red and swollen. “Where do we go from here?” It was the only reasonable question on her mind.



The only solution he could come up with, stabbed him through the chest. “I love you, Buffy. I know these past few weeks have been impossible, but you stuck by me. As much as I want you to stay by my side, I don’t think it would be fair to hold you back from finding true happiness.”



“I have all the happiness I need, right here.” She argued.



“No, you don’t, pet. I made love to you two, maybe three times. Then I just fucked you. I fucked you until you hurt, and I never took the time to think about your pain.” He was angry with himself.



“No, Spike…please.” She cried. “I just want to help you get through all this shit.”



“Well, I have to help myself, Buffy!” He yelled, silencing her. He couldn’t help the range of emotions within. He was lost, not wanting to leave her, and angry with his father. He was taking it out on her, and he knew it, but figured it was for the best.



Anger filled her. “Take me home, now.” She sniffled, on the calm brink of hysteria.



Without another word, Spike started the car and they made their way back to Sunnydale.



*



It was four hours until school was to be released, and Joyce was worried, until she heard the sound of the front door open and close.



“Buffy, is that you?” Joyce questioned, making her way from the kitchen to the foyer, before her oldest could make her way upstairs. “The school called and said you weren’t in this morning…I was worried.”



She cringed at the sound of her mother’s voice, her head throbbing. She stopped halfway up the stairs, and turned slightly. “I wasn’t feeling well.” Buffy’s voice quivered, and her eyes hurt from crying so much.



“Buffy, are you okay? What’s going on?” Joyce could see her daughter’s distraught features, and knew very well what was going on.



“I really don’t feel like talking about it.” Without further more word, Buffy continued her way up the stairs, and into her room, slamming the door behind her. She was in no mood to talk, and her only thought was the bed that was waiting for her upstairs.



*



Willow sat on Buffy’s bed, beside the troubled blonde, and listened intently to her words. Similar emotions ran through the redhead after she heard the situation, and the words “Kill Spike” were labeled on her brain. “Just like that?”



“Just like that.” Buffy replied, repeating the words with dread. She had avoided school for the past three days, and she was happy that Willow had taken the time to attempt to cheer her up.



“A-are you going to wait for him to come back, or are you going to move on?” It was the only question Willow could come up with.



“I-I don’t know.” Buffy said, in a daze.



“Well, he’s a big jerk…a super jerk with dumb hair and stupid leather.” Willow said, attempting to make Buffy feel better.



“It’s okay, Will. You don’t have to make him into a bad person. He’s going through a lot, and I don’t think it was his choice.” Buffy tried reassuring herself. “Right now, I’m just trying to keep from dying.” She could feel tears coming on.



“Oh Buffy.” Willow said.



Buffy leaned her head on Willows lap and began crying. “I can’t breathe, Will. I feel like I can’t breathe.”



*



Dawn sat in the kitchen, eating a peanut butter and salami sandwich, as Joyce went over paperwork from the gallery. The bubbly fourteen year old, looked up from her sandwich with worry in her eyes.



“Mom, is Buffy going to be okay?” She questioned.



“She just needs time.” Joyce looked toward the backdoor when she heard the lawnmower start.



“Does she know he’s out there?” Dawn questioned.



“She should be out for a few hours. She took these migraine pills I had.” Joyce seemed to be wondering what kind of craziness would ensue if her oldest awoke to see the bleached blonde mowing the lawn.



“When is he leaving?” Dawn inquired, once more.



“Wednesday.” Joyce replied simply.



Dawn finished her sandwich and went out to the back porch to see Spike mowing the lawn. Since it was only a week till Christmas, he was actually wearing a shirt. He suddenly noticed her, and stopped the mower.



“What’s up, Nibblet?” He questioned, wiping his forehead with his arm.



“Nothing.” She replied with a shrug of her shoulders.



“How’s big sis doing?” He asked as though he wasn’t too interested.



“Asleep…she hasn’t been doing very well since you told her you were leaving.” Dawn crossed her arms over her chest, and gave him a bit of attitude.



“I noticed she hasn’t been in school.” He looked down at the grass, as though it held interest.



“Yeah…Spike, don’t you love her?” Dawn questioned.



“Of course I do.” He replied, looking the little one in the eyes earnestly.



“Than why are you leaving?” She sat on the steps of the porch, and Spike sauntered over to sit beside her.



“I wish I could stay, but since Jenny died, my dad’s been a mess, and I haven’t been doing so well. I’m not happy, and if I’m not happy, I can’t make Buffy happy. Wouldn’t you rather see Buffy happy?” Spike asked.



“Of course I would, but she seemed fine these past few weeks.” Dawn replied.



“But I have been using her to feel the void that Jenny’s death caused, and Buffy should have me there with honesty, not just because I need physical contact.” Spike explained.



“I get you, but don’t you think that you two can spend these next few days saying goodbye. Why leave on bad terms, when you’re destine to be together anyway?” Dawn struck the young man with heartfelt question, and left him sitting there with much to think about.





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