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Thank you for the reviews and comments. I'm glad that you are enjoying this. I'm working on a post-NFA story and will start posting once I completely finish it.
Chapter 6

Sitting in one position for the past three hours didn’t even put a strain on Spike. No aches and pains due to lack of blood circulation, no need for his dead body. He kept his position through every breath, every moan, every twitch coming from the unconscious slayer.

- Does she really care? Could she possibly mean that she cared?

You’re delusional, you know that, right?

Damn demon always had to interrupt, didn’t he? Couldn’t leave him alone, just to think, to analyze. Always warring with the words from his soul, twisting words and circumstances around to confuse him.

I tell the bloody truth is all. You just don’t want to hear it.

You twist everything! I can’t do what you want, not anymore.

Why? Because you’re all soulful now? Oh, everyone look, little Willy is a good boy now. He’s got a soul. Poor wanker went to Africa and begged like a little nancy-boy to make him like he was! *chuckling* You didn’t expect him to take you back to humanity did you?

-Shut up!

Oh wait, you aren’t human, are you? Still got a bad case of vampirism. Like a tiny soul is going to change anything in her mind. What do you think? The soul makes you better than me? It’s nothing, nothing I tell you. It doesn’t give you power or prestige. Can’t even touch it.

- I said, SHUT UP!

No one cares if you have a soul. You can’t erase what you’ve done… the bathroom.

- I wanted her to feel it again, feel me.

All she felt was disgust. You disgust her. You should follow your bitch of a mother into damnation; just a stake through the heart and it will all be over.

- You don’t want to die. I know you don’t want to die. Why tempt me?

*chuckles* Tempting, eh? The pain and sorrow surrounding your pitiful existence would be over in a flash. I bet she’d do it if you gave her one more a reason…

- No, you’re doing this to confuse me, to try and get me to do something you know I can’t.

Can’t? What’s stopping you? The soul?

- You’re in my dreams, so you know I can’t.

Just because of the soul? You didn’t regret one face, one scream before that soul and now you pin everything on it.

- I can’t. Not her. Please, leave me be.

You know I can’t do that. I’m stuck in this body and you’re stuck with me.

“Spike?” She faced him with rosy cheeks and a sigh. Startled, he didn’t realize she had woken.

“Yeah, pet. I’m here.” Spike fell forward and cupped her face. She smiled slightly.

“We missed you,” her soft voice washed over him. “Are you really here?”

“I missed you, too. Of course, wouldn’t be any other place.”

Sighing tiredly, she continued. “I promised Dawn that I would tell you next time I saw you that I’m sorry for what I did… I didn’t mean to. I was so confused and everything was out of whack. I felt like I was underwater trying to swim, but every time I surfaced, something pulled me under.” Her hand rose and reached towards him.

“Shhh, love.” He grabbed her hand and squeezed it.

“No, I promised Dawn… need to tell you… you deserved so much more than what I offered. You took care of my sister when it would have been easier to walk away.”

“Buffy,” Spike choked. His eyes filled with tears as he watched her struggle. “I told you I would take care of li’l bit.”

“I know,” her voice seemed softer. “But I wasn’t there and you could have taken the easy road out of town.”

“Couldn’t leave the only thing left of you.”

“That’s why I have to tell you, why she made me promise. No more run-away-Buffy for me.” Both smiled as she shook her head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t give you the benefit of the doubt and hid our relationship.”

“You didn’t make me do anything I wasn’t prepared to do, love.”

“Thank you,” she sighed. “For staying in the dark with me.”

“I,” startled, Spike pulled away. “I…”

“Please, don’t. Could you… could you just hold me?”

“Of course…” he moved to wrap his arms around her and cradle her head.

“I missed this… I didn’t want to become attached to it and miss it.”

“Slayer?” He shifted and looked into her hazy eyes.

“I wouldn’t let you hold me after… I figured if I wasn’t attached, it wouldn’t hurt as much when….”

“When?”

“When you leave me.”

“I’m sorry,” he choked and for the first time truly regretting leaving Sunnydale. “I’m here… now.”

“It’s alright, I’m a big girl. They always leave me… Angel… was nice that one time… Parker was a mistake and then Riley… his warm body next to me… I missed that the most. Having someone next to me, holding me. I got over it… eventually. With you… I didn’t want to become attached…” her words became harder to understand as tears filled her eyes. “They always leave.”

“I’m here now… it’s OK.”

“I had to tell you… promised Dawn next time I saw you, I would tell you… even if it’s only a dream.”

“A dream?”

Ignoring his question, she closed her eyes and cuddled, “You’re nothing but skin and bones. You weren’t this skinny last time. Is this my bedroom?”

Ok, o’ noble vampire with a soul… tell her it’s not a dream and see what she really thinks.

- She… she’s telling the truth.

Maybe, maybe not. Tell her she’s not dreaming, wake her and we will see who’s right.

-No.

No? Not so confident it’s the truth then, huh?

- If I tell her she’s not dreaming, she’s going to throw up those walls again and neither of us will have a chance.

Maybe, but she’s going to be pissed when she finds out this isn’t a dream.

-It’s something I’ll risk. I can’t ruin this… not now. Not when she’s honest.

*chuckles* After all, honesty is the best policy.

“It doesn’t feel like my bedroom. Are we in your crypt?” she looked around.

“Something like that,” Spike cringed. He should tell her, should be as truthful as she was being with him right now.

“I’m tired, Spike.”

“Go to sleep, Slayer.”

Closing her eyes, she sighed and tightened her grasp around him. “I really did miss you.”

~*~*~

He lay awake, silent and still, long after she’d fallen back asleep. The demon lay silent, too as he listened to her breath and light heartbeat. He didn’t need the devil’s advocate’s voice taunting him into confusion or that niggling feeling that he was playing into the demon’s hands. Slowly, he removed himself from her grasp, a feeling of acute loss hitting him deep within the soul and his demon.

“I’m sorry,” he paused to make sure she would stay asleep. “I should have been there. Should have stood by your side when the Hell Bitch came back.” Inhaling, he continued as he scooted away. “I’m here, now, Buffy. I promise you this… I’m not going to leave this time.”

- I’m going to be the man you deserve.

Right and the past is going to disappear.

- No, but it won’t ever happen again.

They needed to move now that Buffy was better, out of danger. Her ribs already were well on their way back to perfect and the fever disappeared. Time was ticking away, only a few days away from the autumnal equinox and Glory’s ritual.

They had to get there in time, somehow stop Glory’s madness and obsession. Somehow save Dawn.

a/n: Reviews are music to my muse. Help feed him.

Thank you to Tina aka Imbloodyenglish for her excellent editing skills and helping me through the tough storylines with inspiration.





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