Buffy stared wide eyed around her as flashes of light bulbs exploded in her face. Spike had his arm wrapped protectively around her waist as he guided her out of the car and into the restaurant.
Well at least I won’t look scruffy in the papers.
Buffy thought about the expensive black Gucci dress and black strappy heels that Spike had bought for her specifically for her to wear tonight. Her entire outfit must have cost a fortune and Buffy smiled at just how perfect Spike was. He had even thought of buying her accessorise to go with it. Handbag and all.
When they finally made it into the restaurant she heard Spike let out a big exhale of relief. The man at the door saw Spike and immediately led Spike to a table at the back of the room. Buffy looked around the restaurant taking in the very stylish decorations and the candle lit tables.
“Wow this place is amazing.”
“Yep it’s my favourite restaurant too…the food here is delicious as well. Not as delicious as some things I have had to eat mind you…” Spike said innocently while looking at Buffy.
Yeah here comes the blush
“Spike that is so gross! And keep your voice down.” Buffy whispered glancing at the tables around them. She would not be able to show herself in public if some rich customer had overheard what Spike had just said.
“Hey you’re the one with her mind in the gutter luv. I didn’t say anything.” Spike laughed as Buffy poked her tongue out at him.
The meal was almost finished and Buffy was halfway through a delicious cheesecake when Buffy finally decided to tell him about Angel.
“Spike.” Buffy started nervously looking at Spike.
“What is it pet?” Spike asked still fully engrossed in his lemon meringue and hadn’t noticed the nervousness in her voice.
“Ive got something to tell you and I want to tell you before you find out from someone else. You see I….um well I used to know…well not know I used to da-”
“Oh buggering hell.” Spike growled staring past Buffy’s shoulder, not hearing what she was saying. Buffy turned round to see what Spike was looking at and felt her heart jump into her throat when she saw a very familiar hulk of a man standing at the entrance of the restaurant with his dead looking girlfriend glued to his side.
Oh no…Not yet please.
Buffy prayed that Angel wouldn’t notice them but as soon as the thought entered her mind Angel turned and stared right at her a malicious grin splitting his face. He immediately made his way over to their table completely ignoring the maître d'
And walking over to her and Spike’s table confidently.
“Well look whose here!” Angel smirked glancing at Spike briefly before looking at Buffy. Spike’s already bad mood got worse when he saw Angel look his girl up and down appreciatively with a leer on his face.
“Hello Angel this is Buffy and sorry we can’t stick around but we have to go.” Spike said politely hoping to get away quickly. Dru was staring at Spike with sad eyes.
Her boy no longer worshiped his dark princess. The sunshine had taken her place. He used to look at her with pleading eyes. He's not looked at me once, my poor lamb.
“Hey Buffy looking good. You’ve definitely grown into your looks.” Angel grinned slyly staring at her tits which made her skin crawl.
Jesus maybe I made a mistake giving this one up.
Angel thought to himself completely ignoring his girlfriend who was currently clinging to his side whimpering softly about sunshine or something.
“You know each other?” Spike asked taken aback.
“Gasp horror! You didn’t tell him huh buff?! Someone’s been a naughty girl keeping her past secret.” Angel laughed loving the hurt that was plastered all over Spikes face.
“What’s going on?” Spike asked confused and feeling rather sick. Something didn’t feel right about this. He looked at Buffy for an explanation and seeing the panicked and guilty look in her eyes he felt his stomach tie in knots once again.
“We…I…. I was going to….im so-” Buffy just cut off. Her mouth felt suddenly dry and her throat felt as if it was tightening.
“Come on Buff spit it out.” Angel laughed loving every moment of this.
Ive been trying to get under Spike’s skin for the last month about Dru when all along that’s all I had to do was say Buffy’s name and the man looked as if he was being torn apart.
When it was obvious that Buffy could only gulp Angel turned to Spike himself.
“Buffy and I go way back Spikey my boy. In fact…” Angel leant in at this point and whispered in Spike’s ear.
“I was her first.”
Angel pulled back grinning.
Spike just stared at him blankly. Before looking at Buffy pleadingly and when he saw the guilt in her eyes he knew that Angel couldn’t have been lying.
Oh god I feel sick. No way not Buffy she’s sweet and perfect. She loves me no way would she ever have gone out with Angel! How could she no way could she have dated Angel and then me. Oh Go don’t tell me this was a set up.
Spike shut his emotions off he wasn’t gunna let that fucking sod see just how upset and betrayed he felt right now.
“Buffy lets go.” Spike spoke curtly throwing $300 onto the table and walking out of the restaurant not looking back.
Buffy stood and went to follow him and was stopped by Angel placing his hand on her arm.
“You look hot Buff…If Spike drops your ass I’ll be willing to fill in.” Angel whispered in her ear so his girlfriend wouldn’t hear him.
Buffy just looked at him angrily feeling nothing but contempt for the disgusting man standing before her. She just pulled out of his grasp and went after Spike. She found him waiting by the door. He didn’t look at her as he led her to the car. This time there were no paparazzi something which Buffy was very happy for.
“Bill i'm really sorry do you mind if I drive? I’ll give you money for a cab back to your house.” Spike offered handing his driver a few notes before taking the keys to his BMW and jumping in the front with Buffy in the passenger’s seat.
Buffy noticed that they weren’t heading in the direction of her house but didn’t say anything.
He looked devastated back there. Oh god what have I done. I should have told him sooner.
They had been driving for almost ten minutes when Spike suddenly pulled into a parking lot opposite a block of apartments. He stopped the engine but made no move to leave the car.
Buffy was brave enough to lift her eyes out of her lap for a few seconds to glance at Spike and saw he was just sitting there staring out the windscreen of the car.
“Is what he said true?” Spike asked quietly.
“…What did he say?” Buffy asked in a small voice.
“That he was your first.” Spike spoke in a mechanical voice not letting any of his emotions show through his voice. Buff wished she could see his eyes to know what he was thinking but he still hadn’t looked at her.
“Yes.” Buffy sighed. “I swear I was going to tell you Spike just before he walked in I was about to tell you-”
“Tell me that you used to fuck the guy that I hate and who stole away the woman I used to be in love with.”
Buffy flinched at the harshness in his voice but absolutely withered when she saw the look in his eyes when he finally turned to look at her.
His eyes that usually shone of love, happiness and adoration when directed at her now had none of their usual warmth. Buffy had never seen eyes filled with so much pain ever. He looked at her as if she had ripped his heart out and stomped all over it.
“How?” Spike asked.
“How what?” Buffy responded completely confused.
“How did you meet him? When did you meet? How long ago did you brake up?” Spike asked reeling off question after question getting angrier as the list wore on.
“We met when I was 15…He-”
“You were 15! He’s 26 now! He would have been 20,” Spike said looking at Buffy suspiciously.
“Yeah I know…listen I’ll tell you everything okay just listen.” Buffy pleaded hoping to see even a hint of understanding in his gaze when he only nodded in response Buffy felt a part of her shrivel up.
He's gunna leave me I can tell. Well the least I can do is give him an explanation.
“I was 15 and I met him at a club…The Bronze. Anyway I was there with friends from high school and he came over to talk to me. I was a typical teenager so as soon as I saw a handsome and obviously older college boy walking over to me…well you can imagine. Anyway I always looked a bit older than I was. At the time I looked about 17- 18 so he probably didn’t realise just how young I was till he asked me but he said he didn’t care…said he felt a “connection”.” Buffy laughed shaking her head at just how ridiculously stupid she had been.
“From that moment on I was hooked. Like a little puppy looking for treats. I guess I was stupid enough to think I was in love with him…We went out for over 2 months when my mom found out and stopped me seeing him. Well she thought she stopped me seeing him…Then on my 16th birthday I made a mistake…probably the worst mistake I ever made.” Buffy sighed looking up at Spike but he had an unreadable expression on his face so she continued.
“I…I mean we…it was my first time and when I woke up he wasn’t there…I should have guessed something was wrong with that. He kept me around for a few months after that, but he never treated me the same he was distant and controlling…usually the only time we saw each other was when he wanted to have sex but I was still in my stupid madly in love soul mates faze and made excuse for him…That was until I went to his apartment one day and saw him with someone else. He told me that I wasn’t enough for him and never could be that I was just some dumb kid with a crush and he needed a real woman for when he hit the big time…4 months later he starred in his first film with you and 8 months after that he was all over the paper with that Drusilla.” Buffy finished sadly.
“You’re lying.”
Buffy’s eyes widened when Spikes words broke the silence. She looked up at him hurt that he didn’t believe her.
Can you blame him?
“You’re telling me that 5 years ago you and Angel were fuck buddies and 1 year later he shagged Drusilla and somehow 4 years later me and you met?” Spike yelled incredously.
“It’s the truth Spike I swear.” Buffy pleaded.
“Did Angel put you up to it? Or did you want to do this yourself just wanted to mess with my emotions is it?” Spike roared angrily glaring at Buffy.
She flinched at the accusing tone in his voice but she could loose him now she had to make him understand somehow.
“Spike please... no. I love You Spike you know I do baby I swear I wanted to tell you but I knew how weird it sounded I was so happy that you didn’t care about all the papers bad mouthing me because of my job…Spike no one else would understand that I had to do it.. But I knew no matter how understanding you had been you’d find it suspicious that I had dated Angel that’s why I was so scared.”
“That man has made a mockery of me in the press with Drusilla and now I found out he's fucked you too.” Spike sneered emphasising the word fuck making it sound even more disgusting than it was.
“Spike I love you. I do. And you love me I know you do.” Buffy whimpered moving over to Spike and kissing him desperately. Spike responded instinctively kissing her back. Buffy clung to him but soon pulled away when she felt wetness on her face and realised that Spike was crying. He pushed her away and turned away from her.
“No you can’t do that. You can’t just kiss me and I’m supposed to forget that you kept that from me! God I know the past is the past and all that shit , whoever you dated in the past shouldn’t…shouldn’t matter…its just, Angel.” Spike chocked.
Buffy just stared at the back of his head dumbfounded.
He doesn’t want me.
Buffy felt numb. The one man who she had ever felt truly loved her, the only man who had known about her job and not judged her. The only man who actually wanted to get along with her brother and sister and she had gone and screwed it up.
“I believe you.” Spike said suddenly turning back to her calmly but he still had tear tracks down his face and his voice shook slightly when he saw the hope ignite in her eyes again.
“But….You hid it from me Buffy. Its gunna take time to accept this. Angel…everything I’ve ever loved he's…god I hate him so much.” Spike sighed wiping his cheeks and resting his elbows on the wheel.
Buffy straightened up knowing this was far from over but she felt a flicker of hope at the fact that he actually believed her that she wasn’t faking her emotions.
“I'm sorry.” Buffy spoke softly not knowing what else to say.
“I'm gunna drive you home.” Spike started up the car and pulled out of the car park.
The drive to Buffy’s house was made in a tense silence neither really knowing what was going to happen next.
When he pulled up outside Buffy sat nervously not sure what to say. She unbuckled her belt and looked at Spike sitting there looking out of the windscreen. She leant up and placed a soft kiss on his cheek.
“I love you.”
She whispered softly in his ear before opening the door to the car and stepping out.
“Spike…if…if I don’t hear from you again…I just want you to know…I understand. And ill always be here.” Her voice wavered as she felt a lump rise in her throat as she forced the words out of her mouth even though the thought of them made her heart wrench painfully.
He looked at her sadly before nodding his head.
“I could never stay away from you pet, just need some time.”
Buffy couldn’t help the tears from welling up and she just shut the door and walked slowly to her front door. Spike pulled off before she even reached the door.
He didn’t want to see paparazzi appearing out of know where and getting a photo that would clearly show the strain of his relationship with Buffy already.
When he got home he went straight to the kitchen in search of some Jack Daniels when he found it he remembered filming stared tomorrow and he threw the bottle at the wall as he let all his rage free and exploded angrily.
Meanwhile Buffy lay in her bed softly sobbing into her pillow wondering how she had managed to mess up the best thing that had ever happened to her and wondering about how she could ever get up in the morning.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I know this isnt how a lot of u wanted it to happen but im cruel like that lol...dnt worry it will get better reeeall soon